Disclaimer: own nothing, as per usual. No direct dialogue

I look at my reflection numbly, I look perfect for the part. The weeping widow all in black. No veil or big covering garments you understand; a tight short-skirted long-sleeved dress. Kind of formal for me except for the fact that the sleeves are slashed from the shoulder to the wrist on the outside and the neckline is in a wide v down to just above the belly button. It's one of my showiest dresses, I know Al liked it, he told me. I carefully comb through my hair, it's long and straight, meaning it looks more black than brown. It feels so strange to be here at my husband's funeral. My husband's funeral. Never thought I'd have a husband so his funeral is more than a foreign concept. It's a public viewing first, so everyone can say their last goodbyes to Al, that's even stranger. He's there but not alive.

The strange thing is, I'm not sad, I'm not upset, I'm just kind of accepting. I knew it would all end in tears but not for me. They were supposed to be Torrie's. I can still hear that doctor; see his grave expression as he spoke to me in the corridor

"I'm so sorry, we revived him from his coma but it wasn't enough, he's gone"

I stared at him blankly, like I didn't quite hear right. My husband wasn't supposed to die, he was supposed to still be here and love me. He wasn't supposed to die. I don't even feel guilty, I know that people are gonna think that it was the sex I had with him that killed him but I know the truth. He hadn't been in full health for a long time, I guess I didn't help but I didn't kill him. And I'm not going to cry, I'm not. It's a waste of tears and sadness. I never loved Al, I just liked him, I was fond of him. It's his love I miss, the attention he showered me with. I miss what he represented; pure love that wouldn't go away. But it has

I have to go tape a segment for Smackdown which starts in a half hour. The camera crew are gonna be here taping all day then sending it straight to the show for people to watch. I check my reflection one final time, no tears, no running make up. The perfect façade of the sad widow. I gather my bags up and go out into the funeral parlour. Al's family are here, they're very sweet, they remind me of him. They don't even seem remotely disapproving of me, I mean it's not like I was a gold digger after his money. They all look at me sadly as I walk in, a small smile on my face. I put my bags down and go to a room where the camera crew can fit and I can film in relative peace. At a nod from the camera man and red light from the camera, I begin

"Hi everyone, I'd like to thank everyone for their support through this difficult time for me" I say

I inwardly groan at my words, there has been no one supporting me except for Dia and Lita who called me immediately after they saw Smackdown, I'm just saying what widows are supposed to say, just saying the things everyone expects

"I loved Al, despite all the interference from members of Al's family"

Ha! That's a nice little shot in on Torrie

"And tonight, I'm going to respect his wishes and present his public viewing"

The camera shuts off; the crew exit the room quickly to get the footage sent over to the Smackdown production truck as soon as possible. I sit in the room for a while by myself, enjoying the time to myself. I should get an Oscar for my performance today, it's going to be hard keeping up the grieving appearance but I have to, so that Torrie can't win and crow "I told you so". I am not going to let her know that I don't love Al. I just feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me completely, it was just so unexpected. I feel oddly calm, no misery, no sadness, like I knew it was going to happen. I'm happy for it to be like that. There's no point mourning someone in your heart you know you didn't love.

I step out of the room, talking to the other members of Al's family, biting back comments. Just because I hate Torrie doesn't mean I have to hate them. In fact it's a weapon to use if they like me and turn on her. It makes things a lot more fun. Besides, I still have my duty. I was Al's wife so I'm going to behave like his wife. I go into the room where Al's coffin is. It's white with dark moody lighting, purple in fact which makes me think of the Undertaker for some reason. Shaking off the irrelevant thought, I walk up to the coffin. It's closed, smooth and shiny under the lights, expensive looking. There are drapes everywhere and beautiful big arrangements of white flowers. I wanted wild pink roses, at least that would make things bearable for me, they always make me smile. I think of Lance, a pang in my stomach as I remember the flowers he sent me on my wedding which I used as my bridal bouquet.

A funeral attendant, all solemn demeanour in a plain black suit is standing beside the coffin expectantly. He's probably been posted there for hysterical mourners or just to check that the precious coffin doesn't get scratched. I stand there, just staring at the coffin, preparing myself to say a final goodbye. I'm not really sure what I'm gonna say but I know I want the funeral guy out. What I say is gonna be personal, it's gonna be really me speaking. I want to thank Al for loving me as cheesy as that sounds, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world to have someone love you, even if you don't love them back. I feel energised at the thought. An idea of how to get rid of the guy pops into my head, they want a weeping widow, they're gonna get her

"We only married recently" I say, my voice shaky "he loved me, he really loved me"

I look beseechingly at the funeral director, he looks a little sad at least. Good. Time for the performance. I throw myself hysterically against his chest, crying into his shirt, murmuring Al's name into my hands. I don't feel any comforting hands around me, he has to remain aloof but I know he's touched. With a deep breath I pull back, wiping my eyes

"I'm sorry; could you give me a moment with my husband?" I gasp out breathlessly

The attendant nods and walks out, leaving me with tears rolling down my cheeks. I turn back to the coffin and open it. There he is, lying in one of those awful suits he loved so much. I bend down, words rolling around my head like spare change. I try to grab the right ones, the ones that will sound right and mean something.

