Don't own.

… … .. . .. … …

"Urg." Jim leaned back from the desk in his room.

After far too much paperwork, he was ready to forget about everything Captain related. His room was fairly dull though. Looking over it again, his eyes came to land on the extra door. He couldn't believe they gave him and Spock connected rooms.

Sure, he was used to sharing a bathroom with the guy, but this was embarrassing. They didn't need to be that close to each other. In fact, he had put up quite a fuss about it, insisting that putting them that close together made them an easy target for assassination attempts. He was, unsurprisingly, ignored. Which meant Spock was on the other side of that door. Which meant, theoretically, he could just go over there, knock on the door, and see him. Whenever he wanted.

He promised himself that it wouldn't be opened at all during their stay.

Jim stepped out into the hall, nodding to a few of the people heading in and out of their rooms in the area. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on Spock's door. It occurred to him that Spock always did the same thing on the ship, going around rather than through their bathroom. Walking through a shared door was too intimate. Great, now he was going to be blushing when Spock opened the door.

The soft woosh brought his attention back, as Spock was watching him curiously. "Captain?"

"Uh…want to go to the rec. room?" He felt his cheeks heating up.

Spock inclined his head. "I would not be adverse to the idea."

The rec. room was more busy than the rest of the ship. People leaned on tables, played computer games and consoles, and participated in various physical sports in side rooms. Jim bound off towards the chess tables, Spock once again in tow.

"Captain." Spock said tensely. "Please release me."

"Sorry." Jim snatched his hand back, already at the tables.

A few people had looked up at their passing, interested. Slowly, people were turning to regard them. Jim plopped down into a seat and pulled the pieces out from their compartment. Spock sat stiffly across from him, raising an eyebrow.

"I was unaware you played chess."

"Well, I'm not great at it." Jim admitted. "But I can hold my own. Why? Don't you like it?"

"It is an acceptable test of skill."

Looking at the chess board, he had a nagging suspicion that Jim underestimated his abilities. One did not jump on three dimensional chess with the enthusiasm of James Kirk if they had little to no skill. Jim palmed a white pawn and a black pawn, shuffling them about his hands with exaggerated, ridiculous motions. He then extended both hands, closed, towards Spock.

"Black or white?" Jim grinned, insanely pleased with himself.

"Black." Spock said politely, placing his hand palm up under Jim's right hand.

Jim huffed, allowing the black pawn to fall into Spock's hand and began setting up the board. People were starting to gather now, not bothering to hide their intent, but not particularly close to the board. They weren't so much interested in the game as in the players. Jim guessed they thought he wouldn't last two moves against a Vulcan.

"Don't go easy on me." Jim teased.

"I had no intention of doing so." Spock informed him.

Jim started with a lazy, smooth move and Spock stiffly replied. Soon they were moving pieces swiftly across the board. Jim made prompt, crazy moves and Spock answered with textbook perfection. People were pushing closer and, Jim realized dimly, there were quite a few more people in the room than before.

He found, to no real surprise, that he was enjoying himself. There styles contrasted perfectly, the pieces a visual and symbolic representation of themselves dancing across the board. Each stolen piece a step closer to solving the puzzle, each player defending and attacking in a strange dichotomy. Neither willing to sacrifice much, but doing so if they must for the gains it would provide.

Jim shook his head a little, deciding he needed to cut back on the philosophical literature.

"Check." Spock declared softly, drawing his attention to the poor placement of a couple of his pieces.

Jim grinned, throwing a piece out to be taken, and to remove his king from danger. "Better?"

"Fatal." Spock corrected, and moved another piece to trap Jim's king. "Checkmate."

Jim started laughing, knocking his king over lightly. "You got me. Great game."

"You are more proficient than you admit." Spock accused gently, the colors in his eyes swirling pleasantly with amusement.

Jim beamed, leaning back in his chair, his own eyes electric. "Really? I've never won once."

Spock raised an eyebrow, regarding him much as he had the game moments ago. "Fascinating."

"Don't feel bad." A mysterious ensign in blue clapped a hand on Jim's shoulder. "That was amazing."

Jim laughed. "Yeah? I guess it must be so if everyone keeps telling me that."

