AN: I think I love you kids too much...or I'm just too excited about your reactions to keep you guys waiting, haha.
Alright, here's part 2. Apologies in advance for the switching POVs, but Edward and Bella both wanted to say LOTS! I swear, they just wouldn't stop talking (hence, the extra length!)
EPOV
What the fuck was that douche bag's problem? He's lucky that I left without ripping his arms off of his body for touching Bella.
Cullen, she doesn't belong to you…
Yeah, but she might as well! I haven't fucked anyone for the past month, and my dick is starting to really resent my hand.
To be honest, the past month had been heaven and hell wrapped up into one finite little package. Heaven because I spent every sleeping and most waking seconds with Bella…and hell, well, for the exact same reason. In fact, the most torturous of times were at night when Bella started sleep talking.
I still remember the first night we spent together clearly. A moaning and writhing Bella pulled me out of my contented slumber. Yeah, because having her in my arms all through out the night wasn't enough to ensure I had morning wood. No…Bella had to go and torture me with mumbling, "taste me" and "faster" interspersed with moaning. Like…really loud moaning. Not to brag, but my name MAY have come out of her mouth among the moaning. My ego inflated tenfold. …as did…something else. That was when I decided that my morning shower was now going to include a morning jerk-off.
In fact, if you discounted the extreme amount of sexual tension, Bella and I fit together easily, maybe too easily. It was as if we were two halves of the same person.
To be incredibly cheesy, we completed each other.
Seriously, Cullen—did you really just admit that to yourself?
Yes, please shut up. I'm basking in the glow of cheesiness. Now leave me alone.
Hmph.
She was there to get my ass in line (because let's be honest, I'm kind of a punk), and I was there to keep her motivated (I don't know how someone as talented as Bella can get so easily discouraged ALL the time).
But more than that, Bella showed me what I'd been missing. Up until Bella, the only girls in my life were Alice and my mom (yeah, I'm a momma's boy, so what?). It was nice to have a real friend for once. I mean, yes, Jasper is my best friend, but most of the time he was distracted by the mere presence of Alice and the other portion of that time he was just as much of an ass as I was.
Bella and I had even developed a daily routine…it was pretty sickening. I literally had to spend the half hour she spent running every morning wanking off in the shower just to be able to make it through the day without jumping her, though. If I weren't completely in love with her, I'd be completely disgusted with myself.
And now, here I am—jealous. Yeah, I'm not such an idiot that I couldn't recognize this feeling.
But that kid had his hands ALL over my Bella. And she wasn't pushing him away! I mean, I realize that they have been best friends since they were zygotes pretty much, and yes, they did date, but now it is clear that there was still stuff going on between them…and recently! All this past week, I couldn't shake the feeling that Bella was holding back information on Jake, but she kept insisting that they were "just friends." Friends, my ass. Anyone in that room who saw Jake's groping knows they are clearly more than friends.
And let's talk about that "kid" for a second. Gah. I was prepared for some measly 20 year old, not a tall, dark, and handsome line backer. Literally. The kid is a giant, and of course everything about him is my polar opposite. I felt like growling; I needed somewhere to exert the tension that had been building since I left her apartment.
Looks like the door was going to get it.
Slamming the door to the apartment, both Rosalie and Emmett looked up from the television.
"What's got your panties in a twist, Edward? Lack of ass finally getting to you?" Emmett joked.
"Shut up, Em," I growled as I stalked to the sink to clean the breakfast dishes that Bella and I had clumsily left in our hasty exit.
"Aww, are you pissed that Bella has her friend Jake here and isn't around to do our dishes?"
"She does your dishes?" Rosalie gaped. Emmett nodded enthusiastically.
"Yeah, but when she cooks, we do the dishes. It's fair." I retorted.
"Sometimes she vacuums, though," Emmett argued, "and she did our laundry once, too. But, I mean, we don't make her pay rent or anything, and she gets to escape the Alice/Jasper madness at her own apartment."
"I know that I've been busy with work, but is she really here that often that you would consider making her pay rent?" Rosalie asked incredulously.
"Oh yeah! I don't think she hasn't been here for a single night…right, Edward?"
