TARA'S POV
Donna, Opie, and Jax sat in the kitchen waiting for me to divulge my painful memories.
"When I start, let me finish, no interruptions of any kind or I won't continue. Everyone good with that?" I look at each one of them as they nod in agreement.
"My early childhood was fairly normal; my mother was my best friend. She went out of her way to make sure I had everything that I needed and most of what I wanted. Her world revolved around me. My father was hardly around, he worked out of town, so I rarely saw him which made my relationship with my mom that much stronger. I loved her more than anything or anyone else in the world. He drank a lot. When he was home he yelled a lot. I remember being punished for spilling my glass of milk. I remember him yelling at my mom for burning dinner when he had her distracted doing something else for him. He was an angry drunk, which brings me to my ninth birthday." I pause taking a breath, getting ready to tell these people the details of the worst night of my life.
"The morning of my birthday my mom got up earlier than usual to make me my favorite breakfast. She decorated the house with balloons and ribbons trying to make my day extra special. She wanted me to feel loved despite the growing tension between her and my dad. Of course at 9 years old, I noticed things with them were rocky, but I didn't know how bad they were. My dad spent the day out doing other things-my birthday didn't mean anything special to him." I saw Donna wipe a tear from her eye…I haven't even got to the worst part yet.
"My dad hadn't been home all day, he hadn't told me happy birthday, I love you or any other thing that most normal parents do for their kids. My mom tucked me in bed, sung me happy birthday I love you, one more time, and kissed me goodnight. If I had known it would be the last hug and kiss I ever got from her, I would have hugged her a little longer."
I took another breath, "My mom's screams woke me up, I ran to my door to see a man in a mask standing above her with a gun pointed at her head and her begging him to stop and asking why he was doing this. His answer changed me forever, 'It's nothing personal, your husband took away the only person I ever loved, he killed my wife in a hit and run so now I will take his wife from him.' My mother peeked down the hall way to where I stood hiding behind my door frozen in place. Her eyes met mine for a brief second before she was gone. In the blink of an eye, this man had murdered my mother because of something he blamed my father for. My screams echoed through the house, he stalked toward me, knocked me unconscious, and that's all I remember until I woke up being examined at the hospital. I don't know why he didn't kill me; all I know is for a very long time I wish he would have."
I wiped a tear from my eyes, "My mother-my best friend-the only person to truly love me had been taken from me. My father had told me to keep silent about the information that I had. He told me that if I told someone about the hit and run accusation, then I would be put in foster care and some man would do bad things to me. I was afraid so I did the only thing I knew to do. Keep silent. My father made an appearance at my mother's funeral and was off again, when he did come home that night he wasn't alone. Her best friend was with him, hanging all over him, laughing about how 'the bitch was finally gone now they could be together.' He said he would need help raising me, that's why she was there. I hated him and I hated her and I'm certain they felt the same about me. I heard her begging him to just let me go into the system, and his answer never was, she's my daughter I can't do that. It was always if I put her in the system she'll talk and we will both be in trouble. 'We could always just kill her then, remember that little girl, if you even think about talking I will kill you.' I was afraid and he would just laugh and tell me to go clean something. I was scared to stay and even more scared to go, at least with him I knew what to expect. I knew most of it was all-talk just to scare and torture me."
Jax had his hands balled into fists like he was going to jump up and beat the shit out of someone. Donna's tears were still flowing, and Opie just looked stunned.
"My mother died because of a blind retaliation. The way I see it is violence is a never ending circle. My father ran over someone and didn't get them help, her husband attacked my mother, I dealt with the abuse from my father and his girlfriend for years. At some point you just have to ask yourself, if I do this because I'm angry, how will it affect someone else? Will that decision blowback on someone else? Will an innocent person pay the ultimate price for your need for revenge?"
Jax watched me carefully, his eyes misty, "I'm so sorry that happened to you and your mom." He pulled me down into his lap.
"Where did Jace come into the picture?" Donna asks.
"Jace and I started dating in high school. He was my escape from the reality of home. He came from a rich family-his dad was never fond of me, he said his son could do better than a drugged-up, alcoholic, no good's daughter. He didn't think I was worth the time of day. Jace, was sweet, he was my best friend. After a while I came to depend on him even more than I realized. We stayed together all through high school, college, med school, he was all I had after I moved away from that house. Maybe that's why I was so against you hurting him," I gave Jax a small smile, "but I think it's more to do with the fact that violence will always hurt an innocent person in the end. You hurt or kill someone, that person's family wants revenge, and so the story goes…"
Jax squeezed his eyes shut, "Shh…I understand." He kissed my lips. "I won't hurt him-unless he hurts you again-I promise."
I nod, it's the best answer I'm going to get from him. Even now that he knows my story, and my reasons, outlaw is still in his blood. It will always be apart of him. That's just something I'm going to have to accept. We have a lot to work through to make this work, two very different ways of thinking, but I really hope we can figure it out.
