A/N: I'm sorry this took me so long. Classes are getting more intense (oh, college...) and this last week and the one coming are going to be stressful because homecoming is this weekend. Ugh. But this chapter is longer than any of the others, and much longer than I'd thought it would be, so I hope that makes up for some of it.

The updates might be bi-weekly from here on out. I recently posted the prologue for my new fic and I need to update it just as regularly as this one if I can. Once again, that's not a for sure thing! I'll have more info on that next chapter. Please be patient with me!

I'm gonna shoot for twenty five reviews this chapter. I know, a bit ambitious, but I think since it'll be a bit before I get a chance to update, it gives us plenty of time. So make sure you review! I love them more than you will ever understand.

And thanks everyone for your reviews on the last chapter! Hope you enjoy this slightly emotional one.

Oh, and no smut or lemons this time, guys. Just hints, but nothing to skim over.

Song-You Could Be Happy, by Snow Patrol (a personal favorite)


You could be happy and I won't know,
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go.
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head.


I was so tired that I didn't even jump when a pair of strong arms encircled me the following Friday night. Their owner's lips pressed into my shoulder and his head stayed there. "Hermione, are you awake?"

I could have done one of two things. I could have rolled over and greeted my husband the way any wife would after nearly a month of separation. I also could have pretended to be asleep to avoid confrontation. I chose the latter.

Charlie sighed into my neck and kissed me again before he pulled me even closer to him. "I love you," I heard him murmur. Within minutes, his soft snoring filled my ears.

I was mortified by the fact that he was back. I didn't want to face him. I wasn't ready. I couldn't face him because I had betrayed him. I had cheated on him and there was no way I expected him to forgive me for that. He deserved a queen and I had given him nothing. I also didn't think I could face him because he wasn't Ron. After weeks of staring into those mesmerizing blue eyes, finding brown staring back at me was going to be quite the wake up call. I wasn't sure if I could handle it at this hour. I prayed that tonight would be the first night of the week I didn't have one of my nightmares. I knew that for once, Charlie wouldn't be very comforting, and that scared me.

I lied in his arms for hours, trying to fall back asleep, but it was impossible. A month ago, I would have welcomed this. It would have been a gesture full of warmth and comfort. Now, it just felt wrong. He wasn't tall enough. He didn't fit against me the same way. Out bodies weren't as perfectly aligned as they should have been. The stubble on his face was irritating and scratchy.

At about four in the morning, I finally fell asleep. I was glad it was Saturday when I woke up around eleven, or I'd have been a walking zombie at work for the sixth day in a row. I sighed and rolled over on my side. Luckily, Charlie was still sleeping. I stealthily gathered my things and made my way to the bathroom, where I took my time in the shower. I knew I couldn't put off facing Charlie forever. I knew I couldn't tell him what I had done. It would be pointless to tell him when I couldn't reveal the identity of the man who had done it with me, and it would cause unnecessary fighting and pain. As much as I hated what Ron was doing, I couldn't jeopardize his secret, especially now that I knew why he was doing it.

As I stood in front of my closet, trying to pick the most comfortable outfit imaginable, Charlie surprised me again by wrapping himself around me from behind.

I jumped and shrieked. "Oh, Merlin, you scared me."

"Sorry," Charlie mumbled into the patch of bare skin he was caressing with that obnoxious beard of his. I couldn't figure out how I had ever found it attractive. "Hermione, I've missed you so much." He turned me around to face him and I realized that it wasn't so bad. No, his eyes weren't blue, and that stung a bit, but he was still Charlie. He was my husband, and I still loved him. It might not have been as much or as deeply as I loved Ron, but I still cared about him. He pulled my lips to his and I hesitated only slightly before returning the kiss.

Charlie moaned into my mouth and moved his hands up and down my sides before one landed on my bum and the other tangled itself in my hair. With a chuckle, I remembered that he had been without any sort of physical affection for about a month and felt a sting of sympathy for him. It was enough to motivate me to pull his hips closer, trying to block out the last time I had been this intimate with someone, willing my mind to bring back memories of all the times I had been with Charlie.

Without separating our heated bodies, Charlie guided me onto the bed and fell on top of me. His hands undid my towel and roamed my skin as he pressed against my knickers. Almost immediately, I felt that something was wrong. My eyes widened and I pushed him off of me when I realized what it was.

