"..Eventually, but not now."
"I understand, I totally respect your decision. I should earn your trust back."
"That's what I'll need."
"I'll wait as long as you need me to. I'll wait forever if that's what I have to do. I need you to trust me again, and I will show you that I'm trustworthy. I just, I wanna be with you Maur, and I'd do anything for a do over. But those aren't real, so I'm going to do my best to prove all that I say to you. I know I've already said it, but I never meant to hurt you. I actually thought I was doing us some good by giving us space, time to process what happened and think about it. I also thought if I spoke to you you'd say you never wanted to speak to me again, I know these aren't legitimate reasons, they're excuses, excuses that I shouldn't be making, because what I did was inexcusable. I know that no matter how many times I say it, it won't mean much. I'm just happy and so grateful that you're giving me another chance, one that I probably don't deserve."
"I believe in you, and I know you'd never hurt me intentionally."
"You always see the best in me, when no one else does. And I won't let you down again, I promise I'll never let you fall, and if you do then I'll be right there with you. We'll fall together, and we'll find our way back together too. You'll never feel alone again, even when you want to get rid of me, you won't be able to."
"Thank you, Jane."
"No... You allow me to be myself, you never judge me, thank you for that."
"You are the same way with me."
"You never fail to amaze, and intrigue me. You make me want to be the best person I can be. You are the only person that makes sense to me. I.." She looked to the ground and scratched the back of her neck. "I don't deserve you. You're too good for me."
"Hey Jane, no. I love you, okay, just the way you are.. You're good enough for anyone."
"But you're not just anyone."
She gave a sad smile. "You doubt yourself too much. I love that you're not conceited, but I hate how low your self-esteem can be sometimes, especially when I know there's nothing I can say to make you think differently. You have to believe that for yourself, one day you will though, I know it. Yes, you did something stupid, but we all do. Mistakes are part of life, and we learn and prosper from them. It's repeated mistakes that hold us back."
"I regret what I did to us Maur."
"I think it was the great poet, Ludacris that said "Regret is for suckas, for suckas, for suckas.. Regret is for suckas, bitch."
Jane immediately caught the reference, and her chest was literally exploding from unexpected laughter. She made Maura watch that episode with her and they had a great time that night.
"You always know how to make me feel better, even when I don't deserve it."
"I like to live by the phrase 'forgive, but never forget.' I remember how I felt every day during the month that we weren't talking, and it hurt. But I also remember the year and 6 months we've been friends, excluding the month we haven't talked, and those moments have been some of the best I've ever had. I have friends now, that I probably never would've had had it not been for you. You gave me something I thought I'd never have. So yeah you screwed up, for a whole month. But that's a pretty good record, considering how long we've known each other, a lot of friendships only last months, ours is still going on, not including that last month of course. So you've let me down once, out of 19 months. I bet I've let you down too, I'm sure it wasn't that drastic though."
"Nope, never.
"Well give me some time, I'm sure I will eventually." She offered a smile.
"I'm really sorry, Maur."
"Okay.. I've forgiven you. We can't get past this if you keep talking about it."
"Okay. But I really am..."
"...You're sorry, I know. Just don't let it happen again. Okay?"
"Never."
"Okay." She leaned in and kissed Jane's cheek. "Don't let me down again."
"I promise I won't." She smiled at Maura.
"It's cold out here, do you want to come in?"
"Yes. I've been out here for like an hour, my feet are numb and so are my fingers." She laughed a little.
They went into Maura's room like they always had, and talked for hours, it was almost like nothing had changed.
Jane yawned from the floor.
"Are you sleepy?"
She stretched her arms. "Exhausted. I'm going to call my Ma and ask her to pick me up."
"It's 9 o' clock Jane, and it's dark. You can stay if you want."
"Thanks. Honestly I didn't wanna go home anyway."
"Do you think we can really do this Jane?"
"What? We've slept in the same bed before. We fit comfortably." She smiled.
"No.. I mean this relationship?"
"Our friendship relationship, or a relationship relationship?"
"Relationship relationship."
"I honestly believe that you and I can make it through anything Maur. Look at us, two completely different people, who've become best friends. I've known you for how long? A year and like 6, 7 months? And look how close we are. I'm not this close with anyone except Frost and Frankie, and I've known Frost since like forever, and Frankie since he was born. I think our relationship is special, unbreakable from the outside. We are the only ones who can break what we have up, no one else. So it's our job to preserve this relationship. I already told you that you're my better half. I just think, if we wanted to, we could make anything work."
"Because I really want to be with you, Jane." She was being completely honest now.
Jane crawled on her knees and sat in front of Maura, placing her hands on Maura's knees.
"We will be together, one day, when you feel that the time is right." She smiled at Maura, trying not to show how all of this was actually eating her up, but she failed.
This did not go unnoticed by Maura. She smiled sweetly at Jane, and leaned down, ghosting over Jane's lips only a short moment before closing the space. Jane tensed on contact, Maura's lips left a fervid feeling behind, along with desire. Jane wanted something she knew she wouldn't have for a while, she would kiss Maura all day if she could. She licked her lips, savoring the taste of Maura Isles, and the tingling feeling she left behind.
"I'm just glad that you gave me the final say, and let me know that it's okay not to be ready and that I didn't need to rush into things."
"I would never rush you or pressure you into something that you don't want to do." She picked up Maura's hand and brought it to her lips. She placed a gentle kiss on it, but she hadn't let it go, as Maura helped her up into the bed.
Even though Jane was sleepier Maura fell asleep first. Jane watched her for a couple of seconds before inching closer behind her. She put her arm over Maura's stomach, her head on the same pillow as Maura's and she moved closer so she was spooning her. Her hair smelled amazing, Jane hadn't forgotten what Maua smelled like. She was extra touchy feely with Maura all day, missing the closeness that she had longed for the month of avoidance that she initiated. Jane really didn't care how long she had to wait before Maura would come around. She knew that Maura was her one and only, the person she lived for, the person she'd kill for, and the person she'd die for.
