Chapter 9

"Ghosts"

Part I

1.

Had it really been four years already?

Four years since that fateful night. A day had passed since she had spoken to her family, and Kelly found herself sitting on the sofa in the observation lounge staring out into deep space. She tried to focus her energy on other endeavors, but to no avail. Whenever she thought she finally found a moment of peace, his face would be staring back at her; pleading, and accusing. Maybe Rebecca had been right. Maybe Kelly was not the only person who blamed herself for Zack's death. In her mind, she was the only one who deserved the blame.

That night had been a turning point in her brother's life. If you believed in the idea of a vast multiverse; different realities branching off every time a key event happened, then that had been a branch point. From there his life might have taken a hundred different paths. Unfortunately he had followed the road that led to his death. The road Kelly had set him on. It was a terrible cross to bear, but it was hers and she would bear it until the day she died. As the Yeoman sat there, wallowing in self-pity she was at least grateful that Kasumi was currently lounging around the mess hall.

Even her continuously conflicted feelings toward Shepard were no longer an adequate distraction. Sipping from her glass of wine, Chambers gave in. She finally allowed herself to remember that night.

"Wow," Kelly whispered as the ecstasy of the moment started to fade. "That was amazing." As she lied there, the blankets barely covering the lower half of her otherwise naked form, her hand drifted slowly toward her lover's hand. She clenched those delicate blue finger tips tightly as she struggled to catch her breath. Slowly, she turned her head and smiled at the Asari lying next to her. She was beautiful and, quite literally breath taking. "Sex has got nothing on that." She smiled and a short, nervous laugh escaped.

Kelly met T'Lanna in her Xeno-Psych class a few weeks ago, and the two had become fast friends. T'Lanna helped her during their unit on Asari psychology and Kelly was currently returning the favor as their class delved into the mysteries of human psychology. During their study sessions they had found a great deal of common ground and a deeper bond had formed rather quickly. It might not be love, at least not yet, but it was certainly enjoyable.

"You've never been with an Asari before, have you?" T'Lanna asked the question playfully, turning on her side and stroking Kelly's cheek. The touch was electric and made her gasp.

"No," she whispered, taking hold of T'Lanna's hand and pressing it firmly against her cheek. "You're my first."

"Well," the Asari responded, "I hope I've represented my species well." Her lips turned up in a mischievous grin. "If I haven't, I'm certainly willing to try again…" she let the invitation hang there in the air for a moment and was not disappointed.

Kelly pounced on it, quite literally. In an instant, she pushed her partner onto her back, and was on top of her. "I think," she whispered softly in T'Lanna's ear, "everybody deserves a second chance." Kelly kissed her lover passionately on the lips as her hands started to caress her smooth blue skin. T'Lanna's fingers played over Kelly's body like a master musician would play their instrument. It was as though she instinctively knew every sensitive point on the human body. Kelly could feel their spirits beginning to intertwine when she heard the door chime. For a moment, the young woman tried to ignore it, completely lost in the moment, but when it happened three more times in quick succession, she mournfully pulled away from the kiss.

With a sigh, Kelly climbed off of T'Lanna and rolled over until she was sitting upright on the edge of the bed. "This had better be pretty damned important," she whispered as she retrieved a black shirt and pair of pajama shorts from the floor. Shorts on, she turned toward the Asari lying naked in her bed and offered a sly grin. "You wait right here," she said playfully, "You're still not done defending the integrity of the Asari." She leaned in and planted another short kiss on T'Lanna's lips before turning around and throwing the T-shirt on to cover the rest of her modesty.

"Bring in some more wine when you come back sweetie," T'Lanna said softly.

"Will do," Kelly said as she reluctantly left the room. A short trek through her apartment later, she was standing at the front door. When she opened it, she was more than a little surprised to see her brother standing on the other side in the hall.

"Hey," he said with a nervous smile and a wave of his hand. "Can I come in Kelly?"

"Um, yeah," Kelly said, motioning for him to follow her into the living-room. "Lights," she said, as she listened to the door slide shut behind him. Her apartment, largely in thanks to a generous contribution from their parents, was large and open. Aside from a few pieces of artwork that she fancied, it was fairly sparsely decorated. A fern was growing to a healthy size near the large, nearly wall-spanning window that looked out on the city. She directed him to sit down on the sofa, and sat down across from him.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, leaning back into the chair.

"I could ask the same thing," he said.

"Huh?"

"You look a little... worn out," he offered.

"I'm fine," she chided. "Now, what is my little brother doing on Illium, in my apartment, in the middle of the night?"

"Can't I just be visiting my sister?"

Something was off. Kelly was good at reading the signs. There was a slight shake in his voice, and he seemed terrified to look her in the eye. His own dark blue eyes carried a weight that she did not recognize and his dark auburn hair was longer than he usually let it get. His fingers were fidgeting too. Everything pointed to Zack being in turmoil about something.

