A/N: Haven't really got anything to say except; please enjoy! And read the second A/N at the end of this chapter ;)

Genre: Angst

Author: SussiRay


2006

Hotch sat at the small kitchen table, his right thumb and index finger were absentmindedly twisting the slim gold band on his left ring finger, as he looked out the narrow window at the snow swirling by in the dim street light. The shiny metal felt foreign against his skin. He tore his eyes away from the happily dancing snowflakes and glanced down at his hand; the ring looked foreign too. He sucked in a long breath, trying to think of a reason why, after so many months, it was still on his finger. He honestly didn't know why he was still wearing it. The ring was for all intents and purposes a symbol of their eternal love for each other. It was supposed to be a beautiful reminder of the bond they shared together. But why wear it when, in all honesty, that love had fizzled out some time ago.

His best guess as to why it was still sitting there on his finger, reminding him of his failure every time he looked at it, was that legally they were still married and perhaps some part of him just didn't feel comfortable taking the ring off when he in fact still had a wife. But no matter how he looked at it he couldn't deny the fact that he had failed. He and his wife, his soon-to-be ex-wife, had not lasted in the long run. He wasn't sure when they had fallen out of love, he didn't think that there was a specific day or week or month, but he knew that it was over well before the day, four months earlier, when she had asked him to pack a bag and leave.

He looked at the snow glistening outside the window one more time, then back down at ring glimmering on his hand and felt a weight press uncomfortably on his heart. He'd spent most of the day trying to keep busy, he'd been a few hours (okay, six hours) at work even though it was Sunday and then when he'd come home he's spent another few hours re-organizing his closet. But as day grew to night he couldn't save his mind from the road it wanted to follow any longer. The date in the calendar glared at him and he couldn't stop his mind from thinking how if they'd still been together they would have been married six years on this very day.

2000

The black velvet box was tiny but still it felt like it weighed at least a ton as it lay in his suit pocket. It had been prominent in his mind all night, not for one moment had he been able to not think about it. He'd been carrying it around for hours and as the night went on he wished more and more that he would have taken some time to form some sort of plan. He had thought that moments like these would just present themselves. That when the time was right he would just know. But he had been wrong.

Their night together so far had been wonderful. Everything had been as close to perfect as it could have been. Except for one thing; he couldn't shake the feeling that they were rushing things. He knew that wasn't something that you were supposed to be thinking on the night that you were going to propose to your girlfriend. But he convinced himself as well as he could that he was just nervous.

He had known Haley since high school. They had been high school sweethearts and very much in love. She was his first love. But they had lost touch when he had gone to college in another state and she had stayed in Virginia.

Then a little over a year ago, by some fortunate coincidence, they had bumped into each other at the supermarket of all places. She had asked if he wanted to grab a drink. He had accepted her offer at first just because he was tired of being alone every night. He hadn't thought that it would lead to something serious but it had. And now he was sitting opposite her, the soft candlelight dancing across her pretty face, and he felt as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He was fairly sure that when he popped the question he would get a positive answer. Haley had been dropping hints for the last few months that she was ready to take that final step and the last few weeks the hints had turned more and more into flashing neon signs. She wanted to get married, he was sure of that. It almost made him a little scared that if he didn't ask her soon she would get tired of waiting for him and he would be all alone again.

He knew, very well, that that wasn't a legitimate reason to ask someone to take such a huge step – to agree to spend the rest of their lives together – but he had let someone who loved him slip through his fingers once before and he wasn't prepared to let that happen again. He finally had someone in his life, someone great, who loved him and he would do anything to not see her go.

"Aaron?"

Haley's gentle tone and the sound of his first name – she had never taken to calling him Hotch even though everyone else who knew him did so now – shook him more than he thought it could. He had been so lost in his mind that he had almost forgotten that she was sitting right in front of him. He looked up. She slowly brought her coffee cup from her lips and raised one eyebrow. "What's the matter Aaron?" she said. "You've been so quiet tonight."

"I'm nervous, I guess," Hotch said, looking down at his empty plate rather than into his girlfriend's eyes.

"Why?" She sounded worried, so he brought his gaze up to meet hers again. "Tonight has been perfect. You have nothing to be nervous about." She gave him a sweet smile and he felt something flicker inside him. He could see the love in her eyes and he hoped that she saw something similar in his.

"Actually, I do," he said, slipping one hand into his pocket and pulling out the tiny velvet box. Haley's eyes grew wide as he popped the lid open. "Haley Brooks," he said, taking her hand in his across the table, "I love you. You were my first love and I hope that you will be my only love. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I was wondering if you would do me the great honor of becoming my wife?"

He fell silent watching Haley as she processed his little speech. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears for what felt like forever. His pulse rose, he felt sick. Was this happening again? Would he be left with nothing again? Then finally, or maybe just twenty seconds had passed he didn't know, a smile spread across her face and her bright blue eyes sparkled.

"Of course!" she said, one tear slipping slowly down her cheek leaving a little streak of mascara behind it, "Of course I'll be your wife, Aaron." She sniffled and wiped the tears from her cheeks, her left hand still clutching Hotch's tightly as if she worried that he would change his mind and leave if she didn't hang on to him.

Hotch managed to get the ring out of the box using only his left hand and as he slipped it onto Haley's slim finger he felt a strange mix of joy and relief. Smiling through tear stained lashes Haley looked from the ring sparkling on her finger up into Hotch's eyes. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too." He got up from his seat, closing the short distance between them in one stride, and pulled her into his arms. Haley leaned into him, sighing against his chest, and he closed his eyes. As he ran his hand through her short blond hair his mind wandered and for a brief second he imagined himself running his hands through long, wildly curling, dark hair. And as he drew a deep breath he could swear that it was Emily's flowery perfume that greeted his nostrils. Pushing those thoughts to the very back of his mind, berating himself for even letting them to the forefront for a second, he took Haley's chin and guided her lips towards his in a gentle kiss.


