Peridot paced her office, which was occupied only by herself and Lapis. Era III was in the other room, meeting with Steven and the rest of Peridot's staff, while Pearl convened with the Crystal Gems back at the temple to try and figure out what the hell was going on.

"Lapis," Peridot said, "I'm really stressed out right now."

"Understandable."

"Lapis. Look. Look at this." Peridot held up a small hair in front of Lapis's face.

"A hair," Lapis pointed out, confused. "Nice. Why are you showing me this?"

"A GRAY hair, Lapis!" Peridot yelled. "We don't age. And I'm turning gray. What is this?! Why?!"

Lapis leaned against the wall and shrugged. "What, did you think this was going to be a cakewalk?"

"Yes!" Peridot responded. "This is so much harder than I thought it would be. The Mayorship is a killing job, Lapis, I don't know how Dewey was able to do it! Oh, God, I feel sick. Lapis, I think I'm sick. Look up these symptoms for me, will you?"

Sitting down at Peridot's desk, Lapis used the mayor's laptop to log onto WebMD. "Alright, shoot."

"I'm sick to my stomach."

"Uh huh."

"I'm having anxiety attacks and sometimes I want to kill everyone around me, but other times I don't want anyone to leave me."

Lapis continued typing, albeit like an old grandmother who was just using a computer for the first time, one letter, one finger at a time. "Mood swings… got it."

"For the first time ever, I want to just fall asleep and never wake up."

"Oh, hey, same!"

"Lapis!"

Lapis sighed. "Alright. Uh… depressive incidents. ...I think we've got something."

"What do I have?"

"According to this website, you're pregnant."

Peridot stared at Lapis with extremely wide eyes. "What."

"Or it could just be you're cracking under the extreme stress and—"

Peridot started screaming.

In the next room, Steven and Era III listened to Peridot's continued screams.

"What's her problem?" Era III questioned, looking at all of the others in the room for answers.

Sadie laughed nervously. "Oh, uh, you know… stuff."

Era III shook her head. "Whatever. I don't have time for this. I MUST return to my mission, Yellow Diamond is eagerly awaiting my return and I can't go back until I've disposed of the traitor."

Steven glanced back at the door leading into the other room. "Well, hey, listen, Buzz—"

"Buzz?"

The boy shrugged. "It's my new nickname for you! You know, because you're… You're a space guy, and… You don't really know how things work on Earth."

Era III sighed and approached Steven. "Listen. Stewie. Can I call you Stewie?"

"Steven."

"Stephan. Listen. Your Peridot is, quite frankly, a relic. Okay? Era IIs, they… well, there's a reason Yellow Diamond was able to destroy them all so easily. She's so OLD and outdated, so I can understand why you've come to the conclusion that our leaders back on our home planet know nothing of the affairs on Earth.

"But we know more, now," Era III continued. "I'm sure you love your Peridot very much. Why, I'm not sure, emotions are, quite frankly, a weakness, and I'm still trying to piece together why she's befriended so many humans. But you have to face facts. She's not a representation of Homeworld, anymore. So please, quit treating me like her. Because we're nothing alike. Okay?"

Steven frowned. "Well, alright. But, uh, I don't think she's outdated. Family never becomes outdated."

"Oh, that's cute. You think she's family. Stamper—"

"Steven."

"—listen. If I were you, I'd let go of your attachments. She's here for the same reason I am—to complete a mission. And once that mission is complete… she has to come back home."

Steven was getting the sense that Era III had no idea what she was talking about. But he couldn't let her in on it, either, because then it would become apparent that his Peridot is the traitor Homeworld is after. BUT, Era III couldn't leave until the traitor had been killed. So they were stuck in limbo.

"Uh, listen, Buzz," Steven said. "Finding that traitor might take a little while. Why don't I show you around town, since you're gonna be on Earth for a while."

Era III shrugged. "I suppose it couldn't hurt."

As they walked out, Steven stepped aside and whispered to Sadie. "Psst! She wants to kill Peridot! Don't talk about the Crystal Gems around her, alright?"

