Author: Yay, finally, an author's note. This chapter is dedicated to Zodiac Eclipsen (and Hanna28), who wants these to be just a tad bit longer. points As I said... just a tad.
Plot Bunny: This story is now going to have a total of fourteen chapters. They are already planned out and will be up soon. But, there will be a sequel, if I get enough reviews. Your ideas will be appreciated.
Believe in Redemption: Lonely For Her
Severus stared into the flames, a bottle of fire whiskey dangling from his fingers. The fire danced in his eyes, betraying a warmth that he certainly did not feel. After all, his warmth had been dead since he was fifteen. That was the year he had fucked up. He had overstepped his boundaries with Lily, calling her a Mudblood. At the time, it seemed the most plausible thing to do. He had suffered enough at their hands. His anger had quickly spun out control. He apologized, but words are never enough. His mother had learned that the hard way with his father.
His lip curled in self-loathing smile as he took another swig from the almost empty bottle. His mother had died believing that. His father, a drunken idiot, had died a year later. His death came from the bottle that he tipped to his lips, laced wit a potion that he himself had made. It was not exactly the killing curse, but Lucius praised him for his first kill.
Lucius, a bitter name on his tongue. He wondered how much would be different if he had not followed the Malfoy blindly for the first part of his life at Hogwarts. For one thing, he might still be friends with Lily. They might have fallen in love, and the Potter brat would have never been. In his place would be their child, a girl perhaps. Lily had always talked of wanting a daughter. He had never admitted that he fancied the idea as well.
The bottle slipped from his fingers, breaking into a thousand tiny pieces at his feet. He was gasping for breath, tears pooling in those charcoal eyes, trying to force their way out. One pale hand came up, gripping his chest, fisting the robes in his hand as he trembled. The wind howled outside, mirroring the anguish inside of him. Even the warmth of the fire and alcohol could not bring life into his cold body.
Only she, the dead woman that he still yearned for, could make him feel alive. He could stand in a crowd of people, people that he considered allies, and sometimes even friends, and he would still be alone. Severus had learned a long time ago, the hard way, that he would only ever be content when he was dead and he could apologize to her. No one, not even the boy with her eyes, could cure the lonely ache that she had left in his heart.
