"Ugh! I thought that they'd never leave!"
April said with a chuckle as she pushes her kitchen door open with her hips, her arms laden with dirty plates and glasses while Jackson closely follows behind her bearing the same.
"I now regret hosting this welcome back party for you, mister! My poor couch has been danced on so much by Cristina and Mer, you owe me a new one!"
She told him mischievously with a giggle, her eyes twinkling teasingly while wagging her fingers at him for good effect and all that Jackson can do is to stare at her with a grin so wide on his face, he's sure he looks like an idiot.
A lovesick idiot, that is.
She looked more like sixteen than her real age.
With her oversized sweatshirt and bare face and haphazard ponytail with the loose tendrils that softly frame her smiling face, that in this moment right here, right now, in her messy, disheveled kitchen, Jackson can almost make himself believe that she's not engaged to someone else and that the years of anger and hate and longing between them did not even take place and that it never even happened.
The days following their night at Joe's have been surreal.
Even dream like perhaps.
She was back to being the April he knows of old.
The one who was open and natural and uninhibited and despite the repeated warnings that he has given himself to not get used to this, Jackson still feels that he just can not get enough.
Of her.
Of days like these.
Of these moments when he can pretend that everything was fine between them and that she was once again his.
It does not help at all that after their big fight, her fiancee seemed as if he had simply dropped off from the face of the earth.
A fact that is not totally unwelcome to Jackson because in his absence, April and him have developed this new found friendship that may have started off a little awkwardly but which is now taking off from exactly where they have left off before the whole San Francisco debacle happened.
It was as if the moment that they apologized to each other, they opened this whole new dimension into their relationship that they have never explored before and now they are breathless with the wealth of their discoveries about each other.
They frequent Joe's after work often staying there and talking until the wee hours despite the fact that they have early surgeries the next morning.
They pull all nighters for the planning of the trauma center in the hospital conference room where he would take little breaks by just watching April quietly until she lifts her head up from what it is that she's doing to look and smile at him for a few seconds and that somehow makes the lack of sleep for him all worth it.
And then there were the times when he'd catch her napping in the on call rooms.
Those times when he'd sidle up to the empty bed next to hers with the intention of making up for his own lack of sleep but instead, he'd find himself watching her as she makes those cute, little grunting noises or scrunch up her face unwittingly and he'd feel his heart swell with so much love that it scares him shitless.
He can't help but think that her late email was both a blessing and a curse.
Three years ago, he ran away from her because he thought that he could not bear her rejection if and when it happens.
But when he received her email?
He once again opened himself up to the hope that they had a future together and now he's back to the same, exact position that he ran away from.
Because once again, he's one step too late and she's set to get married.
Again.
He had apologized to her profusely.
He told her that he was a coward for not owning up to his feelings but truth of the matter is, he still is.
A coward that is.
He'd like to make himself believe that he had steeled himself from the hurt and pain when Zach comes around and when she'd tell him that they are just friends but just thinking about it is still enough to bring him to his knees.
She is marrying someone else.
A fact that she has repeated to him over and over and no matter how much he tries to look at it, the odds are all stacked against him once again.
As if suddenly reading his thoughts, April turned around as she puts the last of the dirty dishes in her sink.
She stretches her hand over her head allowing Jackson to see a patch of her alabaster skin as her sweater rides up on her waist and Jackson swallows thickly as he remembered the last time when he ran his hands all over that creamy expanse of flesh.
His gesture was not lost on April.
She slowly lowered her hands and licked her lips as awareness starts to sink in that it's late at night and that they were both a little drunk and that they were all alone in her house.
"Aren't you going home?"
She asked him curiously.
Her brows knitted together and her heart racing furiously as their eyes met for a moment and she felt herself becoming breathless.
With much difficulty, April drags her gaze away from his.
She starts wiping off her kitchen counter as she organized her kitchen back to its original state to keep her mind off of him and his overpowering presence.
"Ummm… you can go home now… it's late… you still have to drive a long way and…"
Rushing forward, Jackson starts picking up cutlery and glasses from the room while April protests.
"Ummm… I'd just help you out… there seems to be a lot to… "
"NOOOO!"
April protested much too loudly as she almost jumped on him in panic.
