Marik and Bakura's Advice Column! ('Extra long to make up for falling behind' special!)


Yami Chaos says: Chaos: O.O MUST. ASK. QUESTIONS...

me: -_- k fine we'll ask questions...
Chaos: YAY!
me: this is what I get when I have a hyperactive Yami *sigh*

(These are Chaos's questions)
Bakura: I wanna steal one of my Hikari's friends things... any tips?
Melvin: can you hug Yugi for me? The baby panda's a total dick
Yami: can I murder you? Cause you freaking annoy me
Seto: ... Do you know Joey has dream sex with you?
Joey: you shall die because I have 'NEW YORK RAGE!'
Tristan: don't worry cause in a couple of hours the sun will rise!
Yugi: would you prefer to be maimed by a knife or a chainsaw? *angelic smile*
Bakura: *evil laugh* KILL YUGI!
Ryou: how the bloody hell do you get wankers cramp? No... I'm not british I just like the word bloody... bloody... hehehehe
Tea: you know what's even better than friendship? BLOOD!
(End of Chaos's questions)

Me: MY TURN!
Chaos: BLOOD!

(My questions)
Malik: could you please wear a longer shirt? Your Midriff isn't very appealing (shut the hell up Bakura)
Bakura: OMG A KITTY! *runs onto set and hugs Bakura* :p Melvin no hugs for you!
Yugi: do you know that my Yami hates you for some reason? (Chaos: DEATH TO YUGI!)
Bakura: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR HAIR
Attem: TELL ME...
Marik: ...foxy boxes...
(End of my questions)

Me: sorry if this is long
Chaos: DEATH TO ALL PANDAS!

Bakura: What tips are there to give? If you don't know by now, I'm not going to waste my tea-scented spiritual energy.
Marik: You kinda smell more like sand, Baku.
Bakura: Shut up.

Melvin: I will not hug a dick. At least not Yoogy's.
Yoogy: My name is Yugi. She didn't mean it precisely like tha-
Melvin: Look Yoogy, as much as I'd like to murder you violently right now, I need to consider what dicks I'd hug and the people I owe hugs right now.

Yami: Why would you ask me permission to end my life? And no.

Joey: Nyeeeh, no I do not!
Kaiba: There's no way... he can't afford to have dreams of me.
Joey: Yes I can!
Kaiba: How...would you know? You disgust me, dog.

Joey: I have U.S. Rage!
Bandit Keith: In America!

Tristan: YES!

Yoogy: FUCK YOU AND GET RID OF THE NAME 'YOOGY'!

Bakura: I only see Yoogy. I dunno where Yugi is.
Yoogy: FUUUUUCK!

Ryou:...bloody.

Tea: *Runs and cries*

2ND PERSON:

Malik: Awww...
Marik: That's right, pull down your shirt! Who even are you?
Malik: I'm you but the 'r' is an 'l' and my last name is Bishtar.
Marik: Die.

Bakura: *scratches* Mraawr. Hiss. Whatever a bloody kitty sounds like.
Marik: Daaaaaw!
Melvin: Dear god this is nauseating. And I don't want you filthy hug anyway!

Yoogy: FUCK YOU TOO CHAOS! (Just kidding, I love everyone!)

Bakura: Beeswax.
Marik: Wow, Bakura. Everyone's heard that lame 'none of your business' line.
Bakura: No..I really melt down beeswax and stick up my hair with it. You try it! (Bakura's lying)

Atem: Nope.

Marik: That is SOOO old

Marik: Heh heh.

M169 says: To Marik: Lets play a game!

You're options are Bakura, Melvin, and Ryo, Who would you kiss, fuck, or kill. Pick one for each option.
To Bakura: I love it when Marik pet's you're hair. And you're so girly. Fainting? Sometimes I think you could be more feminine than Marik...What do you think about that?
To Ryo: You're so adorable! Can I glomp you?
To Melvin: Do you want one of MY famous HUGS? Also, Would you rather team up with the greatest villian of all time (besides you) or be killed by him?
To Zorc: You can't destroy my world. I already destroyed it. HA!

Marik: Kiss: Ryou Fuck: Bakura Kill: Melvin.
Ryou: WHAT!? THAT WAS AWFULLY FAST!
Marik: It's the lesser of two evils. What am I supposed to do, fuck Melvin?
Bakura: You could have easily just fucked Ryou...
Marik: Nahh. I know you better, Baku.
Melvin: Well.

