Thank you everyone for reviewing! It's my bread and butter...no, it's better than that. It's...Gouda cheese?

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, Kingdom Hearts, Harry Potter, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or Smurfs.


51: I will not have Eowyn and Arwen duel for Aragorn's hand in marriage.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU BLOND SACK OF POOP!" cried an all-too familiar elf as she sprinted past a dazed and confused Aragorn. The Ranger gaped, astonished by the sudden appearance of his fiancé within Rohan. What in the name of Gandalf's ridiculously long beard was she doing here?

Gimli also appeared, looking quite bamboozled. "Wasn't that your Arwen?"

Legolas daintily skipped towards them, but he was not alarmed one bit. In fact, he was smirking. Glowering at the fruitcake and realizing the elf was up to no good, Aragorn chased Arwen, determined to protect her and find out what was going on.

Finally Arwen halted her stride and Aragorn heard the clashing of swords. Horrified, he spun around the corner of a tent and was stupefied by what was before him.

Eowyn and Arwen were exchanging blows, their swords clashing, sparks flying in all directions. Gimli and Aragorn could only gape, but Legolas cried, "Come on! Winner get Aragorn's hand in marriage!"

Aragorn then proceeded to pummel Legolas. It wasn't pretty.


52: I am not a wizard ninja sent by Sauron to kill the Fellowship.

"Mwuahahaha!" exclaimed Boromir as he jabbed a stick in Frodo's direction. The two had wandered off, but Boromir had not once mentioned the One Ring like he did in the real book and movie. Rather, he was grinning maniacally at the Ringbearer. "You have fallen into my clever trap! Now I shall use my invincible wizard ninja powers to KILL YOU!"

Frodo blinked his pathetic blue eyes. Wow, Boromir was an idiot. "Who sent you, then?"

Glowering, Boromir rolled up his left sleeve to reveal a rather peculiar mark. It was a smiley face with a snake for a tongue, all drawn on with marker. "The Dark Lord!"

Frodo frowned. "Sauron?"

"No, not that idiot! You-Know-Who!"

"No, I really don't know who!"

"I said he's You-Know-Who!"

"But I don't!"

"HIS NAME IS YOU-KNOW-WHO!"

"But I don't know who! Seriously!"

In the distance, someone cried, "JUST SAY VOLDEMORT, YOU TWITS!"

"You dare speak the Dark Lord's name, you meaningless meat bag? You shall die an excruciatingly painful death!" Instead, he aimed the stick at Frodo. "Avada Kedavra!"

Nothing happened. Frodo walked back to the others, unscathed and bored.


53: I am not on a hunt for the Keyblade.

"Come along, Goofy!" said Frodo, gesturing to Sam. "You too, Donald!" he also spoke to Smeagol.

The two rivals glanced at each other, shrugged, and simultaneously asked, "What are you talking about, Master?"

Frodo huffed impatiently. "You guys! If we don't hurry, the Heartless will come, and I sure don't feel like fighting them! Don't you understand? We have to find the Keyblade! You guys came up with this blasted idea in the first place!"

For once, Sam and Smeagol agreed on one thing: Frodo played way too many games.


54: I will not call Gandalf "Tim the Enchanter."

"Hey, Tim!" Merry called out from the back of the group. At point was Gandalf, wielding his staff and marching with purpose.

"Tim..." said Pippin.

"Tim..."

"TIM!" Merry and Pippin all but shouted. In the distance, dogs barked, trees collapsed, and turtles mutated due to the enormous and powerful sound waves Merry and Pippin had formed.

Finally, Gandalf twisted, an aura of wrath about him. "Are you idiots trying to get us killed?"

Pippin held up his hands in a gesture of self-defense. "Don't get your panties in a knot, Tim!"

"My name is not Tim, you fool of a Took! quiet before Sauron hears us!"

Merry rolled his eyes. "You are Tim the Enchanter! There's no way on Middle-earth Sauron will hear you!"

Far away in Mordor, Sauron was seething. His flaming eyes turned towards Mount Doom as a bellowing voice howled, "TIM!"

It took a minute, but a shriveled old man with a staff and an odd headdress peeped his head out of the volcano's entrance. "Yes, sir?"

"Another one of those imbeciles with an outrageous accent is impersonating you!"

Tim snarled as Mount Doom flared, a result of his pyro abilities. "Blast! Not again!"


55: I will not dye hobbits blue and call them Smurfs.

Sam groggily blinked his eyes as he sat up in his sack. Fluttering his eyelashes, he smiled at his dirt-caked blue hands before standing up and-

Wait a minute! Blue hands? What was this? Eyes darting around the camp, he spotted the other hobbits with blue skin, and the rest of the Fellowship were chuckling.

Sam stomped towards them. "Fix this before Frodo and the others wake up!"

"I don't know," said Aragorn. "It's not a very smurfing idea."

"I know!" responded Gimli excitedly. "Hey, Aragorn, your hair is smurfing today."

"Hey! I take that as a smurfing insult!"

"Smurfing is my favorite hobby!" cried Legolas randomly.

Sam groaned as he strode down to the river, intending to wash off the blue paint.


What was your favorite this chapter? I'd have to say 54 because it had such a twist!