"Oh, no. Charlie, move,"

"Mm…what's wrong?"

"Charlie, I said get off," I huffed. I pushed him away and slid out from under him before I raced away to the bathroom. I exhaled deeply when my suspicions were confirmed.

There was a knock on the door. "Hermione? What's wrong, Love?"

I sighed and opened the door slowly. "You're not going to believe this. I've started my period."

Charlie stared at me blankly for moment. Then, his eyes widened and he smacked his forehead. "No, please tell me you're kidding."

I shook my head sadly. I felt horrible. My husband had been away from home for a month and because I had been too selfish and miserable to acknowledge his return the night before, I couldn't even give him what he had so patiently gone without for an entire month. My guilt grew as I realized that I was relieved to be able to avoid having sex with him. "I wish I was. I'm sorry, Charlie."

Charlie sighed heavily and shook his head. "I can't believe it. Well, we'll just have to keep trying." I shot him a puzzled look. "For a baby. You know this means you're not pregnant."

I stared at him in disbelief. "That's what you're so disappointed about? And here I thought you wanted a coming home present of sorts."

Charlie smirked and pulled me close to him once more. "Well, that too. You were on the pill, though, so I should have expected there'd be no baby anytime soon. Well, now you'll be off it in a week and we can really get going, yeah?" He kissed the top of my head. "It doesn't matter. You'll just have to make it up to me when it's over."

I smiled and leaned my head against his chest. How I had gotten so lucky in landing Charlie, I had no idea. More guilt spilled through my gut as I remembered what I had done-especially knowing that I would do it all again if I had the chance. I didn't deserve Charlie. I was taking him from some deserving girl somewhere out there in the world, and I was treating him like a pile of dragon dung.

"Charlie, I don't deserve you."

"Nonsense. If you don't, I don't know who does." I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out all of the conflicting feelings coursing through my body. "Come on. Let's get you a warm bottle and some chocolate."


I was surprised by how quickly I fell back into the routine Charlie and I had set up. By Sunday, things were back to the way they had been before he had left. We were content enough in each other's presence. Still, it was never quite the same. I didn't feel quite as happy and full as I did before Ron had come back. It pained me to know that, even at my height of happiness, it would never get much better than this.

Charlie and I started to plan the holiday we had talked about taking before he left. I figured I could use the time away from the house to clear my thoughts and readjust to the way things had to be. We decided to visit the little summer cottage my parents owned on the shore of the Atlantic.

I put in a request to get the next week off that Monday. It was a good thing, too, because on Wednesday, we finally reached a bargain with the Goblins. Alongside the celebrations came holiday requests from nearly everyone in the office. I was lucky enough to get my time off, all the way through the Monday after Harry's birthday. Charlie did the same and on Thursday night, we packed away our things so we could head away as soon as we got back from work the following night.

"How's your time of the month going?" Charlie asked only two minutes into our conversation as we packed.

I smirked. "Very subtle, dear," I cheeked. "I think I'll be more than ready for tomorrow night, since I know that's what you're really asking."

Charlie kissed my cheek and smiled charmingly. "I can't help it. It's been over a month, and my hand's got nothing on you." I scowled. "Oh, come on, don't act surprised."

"I'm not surprised. It's just vulgar of you to say such things." I shook my head for emphasis. "You know I could have helped if you'd have asked." I blushed slightly as I mumbled it. I could handle talking about sex with my husband; favors, however, were another matter entirely.

"I told you already. You'll just owe me. At least until tomorrow night." I sighed heavily. He scooted closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. "I can't wait to have you all to myself for an entire week," he whispered in my ear as he kissed it.

I did everything I could not to tense under his touch. "More than a week," I said, reminding myself more than him. "It's going to be lovely, isn't it? Our holiday, I mean."

Charlie chuckled. "Yeah, our holiday will be fantastic."

He went back to packing while I wondered how I was going to make it through an entire week of nothing but Charlie without cracking.

I got out of work a little late on Friday. Charlie left a note that he had gone on without me and taken all of our things, so I changed into more comfortable clothes and apparated to the cottage. When I walked in, a striking aroma filled my nose and traveled sweetly through my lungs. I was beginning to get used to having boys cook for me.

"That smells amazing, whatever it is," I called as I kicked off my shoes at the front door.