"She stays with Edward?"
I was so caught up in my own anger against Jake that I barely heard Rosalie's comment, but it was enough to make the dish in my hand slip a little bit. I didn't turn around for fear that they would notice. I chanced a glance over my shoulder at Rosalie, who looked thoughtfully at me for a second too long, and I looked away, afraid that she could see right through the flimsy facade I had erected to shield my family of my feelings for Bella.
"Yeah, we wouldn't make her stay on the couch. Plus, it's nice having a little sister hang around since Alice is now…otherwise occupied." Emmett twitched slightly in recollection of the newly out-ed relationship of his little sister and our best friend.
Rosalie cocked her head and smirked. "Little sister…of course. That must be nice for your two." She smiled at Emmett and nuzzled her head into his shoulder. That look worried me.
Note to self: put a better face on for Rosalie. She's much smarter than I give her credit for.
"So, the suspense is killing me, Eddie—how was the famous Jake?" Emmett asked.
Ugh, right. I was still angry. I tried for nonchalance, though.
"Eh, he was fine. I don't see what all the big fuss is about. Yeah, he's a football player and like 7 feet tall. Whatever." Before they could respond, I had to get out of there. I could feel the tension building in my muscles again, and I was going to lose it in the very near future. "Alright, I'm going to head to Jasper's until practice. I'll see you there. Bye, Rose—lovely to see you, as always."
I'm sure they were confused by my sudden departure, but suddenly I couldn't be in the apartment anymore. I was surrounded by memories of her. And I was pretty sure she wasn't thinking about me as Jake's hands were groping her…probably as we speak.
I hopped into my shiny, silver Volvo, slammed on the gas, and sped off to Jasper's. Pulling my ipod out of the car, I searched around for Jasper's spare key. I knew he was probably still with Alice, and hopefully I could play Bella and Jake out of my system before enduring hours of practice with both of them in the same room…making eyes at each other.
Fuck. My. Life.
Maybe if you stopped being a pussy and told her how you felt, none of this would happen.
What about the rule?
Fuck the rule! You'd never leave Bella, and you know it. If you, I don't know, talked to Emmett and Jasper about it, I'm sure that it could happen. Stop hiding from your emotions, dude.
Emotions? …God, I'm turning into such a girl!
I sat down at the piano and sighed, willing the conflicting voices in my head to be drowned out by the music. Bella usually played the keyboard for us, but only because she didn't know it was my second instrument. My fingers ran through scales like second nature. I played through each scale concisely, trying to rid myself of thoughts of the "more than friendship" I had clearly just observed. If I had to endure watching the "Jake and Bella Show," for the next three days, maybe I could add a song to the set that would explain to her how I felt.
We already had a song on the set dedicated to our "friendship." I put my ipod in the speaker dock and pulled up our set playlist. When Bella and I came up with the new set list she thought it would be fun if we had a secret song—a song we both loved that we knew would be just for us. I took deep, even breaths as Sia's voice came through the speakers.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
It was such a chick song, but I had always loved Sia secretly (one of those Alice inspirations that I didn't back away from), and Bella's voice sung it with absolute conviction and beauty. The crowd loved it every time without fail.
I instantly felt calmer. Yes, this is what I needed. I need a song to convey how I'm feeling about the new light recently put upon Jake and Bella's "friendship."
God, what is this? High School Musical? …I was feeling scared and confused, so I decided to sing a song to Bella about how I was feeling scared and confused.
I don't even know who I am anymore. …Zac Efron, want to play Edward Cullen in the life story of the saddest fuck to ever live?
Just do it, pussy. It doesn't matter—you know this will make you feel better.
I know.
With that thought, I started flipping through my ipod looking for the song I knew would get my message across to Bella.
BPOV
My afternoon with Jake was awkward to say the least. I spent at least half the time avoiding his touch. And when he did touch me, I'd pull away ever so slightly just to keep it light and friendly. Clearly Jake was interested in more, which was partly my fault. It's not like I was seeing anyone, and I was probably confusing the hell out of him with my distance. But my heart belonged to Edward, and touching anyone else simply felt wrong right now.