Another grinned, regarding the board with a wave of his hand. "You could probably beat me with skills like that."

Jim shrugged, putting the pieces away. "Maybe. Like I said, I've never won."

"Would you play me?" The first ensign asked, a hopeful look on his face.

Jim shook his head. "Sorry. I'm all logic-ed out…You could try asking Spock though."

Jim cast a look across the board at Spock, who remained just as still as ever, watching the exchange silently. Ruefully, he noticed that people gave the Commander a much larger space than him. No one had reached out to clap him on the shoulder, fortunately.

"I…uh…I wouldn't be a good game. Sorry." The man flushed and scurried back into the crowed.

Jim stood with a stretch, nearly knocking a few people gather round him. He offered a quick apology that no one seemed to notice, crowding him immediately as soon as he lowered his hands. He felt a small hand on his lower back and whipped his head around to see a small woman in science blue peering up at him from her spectacles. She was pretty with brown hair and…hey, was everyone in there wearing blue?

Jim glanced around in surprise, noticing only a few red shirts and almost no gold. Apparently their game had attracted the attention of the science personnel.

"Captain." Spock caught his attention easily. "Are we finished?"

"Oh, yeah." Jim grinned. "Want to grab dinner?"

Spock, paused, inclining his head as he considered it, then nodded once in agreement. People parted for him, scrambling to not touch the Vulcan. They crowded back in almost immediately, pressing up against Jim as if it made up for not being able to touch Spock. People poured out of the rec. room after them, heading back to where they belonged. The halls had quite a few more people in them now, as it was dinner time.

All the same, Jim wasn't surprised to find none of his crew was in the commissary. He made a face at the salad Spock ordered, sticking his tongue out as he ordered a chicken sandwich. Seated in a far corner, away from most of the prying eyes, Jim relaxed. Spock, Jim noticed, allowed his shoulders to lower a bit, practically slouching for a Vulcan.

"So…are you still mad at me?"

Spock lifted one eyebrow, sitting up straighter. "Anger is an unnecessary emotion."

"Spock." Jim's tone was pleading. "Don't do this to me right now."

Spock raised both eyebrows a bit. "Captain-"

"Okay, yeah. You're mad." Jim sighed, resting his elbows on the table and placing his head in his hands. "Mphmrry."

"I do not understand you." Spock admitted.

"Mphmo. Mphee mur-"

"Captain." Spock interrupted. "You are mumbling. I do not understand you because your words are muffled."

"Oh." Jim looked up, blushing. "I…I was saying I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for." Spock insisted, raising his eyebrow as if to ask if he were stupid. "You have done nothing harmful to me, nor have you in anyway done such to the crew or my family."

Jim froze. Spock said crew first. Was that because they were more important? No. It couldn't be. It must have been because it was alphabetical that way. Why was he over thinking and analyzing everything Spock said?

"I'm sorry I made you upset."

"You have done nothing to anger me."

"So sleeping with Natima was alright?" Jim asked challengingly.

Spock's jaw clenched, and he closed his eyes. "It is irrational for me to be upset by your actions."

"But you are." Jim prompted.

"I had illogically presumed that your previous, promiscuous behavior and irresponsible nature would no longer be the case in light of your new position in Captaincy." Spock opened his eyes, and flashed Jim with crisp brown hurt.

Jim felt something he hadn't in a long time: his eyes started to water. Truly, honestly brimming with tears. Spock's image swam in front of him, and he dug his nails into his palm, attempting to control the reaction. He had disappointed him. He got into a one night stand because he was stressed and upset and had damaged any chance he had of ever earning the respect of his First Officer. Jim stood quickly, clearing his tray.

"Captain?" Spock asked after him so innocently.

Jim offered him a weak smile. "I lost my appetite."

Spock watched his captain leave, feeling the most singular sensation of a clenching around his heart. His honesty had angered Jim. That was why he wanted to avoid the subject. He had hurt him, again. Perhaps he should seek advice. It seemed Jim was correct, every time they made progress towards a more than professional relationship, they became enraged with each other. It seemed they were not compatible.

… .. .

"Good God, man!" McCoy shouted at whoever was pounding incessantly on his door.

