Chapter 11.

Nessie – christmas spirit

I was excited about Christmas Day. I had been very busy in the preceding month, filing in college applications and attending various Christmas events. So it was a relief when everything was sent off and school was finally out.

Best of all, the whole family was coming from New Hampshire to stay at the big house. Mom, Dad and I were going to be in the cottage together over the holidays. Grandpa, Sue and Seth had promised to come over for Christmas lunch and, of course, Jacob. Billy had arranged to spend the day with Rachel and Paul.

The only other person missing was Sue's daughter Leah, who was going to be staying in Seattle for Christmas. Although she was still technically in the pack, Leah had managed to gain enough control of her phasing to leave La Push and move to Seattle. Things seemed to be working out pretty well for her; she was working as a physical therapist and planned to spend Christmas with her new boyfriend. I think she was glad to avoid a house full of vampires on Christmas day.

Aunt Alice went wild with the decorations. She was clearly feeling extra festive because the whole family was together after so many weeks. Christmas lunch was a carefully planned buffet, to distract from the fact that only the guests were eating. The atmosphere was very relaxed and happy.

Eventually the shadows outside began to lengthen, and Grandpa and Sue decided that it was time to be making a move. The whole family wished them goodnight and a Merry Christmas. I promised Grandpa that I would come to see him the next day.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," he said, hugging me goodnight. "It's been good to have you here this year." I waved goodbye until their car had disappeared out of sight.

I was lolling on the sofa next to Jake, watching the end of 'It's a wonderful life', when I heard Uncle Emmett creep up behind us. I ignored him until I caught sight of the smirk on Uncle Jasper's face. Glancing behind me, I found Uncle Emmett lurking with his arm outstretched. In his hand he held a small sprig of mistletoe, which he was meaningfully dangling over Jacob and me.

"Come on Jake, you shouldn't keep her waiting any longer..!"

Jake – who had been completely oblivious of Uncle Emmett's machinations – looked up in confusion, just as I leapt away in disgust.

"No way!" I exclaimed, without thinking.

Uncle Emmett guffawed. "Sorry Jake, you missed your chance!"

Uncle Jasper chuckled and Jacob frowned irritably at Uncle Emmett. I just stood foolishly in the middle of the room, blushing with mortification. My eyes flew to Jake and I saw his face become purposefully wiped of expression. He always looked that way when he didn't want anyone to know what he was thinking.

"You're an idiot." I snapped at Uncle Emmett.

"Sorry kid," he joked, with his characteristic tactlessness. "I thought you might appreciate the intervention. After all, you're a senior now…"

"Give her a break, Em," Uncle Jasper drawled casually from across the room. He must have realised that I was dangerously close to tears. An unexpected sense of calm washed over me and I huffed and returned to the sofa.

Uncle Emmett plonked himself down next to me and ruffled my hair affectionately. "I guess you inherited your dad's 'touchy' gene, huh?"

I pointedly ignored him.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Aunt Rose chose this opportune moment to enter the room and he fell quiet. The others started chatting inconsequentially about the day. I remained silent trying to recover from my embarrassment. I wanted to kick Uncle Emmett… and myself. I was angry that he had been able to get such an easy rise out of me. Jake had stayed calm, why hadn't I behaved more like that?

Worst of all, I had been betrayed into insulting Jake. I hadn't meant to sound as if the idea of kissing him was actually repulsive. But my rash words couldn't be taken back now. I hoped that he hadn't really noticed. I peeked at him and saw that he was listening silently to the others, his expression still guarded.

Seth and my dad came into the living room, followed by my mother. On catching sight of them, Jake became more talkative. I stayed silent for most of the evening, lost in contemplation. At one point I looked up to find my father's eyes upon me, his face speculative. I looked away quickly, wishing that I had inherited my mother's talent.

I tried to think of something else, but stubbornly returned to a new idea that had dawned upon me. The hopes that the pack held for us, had always been in the background of my relationship with Jacob. But he had never made any demands of me for the future. My family always meticulously avoided trying to force me to make decisions about Jake.

But Uncle Emmett's embarrassing joke brought to my attention, that members of my own family also had expectations for Jake and me. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that a lot of people assumed that there was a romantic attachment between us. How many little comments had I endured from my school friends?

And what did Jacob think of this? I had taken for granted that we were both happy the way things were, but did he want more? In the last few months, I had found it hard enough just imagining myself with a boyfriend, but this idea was far more uncomfortable. No wonder I had carefully dodged considering it. How did he see me? He wasn't a kid, surely Jake wanted a girlfriend.

