A/N: Hi guys! Back with another chapter here! So guess what? I got my scores back!! From that competition I told ya'll 'bout! So, I got a 1,2,3, and 4 (weird right?) One is the best possible score you can get, while 6 is the worst. So basically I have an awesome score and a not so much one. But I MIGHT STILL MAKE IT TO STATE! AH!! I'M HYPER NOW!
Um... review replies: (skip if ya didn't review) hehe, 10 reviews for chapter 10. I find that funny...ahem...
xxFireWarriorxx: yeah, but I don't ever think I'll write up a character that cuts. I think it's too sick. Anyway, thank you so much! All I'm waiting for now is my last score which (cough) managed to get misplaced so I don't know if I made it to state, but I'll keep you updated! and i know the end of the last chapter was in fragments but it just seemed to fit...
Dominosowner: No I agree, Rai should just punch him (maybe he will... only I know... oh wait, no, not even I know...) lol, your right, Rai is really messed up, maybe he does need counseling. lol.
miniku: I gave Rai a virtual hug from you. he said thanks for the comfort!
Raimundoroks: lol, true. thanks!
tennisgurl13: lol, I know that what I was thinking. And thanks! My voice is all better now, and just in time! I have a performance in one week that I'm singing in and it would be kinda a drag if I couldn't SING! yeah lol. And the competition is called Power of The Pen. It's a writing competition for 7th and 8th graders (aka me! an 8th grader lol)
wicca in training: lol, thank you! now I can give you idea's. let me just ask first, what are your morals on using little kids as weapons...
windXSchick: Glad I made you happy! And it is tragic isn't it? hm, never heard it described as that before. interesting, but true! Thanks again!
raikim19-4-ever: hey! You got a user name! congrats! And thanks!
XxX CaSsAnDrA XxX: APPLE PIE IS DE BEST IN DE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! (and thanks lol)
aroura528: thanks and I also feel bad for him. I'm very mean to him grins guiltily
A/N: If you guys realized I'm trying to make the replies a drop shorter so I can get to the chapter faster. Anyway, 100th reviewer gets a cyber cookie and hug from me!! PLEASE REVIEW FOR ME! lol, I sound desperate. That aint good. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!
(Sorry it's short, it's just a filler chapter!)
Disclaimer: Forget it all! If I owned it I would NOT BE HERE! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEADS!! WHY MUST I WROTE THIS STUPID THING!! IT'S DUMB!! ...ahem... on with the story!
Chapter 11
"They're lying Raimundo. They're lying, they're all lying…"
"Shut up!" I yelled. The black clothed man just chuckled.
"They're always lying to you Raimundo. They don't want you. They think you are nothing. You are nothing at all. They're lying. They all hate you. No one wants you. They're lying…"
"Please," I choked out a sob, "please stop it!"
"They are going to keep lying to you Raimundo. Forever. They're lying. They all hate you. They don't want you around. You're a nuisance, a bother. No one loves you. They're all lying…"
"No… no, they do love me. They want me. Stop it!" I was trying to calm myself but it wasn't working.
"They all hate you. You're worthless. You're nothing to them. Why would they love a nothing like you? You're pathetic. Not even your own father wanted you. He sold you as a slave. Everyone hates you. No one cared for a pitiful being like you."
"I said STOP IT!" I screamed. Wind swirled around me, knocking the man at least ten feet back. He landed on his feet and skidded to a stop. The black garbed man walked back towards me, where I sat on my knees trying to regain my breath.
"You're getting stronger." He said softly.
"Please." I whispered, "please stop this. When will you stop? Make it stop. Please…"
"I'll stop when you belong to me."
I woke up drenched in a cold sweat. The dreams kept getting worse and worse. He whispers his lies and falsehoods to me and I had no choice but to listen to him every night. I tried everything to keep him out of my mind, but every night he was there, ready to start whispering.
When would it stop? When could I finally get a good nights rest without having to worry about if I would see him in my dreams? My dreams used to be a sanctuary from the world, but now they were just another reminder of all the pain in my life. I just wanted it all to stop.
Looking around, I realized how early it was and sank back into my pillow. Depressed that I would be unable to use chores as an excuse to get my mind of Kimiko, I rubbed my medallion furiously, hoping to numb some pain. Even a small bit. Unfortunately, the medallion just brought up bad memories now a days. But I wouldn't get rid of it, I'd never get rid of it; it had much too sentimental value for me to simply dispose of. It's all I have left of my mother.
"Rai?" Someone next to me stirred and I turned over to see Sari rubbing her eyes sleepily.
"Go back to bed." I whispered. She blinked a few times, looking a little more awake.
"Are you okay?" Sari questioned. I nodded unconvincingly. She raised an eyebrow skeptically.