"Come and have a taste," Charlie called. "I'm making us a romantic feast to set the mood of our trip."

"Charlie, I thought this was a simple holiday," I joked when I entered the kitchen. "Now you're telling me it's some sort of second honeymoon?"

"Well, what else do you think holidays are for childless couples such as us?" he remarked quickly. "Here, taste this wine." He handed me a bottle, but I shook my head.

"I'm not really in the mood for wine tonight."

Charlie looked at me like I was insane. "But you love wine. It'll go perfectly with what we're having, too."

I frowned and looked down at the bottle. "Sorry. I'm just not feeling it."

Charlie shook his head. "Is this some sort of revenge for me leaving out the honeymoon part? Ah, no matter. You'll be mine after a bite of this steak." I giggled and wrapped myself around him while he cooked. With a pang, I thought of doing the same to Ron a few weeks earlier. I buried my head deeper against Charlie's back and hoped none of the tears I felt building would spill onto his thin shirt. He'd be sure to feel them, and then I'd have a time explaining to him why I was suddenly crying.

It wasn't long before we were eating a delicious steak dinner that sent my taste buds on an adventure. He pulled out apple pie for dessert and we devoured it as our wands guided the dishes to wash and dry themselves. When we finished with that, Charlie set the dishes in the sink and pulled me out of the chair, into his arms, and kissed me passionately. Even I couldn't resist moaning at the feeling he put into it.

"I love you, Hermione," he breathed before returning for more. He didn't give me a chance to talk. Instead, he kissed me once more and then carried me to the bedroom. That night was the first time I had ever faked any sort of intimacy. I exaggerated my sighs into moans, tugged on his hair when things didn't feel particularly out of the ordinary as though they did, smiled brightly whenever he looked at me as though I was in paradise…

When he finished, he rolled off me and pulled me into his arms. "I have a good feeling about this time, Love," Charlie murmured. "It won't be long until we have a baby of our own."

I nodded and stroked his hair, which was much too long and dry for my fingers' taste. "Yeah, not long at all." I couldn't help but feel that he was right, as much as I hated to admit it. Especially with a week full of opportunities, it would be more likely than not that we'd be pregnant by the end of our holiday. This would be my last vacation before I was a mother.

Mother…it was a word I dreaded applying to myself. I couldn't be a mother. I didn't feel any different from the way I did when I was sixteen, and I had certainly not been ready to be a mother then, either. What could change in ten years that could have prepared me for this? I was still Hermione. I wanted to continue to be Hermione. I didn't want to become Mummy.

But Charlie, though he was still Charlie, wanted to become Daddy. He was ready to give his life and change everything to bring someone else into the world, and he had chosen me to do it with him. I didn't know if I could do it. Could I give myself up for someone who didn't exist yet? Could I abandon my entire being if necessary to be everything that little person would need?

Needless to say, it was a restless night. Charlie slept soundly beside me and I contemplated my future as his wife, wondering if it would ever come to an end. If only Ron would come back, he could put an end to it. I finally fell asleep dreaming up ways to convince him to rescue me.


The week passed with much of the same. We went for strolls along the water, sunbathed, swam, did some shopping in a nearby tourist village, and…well, tried. Charlie was convinced that this week was going to be the time. Any time at the cottage we weren't in the bedroom seemed like a wasted opportunity to him. The way he was going on, I was convinced this week would be the one as well.

The Sunday before we left was Harry's birthday. After several discussions, Charlie and I decided that we would stay at the cottage and wait until the following Sunday to celebrate along with the rest of the Weasleys at the Burrow, when Harry and Ginny's birthdays would be combined in one celebration. Still, I couldn't resist sending him a card, as I had done every year that I had not seen him on his actual birthday since the summer he turned twelve.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Charlie asked groggily that morning as he entered the sitting room. "It's only nine on a Sunday, and we're on holiday on top of it all."

"I was just sending Harry an owl," I told him as I scribbled his name onto an envelope at the desk. "It's his birthday, after all."

"I know," Charlie yawned. He came up behind me and started massaging my shoulders. "But we'll be seeing him next Sunday at the Burrow, remember? For his and Ginny's birthdays."

"Indeed I do," I admitted as I shoved the letter into the envelope and handed it to Polly, our screech owl. "But it's not quite the same as letting him know the day of."

