I do not own 'Heroes' or anything related.


Commentator: Welcome back my normal and hero wannabe friends to the final instalment of 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary): Genesis'. Before we begin let's take a look at some of the reviews you've sent us. PROFESSOR! OPEN THE SHOOT!

(The Professor does so, and out pops eight envelopes)

Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from Selena Antares:

Yet again, great chapter. I love the part about the dragon-like creatures from limbo. :)

Commentator: Yes, there was a little 'Doctor Who' reference.

Professor: Our second review is from YinYang13:

I love this fic. I find it so funny! I like how you point out all the little plot inconsistencys...did I spell that right?
Anyway! Can't wait for the next chapter!

It's actually inconsistencies.

Sammy: Our third review is from AlmightySeaKelp:

All this talk of X Men... now I'm waiting for Claire to grow Adamantium claws. Another excellent chapter! XD

Commentator: Wouldn't be surprised given the latest change made to Claire that completely contradicts her character previously. Our fourth review is from BellaRide28:

Wow, I love this parody so much! It is so funny... And, it even follows the story line (unlike some other parodies I have read...). SO, please update soon and keep all of your viewers happy!

We wouldn't dream of making our reviewers unhappy! Except when we don't update regularly.

Professor: Our fifth review is from Haruko Kurimasu:

, no "Sylar goes to Snowglobe-happy Virginia's house" scene? :( You could've made some great comparisons between Virginia Gray and Margaret White! Like, for instance, they both get murdered by their telekinetic offspring, proclaim the said telekinetic children as cursed, and their husbands are both gone since said telekinetic children were small. Oh, and they're both crazy and try to kill their kids first. WE NEED CARRIE JOKES! Or at least a reference!
The whole Dr. Who Time Traveling stuff gave me a headache O_O. I guess I should start watching that show! :D
Oh, and since Peter's geographically stupid, you should have him trying to figure out what part of New York Sylar's from in Kirby Plaza!

Sylar: Mohinder mentioned your inability to understand a world map! I'm from Brooklyn, BROOKLYN!
Peter: Are you sure it isn't Queens?
Sylar: ENOUGH! (telekinetically chokes Peter) BROOKLYN! I'LL BEAT IT INTO YOU FIRST!
Peter: PYLAR!
Sylar: ...What?
Peter: What?
XD

Yes well I'm afraid Peter is only geographically stupid outside of the U.S. I'm sure he would know which part Sylar's from.

Sammy: Our sixth review is from jcogginsa:

very keanu reeves. lol

Commentator: Yes, interesting story behind that reference. It was originally conceived, and written, to be in a fanfic idea Anonymius had about this powerful mutant taking over the future instead of Sylar, and he later confronts Peter in that scene and says that line. However, given that there was little thought and progress given to that idea, and the increasing popularity of this parody, we decided to transfer the line and give it to Sylar.

"DAMN YOU, ANONYMIUS!"

Commentator: Quiet, you. Our seventh review is from petrelli heiress:

Sylar:...By the way, I love the trench coat look. Very Keanu Reeves.
Peter: Yeah, I have a thing for Neo.

*snigger* I love that you keep mentioning how unemotional a lot of them are, like Peter about Nathan being dead/actually Sylar. Heh.

I loved how Mohinder kept shouting about the best special effects battle he'd ever seen, and how Hiro just wanted to see it...

This show has far too many paradoxes, I just try to ignore them.

On the whole, loved it :)

Commentator: Yes, when Anonymius was watching Heroes towards the end he wondered what would happened if they succeeded. They probably would have said that it happened in a 'different reality', the lamest and most popular method of wrapping up temporal plotholes.

Professor: And our eighth review is from queenoftheoutlands:

"Sylar: Excellent. Let us begin the greatest special effects battle ever produced on-"
Why must they always do this to us? I mean missing the 5YG one was bad enough but then the whole Invisible Thread Epic!SylarvsPetrellifight that only Claire got to see? It really isn't fair.
Meanwhile, you really have to put your hillarious parody skills onto Virginia Gray the creepy snow-globe lady and mistress of mind-screwing. Because she deserves it. Big time.

Commentator: Yes, Anonymius felt the same way. I myself was a little annoyed how they built us up for this big showdown then close the doors.

Professor: A little? Sir, you smashed doors down with a axe just so you could see the fight!

Commentator: Well someone was bound to be driven insane by the Heroes writing staff! It just happened to be me! Well that seems to be everyone! So here it is, the final chapter, "Landslide Stops Exploding Man!"


Previously on 'Heroes', D.L. confronts his wife Niki, who has been taken over by Jessica.

D.L.: Who are you?

