Another week passed. Sam grew stronger. Josh started to look slightly more human as he spent less time with Sam or rather allowed himself to spend time at home as well as work and the rehab centre. He could have done without Mrs Bartlet's dinner of doom but he managed to go straight into denial about most of what she had said. It had been a plan cooked up by CJ and Abbey, a cheer-up dinner for the staff. Abbey had clearly missed the point about its purpose being to cheer the staff up as she spent most of the evening informing them that the hardest part of Sam's recovery was to come.
Josh placed his coffee on his desk and sat down. Sam wasn't going to get depressed, he wasn't going to have any long-term side effects from his injury, he wasn't going to have to leave his job or develop any coping strategies at all. "Quacks!" Josh declared as he reached for his mug.
"What was that, Josh?"
The sight of Abbey Bartlet standing in the doorway caused Josh to jump up out of his seat seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was holding a full cup of coffee. It was almost as if his verbal slur had somehow summoned her to him. He rubbed at his chest; certain that his heart's frantic beat could be heard in the Oval Office.
"At ease, Josh!" Abbey ordered with a smile. She sat opposite his desk and relaxed back in the chair. "Who's a quack?"
Josh collapsed more than sat in his chair. "Oh, you know, ducks mostly."
She nodded slowly and handed him a bunch of tissues from the box on his desk and watched as he patted at his jacket and trousers and then tried to save the sodden file on his desk. "Jed's worse than you."
"I'm sorry?"
"At being in denial about Sam. Jed refuses to let me tell him what we might be in store for as well."
Finally Josh relaxed slightly and sighed. "I'm sorry about the quack thing, although you have to admit that was pretty freaky!" Josh nodded to the doorway.
"If you think that's freaky, wait until I do it when you're only thinking bad things about me." She raised her eyebrows and Josh smiled although part of him completely believed she could do just that.
"I'm going to shut the door."
"Okay." Josh watched her close the door and return to her seat.
"I'll let the President carry on being in denial about Sam but you have to step up to the plate here, Josh. You're determined that Sam will have a complete recovery. That's not impossible. In fact it's highly likely given his progress so far but he won't do it without his friends understanding exactly what it is he's going through. You have to be prepared. Sam has one of the greatest minds I've ever known, and I'm married to a pretty intelligent guy, but there's going to come a time when he's fully aware of how much he's forgetting and what his limitations are. That's going to be when you need to be the strongest." She sat back and waited for Josh to respond.
"Every time I see him, no matter how much he's improved, I'm terrified that's as good as it'll get."
"For you or him?"
Josh raised his eyebrows. "How could...for him of course!" He looked away from her questioning stare. "For me as well. I miss him and somehow having him like this, incomplete, it's worse than not having him at all." As Josh said the words he realised the truth of them and how he had refused to acknowledge that truth.
"You're strong enough to get through this and to get Sam through it too; whatever the outcome. Stop feeling guilty about how you feel. You're a good friend, Josh. Jed's always telling me how similar you two are."
"To each other?"
"No, to him and Leo."
Josh had no response to that. He was pretty much out of words. He couldn't even think of a response when Abbey told him she had to go because she was sure someone was dissing her in the Mess. He stared at the door and waited for Donna to appear as he knew she would. He still didn't speak when Donna left the room with his empty cup and returned with a clean shirt and full cup of coffee. She didn't speak either. There was a sense of calm to Josh that she didn't want to disturb.
It was only a week later that Josh realised exactly what Mrs Bartlet had been talking about. Josh had been watching a film with Sam when Toby turned up with pizza. Claire had asked Josh if he would stay until she returned later that evening. She'd said there was something off about Sam and she didn't want him to be alone for too long. She'd spent the night and most of the day and was going to go home, eat, change and return by nine. Sam seemed okay to Josh, a little quiet, but not too anxious.
He realised he must have fallen asleep as he opened his eyes to see Toby taking the DVD out of the machine. "Well, that was predictable." Toby complained of the ending. He put the film back into the case and on top of the TV. He glanced at his watch and walked over to his coat.
"Are you going?" Sam asked.
"Yeah. Your mom's coming back," he glanced at his watch, "any minute now."
Josh took his coat from Toby and started to put it on. "We'll stay until she gets here."
"No." Sam walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of shoes. "I'll come with you. You can drop me home."
Sam had stopped begging to be allowed home a couple of weeks ago and so his announcement took Josh by surprise. "You can't go home, Sam. You have to stay here."