Looking down at my watch I realized that we needed to get to band practice.
"So, where are we off to now, Bells?"
"Band practice," I smiled.
"I can't tell you how excited I am that you're out there performing. I always knew you were going to be amazing," Jake whispered. He leaned in and kissed my cheek softly. My cheeks pooled with blood. Apparently blushing was a natural reflex that I would never get rid of. "Aw, I've missed this." Jake stroked my cheek with the touch of a lover, and I grew even more uncomfortable.
Jake is my best friend in the entire world, and he has known me for nearly 20 years. This isn't unusual! Stop freaking out, or he's going to suspect something.
I calmed myself and simply smiled back. I used the rest of the drive to Jasper's to psych myself up for being in the same room as Edward with Jake present. It was a daily struggle to pretend I didn't have feelings for Edward in front of our band mates, but Jake knows my face too well—I feared that he'd see right through my act and call me out on it in front of everyone. Pretty much, I was scared shitless.
Inside Jasper's I was shocked to find Edward sitting at my keyboard. He was hunched over the keys looking extremely frustrated. As Jake made his way to introduce himself to Emmett, who already had him locked in an intense conversation about college football from what I could overhear, I sat down on the bench next to Edward.
He looked up at me with the scowl that I'd tried so hard to forget over the past month again. God, it was like that first day all over.
"I didn't know you played the piano." I motioned towards the keyboard, hoping that this line of conversation was easy enough.
"I guess there's a lot we don't know about one another," Edward quipped.
Okay, guess not.
I looked at the music stand and saw that there was a worn composition book opened to music handwritten out in Edward's neat script. I wondered if he had composed something for the band to play.
"What's this?" I asked.
Just then, Edward shot up off the bench and walked over to Emmett and Jasper and handed them some music. I raised my eyebrow, silently asking Edward where my music was.
Edward answered my unspoken question by coming back to the piano. Without so much as looking at me, Edward continued, "This is going to be a new addition to our set. Bella, I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to be playing the piano and singing this one."
"Oh?"
Edward refused to acknowledge me and continued to stare down the music. The knots in my stomach multiplied ten fold.
"Seeing as how you introduced me to the artist, I didn't think you would have a problem with me adding it to the set. If you do, however, have a problem with it, just let me know."
I got off the bench and made my way to the couch where Alice and Jake were already seated. Edward's behavior was making me more than a little nervous. After a month of being practically inseparable with no fighting, his attitude was giving me heart palpitations.
As soon as I heard the first chords of the song he had chosen, my heart clenched.
Disheartened, I listened to Edward's velvet voice begin my favorite Gavin Degraw song…aptly titled, "Just Friends."
I saw you there last night standing in the dark
You were acting so in love with your hand upon his heart
But you were just friends, at least that's what you said
Now I know better from his fingers in your hair
I'll forgive you for what you've done
If you say that I'm the one
There was so much anger and resentment behind Edward's playing. I couldn't help the tears that naturally pricked at my eyes. I tried my very hardest to not let them slide down my cheeks.
He had seen Jake's advances and knew that I had left him in the dark about the "benefits" of my friendship with Jake. I felt like such a bitch. A greedy, greedy bitch, who was too afraid of admitting about my relationship with Jake for fear of losing my relationship with Edward.
But, could he really mean the rest of the song? Would he actually forgive me for my relations with Jake if I promised myself to him? It seemed so simple on paper, but had he forgotten of "the rule"? He had to know by now that if there were no rule, I would be his unequivocally. As it was, I was already his…it just went unacknowledged.
I felt sick.
"Bells, are you okay? You're looking a little green," Jake whispered.
"I'm fine. I'm just going to use the bathroom really quickly," I said. I practically ran to the bathroom, gasping for air. I shut my eyes, willing the shame I felt to dissipate, but it only continued to grow. I held my breath as Edward continued singing loudly…and beautifully.
I've had other options too, but all I want is you
Girl, your body fits me like a glove, and you showered me with words of love
While you were just friends, at least that's what you said
Now I know better from his fingers in your hair
I'll forgive you for what you've done
If you say that I'm the one
It's not my style to lay it on the line, but you don't leave me with a choice this time
Why weren't you true?
