BG: Hi…it's been a long time I know; I'm bad, very bad. But it's only because of writer's block and constant zombified-ness. You can hate me still though, I can take it…I think :D.
A quick warning:
This fanfic contains slash…not 'M' rated slash but still…
I might consider a disclaimer:
The wonderful world of Harry Potter does not belong to me, as much as I day dream and tell myself it does…no…it belongs to the fabulous JK Rowling and I praise her work time and time again (bows)
Maybe a few notes…:
Erm, because of how long you people have had to wait for this update I have made it longer and fuller, with lots of scenes simply with Draco in...Okay, so not lots…just two . But it's the thought that counts right . Thank you loads and loads to my reviewers, you make my sun shine and the creativity just rain down on me, lol.
And thanks a million and more to my momentary replacement beta; DarkTigeress, who thankfully whirled onto the scene to rescue me from beta less despair :D.
Now all that's left for you to do is to read on and hopefully REVIEW.
(See how I did that? I bet you read the word 'review', right? Right? Okay I'll stop being an idiot )
101 Ways to be an Angel
A Sense of Melancholy.
"Harry, please!" Hermione pleaded with her best friend, pulling on his reluctant arm in the direction of the portrait hole.
Harry shook his head firmly "no, he stated quite clearly that he didn't need us…and that includes me!" He tried pulling his arm out of Hermione's vice grip.
She clung tighter, "this is just stupid; you two are acting like children. It's obvious that he does need us-"
"Hermione, he said himself that he didn't want our friendship-"
"After you had bruised his pride by implying that he couldn't be independent and then continued by suggesting that the only friends he could make were in Gryffindor. Don't you ever stop to think before you open your mouth?" Hermione finished exasperatedly.
Harry paused, "it wasn't as bad as that," he reasoned.
Ron raised an eyebrow from his seat in one of the Gryffindor armchairs "it was, you were very harsh mate, not that I'm taking sides with Malfoy," he added quickly, "but that wasn't the way to go about offering the hand of friendship."
Hermione nodded, "to make matters worse you then made a dig about the things that have been troubling him the most lately."
Harry scowled, that wasn't fair, they weren't there to witness what a jerk Malfoy was being. He glanced around the room where the rest of the Gryffindors were blatantly eavesdropping on their argument and sighed.
"I don't want anything to do with him if he's going to continue to be an arrogant pri – "
Hermione cut him off "he needs us, even if not right now, he will in the future…because we're the only people who treat him with any kind of respect and you know that Harry."
"Luna seems to like him…"
"Yes, well Luna likes everybody Harry, and Malfoy needs somebody sensible to be there for him."
"Yes, but-"
"Think about it Harry, all of the things that he has been through in such a short space of time: killing those death eaters, switching sides and now his parents have gone missing…" Hermione explained, her patience worn thin.
Harry gaped at her "what?"
"Oh, it was in the Daily Prophet this morning, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy have disappeared. Apparently their solicitors payed a visit to the mansion, but it was completely deserted, even the house elves had gone, and investigations showed that no-one had been there for two or three days."
"Well, maybe they had gone on a quick holiday," Harry argued.
Hermione gave him a look, "the Malfoy family would never do such a thing without any notice." She tutted when Harry shrugged. "The point is, we need to get Malfoy to come to terms with the fact that he needs someone, even if it isn't us... Please Harry." She added.
He faltered, "Why can't you?"
"Oh come on Harry! Stop being so childish, you started this mess, so now you're going to finish it!" Hermione snapped and he threw one last desperate glance at Ron.
"Don't look at me," he shrugged "there's not much I can do!"
Harry threw his hands into the air in defeat. "Fine, alright! What do you want me to say?"
Hermione grinned triumphantly, "Well, you could start by saying sorry." She smirked at Harry as he rolled his eyes, "explain yourself, listen to what he says and bloody sort it out!"
Harry and Ron gaped at her in shock.
"I don't think I've ever heard you curse before 'Mione!" Ron gasped, glancing at Harry who returned the look with an equal amount of surprise. Hermione smoothed down her robes; attempting to compose herself.
"Yes, well, I felt that I wasn't getting through to Harry and as I have proved, cursing is an effective method of getting his-and your, attention." She sniffed.
A grin spread across Ron's face, "I bet you feel really bad now, don't you? Wow, a rebellious Hermione."
"Watch out Ron," Harry joined in, sniggering slightly, "she might go wild. You don't want to anger her…you never know what she will do, now that her evil side has been awoken."
They both burst out laughing at the girl's outraged expression.
