The Chronicles of Haven: The Elf, The Ottsel, And The Hot Tub

By Light-Eco-Sage

Rated: PG-13 for sexual references, crude humor, and minor language

Summery: Uh… Daxter gets a hot tub and Keira gets a rather naughty idea.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Naughty Dog owns Jak and Daxter and all of their friends.

LES: Sorry about the title, I couldn't help but parody "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe." Rest assured, I absolutely love the Chronicles of Narnia! My mother read the books to me as a child. Long live Aslan!

Jak: Who's Aslan?

LES: Don't make me explain. (tosses Jak a Chronicles of Narnia DVD) Here, educate yourself while I write this.

Jak: I know you! You're just trying to get me out of the way! You're going to make me do something embarrassing, aren't you?

LES: Uh… define 'embarrassing'. Warning: Kind of short.


It was a lovely summer day in Haven City. Of course, when I say lovely, I mean hot-enough-to-melt-steel hot, at least to Haven standards. Only Jak and Daxter, who were visiting from the desert city, Spargus, seemed comfortable in the heat. Probably because they were used to much hotter temperatures in the Wasteland.

Jak was sitting in the Naughty Ottsel bar, enjoying the unseasonable heat. Torn sat across from him, and glared at the Dark Elf. "Bastard." He hissed.

"Hey, don't blame me because I'm used to this weather." Jak said.

And then Keira came into the bar, sweating heavily. She noticed Jak's apparent comfort and glared at him too.

Jak sighed. "Not you too!"

Keira sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just really hot out. And then I saw you looking totally at home…"

"Maybe if you came to live with me out in Spargus like I've asked you, you'd get used to the heat."

Keira sat down next to him and shoved Jak playfully on the shoulder.

Suddenly, a small annoying Ottsel named Daxter came into the bar in a flurry. "Jak! Jak! You've got to come see what I got!"

"Is it a way to talk less?" Jak asked.

Daxter blinked. "No."

"Then I'm not interested."

"No! You have to come!" Daxter hurried towards the backrooms. "I just got it delivered."

Jak looked at Keira in exasperation. Then he got up to follow Daxter, and Keira followed in curiosity. Daxter led them to a door and opened it. Jak and Keira looked in, and their jaws dropped.

"A hot tub?" Jak demanded. It was, indeed, a hot tub.

"Cool, huh?" Daxter asked. "I plan to put this baby to good use!"

"But… a hot tub?" Keira asked. "How did you manage to afford one when you've been in Spargus?"

"I merely… excised the power of my position!" Daxter defended himself.

Jak sighed. "You told whoever owned this that I was your friend."

"So! It's mine, fair and square!" Daxter said.

"But… why a hot tub?" Keira asked.

"Because hot tubs are the new thing!" Daxter said. "It's almost the new black!"

"So, you just went out and got us a hot tub?" Jak asked.

"Us? What us?" Daxter asked. "This hot tub is for me and anyone I happen to take in with me. Uh… Jak, you're definitely out. But… Keira… if you want to join me…"

"Uh… I think I'll pass." The she-elf said.


"You know, Daxter has done a lot of dumb things before." Jak said casually later on in Keira's house, where he stayed while he was in Haven. "But this is by far the dumbest. A hot tub in the summer?"

"I think you're just upset that he won't let you in it." Keira said casually from her room. The door was closed, so Jak couldn't see her from the living room.

The elf scoffed. "I am not upset! What would I want with a hot tub anyway?"

"I don't know… it might be kind of nice." Keira said. And then there was a pause in the conversation. "Hey, Jak?"

"What?"

"Let's just go. Let's use the hot tub anyway."

"Why?" Jak asked.

"Oh, I don't know… revenge for the fact that he's interrupted every single public display of affection that we've tried to have in the last four years."

"That's no reason." Jak said. "Who cares that we can't kiss when Daxter's around. We can kiss and do anything we want when he's not around."

"Just think of it as… a practical joke." Keira said. She walked into the living room with a robe on. Jak assumed that she was wearing a swimming suit under it.

"How is that a practical joke?" Jak asked.

"Come on, Jak!" Keira said.

"No, and that's final!" Jak said with a tone of finality.

Keira suddenly smiled slyly. "What if I told you I'm not wearing anything under this robe?"

A pause.

"Bring on that damn hot tub!"


Later, Daxter was bragging to Tess about his new hot tub and telling her how he got it 'just for her'. "Because my girl deserves the very best in hot tub technology!"

"Oh, Daxter, you're amazing!" Tess sighed. She pressed herself up against Daxter, an easier thing to do now that she was an Ottsel.

Daxter stopped before the door. "Prepare to be dazzled!" Suddenly, he stopped and seemed to listen. And then he pressed his Ottsel ears against the door. He could hear somebody inside the room in the hot tub. "What in the world?" Daxter asked silently.

He opened the door. Everything was dark, but he could now hear two people in the tub. He turned on the light and immediately wished that he hadn't. Jak and Keira were in the hot tub, making out wildly. And, judging by the way they were both gasping for breath as though exhausted making out wasn't the only thing they were doing with each other. Tess gasped at the sight.

Daxter's jaw dropped. "Jak!" He yelled.

The two elves stopped what they were doing and looked around at Daxter. Neither seemed to be even slightly embarrassed that they were caught having sex in Daxter's hot tub. "What?" Jak demanded, still gasping for breath. "We're kind of busy here!"

"Get out! Get out and get a effing ROOM like normal people!" Daxter screamed.

Jak grabbed a towel and used it to shield Keira's naked body from view. Once Keira had a towel wrapped around herself, Jak wrapped the towel around his waist. They went out of the room, laughing, and making a silent agreement to finish what they started back in Keira's room.

Daxter was still ranting angrily as the elves left. "I can't believe you'd use MY hot tub for your pleasure, Jak! You've turned my hot tub into an effing GENE POOL!"


LES: I think the only reason I wrote this was to give Jak and Keira an excuse to do naughty things in a hot tub and to have Daxter say his line about Jak turning the hot tub into a gene pool. The joke just seemed so natural!

Daxter: Hey, LES, guess what? Jak's finally going to tell you how he really feels about you!

LES: (points at Jak) You love me! I knew it!

Jak: I hate you. Doing it in a hot tub and letting Daxter catch me? I hate you!