Sadie blinked. "I never talk about the Crystal Gems?"

"That's the spirit! Thanks, Sadie, you're the best."

Steven and Era III walked out of City Hall. Sadie sighed and leaned against the wall, arms crossed. "Dude. Running a city blows."

Jan laughed. "Oh, sweetie, you have no idea. This has been my life for nearly thirty years."

"Wow," Sadie replied. "You're OLD."


Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl paced the temple's front room, discussing and debating how to proceed with the recent turn of events. "Okay," Pearl said. "So I think we should just bubble the new Peridot and be done with it. I don't think anything good can come from keeping her around."

Garnet shook her head. "We have to give her a shot. She could be a useful ally."

"Right, but that's implying we can MAKE her into an ally," Pearl retorted, crossing her arms.

"OG Peridot seemed impossible at first," Amethyst reminded Pearl. "But she's on our side now. So who's to say we can't get Peridos to join?"

"Peridos?"

"It's my new nickname for her."

"Amethyst is right," Garnet said. "We lent Peridot out trust, and now she's a vital member of our team."

"Vital… yeah, okay," Pearl chuckled.

Amethyst frowned. "Just because you're racist against Peridots or something—"

"OBJECTIVELY speaking, Peridot doesn't do much," Pearl defended. "I'm HAPPY she's with us, but saying she's a 'vital' addition is a little over the top."

"That's not what we're here to discuss," Garnet corrected. "I think we should let Peridot, Steven, and Lapis try and bring the new Peridot over to our side."

"But she doesn't even KNOW that 'our side' is a side that exists!" Pearl argued. "And the second she finds out—"

They heard the door open. Peridot—OG Peridot—ran into the room. "You three! You can fix this! I need your help."

"What is it?" Garnet asked, taking note of the urgency in Peridot's voice.

"Uh… so… how did Rose Quartz become Steven?"

The other three were confused. "Excuse me?" Pearl asked for clarification. "She gave up her physical form to—"

"Right, right, right, but you three said that Steven is also part of Greg," Peridot interrupted. "So, like, how does THAT work?"

Garnet and Pearl just stared at each other awkwardly. Amethyst started laughing. "Oh, man! Hey, yeah, guys," she teased, elbowing her teammates. "How does that work? Wanna explain it to her?"

Pearl tapped her fingers together as she pieced together, in her mind, the best way to explain this. "Alright. Uh… so, humans are made much… differently from Gems. Uh… Oh, jeez." She glared at Amethyst, who continued to laugh her butt off. "You see… Rose and Greg were… uh, in love."

"Love?"

"They felt very strongly about each other. A-anyway, when two HUMANS fall in love, sometimes, they… uh… share an intimate moment. Usually in a bedroom they share—"

"Or in the back seat of a car!" Amethyst yelled, still holding back laughter.

"Amethyst! Anyway, once this intimate moment is finished, the man—"

"Sometimes it's a motel room! Sometimes it's a hot tub! Sometimes—"

"Amethyst!" Pearl scolded. "Enough! Anyway, they have an intimate encounter and—"

"Is it like fusion?" Peridot asked, nervously.

"Uh… Well, yes, actually, I suppose, in a way, it can be compared to—"

"AHHHH!" Peridot screamed, really loudly. "WHAT?!"

"Peridot, what's wrong?" Pearl asked, confused.

"STEVEN GOT ME PREGNANT!"

All three Crystal Gems completely froze. Amethyst's mirthful expression was exchanged for a mortified one. Garnet and Pearl also looked horrified.

"So… So how do we fix it?" Peridot asked. Instead of a verbal response, however, she found herself pinned against the wall by all three of the Crystal Gems. "Ack! Okay, uh—"

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO STEVEN?!" Pearl shouted.

"GUYS, guys, I know this looks pretty bad, but let's think about this logically for a moment!" Peridot said quickly, struggling to speak through the grip Garnet had on her throat. "When you really think about it, I'm the VICTIM here!"

"HE'S FOURTEEN!" Garnet shouted.

"God, you are SUCH a Turd Sandwich!" Amethyst said, also shouting.