Polly flew out the window and Charlie kneeled as he turned my chair around to face him. "Come back to bed." He brushed some of my hair back behind my ear. "I want to make love to you."

We kissed softly. "Again?"

"Always," he breathed against my mouth before he pulled me out of the chair and onto his lap, lowering us to the ground.

"Charlie, I'm too tired," I whined as I tried to pry him away from me gently. "Love, come on, I want to-ouch!" I squealed and pushed Charlie off me roughly. I sat back on my ankles and clutched my breast. "Charlie, that really hurt."

Charlie scrambled off the ground and moved closer to me. "I'm sorry, Love. I meant to be gentle. You don't usually mind when I do it."

"You were too rough that time."

"I was not. I did it the same as always."

I rolled my eyes as I could feel myself getting even more irritated. "Forget it. I'm going back to bed. I'm too exhausted." I took a few steps and hesitated before turning back. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. You know you're welcome to join me."

Charlie sighed and nodded, though he was watching me nervously. "I think I'm up for the day, honestly. Go on and get some sleep. You need to enjoy the last day of your holiday." He came forward and kissed me swiftly on the cheek before he moved into the kitchen, leaving me to stand alone, still consoling my sore breast. After I heard the tinkling of water in the tea kettle, I made my way back to the bedroom, where I fell asleep almost instantly before I had much time to feel guilty.

I got up around one and went out onto the porch, where Charlie was sitting in one of the chairs reading. I sat across from him and said guiltily, "I'm sorry I snapped earlier. I was hoping you'd come lie down with me."

Charlie motioned for me to sit with him. I sat beside him and laid my legs across his. "Don't worry about it. I was too rough." He kissed the top of my head and I leaned back against his chest.

"What are you reading?"

"Just some case studies. You might like it; they're actually quite interesting."

I could already feel my eyelids drooping. "Maybe another time."

"How are you already tired? You literally just got up."

"I don't know, but I'm exhausted. When do we have to be out of here again?"

"Tomorrow at two. Are you sure you're alright? Do you want something to eat?"

I shook my head. "Nothing sounds good right now. Maybe I'll just go back to bed. I stood up and stretched my arms out as I yawned. "Come to bed with me. I need someone to cuddle with."

Charlie smirked. "Cuddle? Is that what they call it these days?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, hush. Come on, it's our last day to sleep. Charlie," I whined. "Put the book down and pay attention to me."

Charlie stood up laughing. "How does that taste, that bit of your own medicine you just had?" I slapped his arm and dragged him to bed. By the time we got there, he'd taken off my top. "You're so beautiful, Hermione. I'm so lucky to have you."

I yawned again. "I don't know how lucky you're going to be in a few minutes. I might pass out in the middle of all this."

Charlie chuckled, but he wasted no time in making love to me, after which we both fell fast asleep.


"Darling, wake up. We have to get going soon."

I moaned and opened my eyes, feeling fresh. "What time is it?"

"Noon," Charlie announced from the closet, where he was packing away the last of his clothes. "You slept straight through the night. I can't believe it. I didn't know I could exhaust you that much." I sat up and shrugged. "You should eat something. There's some toast and eggs in the kitchen."

Despite my lack of appetite, I pulled myself out of bed and put on my robe. "I'm not ready to leave. I had too much fun."

Charlie sighed. "I know. I wish we could do this all the time. When you're done, can you clean up in there? I'll pack up your things in here."

I nodded as I ran my fingers through my messy hair. "Back to the real world we go," I mumbled grumpily. I hated the real world.

It was strange to come back home after so much time away. It no longer reeked with traces of Ron for me, though I was still having a hard time not thinking about him. Then again, when had that not been the case?

It helped that Charlie was still finding every excuse he could to seduce me. His constant arousal kept me more and more distracted, and with each time I slept with him it became harder to remember the way it had been with Ron. I was familiarizing myself with Charlie's touches and preferences all over, engraving them into my brain again and hoping they would stay.

Yet another week passed. They seemed to go quickly now, making the distance between Ron and me grow without me being able to protest. It wasn't until Sunday that I realized I had reached the biggest challenge yet, one that would make me adapt to my Ron-less world much quicker than life at work and with Charlie had been.

