So to make this clear I don't own any thing!

This will be slash (male/Male)

I'm dyslectic and English isn't my first language so plz forgive me for mistakes

I have a beta again, yeah!

That's about all the things you need to know so enjoy.

Italics= thoughts

Bold= writing (a book or letter)

For the first time in months Xander slept the whole night without nightmares of Lee being dead. When he woke up he pulled Spike closer. The vampire turned around kissing his anchor.

"You have no idea how much I missed this." Spike told him. Xander smiled and kissed Spike again. They stayed like that for 15 minutes before Xander started to untangle himself.

"Time to summon the Scooby gang." He said. Spike let out a groan.

"Do we have to?" he asked. Xander pulled the vampire out of bed.

"Come on I already got a plan. And when Dan is safe he can go home and we will have the apartment to ourselves for the next four days." Spike smiled at that.

"Ok, let's get started then." After getting dressed, Xander woke up Dan and called the girls before he started breakfast. Spike walked in the kitchen only wearing his leather pants.

"Hi, Lee, there's blood in the fridge. You want anything else?" Xander asked. Spike pulled the burned in to a hug.

"Yeah, you, but I think that's gone have to wait." Xander rolled his eyes at the blonde and, without saying a word, he turned around. Spike knew something wasn't right. He walked up to Xander and put his hands on the other male's shoulders. "Lex? What's wrong?" the vampire asked. Xander let out a sigh.

"Nothing really. You've just changed so much." Spike pulled the human closer.

"I know I'm not human anymore." He started. Xander turned around before the blonde could continue.

"It's not you being human or not. It's you being comfortable, walking around half naked, speaking like that. I used to get you piss drunk before you even could say the word sex without turning scarlet. It kind of makes me sad that I wasn't there to see you getting comfortable in your own skin. I wanted to be the one to make you grow and make you see how amazing you are." Spike pulled Xander closer.

"Yeah, that would have been awesome." They hugged for a few minutes until they heard somebody cough near the door.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but I think the eggs are burning." Dan said. Xander immediately let the vampire in his arms go and went to save breakfast.

An hour later the gang arrived. The girls had a million questions about Spike being back. Xander stopped them.

"We are not here concerning Lee." He told the girls. "Dan has a problem with a clan of g'lang demons." Xander, Spike and Dan explained what had happened the night before. At the end of the tale Buffy spoke up.

"So why should we help him? He's a demon" She said. Before Xander could tell her off, Mark stood up.

"No Buffy! He's one of my best friend's. So his grandfather was a demon, but that doesn't change who he is." He yelled at her.

"These demons killed his parents when he was 4 years old. I have a plan, but if you're going to be a bitch about it, you can leave now." Xander told her. Buffy at least had the decency to look ashamed.

"Sorry, Xander, I didn't mean it like that." She said while looking at the ground.

"No you meant it exactly like that. I know what you think about demons but you need to understand the world isn't black and white but a shitton of grey." Xander told her " you can even suck it up or leave now" Buffy looked ashamed.

"I will help." She mumbled Xander didn't said anything and moved on.

"Wills, Tara, I have a spell. It needs a little adjustment, but with your help I think we can make the clan forget Dan even exists. And, I have another one to shield his demon half from other demons so they don't stumble upon him by accident. Buffy, I need the demon's blood. There should still be some at the ally they attack us last night" Xander explained. Buffy nodded.

"I'm on it." She was out of the door in an instant. Xander turned to Giles and Ethan.

"Do you have the other things I asked for?" He asked. Giles nodded and passed the sack he was carrying over to the young man. Xander thanked him.

"Dan, girls we need to start." He said. The four of them went into the study leaving Giles Ethan and Spike alone in the room.

"So you're back." Giles started. Spike braced himself getting ready to defend himself.

"Relax. I know you're anchored so you can't hurt him even if you wanted. I just want to tell you one thing." Spike raised an eyebrow at the other man's statement. "Don't leave him again. If you die…I will bring you back to life for the sole purpose of killing you again. If you do decide on going on another soul searching trip or something, you bloody well take him with you, because he wouldn't survive being without you again." The watcher ended his speech. Spike swallowed an insult and looked into the man's eyes.

"Neither would I." The vamp said. Giles nodded. Ethan clapped his hands and stood up.

"So now the threatening is over, tea anyone?" He asked.

When Buffy came back with the needed blood, though fresh as the clan had sent out a search party, it didn't take very long to perform the spell. Once done, the three magic users felt drained, both physically and mentally, so the group decided to rest and start research up again the next day. When they were all gone, with Dan promising to pick them up the following day, Xander started shaking. Spike lifted him up without saying a word and brought him to bed. When Spike stood up to leave, Xander took his hand.

"Stay." He asked. Spike took off his shoes and slipped under the covers. Xander's hand found his.

"Lee? What happened after I left?" Xander asked.

"You didn't read Edmund's dairy?" Spike asked.

"I did, but I wanted to know how Dru got to you. The runes in our ring should have protected you from vampires." Xander said. Spike let out a sigh.

"Yeah, I wasn't wearing my ring."