She scowled and drew herself up, pointing to the portrait hole. "Go and find Draco, Harry, and don't come back until you have done!" Harry mock saluted and left with a grin as Hermione rounded on Ron.
Draco sighed for the fiftieth time and picked restlessly at his cake. It was a bad idea to return to school, he should have gone to stay with his mother; he shouldn't have put himself in-amongst all of the other Slytherins. Those whose relatives he had killed without batting an eyelid. He shouldn't have gone to Potter, or the mudblood to make amends, he should have gone to his father and asked him for help-though Draco would have been punished most severely for his lack of sensibility; his father would have come up with a solution.
He snarled at a passing house elf, causing it to scuttle away, giving Draco a startled glance. Maybe he should simply lay low for a while, become non-existent and allow events to unfold themselves. He wouldn't meddle with things, and just take all challenges as they came, he would remain neutral, only associating with those who he could benefit from…and that didn't mean Potter and his troupe.
'This is all Potter's fault' Draco thought, anger lancing throughout him, 'if he had paid attention on that battle field like a sensible human being then maybe this would never have happened.' He scowled 'stupid Potter, the little golden boy, here to save the light side. He couldn't save his own godfather, so how is he supposed to rescue the "world", especially when he is the one being protected all the time by that old fool. Dumbledore…father was right, he needs to be removed from this school, both him and his biased ways.' Draco couldn't believe the nerve the old man, assuming that just because he had saved his precious Potter that he had changed his ways completely and was willing to join the forces of "good", he snorted, 'Potter and his brainless slaves, falling over themselves to convert me, thinking that once I've done one thing for them we are all the best of friends and I'm going to start wearing red and gold and studying with them in the library. A likely story.'
Draco growled and clenched his fists, "I don't need anyone, not Potter, not Dumbledore, not the rest of Slytherin, not Father or Mother…I don't need anyone!" He paused, opening up his now bleeding palm and stared motionlessly at the remains of his cake, the sponge stained red, completely ruined. Like Draco…
'No!' He thought fiercely, 'not like me, I'm not ruined at all; I'm going to rise up and show everyone just how little I need anyone else. I'll become stronger, wiser…and when Potter and the Dark lord are destroyed, when the world is picking itself up and looking for a new power, a new leader I'll be there and I'll be ready.'
Draco stood up, tossing his destroyed meal to the side. He had a new resolution, a new plan, one that would take a long while to put fully into motion but he'd do it, one way or another. He strode out of the kitchens, a boost of confidence putting more determination into his footsteps, either not noticing or not caring about the fact that his plan had a million flaws in it.
As the door slammed shut, the house elf that Draco had snarled at, sadly retrieved the cake remnants, silently mourning over what once was a wonderful creation, but had picked at, tortured, crushed and tarnished until it was something ugly and wrecked, something that hardly anybody wanted anymore...it's beauty demolished by the hand of another.
Harry trotted down the corridors, wishing that he had retrieved his Marauder's map rather than opting for a humorous, theatrical exit. He had been searching for a good ten minutes and was heading down to the kitchens as a last resort when he ran into a certain blond for the second time that day.
Draco sneered "what, are you stalking me now?" He said nastily, hatred so thick in his words that Harry was stunned and simply gaped at him for a few seconds.
"No," he snapped once he had regained his senses, "I came to apologise for earlier on, it was unnecessary of me to say the things that I did, but I was just shocked and hurt by you turning down my offer of friendship."
Draco snorted "like the time that you turned down my hand of friendship in year one?" He countered bitterly.
Harry frowned, "that was your fault, you insulted Ron, and you had insulted Hagrid…the only the friends I had that were magical, hell, the only friends I had at all."
"Yes, and that was because my father had taught me to do such things, I had been brainwashed by that monster and you know it, Potter!" Draco snarled, "why am I even explaining myself to you, Potter? I don't need to." He tried to push past the Gryffindor but he stood his ground.
"Face it Draco, Hermione, Ron and I are the only people that you have…the only people that you can count on, you need us whether you want to admit to that or not, because nobody can make it in this world alone. Please, just forget your bloody pureblood pride for once, you don't have to be nice to us all of the time and you don't have to hang around with us, all you need to do is accept us and know that we're there for you." Harry breathed deeply, and eyed Draco anxiously; unsure of what his reaction would be, as his expression wasn't betraying any of his emotions.
Eventually the Slytherin became animated once more, and rather quickly too. In fact, so quickly that Harry only had time to register the fist flying towards his left eye before it made contact.
