Part 11: More Than a Feeling

I stared at the warehouse ceiling, listening to the boys snoring in their beds, my mind wandering off to Carter. I shouldn't be thinking about her. But maybe… maybe Gate was right. Maybe this rule WAS stupid. I mean, that was just Read, he was always a little crazy. Maybe I should let it go. Besides I don't know how I am going to keep my love for Carter a secret anymore, since all of Manhattans newsies already know about it. Because I had already admitted to myself that I was in love with her. And it was only a matter of time before my stupid man instincts kicked in and they noticed. Damn those hormones. But it was true either way, hormones or not, whether I LIKED it or not, I was in love. I smiled dreamily as I began to imagine Carter and myself in a scene that I probably shouldn't mention. But then my smile faded because as far as I knew, she didn't love me back. I sighed. I'm such an idiot. I turned my head and stared at the door to the room where I slept in with some of the newsies. Sometimes I wondered if someone would walk through that door and take me away forever. But that was when I was very young. Before I became the king. And I realized that for now this was where I was needed. But now… I didn't know if I wanted this anymore. Carter had become such a big part of me and I didn't want to let her go. But should I tell her? What was the use of loving her if she didn't know? But if she didn't love me back… what would that do? God I was jealous of those people who could love so easily and could tell each other without a worry. I was jealous of the love people were able to share. I could never offer her love like that. I closed my eyes. I was so different now. Just a few months and a half ago I was the roughest, toughest, most feared, intimidating, respected newsie in all of New York City. Now some goil comes into my life and POW! I'm an old lovesick pup in desperate need of a good slap in the face. What was I going to do? Sure I loved her but I had no idea how to show it. No idea how to prove it or to even tell her! And I wanted to. I wanted it so bad. There were a lot of things I wanted. But I would never get them. So why should this time be any different? Just because this time it was love. Love. Such a small word with so much meaning. Carter… oh Catherine Bailey I love you. But how could I? What did I have to offer her? But little by little I lost my train of thought and fell asleep.

(Next day)

I walked down the docks, trying to think of something to say to her. Some way to tell her how I felt. I spent most of my time on my "throne" watching my boys jump into the river and swim around and wrestle and laugh. I had to tell her something, anything at all. I HATED this!!! It was all so foreign to me! I had no idea what I was doing and I barely knew a thing about what I was feeling. It was at times like these I wished I still had my dad. Or even my mom. She could give me SOME bit of advice. And I had no idea how to tell one of the boys. But… wait… JACK! HE knew a thing or two about love. He and Sarah had been together since the end of the strike two years ago. Yes, yes, YES! I jumped up and ran down the docks, ran across the bridge, into Manhattan, to the Newsboys Lodging House. I burst through the door and right up to the counter where I stopped and caught my breath.

"Is… Jack… here?" I said in between gulps of air.

Kloppman (the old man who looked after the newsies) turned and looked at me.

"Oh, hello Spot. What can I do for ya?"

"Jack…"

"Hiya Spot!"

I turned. There stood Racetrack walking in the door smiling.

"Hey Race," I said breathless.

He laughed before saying, "Did you run all the way down heah? Must be important if ya run all this way. So what's up?"

"Where's… Jack?" still breathing heavily.

"He should be back soon. He took Sarah out for a walk after he finished his papes."

I nodded and swallowed. Of course he'd be with Sarah. Why wouldn't he be? They were in love weren't they?

"And there he is, right on queue," Race said looking out the window.

Jack walked up the steps and came through the door, grinning ear-to-ear. He must have kissed her. It was so easy to tell.

"Spot!" he said smiling, noticing me standing there. "What're you doin heah?"

He spit his hand and I did the same and we shook hands, the way we normally always did.

"Can I ask ya something?" I said a little nervous about the subject.

"Sure anything."

I glanced at Race who seemed to take a hint.

"I'll be down at the track," he said grabbing his hat and leaving. And then there was still Kloppman…

"Is there somewhere private?" I asked uneasily.

"Is it about Carter?" he whispered.

I nodded.

He gestured for me to follow and we went into the back room that had all the supplies a building would need.

"So what's up?" he asked sitting on one of the crates.

"How do you… tell the goil of your dreams you love her? Especially when I don't even know HOW to love," I said shakily.

Jack contemplated for a few minutes before saying, "Well Spot my advice is just go ahead and say the three magic words. Love isn't something you need to know how to do Spot. It's a feeling, it's an emotion. You can't control it half the time. But there are times when you need to put the lid down however. But that's beside the point. You really love her don't you Spot?"

I nodded staring at my feet.

"Ok I'll tell you what to do. First, get rid of that stupid rule of yours."

I laughed once and nodded.

"Second, go to Carter's house and take her out to dinner or something. You know something romantic. Or you could bring her down here to meet the boys and we could all go down to Medda's or something."

That wouldn't be too hard. I'm sure she'd like to meet the rest of Jack's gang.

"Third, when the moment is right, either kiss her gently, softly, or you tell her you love her… and THEN kiss her. But it needs to be sweet and romantic so she knows you're seriously in love with her or else she'll think it's just attraction and love and attraction are NOT the same thing."

I nodded again. I had a whole game plan in my head.

"So about taking her down to see you guys…"

"YES! I was really hoping you would like that idea."

I laughed.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tonight!"

"Ha! Ok, I'll go down and see if she's up to it."

"If she can then just come, if not, get her to come anyway. Be here around 5:00."

I smiled. We spit our hands and shook again and then I was off out the door heading back to Brooklyn. I didn't even bother going back to the warehouse. I went straight to her house.

Mr. Bailey was there to open the door again, but once he saw me, he smiled and called for Carter. She ran over and once she saw me, her angel's smile lit her face.

"Spot!" she ran right into my arms. I hugged her lightly, a little taken aback by how sudden she just jumped into my arms. But she pulled away quickly and stepped back as if she was just hugging a friend who she hugged regularly.

"Sorry," she said suddenly. "I don't know what that was."

I chuckled.

"Don't worry bout it," I said casually. I had to admit I kind of liked it. "Anyway. I was wondering if you would like to head over to Manhattan with me and meet the rest of Jack's newsies and then head over to the theatre that Jack and his boys go over to all the time."

She smiled and said, "Sounds like fun."

"So you wanna?"

She nodded.

"What time?"

"Well Jack said to be there by five so we should leave around 3:30 if you really want to stop and actually see the view from the bridge instead of zooming by in a car," I pointed out.

"I'll be ready," she said smiling. She turned walked inside the house, turned to smile at me and then closed the door. She said yes. It was a date! I felt like jumping up and down and screaming 'YES!!!!' But I didn't. I just smiled and walked back down to the docks. This was going to be a night to remember.