I don't have a ton to say up here. Just that all currently posted chapters have been Edited. Thank you Meghanna for your hard word despite the sudden laptop death. Meghanna Starsong came to Charleston and visited me it was awesome. I fed her yummy food and chatted for hours, but on the trip her laptop officially bit the dust. So we decided to go ahead a get this out there and when she gets a chance she will save you all from my bad grammar and overuse of certain phrases. The bottom part of the chapter is especial rough because I got stuck there for a very long time. When the block finally lifted it all kind of came out in a jumble... glad they are finally somewhat more organized.
I need to stay away from ebay... it's evil. In the past two weeks I've bought more artbooks, a black Escaflowne figure, and now the actual Japanese copies of the 2 volume shoujo manga version. (I've read translated scans before since I can't read Japanese.)
Broken Promises
Chapter 11- Balance
Hitomi
As beautiful as Asturia is, it's never felt quite like home, unlike Fanelia. It's strange to think that this is the land of my ancestors, or at least some of them. Even on the Schezar estate inland from the crisp blue sea, the air still tastes of salt carried in on the breeze. Different isn't bad, but it makes me miss Fanelia and her King even more.
Love isn't a feeling; it's a commitment for every day, physically and emotionally. It's not at all like a movie romance. This thing we have is difficult. It's not always going to be laughs, smiles, and fun. People tend to quit when things get hard, but that's not how it works. If you want someone who will never give up on you and love unconditionally, then do the same in return. Love someone even when you don't want to, when they aren't the easiest to deal with. That's the time they need you the most, when it's hard to love them. It's what makes everything worthwhile in the end. That's how it's always been between Van and me, even before I understood the depth of our connection.
A connection now restored it seems. It was a surprise, and we were due for a good one after everything else. The first night on the Crusade as I fell asleep to the gentle rocking of the ship on the wind currents, I found myself not in my stark room, but standing on the palace roof back in Fanelia.
The glow of Earth seemed brighter in the sky tonight as it created a play of shadow and light on the dark rooftops below. Silently, I could feel him move to stand behind me, a comforting warmth at my back. Strong arms enfolded me gently, as though I might disappear at the slightest touch.
"I hoped it would work." Van's low voice in my ear sent an excited shiver down my spine. I tried to turn around to face him, but the tall man held me in place. "Please, let me memorize this moment."
Settling back against the solidness of his muscular chest, I closed my eyes, trying to commit the feel and smell of him to my memory more than the slumbering city at our feet. "Do you often sleep on the roof?"
A low chuckle rumbled through our contact. "No, but it was worth it to see this with you." He stepped away, and I felt cold and sad at the loss. Now I turned to watch as he picked up a blanket left abandoned on the ground. Even in the darkness, I could see the warm grin spreading along his full lips. Coming back to me, Van sat on the edge, long legs dangling down as if the drop below wouldn't kill on impact. Then again, I had a greater fear of waking up than falling.
Wordlessly, I followed his lead, sitting near enough to feel the tingling press of skin where our arms touched. He pulled me closer into his side, wrapping the blanket around our shoulders, connecting us farther in a circle of warmth.
We sat there for a while, time moving slowly with the steady beating of our hearts. My head rested on the solidness of his shoulder, his hand on mine squeezing slightly. It reminded me that we had a lifetime of this to look forward, a love that doesn't need smooth words or spoken promises.
After a while longer, Van's voice came out soft and low. "You weren't the only one to leave me today."
A small, sad smile appeared on his lips, and I had to resist kissing it away. "Eva and her guard left so soon?"
"Mostly." He grimaced at the thought of the man who tried to kill him, twice. "A transport arrived this morning with annulment papers."
"I know." I couldn't help but laugh softly at his surprise. "Yesterday she told me, but I didn't understand until I saw the Cesserian ship. Eva said that you were never hers and that you should be the one to tell me."
Van pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "How long should I wait to come get you?"
"As long as the world needs to understand." A frown creased his dark brows, and I wanted to take it back and ask Allen to turn the ship around. Deep down, I knew it wasn't fair. "Anyways, you've never had to woo anyone before. This is our chance to start new, and Van Fanel, I expect you to court me properly. Don't worry! You're off to a good start."
With a low chuckle, Van tilted my chin up, so he could kiss my lips, sparks flying through the light touch.