I was putting on makeup in our bedroom when Charlie decided to change his shirt. "George will never let me off the hook if I show up in this," he laughed as he discarded the oddly patterned shirt for a crisp white polo. I froze in the middle of applying my blush, remembering the last time I had seen George and how horrible things had been left. It was entirely my fault, but I was still upset. Things at brunch were certainly going to be awkward.

"You're sure he'll be there today?"

"Why wouldn't he be?"

I shrugged and went back to my makeup. "I don't know. I was just checking." I finished and moved on to my mascara as I tried not to stress. This would be the first time I'd be seeing most of the Weasley family since I had last seen Ron. If I was having a hard time thinking of him when it was just Charlie and me, the Burrow would certainly be my downfall.

I must have hid my nerves from Charlie well enough because within an hour we were standing in the now overgrown garden outside his childhood home. He led me inside by the hand without the slightest hesitation.

The first thing I noticed was how subdued it was in the kitchen. Bill was holding Dominique, who was fast asleep against his chest, but the rest of the children were missing. He exchanged hushed words with Harry, who sat to his right playing with his half empty glass. George sat across from him with a magazine. None of them bothered to say a word until we sat down (I made sure Charlie sat between George and me).

"Where's everyone off to?" Charlie asked George. He shook his head without looking up and Bill turned away from Harry to answer for him.

"Ginny and Angelina were diaper changing," Bill said. "But they've been out in the family room for awhile now. Teddy, Fleur, and Victoire are with them. Percy and Audrey can't make it today."

"What about Mum and Dad?"

Harry and Bill glanced at each nervously.

"Somewhere upstairs," George supplied dryly. "Probably crying their eyes out."

"George," Bill said warningly.

"You don't think that's what they're doing?" George still did not look up from the magazine. "It's what I'd be doing."

"What happened?" I asked Harry.

"Er…well, the girls were looking at some photo albums earlier." He ran a hand through his already mussed hair and sighed. "Victoire kept asking for help with the baby pictures, trying to figure out who was who. And, of course, they came across Fred and…and Ron."

Charlie's hand appeared on my knee suddenly. Grateful for his support, I squeezed his hand. "Oh, no."

"Well, it would have been fine," Bill intervened. "It was alright until Dominique asked why she had never met them. Of course, she doesn't get it, so she doesn't know any better. I don't think Victoire quite gets it either. But it broke Mum's heart."

"I can imagine it would," I said softly.

Charlie squeezed my knee again. "She'll be alright, though. She's tough, and Dad's with her."

"I think she'll be fine, personally," George announced. "She's been doing just fine the past few years, don't you think, Hermione?"

My blood started to boil and I would have snapped back had it not been for Molly returning at that precise moment, wiping the last of her tears on her apron.

"Sorry about the delay," she said cheerily. "It shouldn't be long now, since I left them cooking while I was…well, Charlie, how was your holiday?"

Arthur joined us a few minutes later, after Molly had refused my help multiple times. The rest of the wives and grandchildren appeared a few minutes before the food was ready. James insisted on sitting with Harry and wouldn't stop screaming for him until Ginny let him out of his high chair. Fred sat in his chair happily between George and Charlie, whom Victoire had insisted she sit next to. Of course, this meant Teddy had to sit beside her, which put me next to Molly and across from Angelina. My nerves dissolved into fresh guilt when, unlike George, she smiled at me and made no mention of the last time I had seen her.

Molly hopped back and forth between the counter and each end of the table, adding dishes and showering her sons and grandchildren with affection. It was awkward for me to be surrounded by Teddy and two pregnant women. I was hoping Molly could have been the buffer, but she was in her seat less frequently than Dominique, who had taken it upon herself to walk around the table and socialize throughout the entire meal.

"These eggs look scrumptious," Ginny said as she piled some onto her plate. "I've been craving them lately, eggs. Poor Harry's always out buying more because I seem to go through them all."

"Odd craving," Angelina commented as she handed me the bowl. "Usually mine involve some weird dressing or seasoning. Yours is relatively normal. You're right, though, they look amazing."

Ginny made a face and set her fork down before disposing of her eggs in her napkin. "Not mum's best," she muttered as she moved on to the bacon. Angelina frowned at her and took a small bite. Her eyes widened almost immediately and she made a quick grab for her orange juice. "So it's not just me?" Angelina shook her head.

"They're not bad, they just…something is off about them."