"Do mom and dad know you're here?" she asked.

Something behind her seemed to catch his eye. "Do mom and dad know she's here?" he asked, pointing a finger just past her.

She rolled her eyes and turned to see T'Lanna standing in the hall way that led to the bedroom. She had thrown on some of Kelly's bed clothes; a black nighty that stopped several inches above her knees and left little to the imagination. She was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over her chest.

"Should I be jealous?" she asked seductively.

The red-head took a deep breath, "T'Lanna, this is my brother Zack. Zack, this is… my friend, T'Lanna." She paused and turned back to her lover. "You may as well join us."

"So, you're Kelly's brother," The Asari asked as she meandered into the room. "You have an amazing sister." The lilt she put into the word amazing would have made a clergyman blush. She sat down next to Kelly on the arm of her chair. "So, what brings you here in the dead of the night young Zack?"

So much for the upper hand.

"Fair enough, I won't tell mom and dad you're here. Now," she paused, "What's going on?"

He took a deep breath, his gaze drifting between his sister and the scantily clad alien cuddling up to her. It was obvious that he was figuring out exactly what he had interrupted.

"I can't deal with them anymore Kelly. Dad's dead set on me following in his footsteps. Never mind the fact that I have absolutely no interest in programming. When I tell him I want to do something else, he won't even hear me out. It's like I get absolutely no say in how my life plays out. There's so much out there I want to see, so much I want to do," his eyes lingered on T'Lanna for a moment, and he continued. "It's getting to be too much. I'm an adult and my life should be my own."

"It's not unusual for a father to want his son to follow in his footsteps Zach. I'm sure if you're persistent he'll eventually get the point."

"Is that my sister talking, or a psych major?" he asked rather pointedly.

"It's somebody who cares about you."

"Anyway, you're wrong Kelly. Last week I stood up to Dad. I told him I had no intention of following him. He was furious. He said that if I wasn't going to go to school for programming, he wasn't going to pay for it." He leaned back into the soft sofa and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I think family dramas call for wine," T'Lanna said, standing up. Kelly nodded. "You're smart Zack. I'm sure you could get scholarships and financial aid. If you could go to school for anything you wanted, what would it be?"

"That's just it. I don't know. I'm eighteen years old. I'm not sure I want to lock myself into anything right now." The Asari returned carrying three wine glasses. She walked over and handed one to the young man.

"There's nothing wrong with that," she said. "Many of my people spend years simply traveling, seeing what the universe has to offer.

Kelly took the wine glass her lover offered and sipped it. "So, mom and dad have no idea where you are right now?" Once again T'Lanna besieged the armrest.

"No," he set his glass down on the polished oak coffee table in front of him. "I just left."

"They're probably worried sick about you," Kelly offered, wondering why they could not be bothered to let her know her baby brother had simply run off. She filed that away to deal with later. Her focus needed to remain on the matter at hand. "So now that you've left, what exactly is your plan?"

"I don't know," he said dejectedly, glancing out at the bright lights of the cityscape. "I really didn't think this through beyond leaving and coming here."

"Why here?" Kelly asked.

"What?"

"Well, Becky's on Earth. It would have been far easier to go and see her. So why come all the way to Illium, to me?"

"Aside from wanting to get as far away from our parents as I could?"

She nodded.

Zack took a deep breath, "I guess because I've always valued your opinion sis. I love Becky, but she and I never really saw eye to eye. The longer I'm away from home, the more I think maybe I made a mistake." He paused and Kelly kept quiet, waiting for him to continue. "Maybe I overreacted. As mad as I was when I left, and believe me I'm still a little angry, maybe I should just go back home."

"Is that what you want?" This came from T'Lanna.

"I… I don't know." His eyes turned pleadingly toward Kelly, "So, what do you think Kell? Should I go back home, or do I keep going, try and find my place in the universe?"

"I think you need to let mom and dad know you're okay before you do anything," she said, leaning forward. "Should you go home?" Now it was her turn to pause. It would be safer to send him home, and she knew he would listen to what she said. She also knew how difficult her parents could be, and maybe some traveling would do Zack good. It might offer him a new perspective.

"I think you need to do what's best for you. Maybe spending some time away from home will be beneficial. It might help you figure out what you really want to do." She took another sip of her wine.

Her brother nodded and leaned forward. "You're right. I need to do what's best for me." He stood up. "Thank you sis."

She stood up, "Leaving so soon?"

"Yeah, I have things to figure out, and it looks like you have… things to do too," he cast a side long glance at T'Lanna who simply smiled.

Kelly walked over to him, "Well, you keep me updated, she said. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly, "And you are always welcome here."