(Jessica smiles)

Commentator: Wait, I don't recall this scene ever occurring in 'Heroes'.

Professor: It looks like something out of a deleted scene, leaving the viewers completely confused as to how D.L. came to the conclusion that something isn't right with his wife.

Meanwhile in New York, Nathan's wife and his sons have returned from an inexplicable journey.

Nathan: So dear, how was 24 Land?

Heidi: Not too bad, mind you. My other husband turned out to be a terrorist, then was murdered, then my son was kidnapped by his grandfather and my brother-in-law managed to rescue him before the ship he was on was blown up by the government. Other than that, it was pretty good. So what's been happening while I was away?

Nathan: Oh I came to terms with being a mutant and Linderman is trying to get me to go along with this plan to blow up New York in order to bring world peace. Oh, and it turns out I have an illegitimate daughter with an old flame.

Heidi: Oh right. WAIT, WHAT? A DAUGHTER?

Meanwhile in New York, Nathan has doubts about Linderman's plans, no doubt because of the numerous flaws in it.

Angela: Linderman tells me you've been having doubts.

Nathan: Gasp! YOU know about the plan?

Angela: It isn't just Linderman's plan. We've all had a part in it.

Nathan: GASP! But that means-

Angela: Yes, Nathan. I- am a member of the higest rank in the Company!

DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!

Nathan: WOW! WHAT A TWIST! WHAT A SHOCKING REVELATION! WHAT A- wait. But that means you have an ability.

Angela: Yes.

Nathan: And did Dad also have an ability?

Angela: Yes.

Nathan: So you knew that your children would gain mutant powers.

Angela: What are you getting at?

Nathan: So, if you're mutants, and you knew Peter and I were mutants- why did you never tell us that we were going to have super powers or get us involved in the Company?

Angela: Because, Nathan, this is a show about normal people discovering they have extraordinary abilities, and it wouldn't be much of a shock for you if we told you beforehand.

Nathan: But-But- the fact that the parents have powers- and never told or confided their children- THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!

Meanwhile in New York, our Hiro's father has come to him in order to help him save the world.

Kaito: You see Hiro, I knew about your powers.

Hiro: But how-?

Kaito: Because I too-am a mutant.

DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!

Hiro: WOW! WHAT A TWIST! WHAT A SHOCKING REVELATION! WHAT A- wait a minute! If you knew that I was going to have superpowers then why didn't you tell me beforehand, or let alone let me know that you and Mum had powers?

Kaito: Because, Hiro, this is a show about normal people discovering...

Meanwhile in New York, Kaito explains to Hiro about the masterminds behind the Apocalyspe.

Kaito: This entire exploding man thing has been orchestrated by former colleagues of mine, who also have super powers, that is until they unveiled their insane plan to unify the world by causing a great catastrophe in New York. When I and others pointed out that no country in their right mind was going to submit to American authority because of an event that didn't occur in their own country and that it would end up with norms persecuting our kind, they kept rambling about 'expendable losses' and 'the greater good' and '0.07%'. So now I've decided to teach you how to use a sword in order to fight Sylar.

Hiro: But doesn't it take years to master a sword?

Kaito: Hiro, be realistic here. In the real world it does take years to master a certain martial art, but in the world of television and film it takes only a matter of minutes. Hours at the most.

Meanwhile in New York, Candice Wilman explains to Micah as to why she is helping Linderman.

Candice: You don't know what it's like, to be shunned by the world because you are different. But soon, thanks to Linderman, nobody will care that others are different.

Micah: But, wouldn't a catastrophe caused by a mutant make people even more intolerant towards those who are different?

Candice: ...Maybe...

Meanwhile in New York, D.L. and Jessica have tracked down Linderman in the hopes of finding their son, only to find something horrific.

D.L.: Oh my God!

Jessica: Our entire lives have been manipulated in some kind of diabolical scheme!

Linderman: Mwahahaha! Yes, it is true. I have been manipulating your lives in order for you two to produce a mutant who can talk to machines in order to rig an election so that Nathan Petrelli wins! Even though the ability that emerges is always random.

D.L.: Wait, you're seriously trying to tell us that over three decades, you've been arranging our lives so that me and Niki would meet, fall in love, get married and have a son, with an ability that's always random, just so you could rig an election, when there are so many simpler ways to do it?

Linderman: I'm a criminal genius, I have a weakness for highly elaborated, unnecessarily complicated schemes that take forever to get in motion.

Meanwhile in New York, after killing Isaac and taking his power, Sylar has painted a painting that depicts him fighting a certain someone he thought dead.

Sylar: Peter Petrelli. The Sherlock Holmes to my Moriaty. The Simpsons to my Family Guy. The Lost to my Heroes. I could go on, but I won't.