"Just go back to sleep." I commanded.
"Mm." She complied, rolling onto her side and closing her eyes again. Truth was, I wasn't okay, but there was no need to take it out on Sari. My life was far too confusing and I wasn't ready to push all my problems onto someone else. No, I would deal with it myself, even though it was killing me on the inside.
Sunrise wasn't for another hour at least, so I got up quietly and tiptoed through the room. Pushing open the door to the bathroom, I closed it behind me silently, making sure that the door hinges didn't creak. The bathroom was simple. Just a wash basin, a towel, and a mirror.
As I peered into the mirror, I found myself looking at a boy I never met. Tired sunken green eyes, messy brown hair, and pale pasty skin. What had happened to the boy who had once stood in his place? The one with happy spirited forest green eyes, lovely shinning brown hair, and a healthy tan olive complexion? Where'd he go?
Or a better question, when had he left?
Perhaps he was never there to begin with. It certainly felt that way. Had I always been in this manner? Afraid of people with a high status then me, devoid of all emotions but hate, just an empty shell of my former self.
Was I ever truly happy, or was all happiness just a fantasy of the mind?
Will I ever really return to who I used to be? Or was I forever scarred to be like this, scared, ashamed, and filled with hate?
I didn't want to be like this forever.
I wanted to be happy. I wanted to feel joy, delight, and pleasure. I wanted to smile for no reason and give out hugs just because I could. I wanted to feel exhilaration and excitement. As if I was flying but still on the ground. I wanted to feel satisfaction and comfort in a deed well done, and I want to do it just because I chose to.
I wanted to feel love.
Would I ever get to feel those? Would I get the chance to feel as a normal person feels? Not only hate and pain, but love and joy?
Would I ever get to be a normal boy?
Only time will tell, but waiting for time stinks. It seems like we wait for something for eternity, and when it finally happen, it goes by so fast. We're always looking forwards to something, whether it is in the next week or the next year.
And then it happens and it feels like though you waited forever for that exact moment, it just went by in the blink of an eye. Nobody appreciates the time they have; they just run to the next thing in life until they're old and ready to die and they realize how dumb they had been to let it all fly past.
I didn't want to be waiting my whole life. I wouldn't wait my whole life. Actions have always spoken louder then words so let my actions be my speech and declarations of freedom. I don't know how much time I have left. Every day my mind is poisoned with more and more lies.
Maybe I'll die years from now, maybe I'll die tomorrow. Hey, maybe I'll die on Kimiko's wedding day from a broken heart. That would be ironic…
But nobody can be sure of when they'll die.
And though I might not be able to chose when I die, but there is one thing I'm absolutely sure of. The Reaper won't take me without a fight.
And then at that second, staring into the mirror, I decided to make sure of one thing.
That it'll be the fight of my life.
Because I'm done questioning everything. Ya hear that universe? Throw whatever you got at me because now I'm ready to throw it right back at you! You never held back before!
And now I'm ready.
If I'm going down, I'm going down with a fight.
And I don't mean a simple tussle; I mean an all out war.
Get ready, because I'm done speaking, I'm done asking questions, I'm done hating everything. I am so sick of it all. Of all the lies and pain and betrayal. I'm sick of being forced to do things I don't want to do, I'm sick of having my heart ripped into a million pieces. I'm sick of the fake smiles and comforting words that you don't mean.
I'm sick of being afraid.
I'm sick of everything.
And now I finally have a way to throw it back at you. I won't just take it in silence anymore.
So yeah, I admit, death and pain may be inevitable.
But If I have to go down I'm taking everything I got down with me.
Get ready world, 'cause it's going to be one hell of a fight.
Since I'm no way ready to let go just yet. Not ready to let go of the chance of happiness and love.
And even if I lose myself in the process, at least I tried. Which is more then some people can claim. Sometimes, you just have to try. Life is confusing and it requires you to take some risks.
And the last question I ever ask is, am I ready to take those risks?
Well, if I was ready to fight for all it's worth, then I was ready to risk.
So, hello world, say hi to the new and improved Raimundo.
This one's not ready to give up just yet.
Not by a long shot.
A/N: Yey! I gave Rai a chapter where he isn't depressed the whole time! He gained some confidence! Good for him! (once again, sorry for the shortness, this is just a filler. An important filler, but still a filler)
Hmm, some reason I don't think this is my best work... I don't think it's bad, just slightly confusing... hmm... It may be because I wasn't really sure where I was going with this. It kinda wrote itself...
Anyway guys, I know I'm breaking what I have always gone by but I need 2 reviews to continue, not just 1. But it's only 2 measly reviews! I beg of you!
It's very simple really, push that small purple button ya see! Thank you if ya do! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!