"I don't need anyone, Potter, especially not you and your drooling minions. I am independent and powerful; don't even once assume that because I saved you, bought you and the mudblood whore gifts and sat with you on the train that I am your best friend, or that you can decide what is best for me. I was simply trying to make an ally on the other side of the war in case things became ugly…to think, I was considering changing sides, but now I can see that all of that effort made on winning over you and the mudblood were a waste. Stay out of my life, scar head." He hissed, storming away, his boots increasing the power of his stomping, leaving Harry reeling from both the blonde's words and attack.
Hermione screamed softly as soon as she saw him and she and Ron jumped up from their positions on a sofa in front of the fire and rushed over to him. Harry sighed as the girl sat him down and fussed over his rapidly swelling and bruising eye and the deep cuts created by his shattered glasses' lens; Ron stood back and simply watched.
"I take it that everything didn't go to plan," he eventually said and Harry nodded.
"I told you Hermione, he stated very clearly-and he has just made his point a lot clearer-he doesn't want or need us," Harry began to explain. "He said that he was independent and powerful and didn't need anyone at all, then he said that I shouldn't assume that just because of all of the things that had happened between us I have the right to decide what is best for him or something…I was listening properly because the blood running down my face was a little distracting. Anyway, he basically wants us to 'stay out of his life'." Harry sighed again and shook his head. "It's a lost case Hermione so we might as well give up."
Hermione leant back and frowned, "no, he's not a lost case, not at all. Remember how he was when we were in Diagon Alley? He was charming and occasionally witty, showering us with gifts and just generally being pleasant."
"No Hermione, he told me himself that that was all fake; just a way for him to win his way over to our side in the war."
Hermione nodded, "yes, maybe that was his original intention, but in the end he was having a good time. In the end-even if unintentionally- he really meant it, Harry."
Ron shrugged "I think that you should leave him alone." Harry and Hermione stared at him, so he continued on, "well, if we leave him alone, eventually he will come to terms with the fact that he does need someone. It will give him time to think about things and to sort himself out, he has been through a lot in a short time and you two have been putting a lot of pressure upon him. Lately, I'm guessing that he has been feeling unsure of himself and his future, he needs to let events unfold for a while and he needs to gain his bearings before pressing on once more and choosing a path…but with you two hounding him, he's being pushed down a road that he doesn't want to take. So, just leave him alone for now."
His two friends continued to gape at him and he blushed slightly, "what?"
Hermione jumped up, enveloping him in a hug and kissing him lovingly, causing his cheeks to darken.
"See Ron, you do have a brain after all," Harry joked and laughed when Ron pulled a face at him through his girlfriend's hair.
"Oh, Ron" Hermione gushed, "You're so clever! Yes, I agree: we should leave him alone, Harry."
Harry rolled his eyes irritably, "that's what I've been trying to tell you! Ow," he winced as he eye gave a painful twinge.
Hermione immediately let go of Ron to fuss over Harry again and he frowned. "Can't you just heal it? Rather than prodding and-ouch-poking," he said through gritted teeth as she ran her finger over a particularly painful cut.
She withdrew her hand and bit her lip anxiously, "well, no I can't because I think some of the glass has gone under the skin and I don't know any spells for that. You'll have to go and see Madame Pomfrey."
Harry nodded with a sigh "well, I can't go and see her now, it's too late…I'll go to her in the morning. But, for now do you have any pain relief spells?" He said and she grinned at him, reaching into her school bag that was residing next to the sofa and pulling out a packet of pills.
"Here, they may be muggle painkillers, but they work like magic." She conjured a glass of water and handed him them, he took them and thanked her.
Ron watched them with wide eyes, "are you feeling alright, Hermione? First cursing and now drugs…" he shook his head. Harry laughed but stopped soon after, remembering the bet that he and Draco had had only a few days ago and wondering, with a vague sense of sadness, who had won.
Harry scratched the desk top absently with the tip of his quill; not bothering to think about the task he and the rest of the class had been assigned. His and Blaise's cauldron full of Veritaserum simmered happily next to them as Blaise conversed with Pansy who was at the desk in front of them and had turned around to face him, her hair lying across Harry's book to his annoyance. Harry glanced up, his gaze drawn to Hermione's desk that she shared with Draco who was blatantly ignoring her; she turned around and sighed at him.
"Why were you sitting with Draco on the Hogwarts Express, Potter?" Pansy rudely asked, and Harry jumped, distracted from his futile attempts to work out what Mugwort's five main properties were.
He frowned "what does it have to do with you?"
"We are his closest friends and we want to know why he didn't sit with us." She answered primly, Blaise nodding in agreement.
