Broken and Unloved

Chapter 11

Clare's POV:

Oh my damn! I can't believe I just did that. I didn't know what to do, I was frozen. I felt him pull back and I knew he didn't want that to happen. I pulled away and turned around to get my shirt so I could put it on. It was so quiet and I was dying to know what he was thinking. The silence was killing me, and I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I was fumbling with my shirt when he finally spoke.

Eli-"Did you just kiss my neck?"

Oh damn. I hated confrontations. Um what do I do? Do I play it off or tell him the truth?

Me-"Psst no?"

He gave me the biggest look of disbelief I had ever seen in my entire life.

Me-"Well, yeah but I didn't mean to. I was…..um I was just…"

He finished my sentence for me.

Eli-"Just caught in the moment?"

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

Me-"Exactly I was just caught up in the moment."

I said a little too happily seeing the disappointment in his eyes. He looked really sad and I couldn't help but feel bad.

Me-"Well, I just…..i mean…I'm sorry." I said in defeat not finding the right words and letting my head fall down.

I could tell that he was truly upset, and I felt bad so saying that I was just caught up in the moment; but this was no place to admit my undying love for him. The forever long murderous silence was interrupted when he spoke.

Eli-"Don't be sorry. I get it, it was an accident."

Every second that I looked into his saddened eye it caused my heart to break more and more. I finally couldn't take the pain anymore so I just looked down. I waited for him to continue but he never did. He let out a aggravated sigh and just left. No goodbye, no hug, no nothing; just the ghastly black curtain closing behind him. I felt tears prickle at my eyes but I whipped them away and continued to get dressed. I left the dressing room in a dazed state to find Adam sitting outside the room waiting for me.

Adam-"Well, looks like you're plan worked."

If he only knew what really happened.

Me-"Not exactly the way I wanted it to." Adam stood up and walked over to me.

Adam-"Well, whatever happened it caused him to leave."

I just simply sighed. Apparently he noticed the distressed look on my face and gave me a "you better tell me everything that happened or so help me I will beat it out of you" look that only Adam could give.

Me-"He didn't leave flustered and problematic like I had planned, instead he left sad, and kind of annoyed."

Adam-"What happened?"

I could feel my cheeks heat up.

Me-"I kind of kissed his neck."

Adam's mouth fell to the ground.

Adam-"Really? Omg that's great."

Me-"Not really."

He looked at me as if I had just lost my head.

Adam-"And why not?"

Me-"Because after I kissed his neck I tried to play it off, and he knew better than my lies, so I told him I did but I didn't mean to and he said it was just a "caught in the moment thing", so I felt sad thinking that he didn't want it to happen until I saw his face and he looked sad, and I soooo wanted to just tell him that I loved him but I knew I couldn't because a dressing room is no place to tell someone you love them and then he was all like "its fine I get it" and then he just left without saying another word, and I'm just so frustrated an-" Adam cut me off.

Adam-"Whoa, overload just breathe." I took a few deep breaths before he continued.

Adam-"Just calm down, everything will be fine. Eli cares too much about you to do anything drastic. The dance is in a week, let's go get your dress, take it home and just chill."

And that's exactly what we did.

Eli's POV:

I should have known. I should had fucking known this was too good to be true. She was a hormonal teenage girl, she had told me before that she was a virgin; I mean she had done other stuff besides sex but still. And to top it all off here I was hugging her in only her pants and bra and I was rubbing her sides, so what can one expect? For her to get turned off? Of course not. She was turned on and acted on an impulse of the moment. At least that's what she agreed it was. I was sad and annoyed. Why the fuck did everything have to be so complicated? I liked her I think she likes me, we go out and everything is good. But no I can't even bring myself to ask her out or at least tell her I like her. I was such a pussy. But when you find the one and you love them more than anything else in the world what else are you to do except be scared? I was mad. No I was more than mad. On top of thinking that she didn't really want to kiss me I had this huge ass fucking boner that I had to take care of. So I just left. The thought of her helping me take care of my problem but left as soon as I thought it. how could I be so stupid, the girl doesn't even want to kiss me what makes me think she would want to help me with that?

I got in Morty and raced home, to where I knew I could be alone. My parents were, like always out of town and I wasn't expecting anyone. One I was inside I preceded to take a show and take care of my problem. I tried to keep Clare out of my thoughts but failed at my task. I then realized that the only way I was going to finish was if I thought of her, so I did.