What Now

Alexis opened her eyes, but didn't move from her comfortable position on her bed. She found while her tears had subsided her heart still was bleeding out. She inhaled and snuck onto the stairs to spy on her dad and Kate. Feeling like a little kid she noticed they weren't downstairs, but where? Oh. She looked toward her father's office and knew they were in there.

Her Grams walked up behind her and bent to whisper in her ear, "Spying on a certain someone?"

Alexis closed her eyes, "Not anymore." She whispered under her breath and then stood up to face her Grams. "Let's go downstairs and get some coffee, Grams." Martha noticed the hollow tone that hung in her only granddaughter's voice. Her heart broke for her as she followed her down the stairs.


"Why?" Kate wondered aloud not really expecting an answer.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't tell you what happened or where I was. I thought you out of everyone would understand the most, Kate." Castle explained as he let her go and caught her eye once more.

"Castle I mourned you and tried my best to forget you ever existed. This has nothing to do with being sorry. We've already buried you once. I watched them lower a casket into the ground. Then you walked in the door as if back from the dead. If you are sorry, yeah I'm sorry too. But I don't know where we belong now, Rick. Hell, I thought if I slammed the door hard enough you wouldn't exist to me. You can drop the glass, but picking up the pieces is a hell of a lot harder. What do we do now that I'm pregnant…and oddly the worst part is that you knew?!" Beckett said as she stepped back and shook her head at him, "Which means I can't trust you. I have to watch out for this baby right now and I'm sorry too Rick, but I can only trust myself right now."

They should have known silence wouldn't last long, "Kate, wait, please come back." And for a moment she stopped in her tracks and Castle had hope, but she closed her eyes, inhaled, opened them and walked away.

As he watched her walk away Castle didn't understand what he had done wrong. He retreated back to his office. Wouldn't anyone who honestly lost a loved one only want them back? Shouldn't one just be happy their loved one was alive in the first place?


Kate sat down at the bar and stared at a coffee mug, coffee now cold. Alexis sat on the bottom step her mind racing. Should she stay where she was or join Kate at the bar? She stayed put as her Grams walked past Alexis into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee for Kate and one for herself. Kate looked up at Martha, "I shouldn't drink coffee right now. Though, thank you Martha."

"I drank more than just coffee when I was pregnant with Rick and he turned out…" Martha pondered a moment, "On second thought, maybe I'll make you some breakfast instead."

Kate smiled at Martha as she whipped up an omelet. "Thank you, Martha."


Alexis stayed put on the last step, but wondered why her dad couldn't understand that they all loved him so much, so much it had almost killed all of them. It wasn't a lack of love that made her angry or a lack of honesty. If anything she felt this was the most honest she had been with herself in a very long time. It was that she loved him so much it hurt to revisit reality and she didn't understand her own emotions. Her father's death had hurt emotionally and physically for way too long. The ache was constant and had never dulled with time like people say it will. Why couldn't he just accept that while she was happy to see him, she was angry too. She wondered if he could see Beckett's pain as she wiped away tears she didn't know had fallen.

Kate watched as Martha cooked and glanced at Alexis on the bottom step, her head hung as she wiped away her tears. Then she looked to Castle's office and let her tears stream down her face not touching one. She may not have liked how he returned back into her life, but no one asked her what she wanted. No one promised her a smooth well traveled road. What would she have done if her mother came back only to have been faking her death this whole time? Even the impossible is possible. She closed her eyes and let her memories run away with her.

Dancing in the living room of the loft with Alexis and Martha as they sang Karaoke to It's a Beautiful Day by U2.

"Are you?" Alexis' face when she figured out Kate was pregnant.

"I love you, Kate." Making love to Rick.

She opened her eyes and couldn't take them off of Rick's office. As she walked into the office Castle heard her and exhaled. He turned to look at her and his eyes grew wide at the site of her.

A pool of blood had stained her pajamas pants and she was resting or more of clutching her hand to her side.

"Kate?" Castle managed.

"Look, I know you are sorry Rick, but it was hard on all of us..." Kate started and then sat down on his desk. "…actually let's talk later, okay? I don't feel so great."

"Alexis!" Castle called for the one person who knew the most about Kate right now. Alexis appeared instantaneously and inhaled knowing what was most likely happening.

"Richard, we have to get her to a hospital." Martha reasoned and Alexis was literally shaking as Kate told them to be quiet for now, and she was fine. She was also in pain although, she hadn't acknowledged it.

"How is dad going to a hospital? No one even knows he is alive." Alexis reasoned as she called Esposito.


Espo cursed when he saw his cell ring on his morning off, "What's up, Alexis?"

"Meet me at the hospital or come get us. I think Beckett is miscarrying." Alexis spoke calmly.

"I'm coming to get you guys now." Javi told the teenager.

"Javi?" Alexis looked at Beckett.

"Yeah?" Espo responded.

"Use the lights. I'm sort of scared." Alexis stated.


A/N I get it some of you like it and some don't. No worries I in the end write for me and I really hope you enjoy. Oh, and remember you have no clue what's in store next as I love cliffhangers and rollercoasters...but I tell you what it feels so good to write again! See you critics soon and I love your reviews. xoxoxo