Meanwhile at the Company's morally ambiguous headquarters, HRG and Matt prepare themselves for their future encounter with Sylar.

HRG: We need to find Peter. He's the only one powerful enough to fight Sylar.

Matt: Forget it. I'm gonna take on Sylar myself.

HRG:...Okay, you do remember that he's a telekinetic who can freeze and throw back anything anyone throws back unless they're another telekinetic, right?

Matt: Your point being?

HRG: Any bullets you try to shoot at him will just be stopped in mid air and flung back at you.

Matt: That's not gonna stop me! (Walks away)

HRG: But-but-ARRRRRRRGH!

Meanwhile in Peter's-vision-travel to the past thing- a talk with his mentor like figure Charles Deveaux assures him that he will save the world.

Charles: Ah, I can die happy now knowing that the world is in safe hands.

Commentator: Actually I've read ahead in the script and it turns out that Peter is the bomb.

Charles: ...Oh...

Professor: SIR!

Commentator: What, I'm just saying!

Meanwhile at the headquarters of moral ambiguity, Niki and D.L., who have found Micah, while escaping meet up with HRG, Matt, Mohinder and Molly.

Niki, D.L., Micah, HRG, Matt, Mohinder and Molly: Oh look a group of complete strangers. Let's just accept them without worry who they are!

Meanwhile outside, Sylar and Peter meet up for their final showdown.

Sylar: And now, Peter, let us begin the greatest special effects battle ever produced on national television! FORCE STRANGLE!

Peter: GAK!

Sylar: Your move.

Peter: GAK! GAK! GAK!

Sylar: You're serious? You're just going to float there helpless, even though you could fling me back or use your telekinesis to free you? Huh. This isn't quite like what my painting depicted. I thought this was supposed to be a fierce battle?

Commentator: Yeah, it seems that the universe tends to portray Peter as less pathetic than he really is, like that painting that depicted him flying when he actually plummeted to the ground.

Sylar: Well this is quite disappointing.

Commentator: You're not the only one who's disappointed.

Matt: Sylar! Take this!

Gun: BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

Sylar: (Stops the bullets with his telekinesis) Oh please, did you really think that you could shoot a telekinetic?

Matt: Yes!

Sylar: -But-but you know- AGGGGGGGGGGGGH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Seriously, you're about as bright as Peter is not pathetic!

Matt: Well that can't be right, Sylar. Cos Peter is really pathetic!

Sylar: -That's it. I'm going to do all the fans a favour and kill the most annoying character in all of Heroes.

Claire: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I know I can be a whiny bitch, but it's just the teenage hormones I swe-

Sylar: I was talking about Parkman.

Claire: Oh. Really, he's more annoying than me?

Sylar: You're annoying?

Bullets: WHOOSH

Matt: GAK!

Fans: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Peter: I don't think the fans were too impressed with your decision.

Sylar: They don't know what they want.

Niki: HOORAY! (Tears off a lamp post) I'm helping this person for no reason!

Post: WHACK

Sylar: Owie.

Peter: Go back to your son!

Niki: And now I'm going away for no reason!

And so with the ability he gained from Niki, Peter manages to defeat Sylar. However, when his hands start glowing, he realises something to his horror.

Peter: Oh no! I'M the bomb! OH IF ONLY I SAW THIS COMING! Oh wait. I did.

Sylar: You know you really suck at this 'saving the world' business.

(Hiro appears)

Hiro: SYLAR!

Sylar: You!

(Hiro stabs him)

Sylar: GAK! Why…Didn't I dodge that? (Falls to the ground).

Peter: Hiro! You've got to kill me!

Commentator: Aren't you confused how he looks nothing like the Hiro you met?

Peter: Now isn't the time to be confused about things!

Professor: For once, you people actually make sense.

Unfortunately before Hiro could kill Peter Sylar flung him away for some reason.

Sylar: (Dying) Is this the end of Sylar?

Sylar's Head hitting the ground: Yep.

Peter: CLAIRE! DO IT! IT'S THE ONLY WAY!

Claire: (In tears) No! I can't kill my own uncle!

Commentator: Er…HE CAN COME BACK FROM THE DEAD ONCE THE BULLET'S REMOVED, YOU STUPID GIRL! This has been shown before, why are you hesitating! You're really not fighting the stereotype that all blonds are stupid, you know!

Cliare: No! There has to be another way!

Nathan: (Flies down) Yes there is.

Claire: -How did you know what I said when you were miles away?

Nathan: -Errrrrrrrr….Super hearing?

And so Nathan flies Peter high above New York, allowing him to detonate without harming anyone. Save himself and his brother.

