Bucky awoke early the night morning, right as the sky was turning grey outside. Comfortable as he was, lying next to Melody, he did not stay there. Rather, he gave her a light kiss and removed himself from the little apartment.
Steve would probably be hunting for him soon and Bucky didn't want him to worry. Hearing what Melody had said last night about Sharon had made him a little more grateful for Steve. Overbearing as the punk sometimes was, he was always there for Bucky and had never once turned him away when he needed him.
Hearing the heartbreak in the doctor's voice as she spoke about her lack of that, it had hurt Bucky-and taught him to value what he had. So, with that in mind, he returned to his own apartment on the base and sat down at the desk, scrawling in his journal as he did some mornings.
However, he did not get much farther than opening to a blank page before a knock on the door interrupted him. Bucky had barely turned around and said, "Who is it?" before Steve let himself in the room. Unlike other days, he was not carrying a breakfast tray with him, but he looked rather agitated, his jaw tense and strides long and stomping.
"Bad day already?" Bucky asked as Steve flopped onto the couch and rested his face in his hands, breathing hard and grumbling incoherent words.
"Bad few days," Steve admitted, lifting his head and leaning back against the couch. "Really bad few days."
Bucky pushed himself away from the desk, the legs of the chair scrapping along the floor. Without invitation, he sat down next to Steve and he did not look at his friend when spoke next. "Is this about what Sharon told you?" Steve had not really confronted Bucky about the fact that he'd hidden from him for a over half a year with the help of his girlfriend. They'd spoken a little bit, the other day, but not much outside of that. Bucky knew Steve well enough to know that it still bothered him.
"A bit," he admitted after several tense moments. "I thought I could trust her."
"You can," Bucky said instantly. "Sharon's a good person."
"She lied to me." Steve said in a low voice, anger and betrayal radiating off every word he spoke. "She threw me off when I was looking for you, I see that now. She knew where you were the whole time and never said anything."
"She never lied to you, not technically anyways. You never asked her directly if she knew where I was." Bucky reminded him, which just earned him a sharp glare. "But you're right, she did throw off your search-but it was because I asked her to. When I first contacted her, her first suggestion was to go to you, but I shot it down. That was my fault."
Steve said nothing so Bucky took the time to speak.
"I know you're mad and like I said yesterday, you have every right to be. But...Don't end things with her over this. Sharon was just trying to do the right thing." Bucky's mind flashed to Tony Stark's face in the Siberian base as he'd glared at Steve, demanding to know the truth. "Just like you tried to do with Stark," he added softly, hating himself for it but knowing it had to be said. Steve did have a right to be angry, but what was more important was that he understood the situation. The choice Sharon had made hadn't been black and white. It was not clear cut. It was all shades of grey area. Steve knew that too, even if his anger had blinded him to it for a while.
Steve's jaw clenched. "It's not the same."
"Not the same circumstance," Bucky corrected. "But the same principle. You both did what you thought was right, even if it involved hiding something from someone you cared about. And it wasn't just about me either, she was trying to protect Melody."
"You mean Doctor Frasier?"
"Yep."
"She goes by Mel," Steve corrected, apparently confused by name. Perhaps he hadn't known what it was in full.
"I know that. But what I'm saying is this, Melody's not an agent or a superhero, she's just a normal person. Getting involved in this stuff, it's dangerous, even if her names stays off records. Sharon was looking out for her too."
Steve said nothing for a while but Bucky saw his mouth flicker into something akin to a smile. "You know, apparently she operated on me once."
"I did know that, she told me."
Steve gave Bucky a confused look. "She did?"
"I asked how she got involved in everything. Apparently you were the first time Sharon called in a favor with her. Well if you don't count the time she showed up at Melody's front door with a stab wound in her abdomen." Steve turned white when he heard that. "She was fine obviously," Bucky added hastily. "She had a good doctor looking after her. One of the best."
Steve didn't look so convinced of that. "Did she ever have to do anything like that to you?"
"I had to get stitches once," Bucky admitted. "But nothing more serious than that. It took maybe fifteen minutes at the most."
Steve was silent for a long time before he talked again. "If something more serious had happened..." He trailed off, hands clenching into tight fists as a thousand possible situations ran through his mind. "If something worse had happened to you besides stitches, could Doctor Frasier have handled it?"
Bucky shrugged. "Would've depended on what happened, but I think she could've done it. She's done a fair amount of procedures without much supplies. Like last winter," Bucky grinned, swelling with pride as he thought of the incredible skill of his nightingale. "She was an art museum with a coworker of hers who was expecting at the time. Long story short, she had to deliver the kid via C-section right there in the museum. She had a pediatric surgeon on the phone telling her how to do it."
"And it worked?" Steve blurted, eyes wide and Bucky laughed.
"Yeah it did, both mom and baby were completely fine."
Steve whistled. "Wow," he slouched farther on the couch. "She's crazy, brave but crazy."
"She's brilliant too," Bucky added. "You have to be to be a surgeon."
Steve shrugged. Apparently he didn't care much about how much skill and training it took to be a surgeon. Bucky had been like that once, then he'd fallen in love with one. "So," Steve asked, "did the brilliant doctor convince you to come back to the lab?"
Now it was Bucky's turn to glare at Steve. "No. She didn't. It wasn't even brought up."
"What?" Steve said flatly, eyes narrowing.
"She fell asleep. But even if she hadn't," Bucky added sharply. "I don't think it would've made a difference. I'm done Steve."
"Buck-."
"I'm done," he repeated tersely. "If you're going to keep pushing me on it, please just leave."
"Bucky-." Steve began, his voice caring a steely emotion, one that meant he wasn't backing down and Bucky wasn't going to deal with it. Not anymore.
"Leave." He said flatly, standing upright, his spine like steel as he turned away from Steve. "I'm done Steve. Leave me alone."
He didn't hear Steve move behind him, but he didn't need to. It was always like this for the Avenger. Battling between a desire to keep fighting, keep going and the knowledge that it was a losing fight.
"Fine," Steve said finally. "I'll leave. Oh and before I forget," there was a shifting noise and then something with a bit of weight hit the couch. "I got Sharon to collect my stuff from my apartment. Some of the things I had belonged to you from back when, I thought you might want them back."
There was a sound of a door shutting, though it sounded much harder than necessary and Bucky was alone once again. Suddenly, his morning wasn't so good either.
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