That is how our relationship progressed, sweet and almost hesitant over the distance. I missed him during the days, but we would talk at night in those wonderful little dreams. Sometimes words didn't even need to pass between us, as just the nearness communicated our feelings. For both our sakes, we kept the relationship chaste, stopping at warm embraces and gentle kisses.
I think Allen knew when Van and I would share our nights together. The lightness of my steps in the morning or wistful smiles I couldn't quite hide gave it away. For his part, the knight didn't say anything, but I could feel his eyes watching me, not in a jealous way but a protective one. I've never had an older sibling before and now I had a brotherly one.
To be honest, the blond-haired man wasn't the strangest new addition to my life; Celena was. Having so little contact with the girl my age in the aftermath of the war, I didn't know what to expect. I would never have guessed this outcome. What I found was a willowy girl with cropped, wavy, pale gold hair and eyes the same crystal blue as Allen's. She greeted me cheerfully, but after a moment, her gaze shifted to the side as if hearing something the rest of us couldn't.
"Well, that's not very nice. She doesn't look worn out to me," the girl muttered to herself before pulling her attention back to me with a winning smile. "Well, we are happy you're here."
As it turns out, Dilandau wasn't entirely gone. Where Celena spent years lost in the deep recesses of his mind, she has somehow made room for him to live on through her eyes. He was no longer a leader, but now a copilot, so to speak. This partner's running commentary meant neither of them would ever have to be alone again. I may never get used to living alongside the destroyer of Fanelia, an uncontrollable captain who sought to capture and kill Van years ago. Now he lives his days happily with the knight's sister, turned guymelif mechanic.
The grease under her blunt nails has a healing effect. As it turns out, the work that would have been below the Dragonslayer now helps keep him calm. When I told this to Van, the King was hesitant. He thought it might be a risk staying under the same roof as the psychotic fighter, but all I've had to deal with are sarcastic comments or Celena's eyes rolling in response.
Even if there was a problem, I would have found a way to handle it without interference. I'm strong enough, because I need to be. After all, one day I'll be a queen. The past isn't something I can afford to be afraid of, and neither is Dilandau.
Though my new family wasn't necessarily normal, it did quickly start feeling like home. Maybe not the one I grew up in, or the one where I plan to make many new memories with Van, but it still comforts and accepts all of me.
Most surprising of all, I was summoned to the castle in Palas shortly after my arrival. I heard very little of Millearna since my return other than she was unable to travel to Fanelia for Van's wedding. When asked if she chose to avoid the festivities because she couldn't support Van's choice, Allen just smiled slyly. He insisted it was a personal matter and I would see soon enough. Of course, my friend's reason to avoid the trip was instantly recognizable the moment I saw the queen's rounded belly.
Before I could react, I was pulled into a warm embrace smelling of gardenia and violet blossoms, or whatever those flowers are called here on Gaia. My mind drifts back to Folken's book, and I think of asking Van to teach me more about it when we have the time together.
"I must be imagining things. My friend Hitomi wouldn't come to visit me last." Her voice is a sing-song taunt in my ear, and suddenly I'm fifteen years old again. This headstrong princess became not only my rival but close friend.
I pull away to glance down at the child growing there. "A strange dream it seems, since there is far more of you this time." I was pleased by her rippling laughter of pleasant surprise.
"I swear this is the last one, but who knows? Dryden has his ways of convincing me otherwise." She grinned widely as one slender hand instinctually rubbed soothing circles on the nearly ready child.
My heart warmed at the love those two shared, despite my meddling so long ago. I'm sure whole novels could be written about all the things I missed while living separately, but if anything, it makes me more grateful for the chance I have now. I can write my own story, one where all my old friends and some new ones can be a part of it.
As It turns out, the two boys, with wavy chestnut hair and bright lavender eyes, immediately accepted me as Aunt Hitomi when their mother introduced me to them as such. Raised on a steady stream of stories of the Girl from the Mystic Moon and the White Dragon, I was grateful that the wild bedtime stories excluded our names. Would I tell my own children those tales of danger, adventure, and love? How long until they became more myth than truth?
That night, I pulled Van into a dream. He could only show me where he was at the moment sleep set in, but I was stronger. I always have been. I chose to meet in a field of blooming wildflowers near Allen's home, though I was securely tucked into my own bed within the brick walls.
All it took was one look at my face and his strong arms were around me, his earthy smell of spring competing with the riot of summer blooms at our bare feet. It was so different from the embrace that I shared with my friend that morning.
"What's wrong?" His smooth tenor was soothing in my ear.