Claire: Oh dear. Instead of shooting my uncle in the head, which would have only killed him temporarily, I've now permanently lost both my biological dad and uncle.

Suresh: Hold on, I thought he couldn't die?

Noah: You know what, I don't think that fact stays in people's head as firmly as you'd think.

D.L. : Wait, was that it?

Niki: Huh?

D.L.: That was the big season finale that this entire series had been building up to?

Niki: What more did you want?

D.L.: Oh I don't know, how about every character playing their part in stopping the apocalypse? I mean isn't that what we were promised at the beginning of this series? I mean the only person who did anything useful was Nathan!

Niki: Well when you think about it, everyone played their part in stopping the Apocalypse.

D.L.: Huh?

Niki: Well, Hiro informed Nathan that the bomb wasn't going to make the world a happy place, which made him question the path he took. Then Claire convinced him that the future wasn't set in stone, which convinced him that there is no fate but what we make, and that wouldn't have been possible if Peter hadn't saved her.

HRG: Huh. So what part did the others play in saving the world?

Niki: I haven't worked that out yet.

Claire: And where was the big fight we were promised with the heroes versus Sylar?

HRG: Apparently this show isn't about big fights.

Claire: I can understand that. What I don't understand is them building the viewers up for this climatic battle, only to give them Sylar choking on Peter then the latter punching the former! I haven't felt this let down since I read the ending of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'!

HRG: Oh you just hated it because she didn't kill off Harry Potter, like she was "supposed to"!

Claire: What, was a little sacrificial death of the most annoying character in a children's book series in order to wrap up the series too much to ask?

HRG: As the epilogue showed, you don't need to kill off the main character in order to wrap up the series.

Mohinder: Well then, I think all we need now to wrap up the series is one of my speeches. Ahem. Blah blah blah evolution blah blah blah destiny blah blah blah God blah blah blah.

Commentator: That pretty much sums up every speech you've ever made.

BA DUM CH

THE END


Commentator: Well, that's the great epic of 'Heroes Abridged with Commentary' Season One over and done with. I admit when this first started it didn't look hopeful. Now it's one of Anonymius' more successful fanfics! Unlike some of the more serious stuff he's written. Anyhoo, there's not much really to add, except tune in for a month's time for 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary): Generations'. Unless there's a chance that Anonymius has moved on to other things that is.

Claire, Matt and Isaac: HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

Commentator: -What do you three want?

Claire, Matt and Isaac: We're the only heroes who didn't get any sort of brief comic booky form!

Commentator: ...Why would you want to?

Claire, Matt and Isaac: Oh come on! Please?

Commentator: Fine then! Here's your comic book forms!


Ever miss 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'? Miss those times during her High School years where she struggled with her superhero identity like Spiderman without the cheezy costume? Mad at those network idiots who prevented 'Buffy The Animated Series' from being produced so you could have year after year of Buffy and her friends and their relationships frozen in time for all eternity like that episode of 'Angel'? Well mourn no more! Cos now you have: RESSURECTION GIRL! Feisty cheerleader Claire Bennett struggles with her duel identity as the costumed crime fighter along with cheerleading and homework. Hmm. You wonder how she gets anything done. Just like Buffy. And like Buffy she has to keep this a secret from her family, to protect them or whatever lame excuse heroes are using nowadays to keep up their secret identity. And during all of this, her only confident who knows her secret identity is her friend Zach, the boy she loves, but it can never be, just like with Buffy and Angel. However it's because he's gay, not because of some curse that would be broken if they were to have sex and he'd lose his soul and turn into a monster or anything. So if you love Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then you'll like Ressurection Girl! Coming soon to a television network near you.


Since a recent solar eclipse (Apparently) Matt Parkman has had the ability to read minds. While struggling to cope with this ability and keeping it a secret, Matt as Mindcop uses its power to help people in need. So tune in to 'Mindcop'! Coming soon to a television network near you. (Or if you'd rather watch a similar show without all the cheesy costumes watch 'The Listener' instead!)


Ever get tired of all those superhero shows where the hero actually does something? Prefer that all they did was moan about what was going to happen without doing anything about it?Want to watch a superhero show with no action at all? Other than 'Heroes' that is? Well look no further! Cos we're bringing you 'Oracle'! Watch as episode after episode all he does is paint like some art show. And unlike other precogs like in 'Medium' or 'Dead Zone' where the main characters actually try to prevent the future, all Oracle does is whine about it! So tune in to 'Oracle'! Coming soon to a television network near you.


Commentator: There! Happy now?

Claire, Matt and Isaac: What the-

Commentator: Good! So tune in to 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary): Generations' in a month's time (probably), which will be a separate fanfic! Coming soon to a fanfictiondotnet near you.