Haunted
J
I let the paper curl back into a cylinder on my desk. It was a far cry from a declaration of love—not that it made much sense to have been expecting one. Still, it had been more than a year in the Underground since she left. Why now? Her tone seemed cold, matter of fact. I wasn't sure if there was really anything more to make of it. If she wanted you to come to her, she'd ask, I reminded myself firmly—determined not to interfere in her life without her permission.
If she's ever going to return your love, she must do so in her own time, in full consciousness of who she is…I paused…But only you can tell her the story of her past, and without her past she will always have unanswered questions about who she really is. Damn.
I heartily dislike Catch-22's. I much prefer riddles with ingenious solutions. But I could not seem to transform this infernal impasse into an opportunity for action.
Looks like I'm Mr. Lonely and you're Ms. Lost. What a pity, what a pity…
Then an idea struck like a large porcelain object shattering over my addled head: She is part fae now. We are inhabitants of the same realm. I don't have to wait for her to summon me. If I wanted I could try and speak to her. She might tell me to leave, but what if she didn't?
What if she didn't…? The little glimmer of amorphous and highly contagious hope hopped twice in the back of my mind.
And then again, what if she did? My presence might trigger that same rage I saw the day she left, and then there'd be no note of apology some year after the fact. Really, I must be out of my mind.
I'll admit it. My hope is something of a lame beast. It generally jumps once or twice before spraining something and calling for a rest. That is not to say I am a man without purpose.
I sat and fiddled with other bits of work in my study before finally forcing myself out on a flight. Regaining my human form in the heart of a chirping forest, I walked for several hours more wondering if another piece of the puzzle would come to me.
You could write her and see if she responds, the solution popped into my mind.
J
I wrote her. I didn't pour my soul out, but I did try to sound as though I still cared. I'm not even sure what I wrote anymore. I didn't hear anything. Disappointment sank like a blanket of fog over the late fall landscape outside my study window. With a month already out and no sign of response, my mood took on a darker timbre.
Sarah, did I really say everything so wrong? Am I that horrible you wouldn't write me back? Or maybe you're just finished with me. You want to move on.
But I really didn't want her to want to move on. I wanted her to want me. To miss me. Sure, it was her life. But we all have hopes. Maybe this was just the human side of me speaking again.
A week or so more went by and I began to grow worried. Other possibilities climbed into my mind. Perhaps the letter was intercepted? But who would have done such a thing. At last I checked my crystal, realizing I could not see Sarah if I asked. However, this time I asked to see the letter instead. To my delight and great displeasure, I saw it with perfect clarity. It was sitting in a pile of clutter on a desk I remembered all too well.
Damn, how does she know you're here? I asked myself with rue.
Then it hit me. Sarah said she had an occupation. Of all the places Sarah might employ herself, it seems highly probable she would…
Oh no, Sarah, not her. You didn't sign a contract under that one, did you?
The words of the Protectors returned to me. Suddenly I understood how my help was needed. I made plans to stay in Larutan, seeing to whatever preparations I could think of, worry already gnawing at my insides.
So it was a visit to Thelesta, then.
J
I decided surprise might make up for the charm I was no longer willing to dole out on this piece of my past. I materialized in her savvy city penthouse only to be met with a flash of light and a painful zinging in my arm. Apparently the surprise was to be on me.
"I've been expecting you, Mr. Mischief!"
Peels of tinselly laughter cascaded down the back of my neck.
"Hmm…what's wrong with you? Not as limber as you used to be!" She teased as my arm stung from her magic blow. I made no motion to protest. Taken aback at my unprecedented passivity, her eyes fixed on me and suddenly grew wide.
"I expected you'd come, but I didn't expect…" she scrutinized me slowly, giving me unpleasant chills. I held my tongue.
"Why you've…changed." She broke into another oratorio of laughter, this time darker. I stood tall fashioning my features into stone, knowing she'd already guessed my new secret.
"You aren't only fae anymore. Why you're…part human. How is that possible?! When you were mine you were all fae!" She growled in triumphant recollection.
Yes, it's true. This is part of the price I paid. But I didn't have time to ruminate on the consequences of my action that day. Thelesta was already leering at me with mesmerizing force, and I'd have to work to keep my head on straight. She was, after all, a powerful sorceress.
I'd also forgotten how forceful she could come across. A part of me was almost embarrassed for her. Well, she did at least look good for her age—deep brown eyes, dark scarlet bodice over black skirt, titanium blond streaming down her back peppered with tiny braids and infused with streaks of glossy obsidian. Admittedly, I've always had a taste for strong-willed women.
"Release her from her contract, Thelesta," I challenged coolly.
"Who?" She glared at me through long, shimmering lashes.
"You know who."
"Hm, that other part-human. What an intriguing mess this all sounds like. And what if I prefer to keep her under my employment?"
"I am asking you."
"And I'm considering refusing you. What if the girl doesn't wish to go with you?"
"That's her choice, but I'm still asking you."
She paced and eyed me with measured consideration. Goosebumps rippled down my sides.
"So what would you offer me in return?" Her line of sight swung low over my trunk and down towards my hips.
"I am asking, not offering," I replied, unmoved.
Her expression flashed before she could calm her own ruffled demeanor. I had refused her, and she had understood my meaning. Well, Thelia, was it not you who found it fit to abandon me when it best suited your own interests? What bond of loyalty or affection stands between either of us now? Only a memory, one I would have gladly forgotten a hundred times over at this point. And more importantly, one I no longer need to forget. I have more important memories than you now.
"What could a part-human offer me anyway!" She scoffed, having recollected her pride. "All your magic's contaminated, even the foundations of your labyrinth are infested with this new plague of weakness. You should fear me. But you were always too dull to figure out the most sensible course of action in a timely manner. Still," she hesitated, light returning to her face, "perhaps this is yet an opportunity for you. In your weakened state you need to sort out your alliances. You require protection. Who better to confide in and serve than myself?"
"Thelesta, this is not why I came." She doesn't understand that if Sarah is with me, I am just as strong as ever. She hasn't guessed the connection between us yet, I thought with a fleeting and anxious sense of hope. Thelesta had never understood the magic of the other realms, and she had often begrudged me for my sympathy and expertise in such subjects.
"Well, my life isn't about you, is it? So you can ask me what you want, but that doesn't mean I'll give it."
Thelia, you're life was never about me. I regret it took me so long to find out.
"She doesn't know the full implications of her contract," I tried to stick to the matter at hand, wielding as well as I could the rusty sword of diplomacy.
"Are you implying I would use her for my own ends?"
Oh, more than implying…
"As a kindness, release her. That is all I'm asking."
"I'll talk to her and see what she has to say about you."
"I'd rather you didn't."
"Not your decision," she smirked with flippant finality.
