Xander paced the kitchen talking on his cell phone. "I appreciate the offer. I'm not saying no to the council at this juncture but I am saying I don't know what is next for my life and I want to weigh all my options." As the phone call ended Xander crossed the room to the table and picked up a yellow notebook.
The notebook had in big letters "What I want to do next?" On each line was one of Xander's options or choices. Some of the choices were obvious. He could always go back to working construction or maybe even go to college. Then there were things that were more like dreams open a store selling my home made furniture.
As he ended the phone call he had another option to write on the list. He quickly scribbled down. "Join The Watchers Council" As he wrote it down he heard movement upstairs. He looked at the clock and saw it was 4 pm.
The last week Spike and Buffy had gone out every night. Some nights they would go out looking for vampires or demons to kill. Even on those nights they ended up celebrating at the bar in a fury of booze and sweat.
Most nights they'd wander in just before sunrise and screw till one of them passed out. Then when they woke up it was like a giant reset button. Start the whole cycle over for the day.
In the last 5 days Xander had only seen Buffy 3 times. Rather then get wrapped up in the pain and worry that he felt towards her he turned his focus to leaving. He called anyone he knew with any connection and seen if there was a position available.
One thing Buffy was right about was he did have options and possibilities. He started picking up around the house throwing the empty beer bottles in the trash. He heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see Spike coming down in his black leather pants and no shirt. The weather made today vampire friendly.
Spike saw Xander cleaning and wanted to talk with him. "Xander you got a minute."
"Actually Spike I kind of have to get some stuff done. I'm just picking up and then. "
"Oh come on Harris. I've been here a week. Trust me I don't want to talk to you either but you think we can dance around this awkward silence forever."
"No just hoping."
"Just listen all right." Xander dropped the beer bottles in to trash can and turned back to him.
"What do you want Spike?"
"I know you and I haven't always gotten along but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate and respect what you've done."
"Is that it Spike?"
"No." He looked at him. "I can tell why you are mad. What this is really all about?"
"Right cause with your vampire super powers you know everything."
"You are pissed off cause you were thinking that with everyone gone maybe it would be your turn. Maybe you could finally be the one who Buffy loves. Then I show up and I throw a monkey wrench in to your happy ending."
"You are such an incredible ass Spike."
"Oh come off it. You think I'm stupid. You think I couldn't read the look in your eyes the moment I walked in. It is obvious." Xander turned his back to walk away.
"I'm not doing this. Buffy may choose to put up with you but that doesn't mean I have to." He started to walk away but Spike put his hand on his shoulder stopping him.
"You are staying and we are going to talk this out. We owe this to her." Xander turned his head not liking the intrusive hand on his shoulder.
"Get your hands off me right NOW." Spike glared at him.
"What you going to do if I don't?" All the rage that had been building in him for the last week had come to a hilt and he had enough. He spun around punching Spike with everything he had connecting square in his jaw. Spike was knocked back a step or two.
He had a look of shock and surprise on his face. "So this is how you want to do it?" Spike put his fist up ready to fight. "Okay but just remember you chose this. No crying to your little Scooby friends about me handing you your ass. With that he delivered a punch to Xander sending him against the wall.
Xander touched his nose and felt the first trickle of blood. With that it was on. He flew at Spike in a rage of anger. Spike came back at him in what could only be described as a good old-fashioned school yard fight.
Xander grabbed one of the empty glasses from the table and smashed it against Spikes head and Spike charged at Xander spearing him through the screen door with both of them crashing on the front lawn.
The days rain didn't do much for softening the ground. As they fell vampire or not it hurt.. The clothes they were wearing were most likely ruined with all the mud they were now wearing.
Spike held his side in the grass and Xander felt his knee pop out of place. The two laid in pain and exhaustion to tired to move. The rain just kept pouring down on both of them.
"Harris why are you so bloody stubborn?" Xander groaned in pain.
"It's not about me Spike."
"Then you tell me. What is it about?"
Xander pulled himself up to a sitting position holding his knee groaning as he quickly popped it back in his socket. "It's about what is best for Buffy."
Spike pulled himself up against the house leaning. "And you are what's best for Buffy?"
"No. I'm not. I said this isn't about me. It's about."
"About?" Xander sighed saying the thing that he knew Spike wouldn't want to hear. It would be painful and mean but it was the truth.
"Buffy can't move forward in her life if she is trying to find the past."
"I am trying to make her feel like she belongs. Like the world still has a place for her."
Xander believed Spike's motives but didn't agree with them. "I want the best for Buffy. I want her to have all the things she deserves. She's at a place now Spike where she doesn't have to slay or be in danger every day of her life. So when she woke up I hoped she would find something that would make her happy. Something that isn't consumed in darkness."
"She's the slayer Xander that darkness is part of who she is. It's not something she can walk away from."
"Do you really believe that Spike? You think if Buffy never slayed another vampire she'd feel out of place. Do you really think so little of her that you can say she could never adjust to the world with out that darkness?"
Spike opened his mouth ready to object but he had to admit he wondered now. Long time ago he told Riley that a girl like Buffy needs the darkness. She craves it. Maybe that was just his way of justifying what he wanted. He shook his head and looked at Xander "I don't know."
