SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING for this chapter, and the next chapter. I mean absolutely no harm, and I put the trigger warning there to make sure that no one reads something that might upset them. Self-harm will be talked about.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E. Hinton's novel.
"That was when I should have said something…" I said. "That night in the Curtis backyard. I should have told him."
"But Bee, you were going through a lot then too… you had so much shit on your mind."
"SO?!" I shouted, "What does that matter?! We all have shit on our minds, every minute of every day, Christ Dally!"
"You better watch your damn mouth kid, I'm trying to help you!" Dally said angrily, although there was a hint of desperation in his voice. "It's all we ever try to do!"
"I know that, Dally! I do, and believe me, I'm gonna owe you all my life for that."
"Don't you think I forget what happened soon after that, Bri. I remember that you became a damn wreck after that."
Dally spoke quietly, and the hurt in his voice was obvious. He was telling the truth though. After that day when I got jumped was the true beginning of the transformation into the mess I am now. My home life had taken a turn for the worse, if that was even possible. My old man was always drunk and raging on, so most nights I would spent alone wandering the streets, or staying at the Curtis house on their couch. It began to hurt me inside that I didn't have a family, a real family who was supposed to love me and take care of me… but I needed to realize I would never have that, and that I would need to survive on my own. I mean, I knew I had the gang and everything, but I felt like such a bother all the time when everyone had so much going on without having to worry about a silly girl like me.
I began to lose sleep after that, lose concentration, and my school grades were suffering horribly. I was so sad all the time. I was so upset, and I was so unhappy with myself and firmly believed that an idiot like me would never make a difference in the world. I was just a grease, after all. It was all too much. I had begun to drink on my own at lot, beer or rum or whatever I could get my hands on. Sometimes I would get drunk on my own… and in one of those nights I took a blade to my skin for the first time. At first I was nervous when I woke up the next day, hungover and seeing those cuts. Soon it became a refuge though, and the habit became more consistent. My upper arms were almost completely covered, and I had to wear sweaters even when it was hot just to hide them.
I remembered that day very clearly, and so did Dally.
"I remember what happened after that Bria, shit…" Dally said painfully.
"I know." I whispered.
"You know how upset he was when he found out about that?" Dally told me.
"I know!" I cried.
Involuntarily my hand reached up and began to rub my shoulder where the old scars had begun to heal to only white lines, and I remembered the day that they all found out about my darkest secret…
Once again, sorry it's just a short present time chapter, but I had to build the way to the next one. Also I'm going to be a preachy writer for a moment and say that if self-harm is something you are struggling with, I do hope you get the help you deserve. ANYWAYYYY I hope this is alright, and that you'll all keep reading even though the story is taking a sad road. Review please, let me know what you think!