A coat and shoes had been given to Sam when he had stopped trying to run away. He hadn't worn the coat yet but he reached into the wardrobe now and started pulling it on. "I can go where I want! I'm sick of this. Everyone keeps telling me what I can and can't do." He stooped down to retie the lace that had come undone. "You can't go home, Sam. You have to stay here, Sam. You'll like it here, Sam, it's like a hotel." He stood up and faced Josh. "Well it's not like a hotel, it's like a fucking prison and I want out. So, if you don't mind, you can go home, Toby can go home and I'll go home too."
Josh took a step towards Sam and was surprised at the speed with which he made it to the door. Sam's room was in a corridor that led to an outside door. It was only a short distance across the grass to the main entrance. Part of Josh thought maybe he should let Sam go, see how far he got before he was lost or too confused or anxious to carry on. The vision of Sam running out of sight or worse in front a car, prompted Josh to rush after him though and grab his arm before he could make it out of the room.
"Get off me!" Sam shouted. He pulled out of Josh's grasp, the movement causing him to stumble.
Toby wanted to get to the doorway and block Sam's path but he was stuck behind Josh who made another rush at Sam this time keeping hold of him and forcing him back against the wall. "Listen to me. You need to stay here. You're not well enough to go home yet."
Sam's tone was low. He spoke slowly, stressing each word. "Get your hands off me."
Josh knew an angry Sam could be a magnificent force; it could also be a sudden, howling, wind that would roar its disquiet and disappear as soon as it had started. The Sam that stood before him now was one he had only seen a couple of times and both of those times were ones he would much rather forget. He released his hold slightly but didn't let go. "Come on, Sam. It's okay. Come and sit down and we'll talk."
Toby could see the doctor standing in the corridor outside the room. A nurse stood beside him holding a tray. Claire had told him that they'd had to sedate Sam a couple of times recently. He shook his head at the doctor who nodded in reply. He too was hoping Josh would be able to calm Sam down.
"I'm not going to talk to you! And get your fucking hands off me!" Sam tried to shove Josh away but the strength the anger had given him was already fading. "I don't want to talk. I want to go home!"
Josh tightened his grip. He wasn't angry with Sam but his frustration with seeing his friend like this caused him to lose the little patience he had been clinging to. He shook Sam, forcing him back against the wall. "Well, tell me where you live then! You keep shouting at me that you want to go home then tell me where your frigging house is Sam. Tell me where you live!"
Sam frowned and seemed to shrink further into the wall. He desperately tried to remember his address. There was a green door he could see that clearly, a green door and a stoop. His house was close to the metro, he could get the express to 7th Avenue. Sam shook his head. "Not there, DC not New York." He reached up and rubbed at his forehead. "Not a stoop...a metal door, two doors, with an entry code. I live up some stairs. There're stairs and my door's at the end." Sam looked helplessly at Josh. "It's an apartment. I need to move nearer work...keep saying I will."
Josh nodded. "Yeah, it's an apartment, Sam, but you don't know where it is, do you."
Sam shook his head. "I don't know. I don't know where I live." Any energy he had now deserted him and Josh was grateful when Toby rushed to help as Sam started to slump down to the floor. The doctor said something to the nurse and she left. He waited until Josh and Toby had helped Sam to the bed and then entered the room.
Josh remained by the bed but Toby stood back and let the doctor check on Sam. He glanced up at the doorway and saw Claire standing in the corridor outside. He hid his surprise at seeing Leo standing next to her. Sam had said Leo visited a lot but Toby assumed he was confusing Leo with a doctor or another visitor. He knew now that Sam had been right. Toby suddenly felt as if he was intruding. Leo was standing with his arm around Claire and Toby knew the gesture was one of more than just fleeting comfort. He looked away and stepped further into the room. The doctor was satisfied that Sam was okay and he said something to Josh before walking out of the room. Sam was crying now. Josh was comforting him. Toby would leave soon. He couldn't listen to Sam asking why he couldn't remember, why everything was so jumbled and out of reach. He knew Josh would stay and he felt guilty about that but guilt was his companion now so he picked up his coat, put it on, nodded a greeting to Claire and Leo and walked down the corridor towards another sleepless night.
The next morning Toby busied himself with paperwork whilst he waited for Josh to arrive. He wouldn't go to Josh. He knew he would come and find him and tell him what had happened after he had left. It was a morning routine that neither man was comfortable with. Toby looked up as Josh entered his office. "How was he?"
"After you left you mean?" Josh folded his arms and leant against the doorjamb.
"Yes, Josh, after I left. How was Sam after I left?"
"He was okay. He calmed down. Claire stayed with him." Josh sighed and walked into the room. "You should stay sometimes. Sam would appreciate it."
Toby let out a huff of laughter. "Yeah, sure, Josh. That's just what he'd like, having Tom stay around to help!"
