Sorry I'm taking so long with these chapters! I'm very picky about them :-/ Anyway, I needed a little MoReid in my life so here we go...


Chapter: Reid in the Hospital

February 8, 2007

It was nearly midnight when Reid opened his eyes. The bright lights of the hospital blinded him for a few moments, but he knew the team was there with him. He heard their voices, felt them holding his hands and whispering amongst themselves. He was aware of what had happened to him (how could he ever forget?), and he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed that he had been so careless as to go off by himself and put himself in that situation, and beyond humiliated that his torture had been captured on live video. Now the entire world and all of his friends and co-workers knew how stupid he was and knew his deepest and most shameful secret.

Reid just couldn't face anyone at the moment, and kept his eyes closed. As he slowly drifted back into unconsciousness flashbacks of his torture replayed in his mind like a horror film. He could feel every pain and hear every sound, every memory coming on like a tidal wave and drowning him with emotion. It was terrifying, and was enough to cause Reid to wake up screaming.

Morgan, who had volunteered to stay over night with Reid, was jolted out of his sleep by the younger man's screaming and thrashing. Immediately Morgan went to Reid's side and tried to calm him down. "Reid! Reid! It's just a nightmare, wake up!"

He took Reid's hand and did his best to sooth him, but his best took quite a few minutes. Eventually Reid calmed down and relaxed into his bed. His eyes were swimming with tears and his face was red with embarrassment. He turned his face away from Morgan and apologized sheepishly. "I'm...I'm s-sorry."

"No need to be sorry, kid." He squeezed Reid's trembling hand. "How are you feeling? Do you need more morphine?"

"No—no more drugs." He shook his head feverishly. He jerked his hand from Morgan's grip and curled into himself. He didn't want to think about any narcotics, he remembered all too well the feeling of the dilaudid in his veins and quite frankly he missed it. Reid could feel Morgan's eyes on him, studying him and trying to decipher his emotions. It made him feel raw and uncomfortable.

"Reid—"

"Did anyone call for me?" Reid asked, cutting across Morgan so he couldn't bring up the kidnapping and torture that Reid desperately wanted to forget. "Are there any messages on my phone? Anything about my mom?"

He's not ready, Morgan thought to himself. But he understood and followed Reid's lead. "No, nothing about your mom." said Morgan. "But...Alana's been calling."

Reid's breath caught in his throat. He chanced a glance at Morgan's face and was relieved to find no anger or suspicion in his eyes, only confusion and a little hurt. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's alright. She's worried about you, though. I've gotten at least fifteen calls from her so far."

Reid broke into a small smile. "Has she really?" Morgan nodded. "That's sweet. I'll call her back and let her know I'm okay."

"Yeah, I'm sure she'd like that." Morgan replied. "She says you've been helping her out with her homework. I didn't know you two were in contact."

"Yeah, we've been communicating..." The conversation he had with Emily in the car a few weeks ago suddenly came back to him. He hadn't thought his friendship with Alana was weird before that moment, but now with Morgan acknowledging it and questioning it, Reid realized that Emily may have been right. It did seem weird. Even though he knew the truth and knew there was no sexual or romantic element to their friendship, it was definitely looked suspicious from an outsider's point of view. As much as Reid was mad at Morgan for his treatment of his daughter, he still respected him and his feelings as a father enough to give him an explanation.

"Um...Morgan, listen...I know what it must look like, me being friendly with Alana. But I swear to you that there's nothing...inappropriate going on..."

To Reid's surprise, Morgan laughed softly and shook his head. "I know that, Reid. I know you wouldn't hurt Alana. I'm just surprised that you two talk, is all."

"You're not mad?"

"No, just a little jealous, to be honest. I just wish she'd come to me for help with her homework or if she just wants to talk, but you're the genius so I guess I can't blame her for choosing you..." Morgan shrugged and gave Reid a weak smile.

Reid returned the smile. "Maybe she will someday, just be patient with her."

Morgan nodded, but said nothing more about it. Long silent minutes passed, and Reid was starting to get anxious. He was thinking about the dilaudid again, and how good it made him feel. He wanted that feeling again, and he hated himself for it. So in an effort to keep his mind occupied he decided to call Alana, both wanting to make sure she was okay and hoping to busy himself with some scientific or mathematical questions.

When Morgan left to go get a change of clothes for the night, Reid picked up the phone and called up Alana. It was approximately minute before she answered, and when she did her voice was loaded with drowsiness. Reid bit his lip when he realized that it had to be almost two o'clock in the morning in Chicago and Alana was no doubt asleep.

"Hey, it's me." Reid said. "Sorry I woke you up."

"Spencer! It's alright, I was worried about you." Alana replied, all signs of sleepiness absent from her voice. "What the hell happened to you?"

So Reid explained, not exactly meaning to but revealing every detail. Alana listened intently, her blood boiling and temper rising with every detail. But she managed to remain silent until Spencer finished.

"What did it feel like?" Alana asked.

"What did what feel like? The pain?"

"No, killing Hankel." She replied. "How did it feel to kill him? After he did all of those things to you how did it feel to kill him? Did it feel good?"

Reid was taken aback for a moment. It was a valid question, one that he didn't quite know the answer to. "I...yes, kind of. I mean, I'm glad that he can't kill anyone else and that he's not suffering anymore. I won't say it didn't feel good to kill the person that tortured me, but at the same time...it's never easy to kill someone. Especially if it was all preventable."

There was a beat of silence, and then a sharp reply. "You think this all your fault, don't you? You're embarrassed that this happened to you, that you were stupid. Well, you're not, Spencer. Shit happens."

"But it's still humiliating. The things that I said—"

"Don't matter." Alana interjected. "You did what you had to do to survive. No one can fault you for that. Everyone is just glad that you're safe. I, for one, would've missed the hell out of you if something tragic happened in that shed."

This made him smile. "Really?"

"Yes," Alana said as a matter of fact, "and if you don't mind, I think we've got some things to catch up on. That is, if you don't want to talk about this anymore, of course."

"I'd love to talk about something else for a while." said Reid enthusiastically. "I'm so sick of—"

Something caught Reid's eye that made him stop mid-sentence. It was his messenger bag, the bag he had slipped the two small bottes of dilaudid in as he was being taken to the hospital so no one would take them. The urge was back and he wanted to take them from the bag, he wanted to feel good again. He tried to put up a fight, but his resolve quickly deteriorated and the next thing he knew he was on his feet and moving to the bag. In a flash he had taken the bottles and a syringe from one of the drawers and prepared the dose.

"Spencer? You still there?"

Reid was startled back into reality and guilt overtook him. He couldn't do this while Alana was on the phone, especially after hearing how much she cared about him. It would be like slapping her in the face.

"Um...on second thought, we probably shouldn't talk anymore tonight. It's late and you've got school in a few hours. But I can call you as soon as I get home, if you want."

"Oh...yeah, that'll be cool." Alana was a little disappointed, but she understood. "Well, good night, Spencer."

"Good night, Lana."

As soon as their call was disconnected Spencer was shooting up and flying high.