A/N: Hey, guys. Remembered to actually update a little earlier this time. I blew past the 100,000 word mark on this story last night, so it's moving along at a good clip, despite the fact that I've been cheating on the FF VIII fandom with Vampire Diaries. I know, I know, shaddup- it's good for me to have something new to write every once in a while, and Vampire Diaries (the tv show, not the book series) has another tortured bad boy for me to explore. I just can't resist 'em.
Thank you as always for your insightful comments; I appreciate them very much.
Dear Seifer,
I talked with Matron the other day, and she said you were going to be leaving the orphanage. She said someone else was going to take you in now. I was wondering…I know it's been a while since you heard from me…but I was wondering if maybe you'd like to keep in touch, when you go to your new home.
How have you been lately? I'm doing well. I hope your new family is nice.
Sincerely,
Quistis
He holds the letter open across his lap.
All around him are teetering piles of toys and half-filled bags of luggage that he started packing three days ago when Matron first came to tell him about his new home, but packing's boring, and stupid, and he shouldn't have to do it; that's why crybaby Zell should still be here, to do it for him.
He smoothes out the creases in the page.
He knew she missed him; he knew she couldn't stay away for long; he's leaving and now she wants to make sure he'll still be her friend- she probably loves him, and that's gross, but he knows she can't help it cause he's 'irresisttatible' and all.
He wanted to scribble out a reply the first day he got the letter, but she's gotta' wait until he feels like it, cause she made him sit around here for almost a year without saying anything to him and that was fine because he didn't miss her or anything, but she'll think her gross cootie girl face is important to him or something, if he sends her a letter back right away.
Tomorrow he's leaving, though. Tomorrow some other lady from some other orphanage will put him in her car and zoom down Matron and Cid's driveway back toward the city, away from the ocean, and she probably won't even make cookies like Matron does, or tell him stories when he can't sleep, or know just exactly the right amount of sugar to put in his lemonade.
He broke all his pencils, when she stopped writing. It wasn't his fault -she made him- she shouldn't have left him alone; Matron doesn't love him anymore and her letters were the only nice things he had left and why did she stop writing-
He rustles around in the half-open drawers of his nightstand and Quisty's old desk and he finds this box of crayons he remembers Selphie trying to put up her nose, because Zell bet her she couldn't fit them, and he remembers laughing at her because she only made it to 'atomic tangerine' before Matron caught her and made her take them all out. He dumps them out on the carpet beneath him, picks through them all until he finds 'magic mint', because it was the last one in the box and he knows for sure sure that it never made it up Selphie's booger hole.
Dear Quisty,
My new mom is coming to get me tomorrow. Matron didn't want her to take me cause she loves me so much, way more than all the rest of you, but my new mom begged her really really hard so Matron said ok and I'm gonna' go home with her now.
I know you miss me and that's why you're writing but you're gonna' have to wait a while, because I'll probably be having so much fun with my new family that I'll forget about you. I know you really like talking to me though so I'll write to you from my new home when I'm bored and don't have anything better to do which will probably take a while because everyone there is going to like me so much. I'm going to another orphanage, but I'm not gonna' be one of the orphans cause the lady who runs it likes me so much that she wants to adopt me just for her, even though she's got lots of other kids she could choose from. She said I was her favorite kid that she'd ever met and I told her about you and crybaby Zell and stupid Squall and all the others, and she thought you guys sounded pretty stupid too. She's glad you were all picked first cause it means that I was left just for her.
Talk to you later,
Seifer
He's such a jerk sometimes.
But she sits on her bed with her legs curled underneath her and the sun outside her window melting into warm red dusk, and the corners of her eyes prickle like needles and she sniffs a little and rolls one corner of her blanket between her fingers, and she can't hate him.
What Matron told her was that she and Cid couldn't take care of him anymore, that she was sending him off to an orphanage in Balamb, that she hoped there someone would adopt him at last.
There is no mother waiting for him. This woman who runs this other orphanage, who took him in last minute, as a favor to Matron, does not think he is special.
She does not want him.
Sometimes he deserves this not wanting, this passing along to someone else, but she knows what it is like to never feel at home, to not be welcome, and there is no harm in allowing him this small little lie.
Dear Seifer,
I hope this letter reaches you. I'm glad you're going to be adopted. I hope you have some brothers and sisters to keep you company; it's kind of boring sometimes, being an only sibling. And of course, you were very annoying while we were all together at the orphanage, but it wasn't boring, being with you, at least.
Matron says you're going to Balamb; I've always wanted to visit there. Do you know which school you're going to be attending? I go to Crossley Academy; it's a private school here in Deling City. It's nice.
Be nice to your new mother. You aren't horrible, when you smile. She'll like you if you smile.
Sincerely,
Quistis
The kids at this new orphanage heard a story about how at the last minute he cried, and clung to Matron's waist, and wouldn't let her go, that he promised to be good and quiet, but that's a bunch of shit.
He took it like the little man he is.
