This would have come out faster, but I was writing more to this chapter, but after re-reading it I thought it would be better to split it up. I haven't finished chapter 12 and I'm not sure if it's gonna be very long, but I'm working on it.
Just so you know, in this AU the whole thing with Nero never happened, or if it did (I'm not gonna mention it) Vulcan was never destroyed and Spock's mom is alive and well. I just didn't have the heart to kill her. I love her too much.
Disclaimer: In no way am I making prophit from this story...
Hayley sat back in her swivel chair in her office and glared at the wall. She was brooding and she knew it. Not that she'd ever admit to it. But she couldn't help it. The stupid council wouldn't listen to her about the stupid Romulans, Admiral Carlson was becoming an even bigger pain in the ass by the day, she somehow had wound up at a standstill with her work despite all the extra help, Mikaela had finally revealed her (obvious) crush on Bones and was becoming an constant distracting presence in Med Bay, and to top it all off, Hayley had just had her butt chewed out by her godmother for not calling and informing her that her only goddaughter had nearly died recently.
Putting all that aside, however, she still thought there was something seriously wrong with her. Maybe the gas had done more damage than she thought, just on her brain and not her body. Why else would she suddenly feel like she was falling for her best friend? It was something to look into a least. Especially considering Spock appeared to be completely unaffected by her, exactly as it had always been.
So yeah, Hayley was brooding.
She was so wrapped up in her own inner ranting that she failed to notice the swishing of the automatic door opening or someone taking a seat across the desk from her. It wasn't until a voice cut through the air that she blinked back into reality.
"What's with the face?" Mikaela asked, tilting her head.
"What face?" Hayley shrugged. If she played dumb maybe Mikaela would realize she wasn't in the mood for a psych evaluation.
Mikaela pointed to her friend's face, "That one." Oh well. It was worth a try. "You wanna talk about it?"
Hayley straightened from her slumped position and started shuffling papers on her desk, attempting to look busy. "There's nothing to talk about."
"Uh-huh," Mikaela didn't sound convinced. "That's why you can't look me in the eye right?"
She sighed. Why was it impossible to lie to a Betazoid, half breed or not? Stupid alien.
"C'mon, Shortcake," Mikaela said in a soothing tone, dulling the stab of the hated nickname. "I know you. Something is bothering that enormous brain of yours. I can tell. Just talk to me." When that still didn't get a reply, she used a different tactic. "McCoy mentioned you guys were a little stuck with work. Is that it?"
Sighing again, Hayley caved. There was no way out. Mikaela could be ruthless when it concerned the mental well-being of her friends. She shook her head and gave a small, "No."
"Okay," her voice was encouraging now, thankful she'd at least got a response. "Does it have to do with us being ordered to Earth?"
She shook her head again before crossing her arms on her desk and lying her head down. She suddenly felt exhausted, and this time it had nothing to do with her sleep deprivation.
Mikaela sighed, throwing her hands up, "I give up. I honestly have no idea what is going through your head right now. And really Hayley, that bothers me. We've always been completely open with one another. You've never hidden something from me. Especially when I ask about it. Please tell me what's wrong so I can help fix it!"
Hayley stared at her friend for a long time. It was true that she hadn't ever kept anything from the half-Betazoid. Partly because it was just too much work to keep something from your empathic roommate, partly because Mikaela really was a fantastic therapist, but mostly because Hayley just trusted her enough not to judge and to sincerely want to help. But did she need help with this? She wasn't even sure she knew what she was feeling at this point, let alone verbalize it enough to make her friend understand. It was all so jumbled and overcomplicated.
But maybe that's why she needed to talk to Mikaela. After all, what was a therapist good for if not helping sort out crazy emotional crap you can't figure out yourself.
Taking a deep breath, Hayley took the plunge before she lost her nerve, "I think…" Nope. The words died in her throat, refusing to be said aloud.
"You think…" Mikaela was leaning forward, elbows on knees.
"I don't know," Hayley shook her head and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "I'm so confused right now, I can't even concentrate on work. That's the real reason we're stuck, if I'm being honest."
"Okay, one step at a time," Mikaela reached across the desk to clasp her friend's hand, "What are you confused about?"
"Spock," Hayley whispered before clamping her mouth shut. She hadn't actually meant to say it, but it just slipped out. Her chest tightened at the name and her stomach flip-flopped. God dammit! What was wrong with her lately?
Mikaela's brow furrowed in confusion, "What about Spock confuses you?"