"He doesn't call you Tom. Tony sometimes, but you've got to admit that's pretty close."
"I'd stay if I thought I could..." Toby waved his hand in the air, "you know, help, whatever."
"Good because I think Sam needs quite a lot of whatever at the moment."
"What do you want from me, Josh? I'm not exactly in my comfort zone right now. I've had a few big-brotherly type moments with Sam but I'm not the sort of guy who can 'reach out' or whatever the latest touchy feely mumbo-jumbo is."
Josh held up his hands. "Fine. I'm just saying, maybe if you got in touch with your mumbo-jumbo side, Sam would start calling you Toby."
"Maybe." Toby stood and picked up a file from his desk. "We should go, we're meeting Leo. Which will be interesting."
"Why?"
Toby looked up at Josh and frowned. "You didn't notice?"
"Notice what?" CJ asked as she stepped into the room.
"Nothing, come on."
"Oh no you don't. If I've missed something I should have, you know, observed, then I think I need to know about it." Josh said.
Toby sighed deeply. "Close the door." He had a captive audience in CJ and Josh who seated themselves on the sofa and waited. "Whilst Sam was being upset, last night, Claire was waiting in the corridor."
Josh frowned. "That's it? And anyway, am I meant to observe through walls while calming down a distraught man?"
Toby shook his head impatiently. "She was with Leo!"
"Okay, I'm still not sure why this is something I should have observed and again, you expect me to see though a brick wall?"
"She was with Leo!"
CJ knew exactly what Toby was saying and turned to Josh who was clearly still in the dark. "Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you're young at heart," she sang.
"Oh! She was with him!" Josh exclaimed, understanding finally dawning.
"And here is the best part, you have a head start-"
"Stop singing! Wow! This is big. The implications are massive. Does Leo know you know? Man I've wanted something like this on Leo for so long. The next time he lectures me about inappropriate relationships I'll be able to pull Claire out from under him!"
"You may want to rethink your wording-" CJ started but then she realised what Josh had said. "Wait a minute. Who are you having an inappropriate relationship with?"
"I'm not, but Leo likes to lecture me about it."
"He thinks you should have one?"
"He thinks I'm-"
CJ never got to find out what Leo thought as the sound of files being slammed onto Toby's desk halted the conversation. "I wish to God I hadn't said anything! It's a miracle, a miracle, that one single piece of work gets done around here!" Toby stormed out of his office leaving CJ and Josh in stunned silence. It only took a few moments for the silence to be broken by an eruption of laughter.
The meeting didn't take as long as Toby had expected. Leo listened patiently to everyone's ideas, delivered his decision and moved on quickly to the next item. Whilst Josh was talking Leo glanced at his watch a couple of times. "Okay, good, so do that, Josh, and then let CJ know the outcome." He checked his watched again.
"Are you running late?" CJ asked.
"I've, er, I've got a lunch thing."
CJ nodded knowingly, Josh grinned and Toby looked down at his shoes.
Leo looked at them one by one. "What? You think I'm some sort of super human who doesn't need to eat?"
"No, it's good that you've got a lunch thing," CJ answered.
"It's good that I'm having lunch?"
"Most important meal of the day," Josh offered.
"That's breakfast!" Toby corrected before returning to his observation of his shoes.
Leo had been standing but he sat now and folded his arms. "CJ, would you like to make any further comments about my lunch date?" Using the word 'date' was Leo's mistake, laughing on hearing it was Josh's. "Okay, I'll say this once and I won't talk about this again. Obviously someone has seen something and drawn his own conclusions." Leo sent a glare in Toby's direction. "Who I see in my own time is none of your business. The fact that a friendship may have developed between me and Sam's mom is none of your business. If I see a single smirk or so much as a nudge or a wink in relation to anything to do with my private life I will fill your world so full of Cheese Days you'll beg to be processed and tossed on a burger!"
CJ, Josh and Toby stood immediately and left the room. Margaret glared at them as they walked by her desk. Josh didn't dare risk a smile until he was safely back in his office.
An hour later, Leo had calmed down. The grounds of the rehabilitation centre were stunning and despite its closeness to traffic there was little noise apart from bird song and snatches of conversations. Leo took a sandwich from Claire who was listening to Sam tell her about a letter he'd received from a family friend. Leo watched the people passing by, family and friends and residents of the centre all trying to put their lives back together. He leaned forwards so he could see Sam. "I'm going to fire CJ, Josh and Toby."
"Any particular reason or just the usual?"
"The usual," Leo sighed. Sam nodded knowingly as Claire shook her head and smiled.