"Why were Millearna's eyes sad when her smile was so happy?" I could feel him sigh, the breath warm on my neck despite the cool night breeze drifting around us.
"She never was quite able to hide her worry as well as she thought." At that, Van pulled me down to sit surrounded by the soft petaled flowers. This had to be something difficult. It was like he felt guilty for telling me something that wasn't really his business. "You've met Millearna's sons, Adrion and Nikko, but she had a daughter, Liana. She would have been around three moons now." He took my hand, neither of us quite sure if this would work. After all, I rarely try to call on my abilities, aside from these dreams.
Not being much of a story teller, the raven-haired man chose to show me instead. Images flowed through my mind like water, filling cracks and coursing quickly into spaces I hadn't even known were there, ones where sadness didn't linger in lavender eyes. Millearna looks so happy with Dryden sitting at her side, and a bump, much smaller than the one currently growing visible under the layered skirts, is there. I recognize the boys, but much younger, their little hands tugging at her dress as they play. I can tell they aren't in Asturia, and I would recognize the Fanelian palace anywhere along with the three people the queen is talking to: Merle, Wren, and Van. This must have been around the time of the Neko couple's wedding three years ago.
They stand, and she follows suit. Only Millearna has two small children at her feet. The golden-haired woman misses a step to avoid a toy or tripping over one of the boys. It's a small thing, one that normally wouldn't matter much, but sudden pain creases her beautiful face. Instantly, Dryden is at her side. She waves his concern away, saying it is nothing but the normal growing pains.
That night she woke in a cold sweat, blood soaking through the pale fabric of her nightgown. You'd think that with all her medical training the signs would have been clear. Then again, if every little thing caused panic, the woman would never get any rest. There's an old saying, "When you hear hoof beats, think horses, not zebras." So, with that in mind, the simple explanations and common problems were what she wanted to believe.
In the thin hours of the morning, a small, weak girl was born far too soon. Maybe Millearna shouldn't have been traveling this late in the pregnancy. It could be that she ignored symptoms as minor, because that's the safe bet most of the time, rationalizing. Two completely normal pregnancies and healthy babies could have made it easy to overlook something key.
The tiny baby survived, but she was never strong like the others. They named her Liana, which is the word for Lily here. Dryden became so wrapped up in the little girl's care he couldn't tear himself away, but Millearna could barely look at the child, internalizing and blaming herself for what happened. So, when a fever took the small infant only months into her short life, the feelings were mixed, equal parts pain and relief.
I didn't want to see anymore. Not their grief. Not Dryden's breakdown or my friend's complete emotional shutdown. It wasn't right to know that she swore never to have any more children or that the couple slept in separate rooms for a while. It took almost a year to let her husband touch her again. Afterward, they both cried together that first time. When Van's engagement announcement arrived, she had just found out she was pregnant again, and both were complete surprises.
Out of caution, she didn't even attend the engagement party a few months later. It was early enough that it shouldn't have been a problem, but caution and past medical history kept her home. Instead, she made sure that Allen gave her a full report upon his return.
That's where the vision ended. Van didn't know what had happened with the golden-haired queen since his wedding. Between Allen's distance and the distraction taking over his own life, it's understandable, but not keeping up with her still made him feel a bit guilty. As Liana was born in Fanelia, he always felt responsible for the sad outcome and her short life.
Coming back to the present, I find I'm laying down surrounded by the gentle tickle of wildflowers and Van's comforting embrace. Also, I'm crying.
With a soft kiss on my forehead, he rolled me away so that my view shifted to gazing up at the star speckled sky. It might have been so I didn't see the fresh glimmer of his own tears, but I didn't mind. Van had just shared a strong, sad moment that I wasn't there for, one that took place after I had already left him and moved on to what I thought was my own happy ending. No one told me before. Was it because it wasn't my business or that they didn't want to burden me?
"Why is it so sad here?" I know there isn't a good answer, but I want one. Somehow, I know before he opens his mouth, he won't tell me lies, even if it would make me feel better.
"It's sad everywhere." Van's voice was stronger than I felt. "It doesn't matter which world you are on. Terrible things happen to good people all the time. Did no one die on your planet? Were there no wars, diseases, or accidents? It only seems more so here, because you see it now. Now you can feel others' pain, Hitomi, and that compassion makes you stronger. Just know even you can't carry everyone's pain."