You know I, I trusted you…
I tried to steady my breathing, but I couldn't stop the few tears that escaped down my cheeks. Just then, there was a light knock on the door, snapping me out of my Edward-induced stupor.
"Bella?" Alice's tinkling voice called from the other side. "Are you alright? …Bella, please open the door. I'm just concerned about you."
I sighed and opened the door for Alice. She shuffled inside the bathroom and gasped at my ghastly appearance.
"Oh my God, Bella! What's wrong?"
"It's nothing, really, Alice."
"Bella, I know that I haven't been the best friend recently, and that you would usually go to Edward, but I want you to know that I care a lot about you. I know that you're not okay, so please just tell me what's going on."
"It's j…just…J…Jake," I hiccupped, trying to get my words out calmly.
"What about him, honey?" Alice pet my hair, soothing my sobs.
"It's just too much with him here. I thought it would be fine, but it's not. And it's all my fault!"
Alice looked at me, perplexed, and the floodgates opened.
"It's just that for the past month I've gotten really close to Edward, and in some ways he took up the place that Jake has always had. And Jake's all pissed that I've "replaced" him…And Jake and I may have broken up two years ago, but that didn't stop us from having sex three months ago! And I can't handle this! He's looking at me all expectantly, and Edward's acting all hurt, and I'm hurting! They've known each other for, what, five hours? And they already hate each other! I just wanted them to love each other as much as I love them, you know? It's just too hard."
Alice's mouth opened slightly and then curved into the small smirk that was reminiscent of her brother's.
"Bella, honey, you need to tell people how you feel sooner. Then maybe we'd avoid these massive confession rants," Alice giggled. I remembered briefly that the last time I had had a tantrum of this nature was the day of the audition and smiled softly.
"You're right, Alice, but I just don't know what to do. And now they think I'm crazy because I'm having a breakdown in the middle of band practice."
Alice wiped the tears off of my cheeks and took out her lip-gloss for me.
"Put this on, and then you're getting back out there and finishing practice. You have a gig tomorrow night, and I won't let either one of those stupid boys mess that up for you, okay?"
I nodded, and with a renewed sense of confidence I made my way back out to our rehearsal. The entire room looked at me expectantly when I entered, but I simply sauntered over to the middle of the room and took my place behind the microphone.
I chanced a glance at my favorite green eyes, but they were too focused on tuning his guitar to notice my searching eyes.
"Let's do this, guys. Don't we have a gig tomorrow or something?" I smiled, trying my hardest to put on a brave face. Emmett and Jasper smiled, but Edward continued his tuning and avoided my gaze.
Practice finished fairly smoothly after that. Alice determined that we should head back to our apartment for pizza and drinks. After the day of awkward tension I had just experienced, nothing sounded better. Edward refused the invite, saying that he was going to hang out and work on some new songs for a little while longer.
As I was walking out, I heard Alice sternly talking to him. I lingered ever so slightly in an attempt to overhear their conversation.
"I'm fine, Alice," Edward whined. I knew that tone of voice all too well.
"You're not fine, Edward. You're being a fucking baby, and you're hurting Bella, so stop it. She wasn't crying in the bathroom because she was overcome by the beauty of your voice, Edward…so, get your shit together and FAST!" Alice threatened.
I walked away smiling. It was nice to have a friend like Alice.
Beer and pizza turned out to last for hours, which was great. Emmett and Jake pretty much fell in love with one another. I honestly didn't even need to be there for their conversation—they could be best friends without my presence. I smiled at the ease with which Jake was able to fit into my group of friends.
With the exception of Edward…
Don't think about that right now, please.
Around 11, Emmett and Jasper decided to head home respectively. They weren't admitting it, but I knew they both wanted to check on Edward. No one had heard from him since practice ended, and I knew they were both a little bit concerned by the reemergence of his PMS.
"Ready for bed, Jake?"
"Of course, Bells—just lead the way." Jake's eyes seemed to smolder with anticipation, and I wondered how I was going to turn down Jake without hurting his feelings.
