Chapter 11-Gone Away
This is an emotional and tough chapter so please don't hate me! Sorry it took so long to get out, it was a very hard chapter to write.
Ana POV
"Mr. Grey, please now that I've met you and spent time with you. I want this really bad. I don't want to leave, I want you to be my first."
I plead and hold my breath waiting for his response. Which is taking a lot longer than I had hoped for. He does seem to be conflicted but I hope it is enough to change his mind. He takes my face into his big hands kissing my lips softly.
"Ana this is for the best. I wish the best for your family and your sister." This is the first time he had said my name instead of Anastasia or Miss Steele, it sounds so sweet but at the same time he is breaking my heart. I won't see him again, his beautiful piercing eyes that make my heart flutter. I won't feel his soft and forceful kisses that make me weak in the knees. I feel the tears began to well up in my eyes but I do everything I can to keep them at bay. I'm not ready to accept his decision, "We can just pretend I never told you why I did this in the first place. I may have started out doing it for that reason but that is not the reason I am still here."
He brushes his thumb over my lips giving me instant goosebumps. "Shhh please don't make this harder than it has to be. I can't do this to you. "
I pull away from him as the tears began to fall, rushing upstairs to my room. I quickly pack everything that I brought with me from my place. It doesn't take long because I didn't bring a whole lot of stuff. I'm not taking anything he gave to me, I don't want all this fancy stuff as a reminder of him. I leave a note on the night stand for him then grab my bag ready to leave. I pull out my cell phone to make arrangements for a cab.
I knock on his office door and he gives me permission to enter. I quickly drop the keys to the car he had purchased for me onto his desk. "I won't need these and I will mail you a money order monthly to pay you back for helping my sister. Thank you Mr. Grey."
He shakes his head, his jaw ticks like he isn't happy with this. "Keep the car Anastasia, I want you to have it. You don't have to pay me back, I want to help and I won't cash the money order so don't even think about it."
"No thank you." I reply with a tight smile.
After that I walk out of his office to make it to the elevator and press the button. He exits his office following after me running his hands through his messy gorgeous dark copper locks. "Taylor!" Christian yells for his right hand man.
Taylor comes out within a few seconds, "Yes Sir.
"Please take Miss Steele home." Christian Demands.
Before Taylor can agree I jump in "Mr. Grey that isn't necessary, I have called for a cab already." I reply.
"Please don't defy me on this Ana. I need to know you are going to get home safely."
I frown and before I can respond Taylor steps in, "Miss Steele it is no problem, I will drive you home."
"Fine" I agree because I just want this nightmare to be over with, along with this sting of rejection.
When I get back to the apartment I grab the keys to Wanda and head straight over to Lizzy's place. I love Kate, she is a great friend but when I'm depressed and down I need my big sister. Ray's truck is in the drive, he must be visiting. When I walk inside Ray is sitting on the couch watching some sports on TV. He is usually stoic but this is different, I can see the sadness in his eyes. Something is off. Immediately I ask, "Where is Lizzy? Where are the kids?!"
Ray first urges me to take a seat and looks at me visibly upset and concerned about me. "The kids are with their grandmother. Lizzy hasn't been doing well these past couple days honey. We were going to call you but Lizzy begged me not to call yet. When she had gotten accepted into the trial months ago her cancer hadn't spread but according to the latest test it has spread…. Out of no where and at a rapid rate. There is nothing they can do. She is unable to start the trial because she is too weak and it wouldn't have any chance at being successful. The doctor's say we have about a month maybe two left with her." He says the last part tears about to fall from his eyes, I have never seen him cry before.
My tears fall and I can't control my sobs. I can't handle this. It's too much. I run to the restroom and lock myself in there turning on the shower and the sink water so no one can hear my tortured cries. "Why God why?!" I say sobbing.
Ray knocks on the door, "Ana baby are you okay?"
I take a deep breath and reply, "Dad I'm okay, I just need a few minutes."
The great thing about Ray versus my mother is that he doesn't push things. When I need my space or time he respects that and gives it to me but with my mom she hounds me until I open up to her. An hour must go by before there is another knock on the door.