I turn to look at him, the warmth in his eyes alone calms the argument on my lips. I know how lucky I've been to have my family and friends safe and supported, but I left that all behind. I didn't do it for Van, Merle, or even Millearna. Yes, I want to be there for them too, but this is my choice. It had to be. "Because it's not my problem?"
"No." Van reached out for me, rough fingers softly trailing down my cheeks. They follow the drying trail of my shed tears. "It's one of the things I love about you so much. Hitomi, never stop caring. I've had to learn the hard way that chasing the past leaves very little time to live for the future."
I grasp his hand, twining my fingers through his roughened ones. "You don't have to do any of this alone. Not ever again."
His grip tightened in mine a moment before dragging our clasped hands towards him. He kisses my knuckles tenderly. The electricity is there, moving between us, and I don't want to wake up. Unfortunately, I do to pale morning light and an empty spot in the bed next to me.
The days became a pattern, a repeating rhythm, like a song on a continual loop. You'd think it'd get old after a while, but the more I heard this song, the more I enjoyed it. These sweet moments with Van. Getting to know Celena and her patient acceptance of our strange life dynamic. Spending time with Millearna, as the friend she needs. Surprisingly, I found my place in the library Leon Shezar left behind with Allen going through old texts together.
I've wanted to find where I belong here, not just at Van's side, but where I could make a difference. It's good to have some first-aid skill, though I won't ever be a doctor like Izumi or Millearna. Though being a ruler with Van is part of my future, it's not all of it. There has to be more I can offer than political support. Unlike Van and many of our friends, I wasn't raised in that sort of world.
The things I was taught in school may not all be true here, but enough of the facts carry over with the knowledge already acquired in this world. Allen's given me permission to compile his father's journals and findings to publish a book. Telling the world the truth about Atlantis might help dispel false beliefs. The old adage holds true, "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it." We saw it first hand when Zaibach tried to resurrect the Atlantis Machine. It nearly destroyed this world, just like it did the ancient island country and its population. I never want anyone to have to live through that ever again.
I've had thoughts about asking Van if I could work on Folken's plant studies as my next project, but I don't know if it will be a sensitive subject. During one of my many visits to Millearna, we talked about some of the things I read in Folken's journal. She was both surprised and impressed. The disgraced prince was an intellectual giant, and the little bit of his writing I remembered was beyond what most of her medical texts knew. Funny thing is, it was written somewhere between fifteen and twenty years ago. The depth of his studies could have a lasting positive impact on modern medicine here.
Personally, I'd want to leave out the parts about poisons. Would that be doing a disservice to his memory, to all he had to teach?
That is what I tended to talk to Millearna about: research and medicine. Of course, she wanted the whole story about Van and me from the very beginning. I was determined not to give her a play by play, but who can refuse those big lavender eyes? So, I started from where I accepted a marriage proposal against my better judgment. Not that she knows what a soap opera is, but it was like that level of entertainment for her. I wanted to stop where I arrived in time to see Van marry another woman, one I couldn't bring myself to dislike.
Instead, she ordered more tea, leaning back in her chair, one hand resting on the large still growing stomach. I offered to come back another day but, she wasn't having any of that.
"Oh, no, you can't stop there." My friend threw her arms up in exasperation, as if that could halt a cliffhanger in her favorite show. "It was just getting exciting."
"Millearna!" I wanted to sound annoyed, but that was hard to do while laughing. "So, I yelled at him, and instead of shouting back, Van calmly invited me to stay. What else do you want me to say?"
"That you kissed the stubborn man right on his stupid mouth," she declared colorfully.
"No." I shook my head, trying not to smile. "He pretty much ignored me for a week. Merle wasn't happy he volunteered her to host me, but getting to know Wren and spending time with little Nevah was nice. Then at dinner one-night Van was poisoned."
Dramatically, the queen dropped the small iced cake she was about to eat. It was almost comical, so I continued with the story of how Van knew what it was and though how I nursed him through the night. I breezed through the next week of history until I reached the part where we fought in his study.
"Wait! Slow down!" Millearna shot forward in her chair, her expressive hands trying to punctuate the air with interest. "Did he push you back on the desk, or did you straddle him?"
My cheeks flushed trying not to see her large belly. It further reminded me that I'm talking about sexual situations with my friend who apparently has far more experience than me. "Did you hear that he brought up mistresses and bastards while we were kissing?"
"Yes, he's always been a bit slow. We all know it, just another part of Van's charm." Millearna sighed, trying to speed the story through the less steamy parts. "Then again, you slapped the man, and that's also part of your charm. Hitomi, you may have ran away, but none of that is as shocking as the two of you getting hot and heavy while he's still married to the youngest princess of Cesserio."