2006

Emily shifted in her seat, trying to get comfortable in the small space given to her. She leaned back, tilted her head, looking out the small cabin window, and watched the clouds as they lazily passed by on the other side. On the fold-down table in front of her sat a full cup of coffee that had gone cold a while ago. Her fingers were wrapped tightly around an in-flight magazine that she had given up on reading about twenty minutes earlier. She took a few deep breaths, but filling her lungs with the dry cabin air did nothing to alleviate her trembling nerves.

She could hardly remember the last time she had felt as nervous as she was feeling right now. A little droplet of sweat trickled slowly down her forehead as final proof of her internal battle. Had it been just another assignment she wouldn't have had been bothered at all. She had been in the Bureau ten years and she'd had plenty of assignments at local field offices. But they had been desk jobs. They hadn't been her dream job.

She had been dreaming about being a part of the BAU since she left the Academy and finally after years of hard work her dream was coming true. Every bit of paperwork was in order; she would start the next day. She had talked to Chief Strauss the day before and had got her final instructions and tomorrow she would meet her new team and her unit chief.

Though no matter how excited she was about finally reaching her dream, she couldn't deny the butterflies fluttering around her stomach. And it wasn't just the new job that was causing those butterflies to roam around her insides, it was the fact that she was finally going back to Washington that also knocked her off kilter. She had only been back a few times over the last ten years, her parents had been overseas for most of those ten years and she'd rarely had the time or seen any reason to go back. But here she was and she knew that with going back to that city a whole mess of memories would follow.

2002

She stood still, gazing up at the so very familiar building in front of her. She hadn't realized where she was until it was too late and now she couldn't move even one inch. It was as if she was rooted to the ground.

She had been back in DC only for a few days. She was back for her mother's sixtieth birthday and there had been no way for her of getting out of it. So far the preparations for the Ambassador's quite elaborate celebration had taken up most of her time and she had been able to block any other thoughts that might have wanted to take her attention captive. Caterers ordering the wrong type of salmon, flower arrangements that were lilac instead of mauve and musicians who didn't know her mother's favorite songs had helped her keep the memories at bay.

For the first time in a week though she had an afternoon to herself and her mother had insisted that she'd get out of the house. Relenting to her mother's wishes rather quickly to save herself a lecture she had decided to go for a short walk. A short walk together with some window shopping and a coffee to go had turned into a long walk and before she knew it she was standing by that building she knew so well.

It was almost ten years since she had been there but she could still find his windows within seconds. Third floor the fourth and fifth windows from the right. So many times had she stood on the inside looking out at the city that standing on the outside looking in felt strange. But as she looked at the familiar white window frames, only the curtains had changed, she could feel all those feelings and memories that she had been working so hard to suppress flood back and she felt herself being transported nine years back in time.

She still remembered the cold counter top and the kitchen cabinet. She remembered the lone mattress on the floor. The way the cold water had felt on her skin and the way Hotch's breath had tickled her as he breathed into her mouth when their lips had met in kiss after kiss. The lone tear that slid down her cheek took her by surprise. She thought that it was out of her system by now. That she got Hotch out of her system.

Trusting her legs not to buckle under her she made her way carefully to a nearby bench and sat down. Memories kept assaulting her from every direction, making her head spin. She could hear Hotch's heated voice, as they said their last word's to each other, ringing clearly in her head. She could see the hurt and humiliation that filled his eyes when she had told him not to beg.

She couldn't even begin to count the amount of times she had kicked herself so hard for those words. She had never meant to sound so harsh… so cold hearted. She knew how much they must have hurt him. When she left his apartment the first thing she had wanted to do was to run back and apologize. But she had stopped herself at the very last second standing with her fingers around the doorknob. No matter how much she had wanted him she had known that her going back wouldn't have changed their situation. He would be going to Seattle and she was going to the Academy and going back one more time, if only to apologize, would only have made the separation that much more bitter. But as she walked out of his apartment complex there hadn't been one single thought in her mind that she was walking out of his life and though she was too afraid to say it out loud or even to think it she never thought that Hotch would let her walk away.

The first few weeks in France all her time had been taken up by dealing with her Grandfather's funeral. Her mother had been commissioned to Estonia and had been forced to leave her family for a few weeks and Emily's father had never been the strong one under pressure. So it had fallen onto her to take on that heavy task and for just a little while she hadn't thought about Hotch at all.

Then life returned to normal, or at least what was supposed to be normal though every day she spent at her parent's home felt dull and quiet when Hotch wasn't around. And almost every room held some memory. The hallway were she had met him for the first time and thought he was the cutest thing she had ever seen with his dimples and boyish smile. The small study that had been his makeshift office where she had stood countless times, one hip propped against the doorframe, trying to get him to finish early so that they could hang out. The dining room where they had spent one of their first evenings together laughing and having fun. And the living room where she had avoided him and lied to him on their last night together.

She had been relieved when the time had come for her to move to the Academy dorms and she could leave all the things that had happened over the summer behind her. She had still wished that there was some way for her and Hotch to rekindle what they'd had. But pride and fear had kept her from picking up the phone. She hadn't heard a single word from him since they had left, not that that had surprised her given how awful she had been to him, but she had still foolishly hoped that he would call her. But nothing had happened.

Then when two months had passed, with still no word from Hotch, she had simply given up on ever seeing him again

A/N: Thanks for reading! As you may have noticed we are taking some liberties with some more timelines and backstories here, but as this is Crackfic with an AH I'm assuming that no one is surprised… Please let us know what you think in a short (or loooong) review! Thanks!