That's what Matron used to call him: her little man, cause he's real, real tough for a kid, you know. He'd never cry over something stupid like that. He'd never hold her as tight as he could, because he was never going to get to hug her again- he'd never beg her to stay, to not send him away with this old lady who smelled like lemons and couldn't get his name right.
He stepped into the car and he smiled and waved through the window, and the old lady who smelled like lemons and couldn't get his name right told him how excited she was to finally have a son, how much fun they were going to have, how big and brave and handsome he was already.
He has a lot of fun here.
He doesn't wait impatiently pacing on the curb for the mailman to come, because Quisty's letters aren't important to him or anything -he's got a lot of friends here, you know- and he doesn't run to his room carrying an envelope with her name on it like he's got nothing better to do, because he does-
She could stop sending them completely, for all he cares; she could just start ignoring him again and that would be fine, there's cuter girls here anyway, like the one who sits next to him at lunch and shares with him pieces of sandwich with the crust cut off-
Matron used to cut his crusts off.
This lady doesn't, because she's too busy, because there are ten of them and only one of her, but that's fine, cause only kids want their crusts cut off anyway.
He bets Zell still gets his cut off.
Dear Quisty,
It's really great here. Yesterday me and Dagen made a snowman and then we chopped its head off and the girls all screamed because they got hit with these big puffs of snow when we did that. I bet you would have screamed too.
I'm not going to some stupid stuffy boring private school I'm going to the one just down the road from my new home. It's called Peachtree Elementary and I bet it's better than your stupid private school. Do you have to wear a uniform? We don't have to wear a uniform here we can wear whatever we want so I wear my favorite shirt the green one Matron got me for my birthday last year the one she says brings out my eyes.
There are a lot of girls at my school who want me. Matron said that was gonna happen so I shouldn't be surprised but you're all gross and one day one of you is gonna give me cooties and then I'm gonna have to be vaccinated.
I bet none of the boys at your school want you cause you're so bossy and stuff.
Do they? I think you should punch them in the nose if they try to kiss your or something.
Write me back,
Seifer
Dear Seifer,
PLENTY of the boys at my school want me. I'm very popular; we had a school dance two days ago and three boys all asked me to go with them. I couldn't because my mother needed me home to take family pictures with her and my father, but it was nice to get invited anyway.
Do you have any dances at your school? You're probably terrible at it; boys can't dance. And I don't see why you'd have so many girls after you; you were always mean to me and Selphie. I KNOW it was you who kept putting worms in my bed. Girls don't like that sort of thing; if you like a girl, you're supposed to be nice to her. I don't think you know how to be nice to girls, so why would any of them like you?
You're a jerk,
Quistis
Dear Quisty,
I don't WANT girls to like me anyway, and I CAN TOO DANCE. I'm good at everything. You're just jealous, cause even if I DID go to your stupid school, I wouldn't have asked you to the dance. Boys don't like it when girls are BOSSY.
Kiss my ass,
Seifer
Dear Seifer,
Where did you learn that kind of language? Matron would have made Cid wash your mouth out with soap, you know. You're obviously picking up bad habits at your new home- did one of the other kids teach you that?
I was going to wish you a happy birthday, but if you're just going to be mean then I take it back.
I turned eleven a few days ago; we had a big party and lots of my friends from school came. My mother made a cake; father had to work late so he didn't make it home in time (he has a very important job- he's a politician, did you know that?), but the next morning he gave me a present and we sat out in the living room with some hot chocolate he made until I had to go to school.
Anyway…I suppose I hope you didn't have a horrible birthday. If you're nicer to the kids at this orphanage than you were to us, maybe they'll even get you something nice.
I apologize for my last closing statement it was immature of me,
Quistis
Dear Seifer,
Thank you for the birthday present. I didn't…I really didn't expect something like that from you.
I'm sorry I said you were a jerk. You are of course, sometimes…but I forgot that sometimes you used to be nice as well.
Do you remember when we were playing hide and seek that one time, and I wandered into one of the orchards nearby, and some old man came stomping out with a shotgun screaming about intruders, and you grabbed my arm and pulled me into some bushes where he couldn't see us?
You used to do things like that sometimes. Of course, you also pantsed Zell on numerous occasions, and hit Squall because he didn't want to be on your team, and buried Irvine in the sand and left him there all day, until Matron found him and dug him out, and put worms and frogs and those little fish from the tide pools in our beds…
You didn't do very many nice things, actually.
I liked you sometimes, though, you know. You used to make me laugh.
Anyway, I have your present sitting on my windowsill, where I can see it before I go to bed. When the sun goes down, it shines right through it, and it's very pretty. Did you get it somewhere in town?
Sincerely,
Quistis
Dear Quisty,
I MADE it. You can't buy anything that good in this stupid crappy town. We have a woodshop class and Mr. Greer showed me how to make the little people and the base, and he found me some glass, and I stayed after school so he could show me how to make the dome. He said I have a natural 'nack'. I don't know what that is, but basically it means I'm really good, just like I keep telling you.
