Chapter 11: Running in Circles

The rain has stopped by the time we get back to the city gates. I'm not surprised; this seems to be my luck lately. I agree to stop by the Hanged Man after I go home to change. I can't exactly show up at the bar and show the rest of the patrons my armor anyway. Hawke's friends might be getting to know me better than most around here, but I'm still not that comfortable with the idea of everyone else seeing me like that.

Once I arrive home, I quickly clean my favorite daggers and set them back down. I'm already regretting leaving them, but they're too showy. I dress in my uniform and strap the smaller knives back under my skirts. Not completely defenseless, but I'm reminded of the fight with the templars. My nerves return a bit thinking that I'd needed Bethany's help to defeat them.

I decide not to reapply the makeup I normally wear. Isabela and Fenris have already seen my face without it in the rain. Maybe it doesn't really make that much of a difference, after all. I'd wanted to avoid detection when I got here, so I altered my features a bit with creative application of cosmetics. My plans are a little different now, and I don't need to hide from Hawke's friends anymore.

"Do you want to know what they were talking about?" asks Cat out of nowhere, startling me. I'd been so distracted thinking about meeting up with the others that I'd completely forgotten to talk to Cat.

"I'm sorry if I ignored you. Of course I do!" I say.

"He wasn't just offering her a place on his crew. He was offering her a ship of her own in exchange for you and the elves," says Cat.

I give that some thought. I know Isabela. Captaining a ship is the thing she loves most in the world. You can barely have a conversation with her that she isn't bringing up something about her life at sea. But yet, she'd turned it down. I wonder what had led to her decision.

"Thanks Cat, you always pick up the most wonderful things," I say gratefully. "I'm just going back to the Hanged Man for dinner with the others. You're welcome to come if you want, but I don't anticipate it being that eventful." She fades again, and I leave.

It's full dark now, but I encounter no bandits or other problems in making the few turns through Lowtown toward the tavern. Opening the door, it looks like I'm the first one back, but there's someone standing in Isabela's usual place by the bar that I don't recognize. He stands out like a sore thumb in this place, in shining white armor. He's good looking, with auburn hair and startlingly blue eyes, but he looks uncomfortable. His bow is strung at his back, and he paces back and forth in front of the bar.

"Are you sure you haven't seen them?" he asks of Corff, the bartender.

"I've told you already, they went out with Norah earlier today and haven't been back since," he explains. Shit, if that's who I think it is, I am so not prepared to meet him yet. Corff catches sight of me and points in my direction. "There she is now." Thanks, pal. I have to remember to get him back for that one. How had Corff learned about my outing with Isabela? Had he been listening in?

Instead, I replace my sour expression with what I hope is a friendly smile and walk over. Corff introduces him as Sebastian Vael.

"You were looking for me?" I ask in greeting.

"Where are they?" he asks pointedly.

"Isabela and the others, you mean?" I clarify, although I'm already aware that he is looking for them.

"Yes, it is imperative that I speak with them immediately," he says. Wow, he's quite formal, isn't he? I size him up a bit. I can't place the accent, but I know I haven't heard it much around here. So, not from Kirkwall. He stands stiffly, but his gaze doesn't waver. Confident, but proper. A noble, maybe? But what is a noble doing with Hawke's rag-tag crew?

"What is it? What's happened?" I ask, concerned. Maybe this is an opportunity. If I can convince him I want to help, maybe I won't have trouble getting on his good side. I don't know much, but from what I've heard of Sebastian, he's very devout and has close ties with the Chantry.

"I'm sorry, miss, but I don't know you. I would thank you to point me to them, however," he says, looking away.

"Don't be so cold, Bastian," Isabela says, coming in the door, with Fenris right behind her. "Norah's alright. What are you doing here?"

"I've asked you not to call me that. But I have news that can't wait," he says impatiently. However, he doesn't start speaking, and instead looks around nervously.

"Do you want to go to a private room?" I ask. "We have one open in the back." He nods, and I show them through the back hallways to the room I had used to eavesdrop on Hawke before. I shut the door behind us.

"It's Bethany," he says. "The templars took her today. I didn't find out until after, from Grand Cleric Elthina. She's at the Gallows already. I thought you would want to know."

My face falls. Bethany. The guilt weighs on me. Since the day we had fought together, I had come to like her. It was hard not to, honestly. She was kind in a way that not many were. I had known the templars were looking for her, had warned her. Maybe we should have secreted her out of the city, sent her deeper in hiding. I could have helped her with that,but I hadn't.

"Fasta vass, this was your doing," Fenris accuses angrily, his tone striking me as surely as if he had slapped me. "Was this your plan the whole time, to get us out of the city so you could strike at Hawke's family?"

