Chapter 11: Runner

We slept through the night tangled up together. I held onto him as tightly as he did me. I didn't sleep deeply, always waking up to snuggle closer into his chest. I smelled him, kissed him, and watched him, now able to savor every inch. I woke up first, and was doing all of that when his eyes finally opened.

He smiled immediately and kissed my head. I wanted him more than ever. I needed him one last time. I made that known when my hand went to his boxers. Edward responded quickly.

"I want this forever," I whispered. He touched my lips with his index finger, but didn't reply. It worried me, but I pushed it away.

We made love slowly. It was emotionally painful for me. When did I become such a masochist? He kissed every inch of my body and laid on my chest. I rubbed his hair, and let one tear fall from my eye. I knew from the beginning that things may not be right between us. I knew the stakes, I knew what could be lost, so I wasn't very surprised. Looking back, I wouldn't have changed anything. The time I've had him, was worth it all.

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I really wished I could call Penny. I needed that refresh on life again. But more so, I needed my answers from Edward. If this was the end, I would move on. I would be fine after a while. At least, that's what I was telling myself as we fixed fences all morning. Each tool I handed him, he made sure his fingers grazed mine. When he moved past me, our bodies touched for just a second, but for long enough. We were quiet today, but I wasn't going to complain. I knew the talking would come soon enough.

I was beginning to grow more curious about Krystal, too. Edward kept his eyes on me a lot as we were riding back towards his home. I would catch him every now and then and he would smile softly. When I thought of Alice, I remembered time. It wasn't my friend here. I thought about what she would have to say about all of this which would be much different than Penny's perspective. Both of them equally helpful, and since I didn't have either of them on hand, I played it out in my head, hoping for wisdom.

Penny would be understanding. She would tell me that Edward has his reasons, his own pain, and that I should be open to listening instead of getting angry. She would say that people make mistakes in life, and sometimes they need help fixing those mistakes.

Alice on the other hand, would be furious. She would have me leave as soon as we got back to Cullen Stables if not sooner. I sighed. Edward noticed, looking to me with raised eyebrows. I came up with a random question.

"Ever thought about having kids?" I immediately regretted choosing that one.

"Hmm," Edward pondered. "I mean, yeah, of course. I'm always afraid of becoming my father in too many ways, though, but I do want kids. At least a kid. Do you?"

"I can't really have kids," I whispered. Edward's eyes widened. Our horses walked side by side easily. I stared straight ahead. "Five years ago I had to have one of my ovaries removed from a ruptured cyst, and then I was diagnosed with endometriosis." Edward was watching me, but I couldn't look at him.

"I didn't really want to bring it up, but it's just something else you didn't know that happened in our separation period," I finished in a whisper.

He was quiet, and that started to bother me.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he finally said.

I shrugged.

"I've come to terms with it as much as I can."

"I mean about everything." He sighed heavily. "How different things would have been if I had just stuck with school."

"School wasn't for you, Edward. It happens."

"Even so, it really fucked things up."

Everything that I was dying to know started to bubble out of me like lava.

"When did you come here?"

"It's been five years."

"How did you meet Krystal?"

"Through mutual people."

"What's she like?"

"She's...interesting," he said easily.

"Do you love her?"

Edward sighed.

"Are we playing twenty questions?"

"If that's what it takes to get it out of you," I snapped.

"Why are you so anxious to know the little details?"

"I was unaware that love was a little detail. Edward, this isn't me. I don't like who I'm becoming. I feel so attached to you, but I'm not going to sit around while you have a sort of wife, and me on the side."

"Bella, what do you want from me?" He asked annoyed. I was about to tell him that I wanted whatever he would give me, but anger and sanity took over instead. I looked out ahead of us and saw that night was coming.

"I want everything," I said simply. "I want the truth. I want whatever it is you're hiding."

"I can't give you that."

"Why?" I yelled. "What are you so afraid of?"

He didn't look at me, or reply. I groaned in anger, dug my heels into my horse, and slapped the reins. She took off beneath me and we were galloping into the dark. I heard Edward call my name, but I didn't look back. Tears were running down my face until the wind caught them. Then, Edward was at my side.

"Stop," he yelled. I didn't listen. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving," I shouted.

He sped up until he was well ahead of me and turned, stopping his horse in front of mine. I pulled back on the reins and came to a halt. We were breathing heavily, staring at one another. I really did feel like I was a cowgirl of some sorts. I pictured us in a western film at a stand off. I wished I had a revolver.

Edward got off his horse abruptly, came over to me, and ripped the reins from my hands.

"We're making camp. Get off," he ordered.

"No," I snapped. He rolled his eyes and put a hand on my leg, pulling. I huffed and dismounted.

"What were you thinking?" He asked.

"I want to go."

He threw an arm towards the sky. "Into that?" He asked. "It's going to storm, and it's dark. We're making camp."

"Whatever," I replied. I ripped the blankets from my horse and started to lay them out off in the distance. None of my thoughts were making sense since they were clouded with anger. I didn't want to see him, speak to him, or even hear him.

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An hour later, Edward had a tent set up and a fire going. He cooked hotdogs and green beans. He was two beers deep when he brought me a plate. I took it, ate it, then laid down in silence. Thunder began to rumble above us. I heard Edward unzip the tent.

"Bella, come on."

"No."

"Let's go. It's gonna rain and there'll be lightening."

"Leave me alone!"

I was being petty, but I didn't care. I never felt so strongly about wanting to be away from someone before. He mumbled obscenities under his breath. Suddenly, I was off the ground and in his arms in my sleeping bag.

"Stop!" I yelled. Edward held me tighter as I thrashed around. We got in the tent and he dropped me.

"Why are you so fucking stubborn?"

"Why are you an asshole?" I retorted.

Edward rolled his eyes and turned on the lantern that hung in the center at the top of the tent. He lit a cigarette which reminded me to do the same. I laid down and looked up. The ceiling of the tent had mesh air pockets to release smoke. I smoked quickly.

"I'm no good, Bella. No good for you."

"That's not for you to decide."

"I've done a lot of bad things."

"I don't care what you've done," I said simply, still not looking to him.

"You will," he said darkly.

"Try me."


Oh, boy! Next chapter we hear Edward's story... ;)