This time Lizzy's voice comes through the door, "Ana please open the door and let me in."
I don't want her to see me like this, she will think I have given up hope. There has been unexplainable miracles before? Right? I take a minute or two trying to clean up my face and look semi presentable.
I open the door and immediately her arms wrap around me. She's already lost some more weight since the last time I saw her. My beautiful big sister is slowly disappearing and it is killing me, there is nothing I can do. How is this fair? Take me instead of her, she has Caleb and Grace to live for. I say silently to myself and God as more tears run down my face.
"Don't cry little sis, everything will be okay. I have to check out the afterlife and make sure it is ready for you. We will be together again one day, I know that."
"Lizzy don't give up please." I cry.
"Never, but I have to accept that if It's is meant to be it will happen. I know Caleb and Grace will be in good hands with my mom, Ray, and you of course. I know you will be there for them. That you will be a great example for them. The best auntie in the world" Before she can even finish talking her face pales and I know she needs rest, this is hard for her too. She's so fragile.
"Liz let's get you to bed, you need some more rest." I state concerned.
"Before I go to sleep promise me that you will be okay? That you won't let this destroy you and you will live life happy and to the fullest?"
"I will try I promise Lizzy, but promise me that you won't give up."
She nods a single tear falling from her eyes as I walk her back to her room and help her into bed. I crawl into bed with her snuggling in my big sisters arms.
I know what the doctors said, I know what she said but I can't accept it.
…..
A week or so later…
We thought we had months but it was only a 5 days before we lost her, my best friend, my big sister, my protector is gone just ashes. My heart aches, it takes all the strength I have to get out of bed. She came into my life when I felt alone and that is exactly what I feel now. I feel angry and betrayed by the world. The funeral was beautiful or should I say the celebration of life she had planned. She was cremated and had set up a family dinner with all our families and friends. We ate her favorite foods and watched home videos and looked at photos. It took everything in me to keep together. My mother Carla won't leave me alone. She has called me at least 20 times since she left to go back home after the funeral. I've really only gotten out of bed just so I could be there and spend time with my niece and nephew. Then of course to check on Ray.
I don't feel like myself and I doubt I will ever be the same. I'm running errands and the first one is to the bank to have that money transferred back into Christian Grey's account. I don't want it or need it.
After leaving the bank since I haven't heard from any of the jobs at the publishing house's I've applied to, I head into Paddles to talk to Zane about getting my bartender job back.
I knock on his office door and he hollers for me to come in.
He smiles giving me a hug, "How are you doing kid?" He takes a look at me, "Are you okay Ana?"
"I'm fine" I reply and continue, "Are you needing a new bartender anytime soon?"
'Of course, you are always welcome here sweetie. But what happened with you and Grey?" He asks.
"I guess it just didn't work out, he asked me to leave and I did." I reply looking down. I don't want to give all the details.
"You seem different Ana, I've known Christian for a long time and I know he can be difficult but I can't imagine that he would seriously hurt you."
"He didn't hurt anything except my pride."
"Sorry kid, well we would be happy to have you back here. Just let me know when you are ready to start again?" Zane asks.
"How about tonight?" I need to stay busy, find something to keep my mind off things.
"Sounds good Ana, I will see you then sweetie."
I'm glad I have my job back, I really need it and I truly like the people I work with. It isn't my dream job of course but it will do for now. Until I can get into a publishing house. I've also been thinking about writing a novel but who knows. I'm really to broken right now to write anything worth reading. I don't think I have smiled a real smile in weeks. I drive back to my apartment that I share with Kate. When I enter Kate gives me a tight hug, "Ana I haven't seen you since the..." she stops realizing she was about to bring up the funeral. "A while. I've missed you. Are you doing okay?" She asks.
"I'm doing fine Kate. I need to shower and get dressed for work though."
I head into my room closing the door then start the process of getting ready for my first night back at work...
Poor Ana :( What do you see happening next? Do you think a gray eyed hottie will come to her rescue?