"Well, it hasn't exactly been an easy day for her," I reminded them. I hesitated before putting a small bite in my mouth-a decision I immediately regretted. "Oh," I said in surprise. I swallowed quickly and cleansed my taste buds with a quick swig of tea. "Well then. I see what you mean."

Ginny pouted slightly. "Oh, poor Mum. Well, everything else is wonderful, like always…"

The birthday cake was even delicious. I had a hard time seeing it cut since it was decorated so beautifully in red and gold. The day went fairly smoothly and I found myself breathing deep sighs of relief when Charlie suggested we head home.

"You sure don't want to stay a bit longer?" Harry asked as I hugged him goodbye. "George and I were going to go for a little walk."

I couldn't help but stiffen. "No, I don't think I will. I'd rather not deal with all of that today," I said crossly. Harry raised an eyebrow at me.

"Is something going on with you and George?" I shook my head quickly. Perhaps too quickly, because Harry glanced back at George and then looked at me even more suspiciously.

"Don't worry about it," I insisted. "Harry, you can even ask him yourself. He'll tell you the same thing." I was willing to be World Cup tickets that I was right. There was no way George would admit to Harry that he and I had had a fight, especially under the circumstances. "I'll see you for lunch tomorrow, yeah?"

Harry nodded and decided to let it go. "But you're not off the hook yet," he promised. I rolled my eyes to hide my anxiety.

Charlie and I didn't bother walking all the way to the garden to apparate. He ravished me the second we got home and slept through most of the afternoon while I got a start on his case study book, which proved to be quite interesting, just like he had said. At least, until I fell asleep at the start of the third chapter.

That afternoon, I had a nightmare for the first time since Charlie had been back. It was a little different than the others. I didn't have to watch Ron die this time. Instead, I chased him. I chased him through trees, struggling to stay close behind him. They started to get thicker, and before I knew it, Ron was far out of my reach. I could see him fading away in the distance, slipping away-

Charlie woke me up, saying I had been kicking and crying when he came downstairs. He calmed me down and made us dinner. We made love one final time before sleep overtook us again.

"No nightmares tonight," Charlie whispered into my ear. He pressed himself more firmly against my back and cradled my exhausted body in his arms. "Things are going to be good from now on, Hermione. You'll see. Everything is going to get much, much better."


"I don't know. I'm just a bit under the weather. It'll be fine."

Charlie stood in front of the closet buttoning his shirt as I announced my decision to go into work, despite not feeling my best. I could still give one hundred percent if I was feeling ninety. I just had to motivate myself to leave the most comfortable position I had ever been in, and I'd be set.

"Are you sure?" Charlie asked as he fiddled with his tie. I loved days when he had to go into an office setting. Something about seeing him in professional clothes was much more attractive than his usual t-shirt and jeans. Maybe it was that it was such a rare thing. Maybe it was that he reminded me a bit of Ron when he wore them, for some reason I couldn't quite figure out. I shook the thought away and massaged my closed eyes.

"Yes, everything will be alright. I'm sure I'll be fine if I just eat something."

"What do you want? I'll make you breakfast."

"Nothing sounds good," I whined. "Actually, scrambled eggs sound divine, but after your mum's yesterday, I'm not too keen on having them any time soon."

I could hear the frown in Charlie's voice. "What was wrong with Mum's cooking?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "It was delicious, of course, except for those eggs. She was upset though, so-"

"I thought they tasted fine."

"Ugh." I threw my hands over my face again. "Weird. Maybe it was just our batch. Ginny didn't seem to take a liking to them, either, and I think Angelina was a bit put off by them."

"That may be the case, but seeing as Ginny and Angelina are both pregnant, you'll have to forgive me for dismissing their opinions on the matter."

"Oh," I said simply. He was right. Their tastes must have changed a bit by now. "You're right; I'd forgotten that part of it. Maybe I'll just have some toast. Do we have any grape jam left, or is it just straw-Charlie, why are you looking at me like that?"

I had uncovered my eyes to see Charlie standing over me, his tie still in one hand, grinning like a madman. I knew he wasn't excited about me letting him make my toast. "Hermione…"

I waited for him to continue, but nothing happened. "I don't get it. Did I miss something?"

He grinned even wider. "It tasted fine to me. It tasted funny to them…because they're pregnant."