She does not know if she can stop herself from jumping him if he stays there for another minute and so she wrestles the bread knife that he's currently holding away from him without giving much thought to what it is that she's doing until her eyes met his chest and she suddenly became aware of how close she is to him and that her hands were on his.
Their eyes met again.
Hers, nervous and wide, his, seductive and smoky.
April bows her head and lets go of his hands immediately as if he were diseased.
Making sure that she puts some distance between them as she turned her back on him to anxiously begin straightening up to cover up the restlessness that she's really feeling,
"AWWW!"
Jackson hollered in pain,
The knife he was holding clattering to the floor as he held up his index finger.
April whips her head around in concern as she saw Jacksons face contort with pain.
She immediately jumps to his side with worry, all thoughts of keeping her distance forgotten, her eyes full of care as she checked his hands for any sign of injury.
"Where are you hurt? HUH? Are you alright?"
She asked while turning his hands around tenderly, bringing it very close to her face as she checked for lacerations.
She felt Jackson shaking and she lifted her eyes to him.
But instead of a face full of pain, April saw an expression she rarely sees on Jackson, that of mirth as he lets out a chuckle as he watched her fuss over him,
April stares at him with her mouth wide open in surprise but before long, his infectious laughter rubs off on her and she was chuckling along with him.
Throwing his hand jokingly aside, April looks at him sternly.
"You think that's charming huh? You think you're charming, Dr. Avery?"
She said in a tone that was more sweet than admonishing.
Jackson covers his face with his hand before speaking.
"I just wanted you not to make a big deal about me trying to help. You were so tense that I felt as if you think I would run off with the silver. "
He said emphatically as if he really can't stand it and April looks at him for a moment.
A slight smile playing on her lips as she turned her back on him,
"And there you have it folks! Charming. Definitely charming."
She muttered under her breath.
"What did you say?"
Jackson asked in confusion as April faced him…
"Nothing. I said if you really wanna help, just bring those glasses here to the sink."
Almost bounding in excitement like a newly praised puppy at this sudden turn of events, Jackson picks up the rest of the dishes.
April stood with her back to him, her hands on her waist as she surveyed the mountain of plates, pots, pans and glasses that she had to wash.
Groaning in agitation, April puts on her dishwashing gloves as Jackson watched her with amusement.
"Can't you just leave that until your cleaning lady comes tomorrow?"
"What cleaning lady?"
She said with a face and he furrowed his brows in confusion.
"The cleaning lady who comes to clean up your house. I mean you're in the hospital almost 24/7. When do you even find the time to clean?"
She rolled her eyes sarcastically at him.
"Jackson, I have no cleaning lady. I FIND TIME. Not all of us were born rich zillionaires like you to afford a cleaning lady to look out after him."
He laughs at that.
April only brings out the Avery card when she feels like she's being a pompous ass and he admits that he was a little presumptous to assume that everybody lives with cleaning ladies just like his family does.
"Touche'!"
"Besides, I can't go to sleep knowing that there are dishes left unwashed in the kitchen or that my living room is a mess…"
She continued and shudders in disgust as if the thought has never even crossed her mind…
Jackson nods his head in understanding all the while looking at her pensively.
"You're really the type of person who sticks to something once you have decided on it, right?"
April looked at Jackson with a confused expression.
"Are we still talking about dishwashing?"
Jackson gives out a chuckle as he walked up next to her in the sink…
"Nah, forget I said anything. What if you wash and I'd dry?"
April stares at him doubtfully…
"YOU? Have you dried dishes before?"
He shrugged.
"Well, there's always a first time for everything. "
She looked at him thoughtfully. Her teeth chewing on her bottom lip as she weighed her decision pensively.
"Oh what the heck!"
She throws her arms up in the air before throwing the dishtowel at him which he deftly catches.
With a wide grin on his face, Jackson stood beside April as she plunged her hands into the water, drying the first piece of plate that she handed to him as if his life depended on it.
They stood like that for a couple of moments, her washing and him drying.
The silence unbroken with only the gushing water and the tinkling of the utensils heard across the room.
They stood with their shoulders almost touching.
Each lost in their own thoughts as mechanically they worked together and Jackson can't help but think if Zach and her will do this every night once they are married and he felt his heart squeeze at just the thought.
"Has he called you yet?"
He felt rather than saw her hands still for a moment.
He turned his head to look at her and he saw her eyes cloud over and his heart squeezed even more at how she seems to be really so affected by the fact that she has not heard from her boyfriend for the past week.
