Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I am merely playing with them while wishing they were mine, especially Draco. Heh heh heh heh…
Plot: Everyone writes Pansy Parkinson as a big, whiny, and ugly brat, but what if she wasn't? In one awful night, she lost her family and hardly anyone understands what she is going through. How will Pansy get through the summer and her last year at Hogwarts when the Dark Lord is getting ready for one last strike…
A/N: Oh, thank you guys for the reviews on the updated chapter nine. (That was sarcasm, by the way). But not to worry, I'm not angry, so I'll keep writing. I do, however, appreciate the reviews from the chpt nine peek. Too bad they weren't for the longer version as well. (Sorry, couldn't resist). Oh yeah, Lady-Of-The-Moon, the song was very reminiscent of my story. I can see why you thought so.
Now get to reading and don't forget to review!
Helpless
Last time…
Pansy walked to her bed and sat down. She bent her head.
She cried.
She cried for herself and for Pucey. He would not have a proper burial. He would just disappear. Nothing would change that.
Murderer, the voice whispered. The word slithered into her heart before she could stop it.
Chapter Ten
The door of her bedroom opened.
"Pansy, are you ready?
She looked away from her reflection to Draco. She smiled. "Almost. I'll be down in two minutes, okay?"
He nodded. His gray eyes stole a quick glance down her figure. "Very nice. Mother will be proud."
She snorted lightly and rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, very proud."
"Now, now." Draco shook his finger at her. "No sarcasm. I have to be by your side all night and I don't want any of your sass."
Pansy stuck her tongue out at him. "How's that for sass?"
He chuckled. "I'll be waiting downstairs."
She turned back to the mirror as he closed the door. Pansy sighed and put the finishing touches on her make-up.
"Thank Merlin, this isn't another damn masquerade," she said softly. Pansy brushed back a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She adjusted the top of her dress and shook out the skirts. She was wearing a dress made of light blue material. It was a regular evening dress. It was simple and she liked it. Normally, her dresses were more revealing, but now she was used to styles that are more conservative. Cissa said it was prudent to not reveal too much. It left more to the imagination or something like that.
Pansy steeled her spine and inner core. The party they were going to tonight was that of the Nott family. No doubt Theo was going to be there. No doubt he knew she was going to be there. A grim smile tugged at her lips. He would avoid her at all costs.
She had said she would kill him if he came too near. She meant it.
Her two minutes were up. She headed for the stairs. She made sure to grab her wand.
"Beautiful, darling," Cissa exclaimed when she descended to the front hall. She turned to Draco waiting beside her. "Doesn't she look beautiful?"
He nodded his head dutifully. "Yes, Mother. I already told her upstairs."
Cissa slapped at his arm. "Oh, you. Couldn't help yourself, son?"
"No, I just wanted to make sure she wasn't going to change her mind at the last minute," he replied.
Pansy smirked. "As if I would. I promised Milli I would meet her there."
"Milli?" Cissa inquired.
"Millicent Bulstrode. You remember her, Mother," Draco explained. He stretched his arms out to the sides as far as they would go. "She's about this wide and about nine feet tall."
Pansy punched his chest. "Shut up. You're exaggerating." She looked at Cissa. "You'll meet her at the party, Cissa. I promise."
Draco shepherded them to the front door, but Pansy spotted envelopes on the side table by the door. "Wait," she said. "What are these?"
"Our Hogwarts letters, Pans," said Draco. "We'll open them tomorrow."
"When did they arrive?"
He frowned as he counted on his fingers. Then he said, "On Monday."
She stared at him. "And you didn't tell me?"
"Well, you were busy," he said as if that was reason enough.
"Honestly, Draco," she muttered as she walked out the front door.
"Pans, I'm sorry!" he called out before she apparated to the Notts.
He appeared a second after her at the bottom of the stairs. Cissa followed another second later. They went up the stairs and at the top, Draco held out his arms. Cissa took his left arm and Pansy sighed when she took his right arm.
"Really, I'm sorry. I should've told you," he whispered.
"Damned straight," she whispered back.
"Come on, don't be angry with me."
Pansy didn't say anything for a few moments, then she asked, "Did you open yours?"
"No. I was waiting for you."
She threw a quick glance at him to make sure he wasn't pulling her leg. He was looking at her solemnly. Pansy said, "Fine. I forgive you."
He smirked.
"Only because I have to be with you all night," she finished.
His smirk fell away.
They were shown into a large dining room with a long table that could seat well over two hundred people. The majority of the seats were taken.
"Right this way, my lord and ladies," a servant said. They were led to their seats. Pansy smiled in delight when she saw Milli right next to her.
"Hi, Pans," Milli said in hushed tones when Pansy sat down, but she could tell Milli was happy she was sitting next to her.
"When did you get here, Milli?"