"WHY ARE WE YELLING!" Peridot shouted back. "Okay. Okay. Look. I screwed up. I know, I'm sorry, but— but— GARNET encouraged us to do it!"

Pearl shot a puzzled, furious look at Garnet. "You did what?!"

"I don't know what she's talking about!"

"Yeah!" Peridot yelled. "Yeah, you do! You kept setting us up, and you left us alone, and… and… Look, why are you guys so mad? AMETHYST did it with him WAAAAAAY before I did."

"WHAT?!" Garnet and Pearl shouted, dropping Peridot and turning their attention to Amethyst, a mortified expression still on her face.

"I- I have NO idea what she's talking about."

Peridot pointed at Amethyst. "You, me, and Connie, we're all in the same boat!"

Pearl looked puzzled, now. "Connie, too? Wait a second…" Groaning, Pearl smacked her forehead with her palm and closed her eyes. "Peridot. Did you fuse with Steven?"

Peridot, having been dropped back to the floor, curled up into a ball and stared fearfully up at the Crystal Gems. "Y-yes," she nodded. She suddenly felt very ashamed. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't- I didn't know you didn't want me to…" she trailed off, noticing that Garnet was holding out a hand. Peridot, though apprehensive, slowly grabbed the hand and was pulled up onto her feet.

"Peridot. You aren't pregnant," Garnet said after a long pause.

"I'm not?"

"No, you're not," Pearl sighed. "We thought you were talking about… uh, something else. I'm sorry we attacked you."

Peridot sighed. "No, I'm sorry. Regardless of whether or not I did what you thought I did, I still sort of coerced Steven. And then I tried to hide it from you three, because… I don't know. This election's made me paranoid. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone… not even the people closest to me. And now things are a lot worse and a lot scarier than I could have imagined, and I don't know how to fix it. I really am a Turd Sandwich."

"Be that as it may," Pearl said, glancing at the other two, "you're still part of the team. And you're family. And although we aren't THRILLED that you kept this a secret from us, the reality is that we're excited it happened."

"You shouldn't be," Peridot muttered. "I got drunk and made a complete fool of myself. Then I forced Steven to dance with me. Then we fused. Nothing about it was pleasant."

Pearl shrugged. "It can't have been too unpleasant for him, otherwise he'd have said something. Not every first experience is great. It happens. Next time will be better—"

Amethyst cut her off. "Whoa. Whoa. Hold on. You got drunk?" She glanced up at Pearl and Garnet, before returning a puzzled gaze to Peeidot. "Peridot. We don't GET drunk."

"What?"

"Believe me, I've TRIED," Amethyst continued. "But it just ISN'T possible. I dunno what it is, maybe our bodies burn the alcohol off faster than we can take it in, maybe we just don't retain any of it, maybe it's some weird magic thing. The bottom line is that you could have chugged a KEG—again, I've tried—and wouldn't feel a thing. So how were you able to get hammered?"

Peridot thought about it. "I… maybe I'm a lightweight?"

Amethyst chuckled. "You would have to be one hell of a lightweight. No, something else happened."

Peridot furrowed her eyebrows and thought some more, her eyes darting around the room. "So that glass of wine shouldn't have affected me."

"Peridot. You could have gotten a pool full of liquor and DIVED in it, and you'd have come out just fine."

Pearl got to thinking too. "Alcohol doesn't affect us? It makes sense, but I've never really thought about it."

Peridot tried her hardest to piece together what actually happened, but nothing came to mind. If the alcohol wasn't what made her act so stupid, what was it?

Pearl shook her head, however, and Peridot's thoughts were interrupted. "I suppose at this point it doesn't matter what ACTUALLY happened," she said. "We have bigger problems to worry about."

"I think I'm 'in love' with Steven," Peridot said. "Whatever that means. Is that a problem?"

All three Crystal Gems were silent for a moment. "Yes," Garnet responded when nobody else would. "But we'll deal with that later."

Pearl nodded. "You have a city to run, and you haven't been doing a very good job."

"What do you mean?"