The sight before him nearly knocked him back. Jim was staring out at him, blue eyes glistening and rimmed with red. He stepped sideways and Jim hurried into the room. Jim choked out a little sob, sinking onto Bones' bed. Bones sat down next to him slowly, grimacing a bit.

"What have you done now?"

"I've fucked up." He hiccupped.

McCoy furrowed his brow, trying to remember if there was something obvious. His brown eyes widened when it finally sank in. Natima. Gently, he wrapped an arm around Jim's shoulders.

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

"Oh God." Jim laughed awkwardly. "I'm so stupid. I'm crying over him. The first time I've cried in years, over him."

Now Bones did tense, irrational anger and fear chilling his blood. "Who?"

"Spock. Bones, I'm crying over Spock." Jim hung his head in defeat. "I fucked up so bad."

"No." Bones insisted, pulling him against his chest and soothing his hair down gently. "No. Jim. You didn't fuck anything up. If that cold-blooded hobgoblin can't respect you for who you are that's his problem."

"He was disappointed." Jim sniffed. "I wanted to impress him. If I could do that, I could handle anyone, but I've just fucked everything up. Maybe I'm really not cut out for this."

"Jim!" He snapped, slapping him over the head. "What the hell is this from you? I thought you didn't believe in no-win situations."

"It wasn't a no-win situation, I just lost it."

"And tell me, how did you figure that out?"

"We were talking over dinner and he told me he was disappointed in me." Jim pulled back, red eyes narrowed.

"Oh, so he agreed to have dinner with you first. Jim you idiot." McCoy rolled his eyes. "He's a Vulcan."

Jim frowned, wiping at his eyes and nose. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"He wouldn't have subjected himself to you at all if he didn't like you."

"He doesn't like anybody…except Uhura." Jim's face lit up a bit. "Hey. Maybe I can ask her for advice. I mean, she's still in love with him, so maybe she'll want us to be friends."

"Jim." Bones said warningly. "Jim, don't get ahead of yourself. You need to be careful."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Oh come on. I'm totally cured Bones. You're proof enough of that."

"It isn't that simple Jim." McCoy sighed. "You'll be the death of me."

"I'll be careful. I won't get in over my head. I promise." He had brightened up, previous moment of weakness forgotten.

McCoy watched Jim leave with a little sigh. "If only I believed that."

… .. .

"…"

"…"

"…Um…Okay, I'll bite." Sulu stared up from the flower he was currently poured over.

The botany labs were quiet and well stocked aboard the Starbase. Sulu had managed to convince the personnel there to let him spend some time with the less important samples. Already he had corrected three mistakes in their natural habitat simulations. So, it wasn't that surprising that his commanding officer was able to find him there.

"I would prefer if you did not." Spock raised an eyebrow, as usual.

Sulu sighed. "It's an expression. You know, fishing? Okay. Never mind. Why do you want to know about Kirk?"

"It is likely that, should I know fully what to expect from him, I will be better equipped to handle our interactions."

"Oh…And why come to me?"

"You were familiar with the Captain during his schooling at Starfleet. As my relationship with Dr. McCoy is antagonistic at best, I felt it prudent to direct my inquiries to you."

"Oh." Sulu repeated, lamely. "Well…I mean, I guess I knew him back then. As much as anyone who isn't McCoy and wasn't sleeping with him could, anyway. Not that he really knew half the girls he was sleeping with. I could never tell, you know? No….uh…okay."

Both of Spock's eyebrows were lifted, quietly informing Sulu that he was babbling and looking like an idiot. He chuckled nervously and stood, running a hand through his hair.

"Um…I can give you a tour while we talk, if that's alright."

"That is acceptable." Spock nodded once, face blank as ever.

"Okay…yeah…" Sulu started into the rows, pointing out quickly the planet they were from. "So…I guess Kirk was really not as much a player as everyone thought? I mean, the rumors were intense, but he hardly seemed to have time for all that to be going on. He volunteered in most every program, I think. I know a lot of my classmates mentioned seeing him lending a hand in one department or another. He generally avoided the sciences though after that one incident."

"To which incident are you referring?"