"A few minutes ago. The dinner's about to start."
"I love your new look," Pansy smirked.
A becoming blush stole upon Milli's face, adding to her femininity. Milli wore a strapless green evening dress. Light danced upon the subtle sheen of fine glitter that was on her shoulders.
"Thanks," said Milli. "My mother didn't like it though."
Pansy shot a look at Milli's mother. Prudence Bulstrode's face was pinched like she had a bad taste in her mouth that she couldn't get rid of. She caught a disgusted glance Prudence tossed at Milli.
"No, she doesn't, but who cares."
"Pans," hissed a male voice.
"Huh?" Pansy looked the other way.
Blaise waved at her a few chairs down and across the table. She waved back. He said, "Pans, who's your friend?"
A wicked grin emerged as she looked at Milli, then back at Blaise. "This is Milli."
He directed a cocky smile at Milli. "Hey, how's it going?"
Milli turned red. "Um, fine, Zabini. And you?"
"How did you know my name?" He tipped his head to the side and frowned.
"I've gone to school with you since first year, idiot."
Blaise still had a puzzled expression on his face. "I've never noticed you before."
Okay, this wasn't going good.
Pansy cleared her throat. "Blaise, this is Millicent."
"Bulstrode?" he asked in a strangled voice. "Wow! You look great, Millicent."
"Thanks, Zabini," said Milli, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.
The Maître d' of the Nott household came forth from the kitchens. He clapped his hands to gain the attention of all. When everyone quieted down, he said in a loud, clear voice, "Dinner is served."
All across the table, the laid out dishes were filled with food.
Pansy smiled. It was just like Hogwarts. Knives and forks clinked gently on the porcelain plates and the low buzz of conversation filled the large dining room.
"So, why weren't you at the Goyles last week, Pans?" whispered Milli.
Memories flitted before her mind's eye and she simply said, "I wasn't feeling very well."
"I looked for you after the Zabinis' party, but I couldn't find you."
"That's when I started to feel unwell. Draco escorted me home early." Pansy changed the subject. "How did your mother react to your costume?"
Milli smiled playfully. "She fainted."
Pansy clapped her hand over her mouth before her laughter could escape.
"I really am grateful, you know," continued Milli. "If you hadn't taken pity on me and helped me…change the way I looked at myself, I would still be dumpy Bulstrode."
"You don't have to thank me, Milli. I'm just happy you're happy. You deserve to finish Hogwarts with a new look."
Milli took in her dress. "Like you?"
Pansy shifted. A ghostly voice whispered faintly, "You're so beautiful, but you know that, don't you, Pansy? That's why you're wearing that costume."
She forced the voice away, far away where she couldn't hear it in her heart anymore. Pansy looked into Milli's brown eyes. "I got sick of the way I was dressing."
"Did you get your letter from Hogwarts yet?" asked Milli.
"Yes, but I haven't opened it."
"Do you think you made Head Girl?"
Pansy scoffed as she shook her head. "No. That title probably went to Granger."
Granger, she had said. Not Mudblood Granger or plain Mudblood. What was wrong with her?
"Granger?"
"Yes, Granger. She has the highest grades possible in our year. Of course she would get it," snapped Pansy. She sighed, "Why shouldn't she?"
"Pansy, come on. Usually, you're cursing her right about now. What's up?" Milli touched her shoulder gently. "If I'm really your friend, then tell me."
"It's just—You see—Look, I've spent countless hours coming up with insults tailor made for Gryffindors. I don't want to waste anymore time doing pointless things." Pansy turned to Milli fully in her chair. "There's more to life than…hating everything and everyone. I just want to live, Milli. For myself, for my family and for others who will never get the chance to."
"Wow. I've never heard you sound so passionate, Pans," remarked Milli seriously. She smiled. "It's about time."
Pansy sighed in relief. Milli accepted it and she didn't make any disparaging comments about her sudden change of views. That was all that mattered.
She opened the door to her bedroom tiredly and staggered in.
"Good night, Pans. See you in the morning," said Draco.
"Uh-huh," she yawned. He closed the door for her.
It was two in the morning. They just came back from the Notts. Pansy shrugged out of her dress and kicked off her heels. She pulled the panty hose off and threw it across the room. She went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Then she took down her hair and walked back into the bedroom to the bed.
She pulled the covers back and turned off the lights. After peeling off her bra and underwear, Pansy grabbed for her nightgown, but couldn't find it. She didn't feel like going all the way to the closet, getting another, and then coming all the way back to the bed, so she just slid between the sheets naked and promptly fell asleep.
Pansy dreamed of Adrian Pucey. She dreamed of the night she was raped. She dreamed of the day when she killed him. The last thing he said to her before fading away was, "Don't kill me."