I led Jake into my bedroom and within seconds he had me pinned down on my bed.
"God, Bells, I've been waiting for this all day long…" Jake placed sloppy kisses down my neck.
I attempted to get out of his grasp and whimpered in protest, but my actions only spurred him on further.
Jake's mouth was on mine then. His tongue pushed through my protesting lips and sought out mine. I gave up responding, hoping that my lack of response would get him off of me.
Jake continued to kiss me, the kisses getting progressively sloppier and wetter with each second.
Just then, Jake pulled back, confused.
"Shit, Bella. Are you okay? …you're crying."
Ah, so that's what the wetness was.
Seizing the opportunity, I sat up suddenly, pushing Jake to my side.
"I'm so sorry, Jake," I whispered, pleading that he wouldn't make me explain. But, of course, luck was not on my side.
"I don't understand, Bells. I thought this is what you wanted? I mean, I drove four hours and got my ass handed to me by my coach just so I could come and spend the weekend with you. I want you back, Bells. We're so great together, and now that I'm growing up, I see it so clearly." Jake pushed my hair out of my eyes reverently.
I looked into his pleading, dark eyes, knowing that he meant every word he was saying. I don't know what he saw in my eyes, but all of a sudden his eyes turned even darker, and Jake pushed himself off of the bed.
"It's him, isn't it?" I didn't respond. Jake grabbed my arm and pulled me up off the bed. "Answer me, God damn it, Bella! You won't be with me because you're fucking him, aren't you? I knew you were acting weird, and he was DEFINITELY acting weird…" Jake was starting to lose his temper, his voice rising with each word.
"No, Jake, it's not like that. I just…"
"You just, what?"
"I just can't do this" I said pointing to us both, "anymore. It doesn't feel right."
"Well, then I can't stay here, Bella. That doesn't feel right. Shit, I thought you knew I wanted to get back together. I thought I made it pretty obvious. I love you, I have always loved you." Jake stormed, gathering his stuff from my room.
"Jake, stop. You don't love me—you're just upset that I don't want to be your whore for the next three days!" I yelled back. Jake's fire was usually only put out with more fire.
"Well, you never seemed to have a problem being my whore before," Jake scoffed.
My eyes went wide with his implication. Is that all he thought about me? That after 20 years of friendship all I was to him was an easy lay?
"That's what you have to say to me, Jake?" I fumed. "You can't have me in bed, so you just choose to forget our friendship as well?"
"Fuck you, Bella!" Jake shouted. I recoiled. Jake had NEVER spoken to me like that before. "I don't want to just be your friend. I haven't been for a VERY long time. Now let me go!" Jake stormed out, and somewhere in the distance I heard the distinct rumbling of his truck pulling out of the driveway.
Minutes later, without even realizing how I'd gotten there, I was on Edward's front step, pulling the spare key out from under the welcome mat.
EPOV
Shit.
How had I fucked up this badly?
I loved Bella, and all I did was ruin her day with her best friend.
Now, I was just lying in bed, staring at the ceiling…ALONE, and wondering what Bella and Jake were doing at this very second. Did he wrap her in his arms and hold her through the night? Did he stay up late and wake up early to enjoy her nonsensical sleep rambling?
No, Cullen…probably not. Nope, he's probably loving her and worshiping her body this very second.
I groaned and put my hands behind my head. I couldn't bear to sleep on my side, facing her empty place in my bed. This theorizing about the whereabouts of Bella and Jake were going to drive me mad before I could see her again tomorrow afternoon.
Alice had handed my ass to me after practice, and I hate admitting it, but she was right. My HSM declaration of sorts only served to hurt Bella, and I didn't want that, right?
I loved her. And I made her cry.
I cringed, thinking about the rest of Alice's rant to me.
She insisted that Bella and I were "pretending" that we weren't in a relationship, but she knew better. She told me that she'd known since our first band practice together, and just because she was now with Jasper didn't mean that she didn't see us. Oh, no, Alice saw us perfectly. She saw the act that was crumbling before my very eyes every day. She told me to just "make a fucking move already" in typical Alice fashion, and now I was beginning to think that I just should.