"Huh. Guess you wouldn't have heard about that." Sulu scratched his neck, riffling off a touch more information about the plants before continuing. "It was actually kept pretty quiet. I only know because I was there, and McCoy knows because its McCoy. Kirk was helping out in the chemistry labs. I think he was helping with synthehol, nasty stuff…My group had been working on improved replication techniques. Anyway, Kirk was seriously focused, I guess it was at an unstable point because in the end, it blew up."

"What was the cause for the explosion?"

Sulu shrugged. "It got overheated, I think. The problem was what happened to Kirk."

Spock tensed and Sulu quickly diverted to the plants. After explaining the next section they were passing into, Sulu continued, feeling only slightly apprehensive.

"There was this girl, flirting with him like nobody's business. Except, of course, her boyfriend, who wasn't too far away. The guy had been working with replicated fruit when he came over and hauled off on Kirk…Uh he yanked Kirk back from where he was politely ignoring the girl to beat him up." Sulu explained quickly, trying to remember not to use too many colloquialisms. "Kirk flipped out, slugging…punching…the guy and telling him to never touch him."

"Could you deduce the reason behind his action?"

"Kirk's? No. Not really. Might have had something to do with the way the guy grabbed him, he had yanked on his waist to turn him around, rather than his shoulder. He was Tellarite, so it was probably a height thing." Sulu idly reached out to play with a flower. "But it set Kirk off. The guy slapped him. Some of the replicated fruit must have been something Kirk was allergic to, because he stated gasping, clutching his throat and he was getting this nasty red swelling on his cheek that had nothing to do with being slapped. The teacher hauled him off towards where the emergency med kit was kept but Jim kept frantically waving to go back to his experiment."

"If he were suffering from such a drastic allergic reaction he would be in no condition to tend his experiment." Spock's tone was reprimanding, and Jim wasn't even there.

"Yeah, but no one had thought to turn off the fire he was using. Fortunately, everyone had followed them out to watch. The synthehol exploded, taking out half the facility room. It was a mess and Kirk agreed mutually with the science faculty that it would be best if he never set foot in there again outside of class."

"I was unaware Jim was the cause of that explosion. We were informed of an experiment going awry and instructed to disregard it. I had considered it unusual at the time." Spock frowned slightly. "It would appear they did not wish to cause duress for him, or to suffer for their own lapses."

"Yeah." Sulu winced, coming up to a stop at the edge of the Vulcan section. "But other than that, he kept pretty busy with his classes and everything. I mean, you looked into his record, right? You had to have seen just how many projects he did. And he fit four years into three. And took the Kobayashi Maru three times."

"Indeed." Spock agreed, eyeing the section ahead of him with fond remembrance that came across as complete indifference.

"So…maybe his reputation is a bit exaggerated?"

"Has he disclosed to you the source of his confrontational behavior?"

"Hu? No. He just…is. Always has been." Sulu started laughing, earning a sharp glance. "Sorry, I just realized, maybe he should have been born a Cardassian. I mean, that's really how most people got to know him. His debate teacher loved him and he showed his respect for the engineering instructors by trying to prove them wrong."

"Fascinating." Spock lifted an eyebrow. "Thank you for humoring me, Mr. Sulu. I will not keep you from your research longer."

"Sure. No problem." Sulu sighed, feeling more at ease than he had before. "The crew gets a bit on edge when you two get physical, but we really do think you work well together."

"Thank you. It is my intent to solve the problems we currently face that lead to physical reactions."

"Yeah?" Sulu grinned. "That's great. Good luck."

Sulu disappeared before Spock had a chance to tell him that luck was illogical. A small part of him insisted he might just need it.

… .. .

"Commander?" Rand's voice echoed through his door.

"Yeoman Rand." He opened the door to her, stepping to the side to let her in.

She stepped in and allowed the door to shut behind her. "You requested I bring the documents here?"

"Of course." He held his hand out to accept the envelope.

She placed it in his hands, eyes flitting over the room. They came to land on the spare door. Spock followed the direction of her eyes. Was Jim in his room? Was he still mad? Rand was across the room already, banging on the door. Spock felt the irrational need to stop her, sudden, unfamiliar embarrassment at the thought that Jim did not know it was Rand.

