A/N: Sorry it's been forever and a couple days, everyone ~! My life has been a rubix cube of school and athletics and performing arts and side projects, oh my ! But I'll do my best to update much more frequently . You're stuck with a relatively short chapter, but it's necessary for plot development .
Much love ! C:
"So what's this big idea Tony's fangirling about?" I asked neutrally as I stood across from my two scientifically inclined…friends. Wow. I had friends. I realized fully for the first time since I'd joined the team.
I hadn't had friends for four years.
The revelation was both incredibly sad and incredibly relieving, now that I felt the closing of a wound I hadn't ever really consciously known I'd had.
The boys, unaware of my inner epiphany, were looking at me excitedly. Bruce's was much more muted, but his eyes shone unmistakably and the little quirk at the corner of his mouth gave him away. Tony, on the other hand, was practically vibrating with self-pride and the thrill of a new discovery.
"We were investigating your data file—the literal data one, the hardware and software type, not the paperwork type—and we reactivated your tracking application." Tony said before Bruce could open his mouth.
"Key word 'reactivated'." Bruce emphasized, cutting in. "Meaning Fury respected your privacy enough to have it shut off until he truly needed to know where you were and what you were doing."
"Brownie points." I nodded my head seriously before motioning for them to continue. I understood it was important to Bruce for me to see all the good intent Fury had for me.
" Anyways, when we reactivated the SHIELD track, we found it was really a latch-on program, that barely scratched the surface of the Project's tracking hardware." Tony said. This wasn't news to me—Fury had asked me to sign a consent form to authorize the procedure that implanted SHIELD's device. It was a security measure during my rehabilitation.
Tony's face suddenly became inexplicably somber. The gravity of his expression, eyes pulling on mine, made my muscles tense. This couldn't be any sort of good finding. "Which, oh by the way, there's a bit of bad news as well. The Project's tracker is more of a combination of hardware and software. Except the software isn't only inside the hardware. Apparently whatever your hand is made out of, it's able to be integrated with software. It's a semi-organic conductor."
"So the Project's not only implanted in me, it's a physical part of me." I said numbly. I gripped the nearest counter, hard, and took a breath to let that settle in.
"Yes." Bruce agreed, strangely calm. Like he was hoping if he kept his composure, it would catch to me like a virus.
Too bad I already have one infiltrating me.
"This means the Project will always have this trace. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't monitored since the day you were extracted." Bruce said.
I flexed my metal hand absently, thinking back through the months after my rescue, the days leading up to the latest confrontation.
"Well, the Third certainly didn't seem too surprised that I'd been alive this whole time." I paused. "Can you get to the part where this is actually exciting? Because so far it's just made me feel all sorts of violent and spine-tingly."
"Right." Tony nodded. "While we can't actively eradicate the software or even the hardware, without completely obliterating that section of your spine, we think we can deconstruct it on a sonic level."
"A sonic level? As in, an electromagnetic waves type deal?"
"Exactly." Tony nodded again, getting excited again. "We still have to experiment with it a bit, but we believe we can administer a counter-wave to block out the Project's tracking initiative."
"Can this be applied to the whole program?" My breath caught. Hope was rising again within me, but I knew it was a poisonous snake. It was well enough to encourage it, stroke it along in my mind, but the second I tempted it with any real conviction, it would strike me in every place I'd fought so hard to protect.
"That, we just don't know." Bruce said. "I'm sorry, Lane. I just…we're running along with what we just found out, but I don't want to lead you on, you know? We haven't unraveled all the secrets to the Engineers' work by any means."
"I understand." My voice was just a bit brittle from me reigning in all the emotions barraging around inside.
"Believe us. We're trying our best."
"I know."
"We're going to need you to bear with us a bit, to run tests and hopefully complete the eventual procedure."
"Whatever you need." I sighed. "Thanks. Sorry. I feel like I totally downgraded your discovery. I really do get it. This is leaps and bounds. And I'm grateful."
Tony groaned. Then he shook his head and walked over to me, gathering me in a brief embrace. He shook his head, stepping away distastefully.
"We know. Now stop sulking about like the Little Engine that Can't. I get enough of that from Bruce."