I almost choke on my lukewarm tea. Of course, she would focus on that. Despite her protests, I skipped forward to the vision I had of Van's attack and running back to the castle, my last minute save like old times. Though I wasn't a doctor like Millearna, she still nodded her approval as I told of treating Van's wounds. I refused to go into detail of what happened after that, other than Van admitting that he planned to have an annulment.
"So, he never slept with Eva in the two weeks they were together, but you can't tell me nothing happened when you were alone together," she goaded, trying to wheedle out more information. "Come on, you have to give me something."
It might have been the begging, but I gave in. Looking down into my neglected teacup, I couldn't get rid of the embarrassed blush burning. I raised my empty hand, holding up two fingers. "Twice."
The excited squeal of laughter reminded me of the strong-willed teenage princess I once knew. She was now a world-tested queen who'd lived through loss no parent should know, the grief of burying their child. If talking about my sex-life, or current lack of one, distracted her, then I am happy to be embarrassed for a little bit longer. Of course, to my complete humiliation, Millearna asked when I would be as big as her.
Thanks to our reestablished connection, Van and I haven't been keeping any secrets this time around. During one dream where I took us back to that forest campfire after fleeing Asturia, he told me of the lost spaces between our reunion. The trials of the first couple years where he poured his heart into rebuilding Fanelia, and then missing me didn't seem to hurt as bad when he was busy. Putting distance between us was his way of making things easier on us both.
I learned the names of the women before me, and though I wanted to be jealous, I understood their role in his life. There was Elina the Asturian widow, who was more of a mentor. Van became a man too young, and this business-like relationship helped his confidence to grow and catch up. After that, he chose to wait for me, at least until I asked permission to move on without him. Arianne was, in a sense, his rebound. In a way, their physical fling hurt more, because it was my fault in reality.
In turn, I told him about my job, spending time with my family, and, of course, dating Izumi. I used to think I loved the man, but the closer we got, the more I had to shut down my emotions to stay with him. Everyone assumed I was happy with him, so I had to pretend it was true. Still, I was never able to go any farther. It never felt right. Only Van and I could ever have the kind of connection I was always looking for. I even talked about the brief time where I thought I was pregnant from our shared dream.
That surprised Van more than anything. It was, of course, a false alarm, but the reaction I had to it was real. It was then I realized that I did want to have children, but only with Van. That was something he was quite happy to hear. It almost made him break our promise to wait until we could truly be together. Just because I haven't gotten pregnant yet doesn't mean it's not a possibility if we keep messing around.
Life stayed in this steady cycle for a few weeks. I didn't visit the palace every day. Most of the time, I just occupied myself around the manor. Allen was on duty at the palace that morning. Celena and her invisible sibling were out in what used to be a stable. They'd turned it into a workshop filled with machine parts and semi-working melifs. So, I was puttering around the library like usual when something on a top shelf caught my attention.
I moved a wooden ladder used for re-shelving books over and climbed up it. Unfortunately, the last rung was still short of my goal, so with one hand braced against the built-in bookcase, I reached up with the other. My fingers brushed something like stiff paper and pushed it back further out of reach. With a huff, I pushed up on my toes, stretching, just barely grasping the object and pulling it towards me.
Something that felt like an electric shock traveled through me from my outstretched fingertips to the toes I was balancing precariously upon. Flashing images like someone flipping photographs passed quickly just behind my eyes. A shattered teacup. Blood staining white bedsheets. Tiny fingers. Wide, fear-filled lavender eyes.
Millearna was going into labor, maybe right now or in a few hours, but soon. I had to believe she was going to be fine, but she was afraid. I needed to be there, not here flipping through old books that can wait till later. My friend needed me right now.
I nearly leapt from the ladder, the impact traveling up my legs sharply. I didn't pause. I sprinted from the library, the object still in my hand making a whirling sound as I ran, my grandmother's red and white pinwheel spinning in the self-made wind.
The knight had spent much of the funds he acquired through hard work to rebuild the life his father abandoned. Though the manor was fairing well, it's an impossible task to do alone. Allen only has one yorkel, which is already in Palas with him. We aren't far from the city limits, although I can't possibly run it. It doesn't stop me from bursting out into the yard like a wild thing being chased.