"Why don't you ask him yourselves if you're such close friends," Harry inquired feeling genuinely intrigued.
"Well we would but he is avoiding us as if we were poor!" She threw her head back and laughed as if being poor was the funniest thing ever, Blaise smirked too. Harry scowled.
"Do you know why he's been avoiding you?"
"No, do you?"
"Yes…but I'm not going to tell you, you going to have to corner him and ask yourself."
Pansy sneered, "You might as well tell us, Potter, this is serious and not a time to be playing games."
Harry sighed "I'm not telling you because you'd be better off finding out from Malfoy and plus he needs to talk to somebody whether he confesses to it or not."
Pansy opened her mouth to argue again but Blaise cut her off, "alright then, we'll find him and make him talk to us as I can see that it is important that we do…but if Draco doesn't open up then we are coming straight back to you and demanding answers." He reasoned and turned to stare at the back of Draco's head thoughtfully.
"Okay," Harry nodded "that sounds fair to me." He turned to face the blackboard and found that Professor Snape blocked his view.
"Not only do you blatantly disregard the work that I have set but you also spend the lesson gossiping, "he snapped angrily "twenty five points from Gryffindor and detention with me on Saturday, seven o'clock." He swept away and Harry groaned, putting his head on the desk in front of him.
Pansy and Blaise simply snickered and carried on chatting.
'A full moon, it seems so much bigger from up here,' Draco mused, staring up into the sky from his position perched on the edge of the Astronomy tower. He had come up there for peace and quiet and to escape from the hateful stares from the rest Slytherin. Also, he had wanted to get away from Blaise and Pansy who for some reason were trying their hardest to talk to him even though he thought that he had made it quite clear that he didn't want them to.
Draco had a feeling that they had been convinced to do so, and he also had a feeling that he knew who had done the convincing.
He scowled darkly, whilst Potter and the others hadn't actually spoken directly to him, Draco could tell that they'd been chatting to Pansy and Blaise quite a lot, as he'd seen them with their heads together, gossiping like a group of Hufflepuff girls.
Still, irritating, fellow pupils were the least of his worries, he knew that his father disappearance only meant that the worst was yet to come…since the dead couldn't simply get up and leave, somebody had to have moved him…and that somebody was very likely to be Voldemort.
Voldemort. Not somebody that you'd want to get hold of your dead, evil relative. Draco wasn't sure whether Voldemort had discovered a way to reanimate those that had passed on, and he was sincerely hoping that this wasn't the case and that the dark lord had simply wanted to mourn over the body or something equally as stupid.
But Draco knew better than that, Voldemort never mourned for anybody, he only did things that would benefit for himself. A true Slytherin indeed. But if Draco's worst fears were confirmed then his life, assuredly, would be destroyed. Yes, his life was already ruined and pointless, but the Slytherin boy wasn't ready to accept that fact just yet.
When he was a child, Draco had always wanted to grow up to be like his father. It had been his life ambition up until he was around nine years old. That was when Lucius had begun using his harsh methods of teaching. Draco could remember the very day when he had been taught his first 'lesson', his father had called him to his study and they had begun with the history of Malfoys. This soon turned into what was expected of Draco and how he would grow up to be. Lucius had said that all Malfoys were wise with their money, they would only use it when necessary and in most cases, money would be used to bribe people or to win over their trust.
A Malfoy only ever did things that would benefit for themselves and their family, "always pick the winning side, the bigger bully if you will," Draco remembered his father saying that phrase several times and had never liked it, he didn't fully understand it either. Lucius had always used complicated words and phrases whenever he spoke, but being only nine, his son had never fully comprehended what they meant. So obviously, the question that most children would be familiar with sprang from his lips.
'Why?'
He had asked in a very small voice, and Lucius had instantly stopped lecturing and fixed him with an icy-cold stare. It was a stare full of disappointment and disapproval, with a hint of anger that made Draco want to shrink down into his chair. But being a young, well taught Malfoy he had kept his back straight and his shoulders pushed back, waiting as politely as he could for an answer. The reply that came eventually but wasn't what he had expected.
"Because that is Malfoy conduct, and has been so for many centuries." Lucius had said curtly and gone on to continue his speech, however a still inquisitive Draco promptly interrupted him. The young boy had asked 'why' once more and Lucius had simply pursed his lips, stood up and beckoned for his son to follow him all the way to their huge library. There the elder Malfoy had instructed Draco to read several books on famous wizards in history, then famous Malfoys in history and then he had ordered that Draco learn the grand Malfoy family tree and memorise it. He had been made to study late into the night and the early morning, with Lucius watching him like a hawk to make sure that he didn't fall asleep.