"Fine. When do you need me for this trial run?"
"If you've got the time, I'd like to run a few preliminary tests right now." Bruce said. "Most of the information we need is already in your medical file, but things have changed recently."
The tests weren't so bad. Mostly it felt like any other doctor's appointment I'd ever been to. Height. Weight. Bone mass. My whole life story in my genetics. The only real difference was when they got to my metal hand and they tested my regeneration cycle. It was a lot more comfortable than it was back in the day with SHIELD. Back then, those doctors were more like glorified babysitters. I'd gotten relatively close to a few of them, but there was never any question that I was a patient at best—project at worst—and they were the employed.
"Go do something productive with yourself." Tony said, unceremoniously gesturing to the door when the last test was done. I would have had my say about that, but he was clearly wading through the new information, already on the hunt for anything that could help them develop an anti-Project program. That was more important than my indignation.
I showed myself out, wishing I could rush forward in time to when they got it right—because I had no doubts that they would—and I could be malware-free in no time.
Of course it was my luck that instead, I ran into Steve.
"Hey there, Comrade." I said awkwardly.
He gave me a neutral, reserved look. "Lane."
We stood in a very decidedly uncomfortable silence for a few seconds more before he made a move to leave.
"Two steps back then, eh?" I said to his back.
He stiffened. "What?" He asked, with a solid glance.
"One step forward and two steps back." I gestured between him and I. "For a second there, I thought maybe you'd get over the whole combat snafu and your whole falling-on-the-sword motif. And maybe we'd be friends. Or at least upgrade from total strangers."
"If you think I'm going out of my way to repay a debt, you should think that over a little more." Steve said shortly. "If anything, I'm taking one for the team and assigning myself to damage control. You're reckless."
I'd suffered quite literally countless burns, cuts, and hits. I'd entertained dismemberment more than once in my life. I'd had my skull cracked against cement easily a hundred times, maybe more. Steve's words should be a paper cut compared to all that. Except they weren't.
"'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.' Tell me, are you a perfect man?" I asked, without intending to let him answer. "Right. Good talk, Comrade. Let's schedule a follow-up sometime soon." I walked away, and damn it all, my feet were too quick and my eyes were too bright. I was so over being the loose cannon, the science project, the weapon of mass destruction, the poster girl for a human revolution.
I really just wanted to drink some vodka, eat some lemon candy, and watch some Home and Garden network. But that wasn't really a mature reaction, so I went on my way. I had nearly successfully escaped into my room when I ran into Thor. Literally. I don't know how I didn't notice his hulking form.
"Sorry, sorry." I said, backpedaling and trying to make my way around him.
"Lane." He said gruffly, stopping me with a hand on my shoulder. "Are those tears upon your cheeks? Why are you aggrieved?"
"Oh, it's nothing, honestly. It's been a tough day, is all." I spoke the common lie, not wanting to entangle myself in any more emotional situations.
"Is there anything I can do to relieve you of some of your burden?"
I shook my head, a little sweetened just by the fact that a self-proclaimed demi-god cared as much to bother with my issues.
"Really, no. But thank you. It's kind of you."
"Very well, then." Thor didn't seem like the type to push, which worked well in my favour. "Rest assured with these words, Lane, we will avenge your people, and one day soon we will all of us be beyond this chapter of despair." He commanded earnest eye contact for a few moments and waited for my nod before he allowed me to pass.
I shook my head and collapsed on my bed the moment I made it to my room. My mind was a merry-go-round, and all my recent troubles were rising and falling in my breast and head to a convoluted rhythm.
Were Tony and Bruce going to be able to cheat my program? Was Steve ever going to ease up? Would I ever feel comfortable with the level of devotion and interdependency the team was proving to come equipped with? I didn't even know if I was built to handle all this…intimacy.
My God, I wanted to fold myself up in a nest of comforters and sweaters, and hug my mother.
But that wasn't going to happen.
Ever.
And that acceptance brought on a whole new world of unbridled angst. Eventually I just felt like such a stressed, dramatic teenager, that I snuggled down into the sheets and let myself be completely worn out.
The next thing I knew, I was being shaken awake.