My sudden arrival is met with a thud as the workshop's door swings open. Celena appeared, wiping greasy hands on an almost equally dirty rag. It's still strange to me. The image of Dilandau or Celena as anything less than impeccable never crossed my mind before I really had the chance to know them.
"Hitomi, what's wrong?" the girl in control asked, concern lacing her normally calming voice.
"I need to get to the palace." Though I spoke to Celena, my eyes move around rapidly, looking for a means of transportation though I know there are none. Allen has a carriage, but it's useless without an animal. We were also too far outside the city for a hired taxi either.
"Okay, I think I got the Edzgardian armor running, but it doesn't have a flying feature." She brushed the pale golden hair out her face and smeared a dark streak of grease in its place.
"Do you know how to pilot it?" I couldn't help but ask. Hope wants to rise fast inside of me.
Letting out a short laugh, she shrugged. "Not really, but I know someone who does. Just promise not to tell Allen and we can get you into the city."
I say "yes," because I don't have any other option. Celena is no longer standing in front of me. Instead, I look directly into blood red eyes. Shoulders broaden, and a hard, flat chest strains against the previously loose shirt. Silver hair falls where gold was moments before. Fair skin is marred with a deep scar on one side of an androgynously handsome face. The gear grease is still on Dilandau's forehead even though Celena smeared it there.
"It's been a while, hasn't it? This could be fun." The albino warrior smirked, but there wasn't any malice behind it. Years of living as part of kind, sweet, understanding Celena had tempered some of the uncontrollable fire in this man. I don't know if I can trust someone so destructive, but I believe in the girl I've grown to appreciate and understand.
Despite my better judgement, I climbed into the waiting hand of a guymelif. This machine has almost nothing in common with Escaflowne, aside from maybe some of the inner workings. The metal was probably more rust and dents than anything else. It's short, squat body was made of not entirely matching parts. Even inside the cockpit was different, because it wasn't Van. Dilandau had nothing to gain from helping me, except maybe a small amount of time with a body in his control.
Even with the repaired armor's jerky movements, there was a freedom to this. I could close my eyes and picture a different place and time. The city rose up around us. We took back alley pathways, almost too tight for safe passage, and we still started to draw unwanted attention.
With a squeal of old gears, the armor came to a sudden stop. "This is as far as we can take you." Dilandau's voice came out muffled by the slatted metal visor still covering his scarred face. "I trust even you can hire a carriage to go the rest of the way from the market place without getting into trouble."
For a moment, I was tempted to ask the albino if this hunk-of-barely-moving-junk could survive a trip through the canals. Unfortunately, I knew this was a far cry from the past and attempting that maneuver in the middle of the day would only get my unlikely hero in trouble or drown us both, whichever came first.
I thanked both people trapped in that body which defied logic and reason. With a parting comment from Dilandau, which wasn't meant for me, the pilot left. "Well, who's not being nice now?"
He was right though; my track record is a bit iffy when it comes to the adventures I've happened upon. Somehow, the pieces always ended up fitting together, but not always in a way I'd have expected. Regardless, I arrived at the palace without incident. Well, except that they wouldn't let me in.
In all my visits since returning, everywhere has been open to me, as if I belonged from the very beginning. Now, it seems like I am once more the girl that was only tolerated as long as someone with a title spoke up for me. It wasn't a feeling I enjoyed, at all.
"No visitors," the guard stated stonily, or as serious as one can be wearing tights and puffy sleeves. I wanted to snatch the floppy hat off of his and beat him to death with the large pink feather.
"I know." The entire feeling of the castle was different today. Restless or nervous, it was impossible to tell, maybe both. "It's just that I need to be with Millearna right now."
Normally, I would've been more tactful of my use of the queen's first name. Hearing it nearly made the uniformed man flinch, but right now his sensitive values didn't really matter to me. My friend, on the other hand, meant everything. Knowing I couldn't expect to have anyone come to my defense, I did the next best thing. With a defeated look, I turned away. I did so only long enough for the man to believe he'd won, relaxing his guard. With a quick pivot on my left heel, I rocketed forward, ducking around the surprised sentinel with a burst of speed.
A shout went up as I sprinted swiftly down the long, lavishly decorated corridor. I knew this castle almost as well as the very different one in Fanelia. When it came to running through the homes of monarchs, no one seems to have quite the experience I do. The decision to take a different path or turn happened instantly without slowing down for an instant. Then the large doors leading to Millearna's rooms came into view with only one remaining obstacle, and I didn't think Dryden would be much of an issue.