Flashback:

William was sitting at his desk. An open box in front of him. He took the ring out of it. Like he did every night since Lex disappeared, he held it between his fingers and wished his lover would just come back to him. A small knock pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Willy?" The little girl in front of him asked.

"Hello, Edna, I didn't know you where here." The boy asked.

"Yeah, papa was summoned by the council. Apparently, there is a clan of really strong vampires passing through. And like always, they have no idea what to do. I bet you and Ally would have stopped them in no time." The 10 year old told him. She must have seen the grimace across Williams face when she mentioned Alexander because she stopped talking, walked up to him, and climbed up his lap to cuddle with him.

"I miss him, too." She said in a small voice. "Is he ever coming back?" The girl asked. William let out a deep sigh.

"I don't know princess. I'm afraid he is gone forever." The blonde told her looking at the ring in his palm.

"What's that?" Edna asked.

"Lex made this for me. It protects me against all the demons and stuff." The poet explained.

"Then why don't you wear it?" The girl in his lap questioned. William thought about it before he answered.

"I couldn't protect him from being taken, so I don't deserve to be protected by him." He told her. Edna looked at him like he was crazy, but she didn't say anything about it. The two of them sat in silence for a while before the girl stood up and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm gonna read downstairs. You want to come with?" She asked him. William shook his head.

"No princess. I'm going to write I think." Edna looked sad.

"You not coming out of your room isn't gonna help." She said before closing the door. William let out a sigh. The girl was right, but he just couldn't muster the energy. He did it once and that was to end it all. But, he couldn't even do that without other people butting in. So, he stayed in his room writing bad poetry and waiting for the day his promise to Edmund ended so he could follow his Lex.

Two hours later his mother stormed into his room. Apparently she was sick of him hiding in his room. She forced him in some fresh clothes. Ten minutes later he was sitting in carriage, poetry still in hand, on his way to a party.

Not even three hours later, he was walking through London with tears in his eyes. Of course, he didn't want the dumb girl hosting the party, but she was right. He wasn't good enough. That's why Lex's friends were able to take him away. Then he saw the girl in the barn and he knew what she was…Vampire. If she got him, he wouldn't have to kill himself and he wouldn't be living with this hole anymore. So he let the woman believe she found an easy prey and let himself become food.

When he felt the fangs on his neck, he was relieved, welcoming the dark. When he felt his lips getting wet, he first thought it was tears. He liked his lips. It was warm and tasted weird. It took his brains a few seconds to register it as blood. He wanted to stop, he knew what would happen if he drank it. His brain was screaming at him to stop, but his body just didn't listen. He felt the arm being pulled away and when his world turned black, he hoped Lex was right and the thing he would become wouldn't be him.

End flashback

"In the beginning, I thought you were wrong about the whole soul thing. Because, if I didn't have my soul how could that hole still be there. I tried to stay as human as possible. But every time I spared a life, Angelus found out and he was set on making me a 'real' vampire." Spike explained.

"When he noticed beating me close to death didn't help he locked me up. They didn't feed me for at least a month. When there was nothing but the hunger controlling me he send in two little girls. The moment they walked in all I could smell and hear was the blood pulsing true them. I drained them both in a matter of minutes while Angelus stood there laughing at me. He would ask me where my high morals were, telling me I was no better then them, and that I need to stop pretending. He repeated this for close to 3 years, with the longest I went without food was six months. After that, I just couldn't fight anymore. I gave up…became a killer just like him. Through the years, I learned that the more I embraced my demon the easier it was to keep going. I stopped fighting and put you in the farthest corner of my mind. Because of this, the only thing I remembered was hazel eyes and pain. I'm not proud of it, but I don't think I would have survived otherwise." Spike ended his story. Xander had kept quiet during it. Spike couldn't look at the brunet so he was surprised when a pair of arms surrounded him. Xander buried his nose in the vampire's cold neck.

"Lee, please, don't do this to yourself. You didn't have a choice." Xander began. Spike pulled out of his lover's arms.

"But I had! I could have ended it!" Spike said. Xander got angry.

"Yeah, you could have done that, but where would that leave me? Our paths were set out long ago. If you had died, Angel would have never offered me to you and I wouldn't wish for a place to belong. I would never have met you. So, no, you didn't have a choice. It was bloody well meant to be." He yelled at the blonde. Spike was baffled by all this. He never thought about it like that.

"So, no matter what we did, I was always meant to become a vampire?" He asked. Spike was shaken by this notion. Xander saw the distress on his lover's face. He enclosed the vampire in a tight hug.

"Please, Lee, let's not think about that. We have been given a chance first by meeting each other and now by this. Let us use it. I need you. And maybe, Fate knew that so she sent me to you. It's no use asking yourself 'what if'. We are here with each other isn't that enough?" Xander pleaded. Spike let out a sigh.

"This time travel is giving me a bloody headache. Let's go to sleep." Xander nodded pulled the covers back over them and snuggled even closer to the blonde. He had hoped on something more this evening but the conversation had efficiently killed the mood. He noticed Spike was already asleep. Xander let out a small sigh, kissed his lover's head, and soon followed him to sleep.