For the second time that evening, I found myself blushing. I wished that I could eradicate this new train of thought, but it was too late, the veil had been lifted. I stood up and quickly crossed over to the piano. I began playing quietly and my mind started to clear. When Jake finally got up to leave, I didn't follow him to the door. Instead, I waved goodbye from the piano. I didn't want to add any more fuel to Uncle Emmett's misplaced humour.

It was a strange thing about my new insight. However much I tried to ignore it, I couldn't. And it coloured everything. I found myself analysing the way that Jacob treated me and the way that other people saw us.

This was on my mind when I went to La Push on New Year's Eve. Jacob had invited me to join in the celebrations. I was the only member of the family exempt from the treaty. I had been looking forward to the evening, there were going to be driftwood bonfires on the beach. But as the day drew close, I found myself worrying. I didn't want to be treated to more Uncle Emmett style teasing.

On the day, Jake collected me from the big house. I was going to stay the night at La Push, he had promised to bring me home the next day.

It looked like a dry night, so for once I didn't have to bring a rain coat. The cold was never a problem for me, so I didn't bother with a jacket. I just wore jeans and a light grey sweater and Jake was in his usual t-shirt and shorts. Neither of us could have been accused of going to too much trouble with our attire.

He seemed so much his usual self when he arrived, that I felt guilty for having been worried and scolded myself for letting other people's assumptions get to me. Jake and I knew how things stood between us, who cared what anyone else thought?

It was already dark when we parked by First Beach and headed down the path to the sand. The beach looked more beautiful and mysterious than I had ever seen it, with a series of small fires burning the whole way along the shore. The sea was unusually calm, and a clear, starry sky hung overhead, lending a dreamlike quality to the night.

The beach was busy; most of the young people from the reservation were there, including both Sam and Jacob's packs. I was glad to see some familiar friendly faces. Jacob took my hand and led me along the sand to the more distant fires. I always liked holding his hand – everyone else felt slightly cold to me – Jacob was just the right temperature.

Jake's pack had gathered around one of most remote bonfires. I enjoyed the walk to reach them. Seth was the first to notice us.

"Hi, guys," he called, running up. "I was starting to wonder if you really were coming."

I hugged him and turned towards the fire. "I wouldn't miss this."

We followed him back and sat down to join the rest of the pack by the fire. The only notable absence was Leah, who had remained in Seattle. Quil had brought his girlfriend, Claire and Embry his wife. Or should I say their imprintees. The only person who had come alone was Seth. It suddenly occurred to me, that to an outsider, Jake and I would appear as a couple.

This thought did little to put me at my ease and when I sat down, I placed a little distance between us. We had all brought food and drinks. I didn't bother eating, but I noticed that the mood mellowed as everyone else snacked and joked. I wasn't in a particularly talkative mood; it was nice to just sit quietly and listen to the conversation flow around me. Jake was laughing with the others, but I noticed that he often glanced in my direction.

Quil and his girlfriend Claire sat across the fire from me. I liked Claire; she was a friendly, outspoken girl of nineteen. It was funny to watch her and Quil together. He was always so confident, but she gave him a run for his money. She was really quite bossy, but he didn't seem to mind at all. For Quil, Claire had been entirely worth the wait, they were so happy together.

Watching them made me feel slightly guilty. After all his devotion, Quil finally had his reward. My eyes flickered to Jacob, who was gazing into the fire with a thoughtful expression. Where was his happy ending? I didn't know if I had the answer to that question. I quickly looked away.

As the night wore on, my eyelids became heavy. The light of the bonfire and the quiet voices around me were slightly hypnotic; I felt as if I could drift off…

"Nessie, are you awake?"

I opened my eyes and found myself resting against Jake.

"Huh?"

He gave a low chuckle. "You've been asleep since last year."

I sat up and discovered that the fire had burned to glowing embers; the others were starting to get up and clear away their things.

"Sorry, I don't know what happened." I said, rubbing my eyes and stretching.

"It's ok, you looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you," he said fondly. He stood up and helped pull me to my feet. I gave a loud yawn and wobbled; I was still half asleep.

"Come here," Jake laughed. Before I realised what he was doing, he had caught my feet from under me and lifted me into his strong arms. "You can go back to sleep, now," he smiled.

I wanted to protest, but I was too sleepy. Instead, I laid my head against his warm shoulder and let my eyes close. I didn't properly wake again for the rest of the night. I remembered Jake laying me down on his bed and taking off my shoes. He then pulled a blanket over me.

"Goodnight, honey. Sleep well."

"Thanks, Jake. Love you." I mumbled.

"Love you, too." He left the room quietly.

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