The noise from my approach made the man pause in his worried pacing. The light caught the lenses of his glasses. "Hitomi?" he questioned, shock outweighing the anxiety if only a moment. I guess I was still pretty good at surprising people. "The messenger reached you already?"
Now it was my turn to be startled. I stumble to a stop, and on instinct, the tall man reaches out to steady my last uneven steps. "You sent for me?"
"Of course." He straightened glasses that weren't crooked to hide the way his eyes darted to the closed doors. "Millearna insisted, and I wanted someone to be with her this time."
Despite the differences from three years ago, both of my friends were reliving their sad, shared history. "I'm here now," was all I could say as the tightness in my throat made everything else impossible.
It was then that the guards caught up, and Dryden once more became his old, charismatic self. He assured them that I had been summoned, but that their dedication was admirable. He was still soothing egos when I slipped through the doors. As they closed, it seemed as if I had stepped into another world, one of shadows and stifling heat.
The first thing I did was start to open windows, letting in bright midmorning light and cool sea breezes. Instantly, a stern-faced woman intercepted me. "Stop that! You're inviting evil spirits."
"No, you're breeding bacteria and infection with your silly superstitions." My words were like a slap to the face. The insult to her beliefs might have been worse if the queen hadn't started laughing.
Millearna's golden hair was pulled back from her abnormally pale face. If she went into labor when I had the vision, and it took about an hour to get here, then we might be in for a very long day. Then again, she isn't a first-time mother; her body knows how to do this. It's just her mind that is afraid.
"I'm here," I say as I move to her side. I'm not going to take over as her midwife. I don't have the experience. As a friend though, I can definitely do that. I helped time her contractions, soothed hair back from her sweaty face, distracted her from the pain with stories, and kept Dryden updated.
As the day turned into night, things progressed smoothly or as much as I could tell. Eventually, it came time for her to push, and that's where we ran into an issue. My brave, intelligent friend was no longer fearless. Life had worn away at her slowly until new was terrifying.
"I can't," she cried, face drawn with exhaustion, refusing to do any more. She was scared that history would repeat, and she would lose another child tragically.
The midwife pulled me aside. "You have to make her push."
Somehow, I became the one in-charge here, and I honestly had no idea what to do next. She's right though. Millearna was getting tired and losing too much blood. Even so, I can't quite figure out how to convince her everything will be alright when I have no idea myself. I wish the vision had shown me more. All I really knew is that my friend was going into labor and I needed to be here.
Maybe I could make myself see more. I know I could have done if I had the pendant, but I don't want to rely on it or ask Van for something that is part of his heritage. It's also part of my history, but I've been able to have visions without it. They were small glimpses on Earth of memories, shared dreams between worlds, and the few larger visions that came in times of need.
I took Millearna's hot, almost feverish hand, and though the image was quick, gone in an instant, I knew what I had to do. Crouching down so that my face was almost level with hers, I waited for the current contraction to pass. I looked directly into my friend's scared eyes. I had one chance to get her to believe me.
You see, I've read all the baby books I could, and there are a ton of them. Yukari may have been the only one actually having children, but she was a bit of a hypochondriac. Every time she had heartburn, she worried the baby was in distress. So, I read the books and eased her fears, keeping her calm. Being rational was pretty much my job then as it is now.
I studied the problems and complications, so I could convince Yukari that it wasn't happening. Now, I had to do the opposite. The cord was wrapped around this poor child's neck. It's not dangerous yet. However, the longer the child moves around, the tighter it will become. The longer this takes, the more distressed the child will become. Without modern monitors, I could only guess that it wasn't already compromising heart rate and other vitals. I trust that this seasoned midwife will take care of her patient. It's my turn to see to mine.
"Listen to me, Millearna. your baby is in danger, and she needs you right now. She needs you to push. The longer you resist, the more distressed and dangerous it will become for her." She realizes I just told her this was another girl, maybe her last shot at having a daughter. "Please trust us. Seeing you both safe is the only thing that matters right now."
"I can't, Hitomi. What if I hurt her again?" Her voice trembled with fear and exhaustion. My friend had been at this around fourteen hours, and the last one or two she's been fighting her body's need to end it.
"It's okay to be afraid," I soothed, gently pressing a damp cloth to her brow. "Were you scared when Allen was injured protecting me?"