"Lane."
I opened my eyes blearily. "What."
"Fury sent me to find you. You weren't answering your pager."
I leaned up on my elbows, and Natasha gave me some space.
"Oh. That. Yeah, I might need a new one of those. It's kind of done."
"Done?"
"I, ah, needed something to occupy myself with on the cab drive to that café. So I, uh, ripped into little pieces. As a therapy type thing."
"We really need to find you some hobbies." She shook her head.
She paused as I got up and stretched, and I could feel her thoughts coursing around in her head like race horses.
"How are you feeling about that, by the way?" She said finally.
"About what?"
"Walking out. Do you wish you stayed gone?"
"It was rash. I was upset. I'm sure I'll have a greater opportunity to do good here than out there, anyways." I shook my head. "I've got a lot to make up for, you know. A lot of—"
"Red on your ledger." Natasha finished. We looked at each other, reassessing. Something clicked. It wasn't pleasant, but it brought us together.
"Enough to paint the wall of China. Twice." I said finally. I began walking and she fell into step beside me.
"The Project has issued as much as a declaration of war. Its next move is anticipated within the coming days. We're playing it safe. Any plans you had in the coming weeks, cancel them. As far as I'm concerned, you don't exist outside of these walls for the next fourteen days." Fury said.
"Do you really think that's necessary?" Tony asked. "We're less than a hop, skip, and throw away if you need us anyways."
"I'm not taking any chances here, Stark. If the program has grown as we've been led to believe, it's likely that every second of shortening our response time matters. We need to nip this in the bud. Shut down their first wave and cripple them so severely, they won't think twice about sending another."
"I request asylum for Jane." Thor said. He was like gold and fire and granite, nothing soft or submissive about him at all. Jane was one lucky girl to have all that intensity reserved for her. She must be stronger than she looks, to hold her own against it.
"I've already sent for her work to be moved here. Likewise, I've requested that Pepper stay here for the time being as well." He turned the last bit of his speech onto Tony, who had opened his mouth to speak.
Fury continued to detail the procedure for the next weeks. Honestly, I drifted away from it all more than once.
"…and a short service will be held for the fallen Project soldiers before their study and public exposure commences." I was snapped back into the present by the weight of Fury's gaze. I knew it was all for me. Compromise. Bruce caught my eye and gave me a little quirk at the corner of his mouth, almost smug. You see? it said.
I did.
Fury soon dismissed us for our last night out on the town before mandatory lockdown. I felt like we were all kids with a curfew, or we were about to be stuck in an extended bomb drill. But that was the breaks.
"Lane." I turned to see Steve as I walked out of the conference room.
It seemed childish to walk away, so I held my ground. He would never get to know how much his condescension burned.
"Yes."
"I wanted…" He seriously struggled over his words, and I was entirely bemused. I'd never seen him work so hard. "I wanted to apologize for my words earlier. They were premature."
I shook my head. "I don't accept apologies for the truth." I turned to walk away, but he put a staying hand on my arm. It seemed like everyone on the team was holding me in place, making sure I didn't go.
"Maybe there was some ugly truth in it, but it wasn't right saying it out of anger."
"Fine. Apology accepted." We stood in the awkwardness of a Band-Aid slapped on a wound, waiting to see if the antiseptic would take hold. "I just want to know. We started on a seriously wrong foot, and I'm wondering if we're just going to be trapped in this cycle of me doing rash things and you being grudgingly valiant and one day we're just going to explode into little pieces of resentment. Because that would be kind of a buzzkill."
Steve thought for a moment. "That would be…unpleasant." He paused a moment, then raised his chin decisively. "We've got the night before lockdown begins. I'm willing to sacrifice mine, spend it with you, and get to know each other better enough that we reach an understanding. Hopefully this will eliminate our qualms with each other. For the sake of the team." I was impressed until his add-on at the end revealed his true motivations. Ah, well. We could work on getting the tin man a heart as we went.
"Careful, Comrade, your human is showing." I rolled my eyes. "But that sounds fair enough."
"What would you like to do, then?" He asked.
"Well, we're sure as hell not staying here on our last night of freedom."