"Why did you have to leave Al?" I ask, my voice husky from crying "we had so much more to do together, I want you to know I miss you and that I'm going to carry the Wilson name with pride"

I bend down and kiss him gently. I feel a presence behind me and turn to see one of his relatives, his sister I think. She smiles at me and hugs me, wrapping her arms around me in understanding. I hug back, not caring that I'm crying now. I can't believe I actually miss him, but I will. I'll be fine in a week or two but right now, things seem out of control and bleak.

I walk out of the room and look through the floral tributes sent in that are displayed in the lobby. There's a little wreath of wild daisies there that came from Nidia, the note reads

"Wish I could be there for you, he loved you, I wish it all could have been different, Dia"

I know what she means. It was so sweet of her to send flowers; I cried when I saw them and read the note. The simple plain wreath just hit home, they were from her heart. I love that girl. Things are finally looking on the up for her, Nunzio's facing Tajiri tonight with her and Jamie are going out to ringside yet she still remembers me.

Just then I hear a door open and a hush comes over the room. I narrow my eyes; it has to be just one person. I turn, the most innocent sadness washing over me face and filling my eyes as I take in Torrie walking in, unafraid. She looks at me as well, an unreadable expression on her face. No doubt she thinks this is my fault, we'll see on Sunday when I kick her ass at the Rumble. But right now, I smile sadly at her before turning back to the flowers. I give her a chance to timidly say hello to people before moving into the casket room. This I have to see.

I move quietly through to the room, smiling at the people who look sympathetically at me after Torrie's exit. They must think I'm mad at her, they're wrong. I'm furious. She thinks that after she's disowned him, she can waltz into his funeral and say a private goodbye. No way, I'm her stepmother now and I'm gonna flex this power for all it's worth.

I slip into the room, careful to be as quiet as possible since I don't want her knowing I'm here. She's standing besides his open casket, her hands over her mouth prayer-style. I can hear her quiet sobs from here, they make me smile. She's vulnerable which means I can get my shot in on her before the Rumble, anything to weaken her. I take the chances life gives me and this is a real ace. I walk forward so that I'm a little way behind her before speaking

"There is no way anybody is going to believe that you really cared about Al" I say

I can see Torrie stiffen, trying to stop herself crying and trying to ignore my words. I saunter forward a little more, enjoying the relationship of power. She turns and looks at me tearfully. I smirk; she's wearing a little black dress too, revealing plenty of cleavage. Her hair's straight as well, guess imitation is the highest form of flattery. I pull it off better than her anyway.

"There are members of this family that think that Al died of a broken heart" I say "when his precious little daughter wouldn't approve of her Dad's lover, he loved me Torrie and you couldn't handle it, now look what's happened, face it, you killed him"

She looks at me in shock before unable to resist, I slap her hard across the face. I put my hands to my hips again, inwardly basking in the glory of hurting her. She puts a hand to her face, gasping at the pain, taking a moment to collect herself. Then before I know what's happening, she slaps me across the face and while I'm recovering, throws me to the floor. There is no right way to fall when you're wearing a short skirt let me tell you but I think I kept my dignity. My cheek stings like hell and my back doesn't feel too good hitting the floor so hard. As I lie gathering my strength, I hear her talking quietly. I sit up and see her sat beside Al's knocked casket. She's apologising for everything, I hear the trembling words pouring out and pull myself to my feet in triumph. Emotionally wrecked, it's time to break her physically too. Quietly, I pick up a lamp from the table beside me and carefully stalk up to her. I wait for the right moment then SMASH! I blast her in the back of the head with it. There are shards of vase everywhere, it completely shattered and Torrie's lying out cold in front of the casket. Kind of poetic really. Members of the family rush in, some of them hold me back while others go check on Torrie. I can't help smiling at her prone figure, a rush of adrenaline pulsing through me

"Just wait till Sunday Torrie" I mutter "then we'll see who's dominant"

*

"Dawn"

It was only word, why does a shiver run through me? I know immediately from that one word who it is. I have my back to the doorway so they can't see my reaction. I close my eyes, letting out a breath, willing the goosebumps on my arms to disappear. With deliberate slowness, I turn around and give a little nod. The door is wide open; he stands just inside the locker room. I 'm glad I've changed out of my ring gear and look pretty good.

"Lance" my voice is formal and tight, I hate myself for it

He looks like hell, wearing dark jeans and a WWE fleece. He looks empty. His eyes are on me, watching my every move. Just like they always were. To him, what I did mattered, it really did. I resist the urge to give a huge grin, run and hug him. I doubt it wouldn't please him at all, he wouldn't know how to react. He sighs and looks uncomfortably around the locker room. As usual, I haven't been tidy with my clothes, they're strewn everywhere. His eyes finally come to rest on the vase on of flowers on the table behind me. I'd been arranging them when he'd come in, stroking the soft petals with my fingertips. Words circled in my head as I touched them, I remember what I felt when I first saw them. Hope for the future, love, everything. A small smile touches his lips, he knows I like them if I've taken the trouble to arrange them. He looks distinctly uncomfortable s he awkwardly drops his bag from his shoulder to the floor. The noise echoes throughout the room. I try not to wince. Neither of us know how to behave, we haven't seen each other in months and now here we are, the way we were when we first met and realised we were total opposites. We got past it but that comfortable happy phase we were in seems years ago. Maybe it's because it was.