The snowflakes are plastic, but you hafta get this special kind of plastic cause regular plastic doesn't work and it's boring looking (it's supposed to be twinkly looking like snow) so I went down to this shop on Main, and they had a buncha really girly crap in there like paints and drawing sets and stuff, but it was the only place to go to find the right kinda' plastic, so I hope you're HAPPY. Some guys from school saw me while I was inside and called me gay but I beat them up anyway so it was fine. There were three of them, and they were bigger than me, and I beat all of 'em up without breaking a sweat.
Wanna hear a joke?
This airplane is about to crash, so this lady jumps up and yells "If I'm about to die I want to die feeling like a woman." So she takes off all her clothes and looks around the airplane and asks if any of the guys are man enough to make her feel like a real woman. This guy stands up and takes off his shirt and says "Here, iron this!"
Talk to you later,
Seifer
Dear Seifer,
It's 'knack'.
Knack, noun:
1. A clever, expedient way of doing something
2. A specific talent for something, especially one difficult to explain or teach.
And that joke is sexist, Seifer. Fifty years ago, that joke might have been funny, if you were telling it to a bunch of PIGS. There is something called 'equal opportunity' now which means that YOU should get off the couch and make ME a sandwich.
You JERK,
Quisty
Dear Quisty,
WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO MAKE YOU A SANDWICH WHY DON'T YOU MAKE YOUR OWN SANDWICH YOUR STUPID LAZY PIECE OF CRAP!
YOU'RE a jerk,
Seifer
Dear Seifer,
I only meant that for years women have been pushed into roles and now we don't have to be limited in such a way. A woman's place used to be in the kitchen, making dinner for her husband, but now we can be anything we want; now the man can be the one in the kitchen, because society doesn't place the same restraints on women that it used to. Haven't they gone over women's rights in your history class yet?
Sincerely,
Quistis
Dear Quisty,
Baking's for GIRLS. Why should guys be in the kitchen? If I get married, even though I'm not gonna cause who wants some dumb girl around all the time, I'm not gonna do stupid stuff like baking. That's girly. I'm gonna go kill monsters and rescue princesses. And when I get home, my wife better have dinner on the table.
Women's rights are for retards,
Seifer
Dear Seifer,
Oh, you are such a pig. I hope your new mother feeds you only brussel sprouts and that you NEVER get cake, not even for your birthday.
Stop writing me I'm not going to reply to you anymore,
Quistis
Dear Quisty,
Wanna hear another joke?
Why don't women know how to ski? Because it doesn't snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.
Men are better,
Seifer
Dear Seifer,
YOU'RE NOT EVEN IGNORANT; YOU'RE JUST DOING THIS ON PURPOSE TO ANGER ME. KNOCK IT OFF.
Girls can legally own weapons,
Quistis
Dear Quisty,
How many men does it take to get a beer out of the fridge?
None. That's a woman's job.
Girls can legally own weapons but only men know anything about them so who cares,
Seifer
Dear Seifer,
You are a PIG and I hope tomorrow at school a girl half your size beats you up and takes your lunch money because that's what you DESERVE. Why I ever thought you could be nice sometimes or that you had a nice smile or that sometimes you were funny I don't know and I see why Matron got rid of you; I would have too, if I were her.
Good-BYE,
Quistis
Dear Quisty,
Why don't you take the stick out of your stupid ass THEY WERE JUST JOKES I WAS JUST KIDDING OK QUISTY AND HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF MATRON JUST SHIPPED YOU OFF EVEN THOUGH NO ONE WANTED TO ADOPT YOU. The lady from the orphanage didn't WANT me, ok? Matron just got tired of me and this lady said she'd take me because she was an old friend of Matron's and she wanted to help her out and I DIDN'T GET SOME NICE STUPID FAMILY LIKE YOU DID SO YOU CAN JUST STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
Screw you,
Seifer
Dear Seifer,
I'm sorry for what I said in my last letter.
I knew about Matron giving you away, about the lady at the new orphanage not adopting you. I don't know why she gave you away, Seifer; she just told me that she and Cid couldn't take care of you anymore.
I don't think it had anything to do with you, though. She was really upset when I talked to her. I don't think she wanted to let you go.
You were…you were her favorite. I used to get jealous, because I could tell that even though she loved all of us, she loved you just a little bit more. I'm not just saying that to make you feel better- I really think she did. I never used to understand, because you were always so much more trouble than the rest of us, but maybe that's why she liked you, because you were a challenge, or something.
I don't…I don't have a nice family either, you know. They don't even want me. I think they just got me because it's good for their image. My father is high up in government, and he's always running campaigns, and he does everything according to what looks good, you know? I lied about my birthday; there was no party. None of the kids from school like me very much either, maybe because…maybe because I am bossy. You're right. I suppose no one likes someone who tries to tell them what to do all the time.
Sending all these letters back and forth, it makes me…it makes me really lonely sometimes. I know you can be mean, and you used to make me so mad all the time, but I wish you were here.
I didn't hate you all the time, you know. I mean that.
Seifer, I really am sorry for what I said. Please keep writing? You're…you're the only person I really talk to, you know.
Sincerely,
Quistis
Dear Quisty,
The kids at your school and your new parents are stupid.
I like you.
Sincerely,
Seifer