"So far you've been focusing on vanity projects!" Pearl chuckled. "There's more to running a city than making speeches to the Boy Scouts."

Peridot glared and put her hands on her hips. "I'll have you know the President of the Boy Scouts called me to tell me that was the greatest speech he'd ever seen!"

"Speaking of phone calls," Garnet said, before she was interrupted by a MIDI of "Cake by the Ocean". Everyone stared at Peridot as she slowly retrieved a smartphone she'd been given after taking office.

"What?" Peridot asked upon realizing everyone was staring. "I like this song." She tapped the screen and put the call on speaker. "This is the Mayor of Beach City speaking."

"Mayor Sandwich?" a familiar, southern voice responded. "This is the President."

"President Douche?" Peridot responded, slightly surprised.

Pearl raised an eyebrow. "What does he want?"

"Is this line secure?"

Peridot blinked. "It's an iPhone."

"Good enough." The President sighed. "Peridot, when I called you after the election, you told me that those Crystal Gems weren't involved. So do you mind explaining to me why the hell I'm getting phone calls from the FBI, the CIA, and the Kremlin about a spaceship landing over there?"

Peridot paced the room as she spoke. "Things changed. A Homeworld vessel crash landed in Sussex County."

"Your home planet?" the President asked. "Oh, jeez, I bet they're real pissed off that I didn't do what they wanted, huh?"

"Don't worry, Mr. President. They're not coming for you. They're coming for me."

"Roger that. I'm sending a Secret Service team to Beach City now."

Peridot quickly protested. "Mr. President, with all due respect, I think I can take care of myself. Also, let's be honest here. If Homeworld wants me dead, your entire military wouldn't be enough to stop them."

"Peridot, as much as I'd rather not deal with the Crystal Gems," the President explained, "their presence on Earth is just about the only deterrence we have against a full-scale alien invasion, okay?" Peridot rolled her eyes, knowing full well that, on the other end, the President was doing that weird thing with his hands. You know the one. She kept listening, however. "Frankly, the whole thing's a total disaster. It's so bad. And they can't BE deterrence if they're dead."

Peridot glared at her phone. "Listen here, Douche. My friends are more than just a secret weapon for your government. So if that's the only reason you're sending your people, forget it. Besides. The threat is mostly… ah, non-threatening right now. She doesn't know I'm the one Homeworld wants dead."

"Okay. Alright." Peridot heard a groan on the other end. "Oh, jeez. Okay, listen to me, Peridot. The Senate is revising and bringing back that Puerto Rico bill very, very soon."

"Why does everyone CARE so much about that bill?" Peridot asked, more to herself than the person on the other end.

"You don't know? Peridot, if that bill passes, Delmarva loses its statehood. It's the only way to maintain the 50-state status quo."

"So?"

"Your Governor had a deal with the previous mayor," the President explained. "As it turns out, the last administration pushed for Dewey's election back in 2009. Shortly after taking office, President Obama was made aware of the existence of the Gems after what was known internally as the Sussex Affair."

Pearl crossed her arms and scoffed. "The media GROSSLY over-exaggerated that incident. The collateral damage done to the children's hospital was NOT that bad."

"Having come to the same realization I did, that the Crystal Gems were our only line of defense in a situation like that, he did some snooping around and declassified some documents. U.S. Presidents have had run-ins with the Crystal Gems since this country was founded, but nobody could ever figure out exactly where their headquarters were. In 2007, President Bush quietly enacted Operation Crystal Patriot, a plan which used data collected by the NSA and CIA to pinpoint their location somewhere in Delmarva."

Peridot was getting impatient. "Yes, yes, I know where we're located, you don't have to tell me that. How does this pertain to what's going on RIGHT NOW?"

"The Bush Administration planned to take out the Crystal Gems on a classified mission in December 2008, but they weren't able to finalize the details in time. President-Elect Obama was inaugurated the next month, and after the Sussex Affair, he contacted Bill Dewey, who at the time was running for his first term as Beach City's Mayor. The President, whose approval rating at the time was pretty high, agreed to publicly endorse Dewey, essentially guaranteeing him the election, under the condition that Dewey was to use the city's economic leverage to convince the Governor of Delmarva, at the time a Democrat named Jack Markell, to resist all attempts by the state government to get rid of the Crystal Gems. This deal carried over when Governor Carney took office earlier this year."