Fuck, Jake. Fuck the rule. I'm going to do it.
…as soon as Jake is gone…
Wimp.
Just then I heard a key in the door and the sounds of small footsteps.
That's weird…I thought Emmett was spending the night at Rosalie's. Maybe he got kicked out. …typical Emmett.
My closed door opened a crack, and I sat up in bed, wondering who was coming to check on me now. Emmett and Jasper had tried to figure out what was going on with me earlier, but I think they gave up and blamed it on my PMS, like usual.
The door opened further and then shut softly. A dark shadowy figure approached the edge of my bed.
I was beginning to panic. Someone wouldn't just come into my room and kill me in the middle of the night, would they? I mean, it's not even the middle of the night...it's barely midnight. Don't thieves and murderers come out around like…3? Here's to hoping.
That's when I saw her.
Bella was standing at the edge of my bed with silent tears streaming down her face, her hair and clothes completely disheveled.
Hesitantly, I rolled my body back on its side, facing her. "Bella?" I whispered hoarsely. "What are you doing here?"
Without words, she crawled onto the bed and slipped under the comforter. That's when I saw the tears seeping out of her eyes and onto her cheeks. She looked broken, and I would do anything to put her back together again.
Tears still streaming down her face, she placed a trembling hand on my cheek and leaned closer. The world started going in slow motion. Everything I had wanted was finally coming to fruition. She placed her lips on mine softly at first and then slowly applied more pressure.
I recoiled.
I didn't want it to happen like this. I had just decided that I was finally going to let this happen, but I still wanted everything to be perfect, not marred with ill feelings, unknown traumas, and tears.
"Bella, what are you—"
She interrupted me by placing her lips lightly over mine again. "Please, Edward. Please. I need this. I need you, p...please," Bella whispered, her voice breaking with her tears.
"Shh," I whispered back, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "No more crying, Bella. I'm here, okay? I'm here."
God, I had no idea what I was doing, but…I was there. I had to let her know that I was there for her; I wasn't afraid of the repercussions anymore. Tonight would change everything, but hopefully when the sun came up again, we would be able to figure it out. No more pretending.
Bella leaned into my lips again and my pulled her in closer to my body, my hand tracing small circles on her lower back. I felt a small shudder from Bella as I kissed her back with slow, languid kisses. All the tension disappeared from her previously rigid body, and we melted into one another's kisses.
I couldn't rush anything. Bella had to do this on her own terms. It was the best feeling in the world to be able to kiss her, but I did not want to scare her off with the roaring passion I felt bubbling beneath the surface of our kiss.
Her lips, so soft against mine, were everything that I hoped they could be. Tentatively, I snaked my tongue out and brushed it on her lower lip. She opened her mouth, taking my tongue to meet hers. I forgot how good she tasted. Even in my fantasies, nothing could compare with the reality of Bella.
My touches got lazier and softer with each minute. I could feel us drifting towards sleep.
After some time (I don't know how long because Bella's kisses made me lose track of time all together), I pulled back and looked into her eyes.
"Bella, we're going to have to talk about this tomorrow." I kissed her chastely. Her tears had disappeared and her eyes were filled with an expression that I couldn't quite gauge. I needed to know how she felt about tonight. Was it just tonight? Was it still going to be there tomorrow? Was it forever?
I know I'm such a girl for admitting this, but God, I hoped it was forever.
She nodded. "Not right now, though, okay?"
I couldn't help but sigh in disappointment. I wanted to know what had happened tonight (and if I needed to kill Jake in the near future), but I nodded in agreement anyway. "Not right now."
I took her face in my hands again, and leaned in for an especially amazing kiss. Even if it was just for tonight, I was ecstatic to finally be able to be with Bella.
I reached for her hand and laced my fingers with hers. She smiled, eyes ablaze with emotion and leaned into my chest.
Just before she fell asleep I heard her mumble, "Thanks, Edward…love you."
My heart stopped. She had never uttered those words to me before. Would her affection ever cease to amaze me? Probably not.
Filled with hope for the future, we fell asleep with our bodies and hands intertwined, knowing that tomorrow was the start of something new.
Chapter End Notes:
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