I nodded. "Yes." He still said nothing else. "Is there more? I understand that they-oh." Unlike Charlie's face, mine fell quickly. My heartbeat nearly doubled and I could feel my face growing warmer. A little buzzing filled my ears. "You think…you think we're having a baby."

Charlie nodded excitedly. "You've been exhausted lately. You're not feeling too well now, and this isn't the first time. Remember when I thought I was being too rough with you last Sunday? You must just be sensitive right now. And the eggs-they probably tasted funny to you because-"

"But it's too soon," I interjected quickly. "I mean, it would be two weeks along at most. I don't think I'd already being showing so many signs of-"

"No, no, it's perfect," Charlie insisted. "Most symptoms usually show up between two to eight weeks after conception, and some even earlier than that."

I shook my head at him. "Would I be able to feel it? Don't I get some sort of instinct? Isn't there something that tells my body there's someone else in it?"

"That's what symptoms do, darling."

"No, I mean like a mental instinct, not a physical one."

I didn't know why I was fighting Charlie so hard on this. He had a fairly convincing argument and the evidence all added up to support it. A few weeks prior, I had thought that this was what I wanted. I was ready to start a family with Charlie and move on. Even while we were on holiday, the task seemed manageable. Now that it was staring me in the face, it seemed daunting and unreasonable. I was scared. I wasn't ready to have a baby. Not now, and not with Charlie.

"You're right. It's pretty quick to make an accurate call," Charlie admitted. He stroked my hair lovingly and continued to stare down at me, looking as though he was going to explode and shower the room with excitement. "But make an appointment, okay? Promise me you'll get it checked out. Your period's not due for nearly another week, and I don't think I can wait that long to find out for sure."

I nodded stiffly and tried to smile. It probably came out as more of a grimace because Charlie laughed and kissed my forehead. "I'll get started on that toast. Don't worry, Love. Everything is going to be fantastic. I can feel it. I think we really made a baby."

As he left the room whistling, I felt my body flood with dread and fear. It wasn't right. It wasn't how one was supposed to feel about having a baby with their husband. What was it about having a baby that scared me so much more now than it had when I'd talked it over with Harry?

And then it hit me. Ron hadn't been in the picture then. If I'd had a baby with Charlie before, it would have made no difference. As far as I had known, I was going to be with Charlie for the rest of my life, and children would just have been bonuses to add well deserved cheer. Now, I knew Ron was alive. I knew that, despite his best efforts, he was out there and that there was a possibility we would meet again. Every piece of me still hoped he would come back and whisk me away. If I was just Hermione, I could go with him. If I was Hermione, the mother of Charlie's children, I'd be stuck watching him leave without me again and again. As much as I loved Ron, there was no way I could leave my own baby.

If there even is a baby, a hopeful voice in the back of my brain whispered.

I was distracted the entire day. I was glad I had a light load at work. It took me all the way to lunch to get through my morning paperwork, which would normally have taken me two hours at the most. I didn't listen to Harry much during our break. He drawled on about James and some of the highlights of adorable things he'd done over the past week. Before I stopped back in the office, I bought five bottles of water from a vending machine in a Muggle store down the block from the entrance to the Ministry. Harry didn't question me, but he did make some sort of joke I was far too distracted to understand.

In fact, everything was getting harder and harder to comprehend. I chugged the bottles towards the end of my shift as I scribbled quick responses into reports and filed them away, all the while watching every clock in the room.

When five o'clock finally arrived, I flew out of the Ministry and apparated to an alley three blocks from my parents' house. I stopped at a drugstore and walked hastily to my old home, partly because I was dying of anxiety, and partly because my bladder was ready to burst.

"Muuuuum," I called after I slammed the door behind me. The tiny, square entrance hall was mostly taken up by the staircase that led up to my childhood bedroom, as well as many others. It was odd to be standing here in my work clothes, an adult, with a bag full of items I had never given much thought to in the place where I had grown up.

"In the kitchen," she called back. I walked passed staircase and through the doorway on the right. She was standing over a pot of boiling water with a skinned potato in one hand and a knife in the other. "Were we expecting you? I'm sorry, I don't know why I for-"

"This is a surprise visit," I said solemnly. "You didn't forget anything, trust me."