Pearl raised an eyebrow. "Dewey's been protecting us for the last eight years?"

The President continued. "If Delmarva ceases to be a state, the borders will be redrawn and the peninsula will be absorbed into either Virginia, Maryland, or Keystone. Maybe they'll split the land. I'm not really sure."

"Wait, wait," Peridot interrupted. "Hold on. You don't KNOW? You're the PRESIDENT! Don't you decide that stuff?"

"In case you haven't noticed, Peridot, more than half of the country hates my guts right now," the President responded angrily. "I can't get anything done. Congress won't listen to me anymore. The White House is a MESS. This place is a total dump. I've lost three staffers in the last three weeks, and that House Fusion didn't help my problems either. If that bill passes, I have no choice but to sign it, because if I veto it, the American people are gonna hate me even more."

"And why is being absorbed into another state so bad?"

"The Governments of Virginia, Maryland, and Keystone have all introduced anti-Gem legislation!" the President yelled. "Newsflash, Peridot, running such a recklessly stupid campaign put you in the public eye across the nation! People know who the Crystal Gems are from here to Los Angeles! There are whole conventions about you guys now."

Peridot realized at this moment that she screwed up. "Oooooh…" she said, slowly. "That's… not good."

"Yeah, and some people are PISSED off!" the President resumed yelling. "Delmarva is the only safe space you guys have. You think Tim Kaine gives a damn about you? He and the rest of the east coast want you shot off into space on a rocket! If that state ceases to exist… so will you."

Peridot and the rest of the Gems all glanced uneasily at each other. "That's… not true, right?" Peridot asked. "We run from Homeworld all the time. We can handle the local law enforcement… Right?"

Pearl avoided eye contact. "Without a consistent base of operations, our efforts protecting this planet would be… hindered, at best. Couple that with the fact that… well, if Homeworld sends its soldiers, we can at least TRY to fight them off, but…"

"But what?"

Garnet answered for her. "We can't effectively defend ourselves against Earth's armies. Obviously, we would win any battle against a human enemy, but it would be counterproductive to our cause to fight the people we're trying to protect."

Peridot's face fell. "So we're screwed, then."

"Not quite," the President interjected. "The new bill will take some time to draft. Senators are total sellouts. They bend to the whim of whoever gives them the most money. If you can double Beach City's tourism output, therefore increasing the value of the state as a whole while simultaneously driving more Americans to move to Delmarva, either for retirement or work opportunities, they'll have no choice but to vote for what you want."

That explanation concerned Peridot from a moral standpoint. "You want me to… manipulate congressional corruption to steer things in my advantage?"

The President sighed once more. "Welcome to politics, Mayor Peridot," he said, somewhat bitterly. "Here's a newsflash for you. You aren't here to make Beach City great again. You're here to manipulate people. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but the truth is that politics is a messy, messy game. Democrat, Republican, it doesn't matter. There are no good deeds in Washington. The sooner you accept that, the better."

Peridot's normally determined face looked so… disappointed. "Mr. President, I'm going to have to call you back."

"Peridot—" his voice was cut off as Peridot dropped the call. Pearl looked away and sighed.

"He's right, you know," she said. "You dug yourself into a political hole, and now the only way to dig yourself out is—and I hate that this is the case—to fight dirty."

"This is why we don't get involved in this kind of thing," Amethyst affirmed. "It gets too messy, too personal… It just isn't how we roll."

"So you all agree with him, do you?" Peridot questioned. "You think I should just do what the guy with the 38% approval rating says?"

"It's higher than yours," Amethyst muttered

"Unbelievable."

"Peridot, you're running out of options," Pearl said. "It's not like you'll be doing any REAL harm, you'll just be exploiting injustices that are already in place. You aren't going out and creating NEW ones."