"Haven't left yet? Your match was before mine" I finally ask, leaning back against the table

"I wanted to wait to see yours" he replies "there was nothing to celebrate after mine"

"Shouldn't have bothered staying" I answer, pain stabbing through me as I think about it

"Someone has to be watching" he says, taking a few more steps inside

"Dia does" I say quickly "so does Tazz, Jamie and Lita"

It comes out defensive, offended that he thinks I need looking after. I know what he means but my mouth is on autopilot. He nods slowly

"I know, Tazz tells me all about your training and Lita calls me too"

"I thought the network washed their hands of me after the wedding" I say quietly

"The wedding yes, you no"

"I didn't ask for this Lance" I say suddenly "it all just happened and I had to finish it"

"Had to or wanted to?"

"Both I guess"

"It got too personal Dawn and looked what happened"

"Yeah I killed Al and Torrie kicked my ass!"

That breaks me. I turn suddenly, a hand over my mouth. I hear Lance sigh then a hand touches my shoulder gently. I don't turn around; I just wait for him to speak

"You lost Dawn" he says bluntly "you lost because it got out of control and you didn't know how to stop it, now it's finished"

I whirl around, causing him to snatch his hand back, with anger burning in my eyes.

"It is not over; it's over when I damn well say it is!" I spit

"Or until everything else in your life spins out of control" he shoots back "accept it Dawn, Torrie beat you tonight, there will be other times you can finish her but for now, this chapter is over"

His words hit home. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I close my eyes and feel arms wrap around me. I melt against him. I haven't done this to him for years, it only happens when something really terrible happens. He always taught me to rely on myself but he also taught me that we always have each other, no matter what. I know this was the love I missed, it never went away. It was just hidden from me. I sigh a little, nudging against him.

"It all spun out of control Dawn" his voice is quieter now "you did well, you trained hard, you thought of what you could do to hurt her but now, it's time to rest, you're burnt out"

He's right, I haven't had time off for years and I feel like my arms and legs are on fire

. I realise that I needed him to be here to tell me when to stop. I was the wild one of the Players; he was good at catching hold of me before I started falling. There's no on Smackdown who can do that. I need him. I need a holiday too. I just hate leaving the business, I like to keep active. I have to find someway to keep going here in the WWE and I have a few ideas.

"Red Dogg debuted on Smackdown" Lance says suddenly

I pull away, astonished, looking at him carefully to see if this is a joke. He stares right back out of those steely eyes, they never smile. They always remain the same; serious and honest. Something I can rely on.

"Wow! Jazz is going to be so proud....wait Smackdown? She's on Raw Lance! She wanted to tag with him" I exclaim in dismay as I realise

"Not her call to make, the WWE decide" Lance replies "at least he's here, he's with that white boy who raps or whatever"

"John Cena" I say with a smile, thinking about the get-up John insists on wearing

"Yeah that's the one, he turned on his friend and Red Dogg came out to help him" Lance smiles a tiny bit "you'll have a little more extreme company on Smackdown now"

"Yeah I guess I will" I say, feeling a little lighter

It doesn't dislodge the heavy weight in my stomach though, it's that feeling of failure and I have it big time. I know Lance wants to make me feel better and it is truly good to have him here with me. But I know I won't feel right until I beat Torrie once and for all.

"I need a holiday" I think out loud "I'll ask for next week off"

"I'm sure they'll allow it" Lance replies "care to come watch the Rumble with William and I?"

"Sure"

I stop, wondering where Dia is. She hasn't been here all day; I'm guessing that Jamie and Nunzio didn't get into the Rumble. They're probably out together somewhere in the city, blowing money they haven't got. She's been super sweet to me since Thursday; I wish she was here to watch it with me. I'll call her when I get back to the hotel. Then maybe we can take the week off together, it would fun to have some company. We could even go and visit Lita wherever she's hosting Heat. I smile at Lance as he picks up his bag, I still can't quite believe he's here. It's peculiar to see him in front of me and hear his voice. It doesn't seem real but I'm glad he is. Sometime tonight I'll get round to telling him how much I've missed him, maybe he'll tell me he's missed me. I have to make the most of this night since I won't see him for another few months.

Maybe I'll travel with the Raw crew next week! The thought skitters delightfully across my brain as I think about it. What an idea. A reunion with a lot of ECW cohorts. I'll be able to see Justin, Rob and Tommy! The more I think about it, the more I like it. Linking arms with Lance, I set off down the corridor with him. Things are definitely feeling lighter