He returned the hug. "Thank you. I'll talk to mom and dad tomorrow, and I'll contact you soon."

"Love you," she whispered.

"You too." They separated and she showed him to the door.

She and T'Lanna waved as he left the apartment.

It was the last time Kelly had seen her brother alive.

2.

It was shortly after midnight when Shepard found herself standing in the cockpit. Despite the late hour, it came as no surprise to see Joker sitting at his station. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she was deep in thought. As a soldier, and as a leader introspection and a tendency to overthink were not desirable traits. In the past Shepard had typically dealt with her problems by pushing them aside. Maybe Cerberus had screwed this up. Maybe something was still broken inside because since her revival thinking seemed the only thing she was capable of.

"On course for Omega as ordered Commander. We should arrive in a day and a half."

Joker's voice startled her and shook her from her reverie. "Sorry?" she said.

The pilot's chair swiveled around and revealed Jeff "Joker" Moreau. "Everything alright Commander?"

She shook her head, angry with herself. Having a mental breakdown in front of a crew member was not on her bucket list. "I'm fine Joker. Just a little lost in thought."

"Can't say I blame you. You've got a lot on your plate, and most of its those wobbly, slimy little purple things they serve at that Turian restaurant on the Presidium. I'm convinced they just make those for the tourists. They're probably all laughing in the kitchen while we try and figure out what the hell we're supposed to do with them."

Alyssa was at a loss, "What?"

"I'm just saying food shouldn't be waterproof Commander." He smiled. "It's been a while since you've come up here seeking my special brand of homespun wisdom." There was a slight edge in his voice and Shepard knew exactly what he meant.

"I'm sorry Joker. I know I've been distant."

"You were never exactly a teddy bear, but yeah, I've been feeling a little neglected up here."

EDI chimed in, "Is that why you referred to the Commander as a –"

"Not important EDI!" Joker stopped her before she could finish, and glanced up at the Commander again, a smirk crossing his lips. "About that…"

Shepard shook her head, "No, that's fair. I've just had a lot on my mind since…" for a moment the right words eluded her, "I came back." That seemed to sum it up nicely. "I haven't exactly been a social butterfly."

"As opposed to the Cotillion attending, Party-going Shepard we all came to love?" He chuckled. "Look, I get it Commander, you have a lot to think about. I just," now it was his turn to search for words. "I thought maybe you hadn't been up here because you blamed me."

"Blamed you?" She tried and failed to keep the surprise from her voice. "What would I blame you for Joker?"

A loud sigh escaped his lips, "I thought maybe… I mean if you hadn't had to haul yourself up to the cockpit to save my ass… If you had made it into one of the escape pods…"

Her tone was incredulous, "You thought I blamed you for my death?"

"Why not?" He asked, turning his chair back around, "I did."

Alyssa Shepard was seldom caught off guard, but she made an exception this time. "Joker, that's ridiculous!"

"Mr. Moreau is frequently prone to displays of irrationality." Joker glared at the glowing ball of holographic light to his left.

"It's because you just bring out the best in me EDI." Undeterred, he continued on, "Look Commander, you came back for me. You had to because I was too stubborn and too damn weak to save my own sorry life. If I hadn't been there- "

"It might have been someone else. Joker, what happened isn't your fault. If I had it to do over again, I would do exactly the same thing. I didn't save you because I felt sorry for you, or because I thought you needed special treatment. I saved you because I didn't want you to die."

"I've never seen my condition as a weakness before," he told her, "but back there, on the Normandy and after, I started to doubt myself. When Cerberus contacted me, told me what was going on and explained that somehow they were bringing you back," he paused, "Well, as much as I wanted to fly again, I wasn't sure I could bear the thought of putting anybody else at risk because of my legs. Particularly you. Again."

"Look at me Joker," when he didn't, she lost her patience a little. "Turn your chair around. That's an order."

When he was facing her again, she could see a little moisture on his cheek, and realized why the pilot had turned away. She decided to be tactful and avoid pointing it out. "Joker, I couldn't be happier to have you onboard. What happened, happened. We can't change that. It's not your fault so quit feeling sorry for yourself. I'm on a ship surrounded by Cerberus Personnel. It's nice to have at least one person on board I can trust."

He nodded, but seemed at a loss for words.

"I don't want you blaming yourself for what happened on the Normandy anymore. Understood?" Her voice was even and calm.

"Yes ma'am," he said. He fumbled his words a little as he turned around, "I should probably… you know, get back to making sure we don't crash."

"Don't you ever sleep?" she asked as she started to walk away.

"I could tell you," he shouted, "But that would ruin the mystery!"

A grin crept over her face as she shook her head. At least some things never changed.

A few moments later, she was standing in the elevator, on her way to her quarters.