She was in the dark. Alone with no way to see where she went. All the while, a soft, whispery voice mocked her. "Murderer…Pansy Parkinson is a murderer…"
She wanted it to stop, but she couldn't yell. The voice kept taunting and all she could do was scream inside her head.
"Pansy," it sing-songed. "Pa-a-ansy…"
Someone shook her shoulder in the darkness.
"Pansy," said someone. The voice was different. It sounded male. "Pansy, wake up."
"Go away," she mumbled.
He shook her shoulder again. "Pa-a-ansy…wakey, wakey."
"Leave me alone." Pansy turned away. She wondered why she could speak now when she couldn't before.
"Pans, get up," he commanded.
This wasn't a dream. She knew that now. She could hear birds in the background and someone moving slightly. Just as she opened her eyes, the covers were ripped away.
"Holy shit!" he exploded.
Pansy turned around to face him.
Draco was wide-eyed and staring at her. His mouth was hanging open. Even his hand still clutched the sheets.
Glaring at him, Pansy snapped, "What?"
"Y-y-you—you're nuh-na-nuh-na-ked," he stuttered.
She looked down at herself and screamed. Snatching the sheets from his grip, she held them to her body and yelled, "Get out!"
That snapped him out of his trance. Draco did a quick shake of the head and scowled at her. "What are you doing naked? Why don't you have clothes on?"
"I didn't expect a personal wake-up call from you or anyone else for that matter! Now get out of here!" Pansy pointed to the door.
"But—"
Pansy wrenched the sheet from the rest of the covers and got off the bed. "Get out, Draco!"
He looked down at her. "Pans—"
"OUT!" She pushed backwards with one hand. "OUT, OUT, OUT!"
Pansy shoved him out the doorway and into the wall opposite her door.
"JERK!" She slammed the door shut and locked it.
"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU WERE NAKED?" Draco shouted through the door.
"JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" she yelled back. Pansy went into the bathroom and slammed that door shut, too. "Of all the mornings to wake me up, he chooses this one!"
Angrily, she turned on the shower and dropped the sheet on the floor to step in front of the spray of water. Pansy muttered to herself about the stupidness of boys as she took her shower. Then she dried off.
From her closet, Pansy chose a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. She threw on a bra and panties, then her chosen clothes. She put on socks and jammed her feet into sneakers.
She left her bedroom and went to the breakfast parlor. Draco was waiting for her. Cissa wasn't anywhere in sight.
She threw a glare at him and went straight to the food laid out on one of the side tables. After she made her selections, she retired to the main table and sat down.
"Pansy."
She poured herself a glass of juice and began to cut into her eggs.
"Pansy."
She stuffed a forkful of eggs into her mouth and chewed, resolutely ignoring Draco. He was watching her eat and she started to grow conscious about it.
"Pansy."
She took a drink of orange juice and gently put the glass back down.
"Pans."
"What?!" she finally said, looking at him.
"I'm sorry."
"Uh-huh," she scoffed.
Draco sat in the chair across from her and leaned forward. "I'm really, really sorry. I didn't know you were…you know. It's just I wanted us to open our Hogwarts letters together."
She stared down at her plate, not at him. She didn't want to look into his eyes and really see what he was about. Did he mean that?
"Look, I have them right here with me. We can open them now." He sounded so sincere. Pansy still didn't look at him. He sighed heavily. "Pansy, believe me. I would never have gone into your room if I had known."
"You were shaking my shoulder. Didn't it seem weird to you that it was naked?" she retorted.
"The blankets were over your shoulder. I was touching you through that! I barely saw the top of your head."
"Oh." Boy, did that make her feel foolish! She sat back against the backrest. It was her turn to sigh. "Fine. Whatever. Give me my letter."
He gave it to her immediately and opened his. She opened hers slowly, dreading whatever it said inside.
"Shit."
The soft curse pricked her interest. Pansy looked up at Draco. He was staring at his letter so hard that she wanted to check the paper for scorch marks.
"Something wrong?" she asked politely.
He dropped his letter to the floor. She frowned. What was going on?
"Draco?" she prompted.
"I made Head Boy."
He looked so…pensive? Disappointed? Angry?
She didn't know.
Pansy forced a slight laugh. "Isn't that a good thing?"
"Fuck no!" Draco raked his hands over his face and through his hair. "I thought for sure Pothead or another one of those Gryffindors was going to get it. Fuck! I never thought once that I was in the running." He stood up. "What the hell is that old fuck Dumbledore thinking?"
Pansy wisely decided not to say anything.
He glanced at her and the letter she had taken out of the envelope. She didn't open it yet. "Well?" he asked rudely. "What does yours say? Did you get Head Girl?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "First of all, I've just forgiven you. Don't go spoiling that now. Wait until tomorrow. Second, Granger most likely received Head Girl. Not me."
"Fucking Granger," muttered Draco under his breath.