I'm furious. "You self-righteous ass, of course I didn't have anything to do with it! You think I'd hand Bethany over to the templars? After I saved her from them?" I scoff, feeling a prickle of tears behind my eyes. This isn't getting me anywhere. "Fine, believe what you want. I've had enough of this."

I stomp to the door, and turn, saying, "I like her too, you know."

"Where are you going?" he demands.

"Isn't it obvious? To find a way inside the Gallows, even if I have to do it by myself," I vow. I don't know how, but I have to see her. I've heard horrors about Kirkwall's Circle, and she's been there most of a day already. Maybe Cat will be able to find something. Or, if it comes to it, there is always one sure way they'll let me inside. I look down at my hands. No, I'll find a different way.

"Wait..." says Sebastian. "How can I help?"

Fenris continues to glower at me, but stays, and we start to devise a plan. If only we had access to the mage underground. Surely if anyone knows secret ways into the Gallows, it will be them. It would explain how they are able to operate a lot of things the way they do. Unfortunately, none of my people are with them. I wish Anders was here. Funny, only a few days ago, I was scared of him, and now I want to see him again. He might have helped with this part.

None of the others have any contacts with the mages either. Sebastian, being close with the sisters at the Chantry, does know several of the templar recruits. This might be useful as a possible distraction, but I doubt new recruits will agree to help a mage run away. I can try my network, see if I can branch out, but I worry that it will take a while. I need Cat on this.

"I'm going to go talk to some of my people, see if I can't find someone who can find a better approach," I say, already planning on finding a private place to talk to Cat. She can get into places I can't, and listen in on people that will stop talking if I show up.

I lie to the others, "Maybe my contacts can give me a good enough excuse to have business at the Gallows and they'll let me in. I probably won't get word until at least the morning, though."

Isabela says something about working with a templar name Ser Thrask before, and that she has reason to believe he might be a good lead for helping an apostate. We agree that we will each work on our own ends, and we will send word to the others if we learn something.

I go to my safe house in Darktown. I know no one will disturb me there. Once I'm certain no one has followed me, I go inside and secure the door.

"Cat, I need you," I call, but she is already next to me.

"I heard you talking about Bethany. You want me to go look for a way in?" She asks plainly..

"Maybe, but I may have a better idea first," I say. "I've heard there is a woman on the docks who is part of the mage underground. She poses as a merchant during the day as a cover. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to pretend to go shop, chat her up, but if I can't get anything out of her myself, I'll need you to stick around and listen in for a while."

"Listen in, got it...but are you sure you really want to do this?" she asks. "The Gallows? That's the place that your mother-"

I cut her off with, "I know, Cat. Trust me, I've run through a lot of scenarios in my head already on how this could go wrong. Hopefully I can sneak in and back out again without alerting the templars."

"No magic, Norah," she says. "Too risky".

I nod in agreement. "Promise. I've been getting along without it so far."

We leave at first light for the docks. I like traveling with just me and Cat, knowing she is there watching my back. It feels good, familiar. The woman is there, as the rumor had suggested. She's just setting up her stand for the day, and putting her wares on display. Her stand hosts a variety of items and trinkets. It's mostly junk, but it keeps up the appearance of a legitimate shop.

I approach, pretending to browse her selection. After a minute, I lean in, speaking in a low tone, "I don't suppose you know where to get something a little more exotic?" I ask.

"What exactly do you mean, serah?" questions the merchant.

"Well," I said, looking around. "I was hoping I might find something like a...special quarterstaff."

"My word, no, we don't carry such things," she says, her protest sounding fake even to my untrained ears. She whispers, "Did you not see the templar by the stairs asking about rogue mages? No shop would be caught selling anything like that around here today. You're just trying to start trouble. Off with you."

I turn and walk away. Cat will handle this. I think I might have been disappointed had it been that easy. I walk a ways and sit near the pier, watching the ships for a while. I look out over the waves at the Gallows. I can see "The Twins", the large statues that are visible from most of Kirkwall. It looks so far away and impossible right now. And my mother had been in there. An uneasy feeling spreads in my stomach. Maker, I hoped I'm ready for this. I send a silent prayer to Andraste to guide me.

I'd made the mistake of calling Lady Colette 'mother' once when I was five. She'd slapped me. I'd done all I could to please her my entire life. I dressed the way she wanted, stood the way she wanted, spoke the way she wanted. I studied hard at all of my lessons. I don't know that I ever did anything that truly made her happy.

I wondered what would have been different if I had been able to grow up with my birth mother. Of course, that never would have been permitted. Maybe I would have been better off believing Colette's lies, that my birth mother never wanted me and abandoned me. The truth was far uglier. Damn you, Hawke. You and your mother took everything from me.