"Well done Alyssa." She turned to see the spectral version of Liara that had been plaguing her since her revival. There was an almost serene look on her face as she leaned back against the wall. "Joker seems to believe that you're the same person you always were. I'll give you credit for your acting."

"You're not her," Shepard said, stepping into her cabin as the doors parted. "You're just part of my subconscious. My fears and insecurities incarnate and I'm not going to entertain these visit any further so you can just go to Hell."

Liara appeared amused, "If you're right, then you realize you just told yourself to go to Hell."

"The irony isn't lost on me," Shepard said. She turned toward the imaginary visitor. "I don't know what twisted part of my mind created you, but that's all you are. You're not Liara. You're not even a part of her. That's just a pile of bullshit you're using to try and scare me."

"Believe what you want Alyssa, but wouldn't it be so much easier to ask Liara herself, to talk to her?" She walked up close and, despite her non-corporeal nature, Shepard could feel the Asari's hand on her cheek, her warm breath on her face. "Don't you want to see her," The vision's voice took on a pleading quality, "Don't you miss her?"

"Of course I do," Alyssa whispered, trying not to tear up, "But-"

"But what," Liara interjected, "You're afraid I'm right? Afraid she'll see you as nothing but a pale imitation of the Alyssa Shepard she knew?"

"Go to Hell," the Commander whispered again.

"You go to Hell," Liara whispered sweetly, "It's where you belong. I'm sure she would agree." Alyssa could not stop herself. She pulled away and reached for the nearest thing she could find, throwing it at the apparition. Of course it simply slammed against the wall, glass shattering across the floor. At least it seemed to chase away her visitor.

"Damn," she whispered, massaging her forehead.

Kneeling down, she collected the remains of Liara's photograph, the only object that had been within her reach, and looked at her former lover. Why was she avoiding Liara? Was it the mission? It would be easy for her to say that she needed to focus on the mission, rather than become involved in emotional entanglements, but that would be a lie. In truth she was scared of seeing Liara again. Although she was doing better emotionally, there was still a long road to recovery and she did not want the Asari to see her like this.

Alyssa did not want Liara to see her as weak.

3.

When she opened her eyes, Kelly felt a moment of disorientation as she struggled to recognize her surroundings.

This was not the barracks. "What?" she whispered.

"She awakens," a soft voice, laden with humor said.

Yeoman Chambers turned to see Kasumi Goto sitting on the far end of the sectional, over by the windows. "What happened?" she asked, stifling a yawn.

"I think somebody had a little too much wine and passed out," the thief pointed toward the bottle and glass sitting at Kelly's feet. "You looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you."

"That's very kind," Kelly said. "What time is it?"

"It's about four hundred hours," Kasumi said.

"Six hours," Chambers said to herself, "I was thinking about," she paused, not ready to unload on her new friend just yet, "the past," she finished cryptically. "I must have fallen asleep. Sorry if I disturbed you."

"I didn't mind."

"I should probably get ready for the day-"

A sudden chirping stopped her. She realized it was coming from the hand held terminal beside her. She picked it up to find that she had a new message. The recipient was unknown, but it was clearly addressed to her, aboard the Normandy, care of Cerberus. This startled her. Somebody obviously wanted her to know that they could find her, and that Cerberus did not scare them.

"What is it?" Kasumi asked. "Is everything alright?"

"I… I don't know," Kelly said, sitting up and leaning forward. "It's a message."

"Ooh! What's it say?" As always Kasumi seemed a little over enthusiastic.

"I don't know. I don't even know who it's from."

"Can I see it? I promise I won't read it, but I can check it to see if it's safe." Kelly handed over the terminal. Kasumi plugged a small flash drive into the device and started pressing buttons.

"They're good," she whispered, probably to herself. "This is a lot more advanced than any encryption tech Keiji and I ever used." Pause. "Hmm… Give me just a moment." Another minute or so passed. "It's safe. It's not a virus and it's not a tracker. In fact it looks like… yeah, it's a vid file." She handed the terminal back to the Yeoman.

"A video? Who would be sending me a video?" Her family might, but it definitely would not be encrypted, and they probably would not go to lengths to hide the origin either. Something did not fit together here and that worried her. For a moment she entertained the thought of just deleting the file, but she had to know what was inside. Her curiosity would not let her simply pass this by.

"Here goes."

She tapped the screen and a video began to play. It went on for about two minutes and when it was over her face was deathly white. A moment passed before she could even react. Part of her wanted to scream, and part of her felt an overwhelming sense of relief.

Apparently sensing her struggle, Kasumi asked, "Is everything okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Kelly was playing the video again and paused it. "I think maybe I have," she whispered.

Clearly displayed in the frame, with a time stamp less than a week old, was her brother Zack, alive and well.