"Well, it's just…I'm not…" She paused, thinking over her words as she chewed her lip nervously. "Ever since I came back from the brink of death," she rolled her eyes, using Zooey's melodramatic phrasing. "It's like something's changed…and yet not. I don't know how to explain it." Hayley rubbed her temple with her free hand, her other still held supportively on the desk by Mikaela. A headache was starting to form behind her eyes.
"Do you mean…Hayley, catch me up, please. I'm a few steps behind."
Hayley finally locked eyes with her friend, willing her to understand without having to say it out loud. It was too difficult. She wasn't even sure what she should say, really. Again, she was too conflicted.
"Oh," Mikaela's eyes widened. "Oh! I see. You're falling for him."
Hayley ripped her hand away and pushed her chair out so she could pace restlessly, "I don't know! All I know is, I feel…different around him than I did before. But I can't fall for him. He's my best friend, for Christ's sake. Has been since I was a baby. Did you know his mom still has pictures of when he used to crawl into my crib when I was a baby to 'protect me from the monsters.'"
"Aw," Mikaela smiled. "That's so cute."
"He was basically like my brother growing up. I trust him more than anyone. No offense."
"None taken."
"I can't ruin that relationship. He's the most important person in the universe to me. I can't lose his friendship. And it's not like he has feelings for me."
"How do you know?"
Hayley froze in her pacing and ranting to turn a confused eye on her friend, "Excuse me?"
"How do you know he doesn't have feelings for you?" she repeated calmly.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, internally beating back the spark of hope and butterflies in her stomach that Mikaela had unintentionally brought up with her words.
"Mikaela," she said slowly, "I know Spock better than I know myself most days. Trust me on this. He doesn't."
She shrugged, "I'm not so sure. I've seen the way he is with you. He's not afraid to open up a little with you, which is strange. Especially when you take in the fact that he's part Vulcan, I think it's safe to assume that you're a very important part of his life too."
Hayley groaned, running a hand down her face in frustration. Leave it to Mikaela to read into things. "You need to stop reading romance novels. Just because we're important to each other doesn't mean we're in love."
Silence stretched between them for a long moment as both girls tried to come up with a way to express their views.
"Do you want my opinion?" Mikaela said at last, "About you, not Spock."
Sighing, Hayley collapsed back in her chair, "Shoot."
"I think the fact that you are freaking out about this, loosing concentration, and just overall overthinking it, means you are developing feelings for him. You need to stop thinking about it and just follow your heart."
Hayley stared at her friend, simply processing her words. She had never been very good with emotions. Or rather, she had never had a reason to worry over what she was feeling. Everything had always been black and white when it came to the relationships in her life. Nothing had ever given her pause, or made her unable to focus on anything else. Until now.
Right now, what she really needed to do was stop thinking about it all together, maybe then she'd find an answer. Distract herself and hope she'd have an epiphany moment when she wasn't looking. Of course that would never happen. Not with this. It was far too important. So instead she closed her eyes, leaned back in her chair, and attempted to meditate. It was something she'd been taught on Vulcan. All Vulcans learned to meditate regularly in order to keep control over their emotions. However, she had always found it helpful as a way to understand her emotions and toss logic aside to allow her the ability to "follow her heart" as Mikaela said.
By the time she blinked her eyes back open, her whole body was stiff from staying in one position for too long. Mikaela was still there, but had been reduced to playing games on her PADD while her friend was more or less in a coma-like state. Hayley stood and stretched out all her aching muscles as Mikaela's eyes snapped up.
"Better?" Mikaela asked.
Hayley nodded in response.
"And have you reached a decision?" And just like that Therapist Mikaela disappeared and Best-Friend-Hoping-for-Juicy-Gossip Mikaela appeared.
Hayley just gave her a small smile. She had every intention of telling her friend everything she'd learned about herself in that short amount of time, but for now it was fun to mess with her.
"I think I need to hit the gym, stretch out my muscles for a while."
"Hayley!" Mikaela whined as she followed the doctor out of the office.
"Do you think we could gather up the girls for some group yoga or something?"
"This isn't funny!" Mikaela stomped her foot on the ground like a five year old. An amazing feat considering they were now walking down the corridor towards the turbolift. A few people stared at them, but most had already grown accustomed to their random behavior and paid them no mind.
"And I think I should take a night off. I've been working pretty hard lately. I don't think Bones would mind."
"Fine," Mikaela growled, stomping onto the turbolift with crossed arms. "I don't wanna know anyway. Nevermind that I was the one that helped you out."
Hayley grinned, "So we should have a slumber party, like we used to. We'll stay up and watch movies, paint our nails, and…talk."
Mikaela grinned and lightly punched Hayley's arm, "Jerk."