"Just think about what is right for her." With that he turned walking to the barn.
"Xander wait" He ran catching up to him "How come you never told Buffy about." He cleared his throat trying to find the right way tot say it. "You never told Buffy about me wanting to sire her."
"Should I have?"
"It would have changed things. I mean she'd have been pissed and probably sent me packing the first night."
"She might have."
"So?"
"So what?"
"So are you going to tell her?"
"No Spike. Your secret is safe with me. You have my word."
Spike shook his head feeling conflicted. A part of him was relieved and a part of him was angry. For as powerful and strong as he might have been he always lived in the dark. He was the Big Bad and Xander was the white Knight. Even now he wouldn't lower himself to stoop to sleazy tactics to win the day.
"Always have to be the Good Guy don't you Harris" Xander looked at him confused.
"What the hell do you want from me?" Spike sighed shaking his head realizing this was about him and not Xander.
"Hell if I know." He sighed and just walked away.
Spike limped back in to the house slightly hurt. The nice thing about vampire healing was in a couple hours his broken ribs would be good as new. He limped to the washer and dryer pulling out a clean change of clothes.
As much as he hated Xander he couldn't question his ability to always do the right thing. He could be counted on for it. It was a dependability he wished for himself at times. Buffy came down the steps a few minutes later. She was wearing an oversized bathrobe. She yawned and covered her mouth.
"God I need coffee" She looked at Spike seeing the mud. "Mud Demon?"
He didn't want to give the whole story. "Went outside for a smoke and slipped." She could tell something was off with him.
"Everything okay. You seem quiet?"
"Just tired I guess." Buffy smiled seeing the coffee Xander made and poured a cup. She sat across from Spike ready to discuss the battle plan for tonight.
"So I say we check out the cemetery a town over. I figure it's close to the city and more likely to have a vamp or two." She rolled her eyes "Not like that one last night. God 4 hours patrolling for nothing."
"Well it's not Sunnydale."
"Most certainly not."
He looked at Buffy and wondered. "Less vampires in the world. I thought you would be for that."
Buffy sat down at the table across from Spike. She sipped her coffee. "Well less is good and all but I want just enough to keep me busy." She smiled at him flirting "And maybe a particular vampire I like to keep around for extra curricular activities."
He couldn't help but smile at her. "Okay we will find some big nasties tonight I promise."
Suddenly Buffy's phone rang out and she picked it up still struggling a little but managed to answer it by the 3rd ring. "Hello."
"Hey Buffy." Buffy knew the voice of her sister well enough she didn't have to ask who it was.
"Dawnie"
"The kids have been asking about you all week. I've never seen them this excited."
"Excited?"
"You are still coming right. You told them before we left you would come visit this weekend."
"Sure I'll be there."
"I'm sure if you asked him Xander would be willing to drive. The kids would love to see both of you."
"Yeah Dawn I'll talk to him about it."
"Great. Well I'll get the rooms ready. I love you Buffy."
"Love you to Dawn." She hung up the phone and tossed aside both the phone and conversation. Spike piped in questioning.
"Little sister."
"Yep. She wants me to come visit for the weekend."
"Should be fun." Buffy sipped the coffee and shrugged.
"Sure. I guess."
"Well don't sound too enthused."
"Dawn will be there but for now I want to focus on some undead fun."
"Well I'm going to change and get a shower. We can talk battle plan in a bit."
In the barn Xander was cleaning up. Most of the mud ended up on his clothes and he had a change in the barn.
His phone could be heard ringing in the muddy pants pocket. He picked them up gingerly trying to avoid getting any of the mud on his clean clothes. He fished the phone out and answered on the last ring.
"Hello." Willow's all to familiar voice answered the other side of the phone.
"Hey I got your message you wanted to talk to me."
Xander let go of a long deep breath. "So as you know I have this huge question mark about my future. I don't know what comes next."
"You didn't talk to Buffy about staying?"
"In theory it was a good idea but."
"But?"
"Spike showed up. Just like that the contest is over."
"Maybe it doesn't have to be. Maybe if you told her."
"Willow stop. I didn't call for advice I need a favor."
"Anything."
"Well I'm in this place where I need to figure out what is next and I'm kind of needing a place to crash till I figure."
"Looking for a place to crash?"
"Pretty much the long and short of it."
"Of course you can stay. As long as you need."
"You are the best Will."
"So do you have any ideas on what it is you want to do next?"
"To be honest I'm kind of clueless. I guess I have options."
"What's the problem?"
"I'm not really passionate about any of them. I could do them and I probably would be good but it's nothing that excites me."
"What does excite you?"
"I don't know." He sighed looking to change the subject. "So I will probably arrive at your place Monday."
"Wow that soon?"
"I figure why waste time."
"I'll have the guest room ready."
"You are the best." With that he hung up the phone. He walked to the barn door standing inside to avoid the rain. One question kept going through his head. He told Willow he didn't' know what he was passionate about. That was a bit of a lie.
There was one thing he was passionate about. It was the same thing he had always been passionate about. It had been 20 years and nothing had changed. It would never change. The only problem was Buffy would never want him.