Her eyes went wide, and the question was on her lips why I was bringing up old history at a time like this. I pushed on quickly. "When my heart stopped in Freid, were you scared when you talked Van through the steps to save me? While Van bled from magical, unexplainable wounds after Escaflowne was damaged? I know you were at a loss, but it didn't stop you. None of it did. You always remained calm and found a way to help. I don't think anyone of us would have lived through the war if it hadn't been for your quick actions and cool thinking. So, now it's my turn to look out for you. Please, Millearna, just trust me."
Throughout my speech, she had another one or two contractions. As I talked, she seemed to fight them a little less. I took one of her hands in mine and gripped it firmly. "Good. Now that is out of the way. I need a big push at the next contraction."
She nodded with a wane smile, giving my hand a return squeeze. Doing as instructed for the first time all night, Millearna pushed. It took a few tries, but her task was soon completed. Tense silence briefly filled the room as the midwife removed the cord from around the infant's neck. Face wrinkled in concentration, the woman rubbed the tiny being's chest and back swiftly. Then a sharp cry filled the room, and we all breathed again.
"Hitomi, can you bring her to me?" my friend asked, her voice breaking with emotion.
With a grin I couldn't hide, I almost floated to the midwife in relief. The woman finished tucking a blanket around the still sticky, new princess. She regarded me with something that looked like a mixture of awe and respect in her knowledgeable eyes. The words didn't need to be said; they were clear enough. I had just saved two precious lives tonight. Any more of a delay and it would have been too late for the baby. It went without saying that losing another child would have destroyed the queen.
Yukari always said that newborn babies all look like angry, red potatoes, and in a way, she wasn't wrong. Wrinkled and crying, infants don't come out looking like they do in movies. Those children are often several months old, round cheeks and chubby limbs come in gradually. They aren't born looking quite like that. Though I have only seen a few newborns, I still admit that this little one doesn't have the same lumpy, ruddy features of my other friend's infants.
I handed Millearna a healthy bundle with pale, clear skin and a perfect rosebud mouth already looking for her first meal. A new, indescribable emotion welled in my chest, wondering what it would be like for someone to had me a baby of my own one day. Leaving my friend with her little girl, I went for the door.
Dryden waited outside all this time. Someone had thought to bring the poor man a chair. He started at the sight of me. Before he could ask, I already had the update ready. "They are both doing well."
He thanked me, and as soon as the midwife declared Millearna decent, he went straight for his wife. It felt like imposing on a personal moment. Listening to him telling my friend how amazing she is, after all is a time between just them. As I turned to go find a way back home, they called out to me.
"Hitomi, wait." Millearna's voice once, more calm and strong, carried to me. I returned to my friend's side, Dryden now holding his beautiful daughter.
The man spoke without taking his eyes from the tiny girl in his arms. "It's late. You should stay here tonight. I'll have a message sent to Allen."
"Thank you." I meant it, feeling the exhaustion of the day creeping into my bones.
"One more thing." Millearna drew my attention back to her. "I wanted to tell you her name before you go. Dryden and I both agreed on Marlene Hitomi Fassa di Aston, and we'd like you to be her godmother."
I felt warm, honored, to be included in their life in such a personal way. Sometimes, I forget the impact I have here, as Gaia is now and forever more my home.
To be continued…
A/N
JEEZUS it took me forever to get unstuck when Millearna was too afraid to push. Hitomi's speech finally came to me at like 3am one night. You have to admit that Millearna was both terrified and fearless in the series. So many times the situation was dire and called on her using her knowledge instead of emotions.
Another note- The full name… I really wanted to name the baby Marlene Hitomi, but couldn't decided to have her last name as Aston since it's the royal name or Fassa because of the masculine line. I gave a chance to do both. The last name is Fassa and di means of in Italian, so she is technically Marlene Hitomi Fassa, of Aston/Asturia. What do you think too much? Just make her one or the other? This way is kind of growing on me since it kind of gives a feel more like Van and Folken's de Fanel, since they were of the royal line of Fanelia.
Last note, This chapter ended up really long, so I thought to remove the bit of her wanting to write Folken's herbology book, that can always be removed in final editing, but I liked talking about it here because it lead to her medical talks with Millearna, and you reviewers were really interested in what Hitomi would find as her passion or specialty here on Gaia. After all she is now just going to teach on a larger scale. Some people might think she could use her powers to diagnose illness or injury, but thats not Hitomi's calling. She only uses those powers when in need and generally for those closest to her. The full extent of her abilities are still something she doesn't understand, nor does she want them to define her.
Can't wait to here what you think. Again I apologize for the delay.