Bakura: I think TEA ATTACK! *Flings pot of hot tea at you*

Ryou: Ah...okay?
*Ryou Gets glomped*

Melvin: Team up with and then betray him. I work alone. And yes, let's hug each other! WAIT- I think I owe other people hugs...shit.

Zorc: NOOOO-

Vladroxmysox says: Heh heh this really mad my day highschool sucks RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN anyways I'm here to ask a few questions I'm on a tight schedule before I go to hell- i mean...uhmmm school again...
To Bakura: You could probably strike fear into one of my friends hearts...but the other one would probably laugh and pet you...nothing scares her...except for clowns...
To Marik: CAN I HUG YOU!? Just for the hell of it...and i need a hug *sniffle* highschool is a huge disappointment.
To Melvin: I'm not afraid of your hugs, I'll probably enjoy it anyways being the psycho I am...I mean my mental state is as straight as a circle and thats as straight as it'll get. Also...Bakura has a spikey dildo? *evil smirk* hehhehheh thanks for the evil plan :3
To Joey: Rage can be delicious?
Akefia: Uhm Akefia...I think you have competition for the title of being the king of thieves...my friend proved that this morning...also nice scar [I like scars almost as much as...CHAINSAWSSSS]
Yeah this is not a few questions but whatever. See ya til next time oh yes...
To Ryou: *randomly hugs* I just also wanted to do that...to see how fluffy you were...well bye!

Bakura: I'll dress up as a clown then.

Marik: No problem. You can even feel my abs if you want! ^_o

Melvin: I think you're the one I owe a hug, too...
Bakura: HOW DID YOU FIND MY-

Joey: It tastes like deep dish pizza.

Akefia: I'm personally offended by the fact you think your friend could even hold a candle to my skills in thievery.

Ryou: *Poofs out*

Shadowclanwarrior says: ...Still now hug :(. I am heartbroken...and I'm running out of questions...

Akefia: That's okay. I think your very sexy with the white hair ;). Anyway, what's your opinion on Bakura and Ryo and which one do you like better?

Everyone: What's your opinion on world domination?

Melvin: YES! THE HUG I OWE! *Gives you the biggest, most brutal hug ever given in history, time and space*

Akefia: Ryou's a pussy. I like Bakura better. But Ryou's cuter.

Everyone: LOLNOTHAPPENING

Justalittlebatty says: Salutations! Now that the useless hello is over, on to the questions.
To Bakura: How did you remember that you hated Yami when he didn't remember anything? Oh, and I collect knives too, would you consider trading with me?
To Melvin: Who would you choose to be your partner in crime: Bakura, Marik, or me?
To Pegasus: Peggy! Your duelling tournament are fabulous! How do you do it?
To Ryou: The question we've all been waiting for...gay or European?

Bakura: Because I still remembered e_e And as for your knives I don't need ANYTHING you have to offer.

Melvin: You. I can kill you off faster (As stated before I work alone)

Pegasus: It's my fabulous secret.

Ryou: I'm not gay, just European!
Bakura: Right. And I'm not European, just gay.
Ryou: Isn't that true?
Bakura: Of course not.
Marik: Which part? ewe

Xephyr-Holes said: Wow, this is AMAZING.
Questions:
Marik: If you were the ugliest person in the world, what would you do?
Bakura: If Marik was the ugliest person in the world, would you still love him?
Bakura again: Would you rather shag Marik or Ryo? Don't say neither!
Melvin: If you're finished reading fanfics, then I have a gift for you. But you have to guess what it is.
Pharaoh: choose between Yugi and Cookies. Choose.
Ryo: I have a cream puff AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Anyone: Kill my sister. Please.

Marik: I would kill myself.

Bakura: I don't love him as the hottest boy in the world, how would I love him as the ugliest!?
Marik: You just called me the hottest boy in the world~! Thank you Baku.

Bakura: I-Ummm-
Marik: Out with it.
Ryou: Yeah, tell us.
Bakura: Fuck both of you! *Huff*
Marik and Ryou: NO THREESOMES!

Melvin: I'll guess while reading this fanfic.
Guess one: A new chainsaw that is actually old and killed Dracula.

Pharaoh: I can't choose cookies because they'll fatten my womany legs. I have no other choice than to choose Yugi.

Ryou: *Foams at the mouth* I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU IN YOUR BLOODY SLEEP!

Bakura: I volunteer.
Melvin: No, I do.
Bakura: Is that a challenge?
Melvin: I suggest we hug it out.
Bakura: No hug!