At the end of the day, she sat in Derek's truck as he drove to her apartment. They were on their way to get her clothes and some things she couldn't be without before they figued out what she at was going to do with her things. They didn't dicuss sleeping arrangments but she assumed she would be sleeping in the guest bedroom and that was ok with her as long he was close. In no time they had packed her things up and Derek was loading into his truck. As she locked her door her cell started ringing.
"Garcia."
"Hey Garcia it's me."
"Hey JJ, did we get a case?"
"No. I just wanted to know if you were free for dinner and some girl talk."
She knew that what she really meant is that her and Em wanted details about what was happening with her and Derek. She sighed and then answered.
"Tonight?"
"Yes if that's possible."
"Where and what time?"
She hung up and then walked to the truck where Derek was waiting. He helped her into the truck and then to his side and drove off.
"Who was on the phone?"
She sighed. "JJ wants me to meet her and Em for dinner and drinks." He looked at her and then sighed. "You know what they want. What do you want to tell them?"
"What ever makes you feel comfortable, baby girl."
"Can I ask you a question?" he nodded. "What are we Derek?"
He knew how he wanted to answer but he didn't want for her to interpert the wrong thing. He was about to say something when she asked to be dropped off at the restautant. She told him she would have JJ drop her off when they were done. He parked and walked her in and when she spotted her two friends she turned and told him he could go. He bent to give her kiss on the lips when she turned a little and he brushed her cheek. He stood up and gave her a look and then he left. She walked to the table and sat down.
They ordered drinks, food, and made small talk. The tension was there and it made Pen nauseated. So she started taking.
"The night we met at the bar for St. Patricks Day, Kevin asked me to marry him and I said no."
"Why did you say no?" Em asked.
"I couldn't marry him when I love someone else." She said. "So I went to the bar to get drunk and I did. You all showed up and then Derek had to invite Tamara Barnes. That made my night even better. Remember I was so drink that Derek decided to take me home. Well instead of my home he took me to his and one thing led to another and I woke up in the morning in his bed."
As a tear ran down her face, JJ touched her hand. "I was so freaked out that I ran. I went home and hid there. I knew he would come looking for me. He did but I couldn't talk to him. I called Hotch the next morning and I told him I need some time off."
"Pen, why did you run?" JJ asked.
"I couldn't face him and I didn't want to hear him say it was a mistake. Something I've always wanted happens when I'm drunk and I cant remember it."
"Where did you go?"
"Chicago. I went to his mother. I didn't tell her what happened but I told her I was crying because Kevin and I broke up. She knew that I've been in love with her son for years and she said she wasn't surprised I couldn't marry Kevin. She promised not tell Derek that I was there and she didn't."
"Why didn't you come to us?"
"I couldn't. I couldn't face anyone. Then when I came back I wanted so bad to go to him and tell him I love him but I couldn't do that either. Now I am pregnant with his children. He says he wants to be there and I want him to be there but we're not in a relationship. We are just best friends having a baby together, twins together."
"Pen you must realize how much Derek loves you and I mean more than just as best friends. He was lost those two weeks you were gone. He still is miserable."
"That's because he's having a baby with me."
"Pen stop. He loves you and wants to be with you."
Their food came and she ate a little more and they talked about babies. As they got ready to leave Pen called Derek to tell him they were on their way. He said he was waiting for her. JJ dropped her off and she went into the house and found Derek watching TV. He looked at her and smiled.
"How did dinner go?"
"It went ok. I told them everything and then we talked about babies. They want to go shopping one Saturday if we are home."
"That's good but I want to go with you to buy our babies their first things that they'll need."
"Ok." She smiled. "I want that too."
"Now come, I want to show you something."
He pulled her up and then went up the stairs to his bedroom. He opened the door and she found some of her things that he placed around the room and then he went to the closet and she found her clothes hung up mixed with his. She went to the dresser where she found a picture of them taken at a Christmas party. It was her favortite. He stepped behind her and pulled open a drawers so she could see her intimate things he had placed there. She turned to look at him.
"I thought I would be in the guest room."
"No baby girl. I want you in here with me." He said. "We need to talk."
He took her hand and drew her to the bed. She sat and he sat facing her. She looked down and he pulled her face up to meet his gaze. He saw fear, rejection, and it broke his heart.
"P when I met you all those years ago, I never thought you would come to mean so much to me. I was content to be your best friend but somehwere along the way, I fell in love. You've always been the one I can talk to, know what to say when I begin to doubt myself, and didn't pity when all that stuff with Buford came out. You're the light I need when I'm drowning in all the darkness. When you were shot, I told you that I love you but I don't think you understood what I meant. Then Kevin showed up and you seem to be happy. It was killing me that you were happy with him when it should have been me you were happy with. I know I told you about all the women I've been with but believe when I tell you that they meant nothing to me. They were just there to fill a need, I know I sound like an ass but that's all it was. I compared them to you but none were you. That's why they lasted no more than two weeks."
He looked in her eyes swimming in tears and he leaned his forehead to hers and took both her small hands in his larger ones.
"I guess it all comes down to fear; fear of losing you to Kevin, to losing you as my best friend, to losing you completely from life. I couldn't and cant lose you from my life. So I pushed all these feelings aside, so we could remain the way we are. When I woke up that morning, I thought that I had screwed up so bad that I ruined the best thing that I had in my life. I don't regret that night, the only thing I regret is not be sober enough to remember it. I wish I could. I love that you are the mother to my babies because I cant think of better woman to have them with. I love you baby girl and I'm not afraid to tell you anymore. I want it all with you, when you're ready."
"Oh Derek." She cried. "Why didn't you tell me how you really felt? I was only with Kevin because I couldn't have you. He was someone I was content with but not happy with. I know that sounds mean but that's what it was. He was comfortable and that's why I stayed with him so long. When he asked me to marry him, I knew I couldn't say yes. It wouldn't be fair to him. He loved me but I didnt love him in the same way. He knew, he said he knew it all along. I broke up with him that night I went to the bar. I was going to tell you how I felt but then Tamara showed up and I changed my mind. I didn't expect to get that drunk. When I woke that morning I was so scared you would tell me that it was a mistake and that would have killed me. I needed to get away to think so I left. I knew it was wrong but the one person I could have talked to was the one person I was afraid of what he would say. I came back because I missed you so much. Even if you didn't want anything to do with me, I just needed to know you were close by. I never expected to get pregnant from that night. When you mentioned calling Kevin, I was so hurt. I hadn't had sex with Kevin in months before we broke up. When they told me I was pregnant, I was so certain that you would hate me."
"Oh baby girl, I could never hate you. It took both of us to make these babies." He placed his hands in her tummy.
"I know but still. Look at me and then look at you. No one would think you be with me because you want to."
"Hey stop right there." He said. "There is nothing and I mean nothing wrong with you. You are gorgeous. I love your curves even though you have lost a little weight that I wish you hadn't. I love everything about you that makes you, well you. You are unqiue, if I wanted ordinary then I would have found ordinary." She smiles through her tears. "I know we started all this backwards but I want us to date and then go from there. I know we're pregnant and living together but I want you to be secure in knowing that I love you. You are my God given solace and you need to remember that."
"I'd love to go on dates with you but you don't have to do that."
"I do and we will. Now that we've had this talk now it's time for bed."
She went to the bathroom first and changed into her favortie FBI tee and went to the bed. He was already under the blankets in just his boxers when she crawled in to the bed. He drew her close to him and she laid her head on his chest. She kissed him on his chest at the same time that he kissed the top of her head. They murmured "I love you" and then they fell asleep as the weight of the last three months was lifted off their shoulders.