Needless to say, Draco was quick to learn not to question his father. In fact he was quick to learn several things: Malfoy's do not behave carelessly, Malfoy's do not wander, Malfoy's do not become emotionally attached, Malfoy's do not cry, Malfoy's do not complain, Malfoy's do not doodle, Malfoy's do not sleep in till late…
Draco had spent his entire life learning these silly rules and it was all for nothing.
A strong gust of wind had him careering towards the edge of the battlements and he threw a scared and yet thoughtful glance at the long drop. It was cliché but now he realised what went through other people's heads when they felt that their life was worthless and that there was no point in them going on.
He squinted as he leaned over a bit further, peering into to the darkness and trying to judge how far down it really was.
'It would be so much easier…' his mind whispered seductively, it's silky voice echoing about in negative waters that had invaded his mind, slowly and steadily drowning him. The direction of his thoughts scared Draco a lot and he violently shivered and drew back, stepping down off of the battlements so as to feel safer.
'When did my life take such a bad turn?' He desperately thought and ignored the smooth voice that returned, trying to slip thoughts into his mind that he didn't want as his anger and bitterness turned into nothing but regret and fright.
"Maybe I do need help." The whispered words were carried away by the wind and silver eyes stared fearfully into the darkness…
The unknown…
"Zabini, can I talk to you for a second, please?" The words were very quietly spoken but Blaise still heard them and he turned to find Draco standing behind him, looking rather uncomfortable and nervous as the other Slytherins around them walked away throwing glares over their shoulders as they went.
Blaise nodded and led them through the library-where Draco had found him- to a deserted section, "What do you want?" He asked, watching the blond suspiciously. 'Why would Draco come and find me after working so hard to avoid Pansy and I?' He wondered, but didn't let his expression change from simple blankness. The standard Slytherin mask.
"I came to, firstly, apologise for ignoring you and Pansy," Blaise scoffed but motioned for him to continue. "I wondered if we could go back to being friends…maybe…"
"Why?" Was the simple response that dark skinned boy gave as he crossed his arms and Draco raised a questioning eyebrow. "Why did you avoid us? Why are you suddenly talking to me? Why should we be friends again?" He elaborated slightly and a scowl marred his sharp features.
Draco shuffled his feet uncomfortably, "you do know about what happened this summer, don't you?" Blaise nodded and his gaze hardened even more.
"Yes, fortunately neither mine nor Pansy's parents were there. That was a very careless and foolish thing for you to do, Draco.
The blond groaned "I know, I know…I don't know what came over me and I sincerely regret my actions," he assured him desperately. "It has caused a great amount of trouble for me, and really, it's all Potter's fault."
Blaise raised an eyebrow, but allowed Draco to fight for his cause.
"I had been avoiding you because of the rest of Slytherin. They all hate me, and I wasn't sure how you felt towards me…I was scared that you'd resent me also, and whilst I was able to take the hatred of the others, if you and Pansy had deserted me I wouldn't have been able to handle it."
"So you simply assumed what reactions Pansy and I would have, did you?"
Draco hung his head "yes, and I'm extremely sorry for it. I'll give you time to decide upon whether you forgive me or not…but I hope that you do, as I desperately need your help."
Blaise watched as the blond turned and stalked back down the aisle and out of the library, holding his head high and ignoring the table of Slytherins that sneered and hissed as he passed by. He already knew that Pansy would instantly forgive her 'precious blond darling', but was reluctant to do so himself. Sometimes, Malfoys needed to be knocked off of their pedestal and shown that they couldn't boss everybody around. Pride was a major issue that Draco needed to overcome, and Blaise was glad to see that he had already begun to alter his personality, simply by apologising and admitting- for once- that he was wrong.
It would take a while, but Blaise was determined (and he was certain that Pansy would be as well) to help Draco regain his status in the Slytherin house; as without that, he was nothing.
Nothing more than a pretty face…
BG: ARGH! That took so long to write…you wouldn't believe how ashamed I am at my laziness...and at the moment I am PRAYING that this extra long chapter would make up for my long absence.
Please review…even if it's to say how much you hate me now…I'll pin up the amount of hate reviews I get on my cork board to inspire me to type quicker, lol .
I have to admit that this fic is taking a journey of it's own…and I only have a few ideas of things that happen much later on in the future…so it's hard to fill in the great gaps in my mind.
Meh, don't worry people; you WILL get your story eventually. All you have to do to help it along is bear with me and REVIEW:D
Go on, you know you want to really.
