Chapter Eleven: Unvoiced Feelings

He didn't have to think about what she'd said too long to understand what she hadn't. It was pretty simple. She hadn't wanted them to stay friends, because she still looked at him some other way. She'd just chosen to end everything between them because of Lilian. If he hadn't had someone else she might have given them another chance. He loved having her back in his life, just like he loved having his old life back again. He'd left because he'd wanted to leave this all behind and she'd stayed because her place had been there. But she'd already given up on her firm, the only reason she'd named when she'd rejected him three years ago.

He suddenly felt the decision in his own hands. With Lilian everything had been so simple from the very beginning, while with Diane it had always been complicated. But he liked complicated, if nothing but his job proved that perfectly. Diane and him were similar in so many respects and maybe the reason he hadn't fallen in love with Lilian yet could have been that he had never really stopped loving Diane. He knew she'd felt the same way back then, they'd simply had bad timing and those words had never been said between them.

Diane wasn't the same any more, he felt that they'd gotten closer to each other in the last days than ever before. They had never talked so openly back then. The focus had always been on the attraction and that hadn't been enough to keep them together in a crisis. But it wasn't too late to finally talk about those feelings, bring them up to the surface again. It shouldn't have ended so suddenly, but it had been the only solution he'd seen back then. And he'd never planned to come back ever again, but he still had and she was still there.

He didn't want to fool himself that she'd waited for him, but it was a fact that she was still alone, waiting for someone. They were both on the same place again, wanted the same thing. Three years ago he'd wanted to be with her somewhere else, but she hadn't wanted to leave. Now he wanted to stay in Chicago, but forget about her being there? It just didn't make sense. What they hadn't been allowed to have three years ago, they could have now. He just had to make a decision and ask her before it would really have been too late.

But he had to talk to Lilian first. Tell her all about Diane and explain why he had to break this off with her now. He knew she would be hurt, alone by the fact that he'd lied to her. And even if he managed to settle this with her peacefully there would be no guarantee that Diane would actually take him back. Maybe he had misunderstood the signs, the unspoken words. But it was a risk he had to take. Their relationship with Lilian wouldn't have been the same any more either way and if Diane rejected him again, he would know what to do. Leave this city again, but this time forever.

o-o-o

She'd done what she had to do. She'd stepped aside so he could be happy with someone else. It had been the right thing to do, but it still hurt her. It had also been her fault that he ended on the side of another woman. Three years ago she could have told him to stay with her or just that she'd have been there if he had changed his mind. But she'd never been the one to give out her feelings so easily. It was no wonder she was still alone, and now that she didn't even have her firm, she felt lonelier than ever.

He'd come back to her life at a moment, when she'd been vulnerable enough not to send him away at once. She'd tried to think of him as a friend, to be thankful for him for having been there for her, but it hadn't been enough. She needed more and he couldn't give her more. But now that he'd made her realise what had been missing from her life she was ready for a change, to let someone in, someone who would hopefully stay.