Magik

AN: Alphonse's turn! The Hermit is a good card for him, I think – it's a healing card, and it suggests looking inward for self-knowledge.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Fullmetal Alchemist… Ms. Hiromu Arakawa created the series!


IX – The Hermit

Alphonse Elric

"Good night, brother."

"Mmgh… 'night, Al…" Edward's eyes fluttered shut, and his snores soon filled the room. Alphonse Elric smiled inwardly at the sight of his brother's body sprawled across the bed and settled down on the sofa, ignoring the small grumble that left his brother's lips. Edward proceeded to entangle himself in his blankets as he flopped around, and Alphonse cast a glance in his direction to make sure that his brother was all right. Edward's face, however, was free of lines – he was obviously dreaming about something good.

Alphonse didn't like nighttime much. Being so alone… it unsettled him. He was a friendly person by nature, and enjoyed nothing more than being surrounded by friends and family. When night fell, however, and big brother went to sleep… there was no one to distract him from his worries.

Alphonse spent the daytime constantly worrying about others. He usually had to intervene several times a day to prevent his brother from maiming someone, just because of a misinterpreted comment. Granny Pinako hadn't been far off, when she said that Alphonse acted like his parent. They both carried burdens that had aged them far beyond their physical age – and although Edward's burden was just as heavy as his, his big brother still had no problem acting like a complete child at times.

So although Alphonse was afraid of the night, sometimes, he enjoyed it. It gave him time to think about himself, and things that concerned him and him alone.

Surely there was nothing wrong in being selfish sometimes? He knew there were many people who hoped and prayed for the day he would get his body back. He knew his big brother would do everything in his power to set right the mistake they'd both committed. But he couldn't help feeling afraid.

A small breath rattled out of Alphonse's helmet, and he wondered distractedly where the breath was even coming from. How was he able to speak? He didn't have vocal chords, or lungs, or any organs whatsoever. How was he still able to see? It made no sense.

The worrying thoughts about his missing body reminded him of his original thought. What if he never returned to his body?

The question was constantly on his mind. No matter what he was doing, where he was, it pervaded his senses. It was his greatest fear, and he didn't know how to get rid of it.

He'd brought it up a few times with Edward, but his brother had assured him that no such thing would happen. Alphonse wished fiercely for his brother's optimism and stubborn faith.

The night brought out his deepest fears and showed him how ugly his heart truly was. The light behind Alphonse's eye-holes dimmed.

"Al?" Edward had woken up. "Al, what's wrong?"

Alphonse jerked his head upwards and stared at his big brother. "Nothing," he spoke softly, attempting to sound as if he was smiling. "Nothing, brother. Go back to sleep."

Edward frowned and slipped out of bed, causing the blanket to drop to the floor. "What's going on?" he asked softly, settling himself down on the sofa next to his brother. Alphonse avoided eye contact and shook his head.

"Nothing," he repeated, sounding less convincing than before. "It's nothing."

His big brother brushed messy golden bangs out of his eyes and tapped the side of Alphonse's helmet. "That's not fooling me. Tell me what's wrong," he commanded softly.

"I…" Suddenly, Alphonse wanted to be comforted. He opened his mouth to tell his brother everything –

You can't.

Alphonse paused. Edward had so much on his shoulders already… it wasn't fair to add another burden to him. This was his fear, his nightmare – and maybe he needed to deal with it himself.

I can heal myself.

He'd once told Master Sergeant Fuery that he was still a child – that a child wouldn't want to go against the flow of the world, and regain something he'd lost in repentance for a sin.

He still wanted his body back – how badly he wanted it back! – but maybe, just maybe, it was time for him to grow up a little, in a way he hadn't thought of before.

"Go back to sleep, big brother. I'm fine."


AN: This is probably the worst one I've come up with so far… I know it's for Alphonse, but I couldn't resist adding concerned Ed into the mix, too. Their relationship is just so special.

Second time writing Alphonse… don't kill me! -ducks-

709 words.