Mum finished her potato and looked up me with a broad smile that drooped when she saw the box I had pulled out of my bag. "Have you forgotten where the toilet is already?" She started to grab a glass from the cabinet above her.

"I've already had five bottles, Mum," I sighed. "I know, I just…can I have a bit of moral support here?"

She looked torn. "Well, you know I'd be very excited if this turned out positive," she admitted, pointing at my pregnancy test. "But I didn't think you wanted children at the moment."

I shook my head. "No. Yes. I don't know. Charlie and I have been trying, but…he wants this much more than I do. And I've only been off the pill since we went on holiday. That's, what, two weeks? Can you tell that early?"

Mum shrugged. "These tests are pretty high-tech nowadays. I imagine they'll have one that can tell you the second after you have sex in a few years. Why didn't you tell me you were trying? You know I wouldn't have pressured you about it."

It was my turn to shrug. "It wasn't something I really wanted to discuss, and I haven't seen you lately."

"Yes, it was particularly hard to get in touch with you while Charlie was gone, which I find odd since-"

"Mum, I really have to pee."

She laughed and started on another potato. "Go on, then." I grabbed my bag and raced away. "Well, did you buy out the store?" she shrieked after me.

I sat on the toilet and dumped the other four boxes on the floor in front of me. After a deep breath, I carefully put the tests to use. The boxes had all said to wait five minutes, so I went back to the kitchen and dragged my mother back with me.

"I want to make sure that whatever I end up seeing isn't some sort of illusion," I argued as I pushed her along in front of me. "You look first."

Mum shook her head. "Hermione, you're a big girl, and this is your news to find out. You look first. I'll look, but you have to do it first."

I whimpered and stepped forward to where I had carefully laid them all out. "Do you think it's been five minutes yet?"

"I think you spent five minutes just convincing me to come in here," Mum retorted. "Dear, I'm dying of curiosity. Will you please just look?"

I took a deep breath and examined the first test. And the second. Another three examinations of all five tests later, I looked up at my mum, hoping for some sort of reaction that would tell me what to feel. She slung her arm around my shoulders and pulled me to her side. "How do you feel?" she asked softly, rubbing my arm.

I gulped. "I don't know. I'm not sure what to think."

"You're shaking a bit."

"Am I?" I looked down at my hands. My fingers were definitely vibrating of their own accord. "Oh. I…oh."

"Hermione, it's not the end of the world, I promise."

I shook my head at her words. Finally, I felt something. A tear moved from the corner of my eye and down my cheek, almost gracefully. Then came another. "Mum…I don't…what am I supposed to feel right now?"

She kissed my temple. "Mortified. Sad. But at least a little bit elated."

"Well…two out of three." Mum chuckled. "Does that make me a bad person?"

"Nah. It'll come in the next few days, once it sinks in. Oh, Hermione." She sniffed and pulled me into one of her warm hugs that I craved so often these days. "My baby's going to have a baby. I can't believe it."

She wasn't the only one. My heart was hammering and the rest of me felt completely numb. I was pregnant.

Charlie and I were having a baby.

I tried to feel something more than the gloom and shock that were controlling every aspect of my being, but I couldn't manage. I could barely breathe. Babies were supposed to make people happy. People were supposed to be thrilled when they had children, especially their first. But did most people still feel like their sixteen-year-old selves when they became pregnant? I still felt like a child myself. My mum was right. I was a baby having a baby, and it felt absolutely wrong. I felt even worse as the dreaded thought echoed through the chambers of my brain, causing me to pour tears onto my mother's shoulder shamelessly.

I'm stuck, I thought over and over again. No matter what happens, I'm stuck until my dying day.

I'd thought Ron had decided my fate when he refused to take me with him, but I was sorely mistaken. There had always been that chance that we would meet again and that things could go back to the way they should have been. No, Ron hadn't decided my fate for me. It was this baby. This baby had decided where I belonged.

This baby was going to keep me from Ron for the rest of my life.


Do the things that you always wanted to.
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do.
More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world.


A/N: Ready? Set? REVIEW!

Sorry if this was emotional. I don't know. I did most of this writing when I was sleep deprived, or I might have cried. Maybe that's just me.

Oh, and we're far from over. I'd say we're...maybe...not quite halfway...? I need to fix up that outline and let you know.

PS-This is still a Ron-centric fic. Don't get too worried, chaps. XOXO

-VK