"Is that the quantifier for good deeds, now?" Peridot asked rhetorically. "Just make sure you aren't making things worse, and we're all square? Okay. Alright. Just making sure."

"Peridot—"

"Pearl, I was elected because I'm not like the other politicians!" Peridot yelled. "I'm supposed to DRAIN the swamp, not be a PART of it!"

"This isn't about you, anymore!" Pearl yelled back. Calming down after that, she delivered her next remark in a quieter voice. "If you try and fight this, you're going to bring everyone else down with you. Including Steven. Is that what you want?"

Peridot was caught off-guard by that statement. Truthfully, she now knew that involving Steven in her campaign was a mistake from the beginning, and now that she was the mayor, he was in too deep to get out. "I… no. That isn't what I want." She glared up at the Crystal Gems. "But we don't GIVE UP in the face of adversity! That isn't who we are! At the very least, that is NOT how the Crystal Gems that I once called my enemies would have gone down."

All three were confused. "Huh?"

"Don't you three remember?" Peridot asked, smiling enthusiastically. "It used to be that I would try and kill you, and you'd resist, and I'd be all 'Grrrr, those meddling Crystal Gems!' And you'd be all 'Hey, we're protecting the planet!' Nothing that I could have done would have stopped you back then. What changed?"

Pearl narrowed her eyes. "What are you—"

"She's right," Garnet interrupted. "We've become a bunch of babies."

"A bunch of pussies!" Amethyst clarified.

"Right. A bunch of pussies." Garnet knelt down to meet Peridot's eyes. "Peridot. The people of this city chose you because they knew you could lead them to victory. So lead us to victory. The Crystal Gems are at your service, Mayor."

Peridot beamed. One could practically see the stars in her eyes. "Alright! Even now, my brilliant mind is concocting a plan to set everything right. First thing's first… We need to figure out what to do about the Era III."


Era III watched in utter boredom as Steven played an arcade game. "See, you hit THIS button after you hit THIS button, then you go back to this button, and bam! You just did a combo!"

"Joy," Era III said dryly.

"Yeah," Steven said, leaning against the machine. "I know all the 'tech' in this game. I've been playing it for six years."

"It took you six years to master something as simple as hitting a button sequence?" Era III asked in shock. "Wow. Are you of below average intelligence, or are all humans this mentally unfit for basic, menial tasks?"

Lapis arrived a moment later, landing gracefully in front of the arcade to the amazement of absolutely no one. "Peridot's having a mandatory meeting. All City Hall officials have to be there."

Steven glanced smugly at Era III. "I'm on the mayor's cabinet!"

"I suppose it is nice to know the Era II is so charitable," Era III quipped. "It's comforting knowing that one of the last two living Era IIs is a good one. Now, the one who betrayed Our Diamond, on the other hand…"

Lapis laughed uneasily. "Haha. Yeah. Our Peridot sure is a standout. Because all of the other ones are dead. Meaning she literally stands out. Because she's the only one. And I would be devastated if anything happened to her." She leaned in uncomfortably close to Era III. "You hear that? I would be very devastated. If anything happened. To Peridot."

"Why are you talking so deliberately?"

"Oh, no reason!" Lapis said as she moved away, laughing nervously again. "Just keep that in mind. We all care about her very much and it would not be a good thing if something happened to her."

Era III shrugged. "Well, I agree, this Era II deserves a long, prosperous life. Now, the TRAITOR, on the other hand…"

This sort of exchange would continue until they reached City Hall. Steven really hoped this whole thing could be resolved peacefully, especially since they were capable of communicating with this new Peridot. He briefly imagined what Peridot would look like fused with another Peridot.

She would almost be people-sized, he thought. That amused him.


A/N: I debated with myself a lot on whether or not we should actually get to see the President, and to what degree he should be referenced. Having been a major player in the first story, I wanted to stay away from using him, but once I started involving plot elements from the first story, it eventually became inevitable. In the end, I opted to include him without using his name, but since this is now technically a sequel to my other story, I guess that is supposed to be Mr. Garrison, not Trump.