"Desist." He said softly, being ignored.

Jim didn't answer, and a touch a disappointment flared in his chest. Was it because he though it was Spock, and did not wish to see him? No, he was being ridiculous. Jim wouldn't ignore him, because there was a high probability he would only intrude upon him if it were important. Jim wasn't in his room. Rand hissed in annoyance, keying something into the console by the door. It beeped once at her, and remained shut.

With a little huff, she keyed another number in. Spock recognized it as the security override. Fascinating. It would be most pertinent to discover how she learned the base's codes and deal with the security breach.

The door slid open with only a moment's hesitation. A loud yelp met their ears.

"What the hell?" Jim screeched. "Rand?"

"Captain." She flushed.

Spock stared blankly into the room. Jim was standing by his dresser, cheeks red, gaping at Rand. His blond hair had been pushed back messily, and Spock briefly wondered if it had ever seen a brush. Water was dripping from it, trailing down his neck, across his pectoral muscles, abdominals, and down to soak into the edge of the towel around his waist. Rivulets of water traced the edges of his muscles, lending a sharp glean to his figure under the harsh lights of the room.

It was fascinating, just how deeply Jim blushed. The faint stain of red on his shoulders was flattering for his appearance, a most unusual thing. Spock had always admired his mother's blush, a rich, deep color that told of intense emotion. The resonant color reminded him of sun scorched deserts and deep, cool canyons, the pull of his home. His mother had once told him how flattering she found that description, though he knew not why.

He peeled his eyes from the red dusted flesh to meet panicking blue orbs. "My apologies Captain. I had attempted to stop her. Had I known she possessed the security override codes, I would have made greater protest."

Rand flushed deeper, whipping her head around at him in surprise. The color of her blush was nothing like the sands of Vulcan. Where Jim was a dusty, vibrant red, she was far too clean. The color was bright, unforgivingly so, and too much of a purple undertone carried in it, lending to the color of an earth cherry. Beautiful, he supposed, by earth standards, but the color meant nothing to him. His heart quickened a bit, surprised by the unusual and irrelevant information.

"Oh." Jim squeaked. "Was there something you needed?"

Rand straightened, keeping her eyes on the floor. "I wanted to let you know that I've handed the treaty over to Spock. I'm sorry for not discussing it with you earlier but you were…preoccupied."

Jim scowled, embarrassment nearly loosing out to annoyance. "I'm sorry. That was my fault and it won't happen again. Nothing is more important to me than my ship and her crew. I'd never want my personal life to get between it."

"Personal?" Rand asked incredulously. "I thought you were just dealing with her because you had to. What do you mean personal?"

Jim flinched at the accusatory tone in that last sentence. "I-"

"The Captain believed you inferred something personal from his interactions with Captain Tain and chose that reason not to address him." Spock interjected quickly. "As the matter of the treaty is of somewhat less importance than safety when dealing with Cardassians, it was right of you to seek my assistance in the matter instead."

"Oh?" Rand asked suspiciously, casting a look at Jim, and promptly blushing. "I…I'm done here so…I'll be leaving."

She turned quickly and left through Spock's room. When the sound of his door closing rang through the room, Jim sank down onto the edge of his bed. Spock inclined his eyebrow, prompting him to speak.

"Thanks." Jim sighed, giving him a grateful look. "The last thing I need is for more of my crew to find me incompetent."

"I find it unlikely any of your crew deems you incapable of performing your duties."

Jim laughed, leaning back on the bed. "I think you're forgetting to include yourself there."

"I am not." Spock forced himself to focus somewhere just above Jim's right shoulder, feeling oddly uncomfortable.

Jim sat bolt up right, blushing again. "You don't think I'm incompetent?"

Spock raised both of his eyebrows at that. "I would not work for you if I did, Captain."

Jim grinned. "I'm going to shut up now before I can make you angry at me."

Spock's lips twitched through a faint smile and Jim felt his heart accelerate. They were getting along. Something clicked in his head, and his smile fell abruptly. Spock straightened at the sight, taking a quick step forward.

"Captain?"

"Ah…on second thought…there is something I should say, even if it does make you mad at me." Jim admitted, avoiding Spock's eyes.