Taking a deep breath, she unfolded it and smoothed it flat on the table. One more deep breath and she read it. When she finished, she took a calm drink of her orange juice.
"Well, what did it say?" Draco pressed.
"I'm not Head Girl if that's what you are asking."
He groaned. "Oh, for the love of magic, please, PLEASE don't let Mudblood Granger get it!" He faced her again. "What else?"
"I'm the seventh year Slytherin prefect. Since you're Head Boy now, who do you suppose is your replacement?" she asked.
Draco only shrugged. "Who cares as long as it is not that bastard Theo Nott."
Pansy focused on his face rather than the anger roiling inside her. Draco's eyes turned steely and his jaw clenched and unclenched. She wondered what Nott did to make him so furious.
On second thought, no, she didn't.
"Pardon me," a shrill, high voice said. Pansy looked to the door at the house-elf. "There is a young lady here wanting to Miss Parkinson."
She felt Draco's gaze brush over her face before answering, "Send her in."
"Yes, Master." The house-elf scurried off to let the young lady in.
Pansy stood up and speculated on who would dare visit her here. There was no one she could think of at the moment.
Millicent Bulstrode walked into the parlor.
She wanted to smack herself for not thinking of Millicent.
"Good morning, Pansy, Draco," said Milli cheerfully.
"Morning, Milli," replied Pansy.
"Bulstrode?" Draco asked. His eyes bugged out as he took in Milli's curvaceous figure in hip-hugging jeans and low cut top.
Milli put a hand on her hip and said, "Yes! Take a picture why don't you! It'll last longer." She looked at Pansy. "Is he always this slow in the morning?"
Smiling, Pansy shook her head. "No. It just seems that today is the day for being witless."
"Yeah? What else did he do?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Pansy said, sure she was blushing.
"Sure," said Milli in a disbelieving tone.
"Why are you here, Bulstrode?" Draco inquired.
"To catch up with Pansy, of course. Oh, and to talk about the ball my parents are giving this Saturday." Milli held up an envelope. "Here's the invitation."
"Thanks." Draco took it and opened it.
Pansy saw Milli motion at her out the corner of her eye. She looked. Milli wiggled her eyebrows at her and then at Draco. She mouthed, What's his deal?
There were so many ways to answer that question, but Pansy only rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"Tell your parents we accept," Draco stated firmly. He looked at them both and sighed. "I'll be in the library, so giggle and talk all you want about me. I don't mind."
Pansy snorted. "You wish."
Draco only smirked at her. "If you see Blaise in the house anywhere, tell him I'm in the library."
Then he was gone.
Milli burst into laughter. "Holy fuck, what is his deal? Seriously, Pansy."
"I don't know."
"And that's so creepy. 'If you see Blaise in the house anywhere'…like I would see him," Milli laughed. She stopped suddenly. "Wait, does Zabini actually run loose in the house here?"
Pansy nodded. "Yeah, he practically lives here."
Milli spotted the letters on the table. "What's this?"
"Hogwarts letter."
"Oh yeah? What did it say?"
"I'm seventh year prefect for Slytherin. I wonder who took Draco's position?" Pansy mused.
"What do you mean? I thought Draco was prefect as well."
"He's Head Boy."
Milli's jaw dropped. "Are you serious? A Slytherin's been made Head Boy? Holy fuck!"
"Yeah, so naturally I'm wondering who's in his old position."
"Aw, am I really only second best to ol' Malfoy?" a new voice asked pitifully.
Whirling around, Pansy spotted Blaise lounging in the doorway. His words slowly clicked into place. "Are you saying…"
He clicked his tongue and jumped fully into the room, arms wide open. "I'm your new partner-in-crime!"
She laughed. "Oh, really, Blaise!"
"What?" he asked distrustfully. "I thought you'd be happy for me."
"Shut up and act your age, Zabini," Milli put in.
Blaise looked at Milli. "Who asked you, Bulstrode?"
"Obviously not you."
"That's right! I didn't ask you…" he trailed off. He glowered at her. "Hey!"
Milli merely lifted her shoulder in response. Blaise huffed and distinctly turned to Pansy. "Where's Draco?"
"In the library, Blaise."
"Okay." He shook his shirt out as he looked one last time at Milli's blank face. "I'll leave you with your rude guest, Pans. Hopefully, she won't stay long."
Ten seconds after he left, Pansy glanced at Milli. Milli looked at her.
"HA HA HA HA HA!" Their laughter broke the silent parlor.
"Oh…ha ha ha…damn!" Pansy gasped out between her giggles.
Milli didn't bother to say anything.
Once their fit of giggles faded, Milli turned to her all business like. "Okay, now that that's out of the way, what are you going to wear Saturday?"
I think this chapter was maybe a little too light, but perhaps the story needed a break right? So, again let me know what you think.
- TG