"Nope"
She said casually.
Pinning on a wide smile on her face to make herself appear unaffected but Jackson can see the sadness in her eyes and he can't help but wonder if she felt the same during all those time that they've been apart.
"Were you this sad too, then?"
He whispered quietly.
"I mean, when I left?"
And she stayed quiet for a few seconds that Jackson was unsure if she has heard him or if he went too far that she does not even want to answer his question.
"Worse."
And he can sense the pain in her voice despite the passing of years.
"Far worse."
She lifted serious eyes to stare at him.
"Because unlike today, I had no one."
She whispered so faintly he can barely hear her.
"When you left, my best friend also disappeared."
And she smiled at him and he can almost swear that there were tears in her eyes that Jackson felt himself once again wracked with guilt that he instinctively felt himself reaching out for her but he stopped himself.
"April -"
She shook her head and bowed to avoid his gaze.
Her hands focused on the dish that she's washing vigorously as if it was the be all and end all of her existence and when she raised her face again to once again look at him, there is now a wan smile on her face as she tells him-
"But bygones. That's now all in the past and there's no use crying over spilled milk is there?"
She laughs sarcastically.
"I seem to really have this unusual talent of scaring guys off and of making them feel sick and tired of me after a while. Don't you agree?'
"April-"
Jackson said breathlessly.
Despite the fact that she has made herself over and that she is now the successful, accomplished surgeon that she is, he now knows that there is still that part of her that is insecure and unsure and he wants to reassure her so badly that she is perfect the way she is.
He wants to tell her that there's no part of her that is unworthy of loving and that contrary to her belief, she is so deserving to be loved that he lost himself in that love and it left him in fear because it is that all consuming.
"Maybe, I'm really just that. A stopover? Hmmm…. A bookmark perhaps? Something that you leave there to decide if you want to pick up a little later?'
She said with a self deprecating smile perhaps in an effort to make light of her situation but there was no denying the hurt in her eyes.
So even before she can say something more, Jackson was already grabbing her firmly by the shoulders so that she can face him.
"April - April, listen to me. You are not a stopover. You are not a bookmark."
He said with emphasis that she had to turn her head to break away from his gaze because he is awakening long forgotten feelings and it's confusing her.
He cups her face tenderly in his hands that she had no choice but to fix her stare on his hypnotic eyes once again and she felt herself taking a sharp breath as she saw the sincerity in his gaze.
"You are not a bookmark. You are a book that's worth reading over and over and over again."
And she felt tears pouring forth from her eyes because she can feel how much he feels for herat that moment that unthinkingly she reaches out to him on tiptoes so that she can press her lips against his much to his surprise.
She kissed him tenderly.
Softly.
Her mouth filled with gratitude and love as she thanks him for coming back once again into her life
But when she wrapped her arms around his neck, it was then that she caught sight of the ring that Zach had given her and it brought her back to reality that she had to break away from him.
"I think - I think you should leave"
She said in a whisper as she pressed her hand against her lips.
"April -"
He said pleadingly.
"Let's just see each other tomorrow Jackson okay? Please?"
She cut him off and there was something in her eyes that made him agree.
There was a desperation in her voice that made him give a soft nod as she begged him to leave that he had no choice but to take his jacket and open the door but not before pressing a soft kiss on top of her head.
"You know what you want April. I'm just here."
And he paused for awhile as if unsure if he really should go but then she closed her eyes and took a shaky breath and he doesn't want to confuse her even further and so he leaves.
She closed the door and leaned on it for she doesn't know how long.
She feels as if she was sinking.
She was drowning because here she is once again on the brink of tossing away somebody who loves her and she doesn't know if she's ready to trust Jackson again.
Her doorbell rings and her heart races.
He's back for her.
He's back and she doesn't know if she can continue resisting him.
"Jack-"
Her voice trails off because when she opened her door it was not Jackson waiting there for her.
Instead it was the familiar back of her fiancée, looking haggard and disheveled and weary and the moment that he saw her face, his face crumples and he collapses into great, heaving sobs as he hugged her tightly in his embrace as if she was the only thing that was keeping him from dying.
Authors Note:
Sorry for the long wait as real life got in the way.
Thanks for your patience.
As always, please remember to leave a note. It will truly make my day. :)