Spock felt his muscles tense in preparation for a fight, and forced himself to remain calm. "If what you say is necessary, I shall not be displeased."

Jim gulped, loudly, and laced his fingers together. It was a surprisingly consuming move. Spock found himself riveted, though he had never watched the Captain's hands before. They were of no special significance, though Spock couldn't help but feel they spoke entirely in the secluded language of Jim's buried emotions. Perhaps it would be prudent to pay them more thought. Jim looked up at him, eyes full of uncertainty. How was it these once elusive emotions seemed so easy to detect?

"I don't want you seeing Garak again."

Spock blinked in surprise. "Captain-"

"No. Wait." Jim raised his hand to stop him. "I have an actual reason, so hear me out. Cardassians are xenophobic. I know we're trying to get along with them, but he's a xenobiologist. Most of the time, for Cardassians, that means he's looking to cause trouble for other species. If he gets a good idea of Vulcan biology, he could pose a real threat. And besides…I don't want him to hurt you."

At that last sentence, Jim dropped his voice, growing steadily more embarrassed. It was uniquely endearing. He found Jim's concern for his health to be appealing, cajoling him into feeling strangely comfortable with the undue concern.

"You needed only ask, Captain." Spock said truthfully, managing not to surprise himself with the words.

"What?" Jim snapped his head back up.

"I recognize the dangers of interaction with him. More over, I find it prudent I defer to you in regards towards appropriate interactions with guests on the ship."

Jim caught the teasing tone and laughed. Spock's lips twitched into a smile that didn't fall away immediately. It was nice, and he offered a genuine smile in return.

"I do not, however, believe it was his intent to harm me." Spock continued, more seriously.

"You don't?" Jim pouted, a slight feeling of apprehension in his chest.

"I was under the impression that he wish to seek my company for sexual gratification."

Jim spluttered, face a deep red. "You noticed that?"

"I am not blind, Captain." Spock let a smug little smirk cross his features.

"Were…uh…were you considering it?" Dear god that was an embarrassing question to ask. Why did he ask that?

Spock's lip curled back ever so slightly in disgust as he spoke. "I had intended to keep very busy during our time here."

Jim laughed, feeling suddenly relived. It was, he insisted, because Spock wouldn't be mucking about with someone dangerous. He'd felt so angry when he thought Spock might actually be interested in the man. It wasn't like he knew much about Vulcans and their sexuality, and his First Officer was an even greater mystery. That tug of anger had been filled with fear though.

"Oh. Oh my God." Jim stared at Spock in horror. "Is this how you felt when you warned me to stay away from Nat-Captain Tain?"

Spock noticed the conscious decision to use her title and felt a small swell of understanding. "I am unaware of your present emotional state."

Without thinking, Jim reached out and caught Spock's hand, letting the fear and anger flow through their connection. Spock inhaled sharply, glancing down at their connected limb. His eyes found trouble focusing, and a warm sensation accompanied the initial anger. Jim's emotions were so close, right beneath his fingertips, and yet so far away. Jim yanked himself back immediately, a entirely new fear touching their connection at the last second.

"I'm so sorry!" Jim was clutching his hands to his chest. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to."

"It…is alright." Spock took a deep breath to steady himself.

"B-but…I…that…I'm not supposed to…and your hand..." Jim was babbling himself into a state of incoherence.

Spock knelt before the bed, forcing Jim to look him in the eye. "You did nothing wrong. You intent was not intimate in nature. You wished to share your emotions with me in the hopes of edification towards my own."

Jim scrambled back, attempting to keep the towel in place at the same time. "Don't!"

Spock stood quickly, alarmed. Jim was rather suddenly, blatantly afraid, though neither action would be cause of such a reaction. He was once again reminded of the cornered animal he saw and felt in Jim. There was no denying the way he withdrew himself.

Spock straightened, tugging his shirt neat and then folding his hands behind his back. "I did not mean to cause you distress, Captain. Forgive me."

In his room, he reengaged the security lock and sent a message to the Commodore admonishing whoever released to code to Rand. In the morning they would be changed.

… … .. . .. … …

They really have no luck with this getting along thing.