Remy had finally managed to make his way into a deep slumber when he heard a knock at his door. If he had known that Rogue would be there, dressed like she was, the look of an angel gracing her face he would have never let his head touch the pillow without hers beside him.
Rogue sheepishly looked at him with her wide green eyes, playfully rubbing her feet across the carpet, holding her elbow in one hand as she gazed up at Remy. He was lucky he had fallen asleep with that towel wrapped around his waist or else Rogue would have gotten a surprise.
She didn't know why she had come to see him, she couldn't sleep, couldn't get her mind away from the Brotherhood, from the things she hated herself from doing and the first person she wanted to talk to was Remy. She was unsure of why, but something told her it was the fact that he didn't know every detail of her past like the others. He had no room to judge her, especially after what he had told her about the thieves' guild, it made her feel secure if in an infinitesimal way.
"Can Ah come in?" Rogue stated meekly as she made her way past Remy. He let her in as she took a seat on his bed. She looked so vulnerable and that's when he noticed she was revealed, she was wearing shorts, a tiny tank top, things that hugged her in a way that took his breath away and left nothing to the imagination. Rogue could have easily said the same thing about Remy, he was after all only wearing at towel that was hanging dangerously low at his hips.
Rogue took a breath as Remy took a seat next to her; they both stared at the wall in front of them unsure of how to proceed.
"Chere…" Rogue turned to face Remy.
"Remy can we…" she stopped short, she didn't know if she could do what she wanted to do with him, in fact she was positive she couldn't. But she needed reassurance and for some reason he was the person she thought of.
Remy didn't know what she was going to ask. He could tell she was nervous, he could sense that much, but he didn't think that she was asking him for that, not yet.
"Can ya hold me, like you did…the other night?" her question was so oddly innocent and Remy was uncertain of how to proceed. He wanted to, to bring her to him and feel the warmth of her body against his but obviously she was not speaking in terms of what he wanted. She wanted him to hold her. He wanted to pull her into him, onto him, become a part of her forever.
"Do ya mean…." Remy had to make certain.
Rogue stood up and got underneath the covers of Remy's bed, innocently and sheepishly snuggling into the blankets. He smiled. He was planning on sleeping alone and here she was willing to be his bedmate for the night, in a way he had never experienced before, literally sleeping. These naptime rituals were starting to be his favorite part of the day.
"Okay Roguey, let me just put on some-" Remy stood up and went to his drawer when Rogue, startled for some unknown reason, sat up.
"No Remy don't!" she urged him.
"What, what's wrong cherie?" he asked worried.
"Just, Ah want you as you are, just next to me, please. Nothing else, just you," she was still shaky in her voicing of what she really wanted. Scared that her plan wouldn't work out the way she wanted, scared that something grave might happen. But she was also sure she would never do anything to hurt Remy, she cared for him too much and he was anything if not thorough and careful when it came to her. She realized why she had come over here now. She trusted him.
Remy nodded and took his place beside her on the bed, on top of the heavy duvet. He placed an arm over Rogues blanket covered waist and curled up to her, he suddenly felt her arm reach up and out from the covers, and moved his in time with hers. She pulled her exposed skin up and with a swift movement that Remy could have sworn had to have been practiced and pulled the towel out from underneath Remy leaving him completely naked beside her. She dropped the towel on the floor before snuggling back under the covers. Remy smiled.
"Ya sure 'bout dis, chere," he asked quietly in Rogue's ear.
"Cajun, this worked out the first time, so Ah figured why not up the stakes," Rogue said coyly as she turned over underneath the heavy comforter staring back at Remy's demon red on black eyes. They burned brighter for a moment as a devilish grin took over his face and Rogue couldn't help but lick her lips.
"Remy love when ya talk gamblin' to him," Remy purred as he placed his arm back around Rogue's waist again pulling her closer to him. She shimmied towards him.
"Remy…" Rogue got nervous again. Remy knew in that moment that her age didn't matter, her maturity didn't matter, in her heart Rogue still straddled the line between a girl and a woman and sought for him to edge her over.
"Remy, Ah can't stop thinking about what we did, yesterday…It made me want…" she stopped.
"Made ya want more," he said quietly and Rogue nodded still staring back into his eyes.
"Ya, ya made me do something Ah don't like ta," she drawled. He wasn't sure if it was because she was sleepy or because she was nervous but either way her southern twang and willingness to be there beside him made him want her all the more and he could feel himself grow slightly stiff.
"What is dat, chere," he asked with genuine interest.
"Ah…Ah…" Rogue blushed and closed her eyes. The words formed themselves almost silently. "Ah touched mahself to the thought of ya."
As the words fell from her plump red lips Remy was sure he almost lost control, almost pulled her out from under those covers and lost himself inside of her. But he didn't. He couldn't. He bit his lip and desperately tried not to pull his hand to his growing member.
"Chere, I wish I was de one…" Remy cut himself short. There were so many ways he could have told her what he wanted to do to her. To taste her, to bring her to the edge and back again, to make her feel the wonderful heights her body could take her to, to feel her soft, supple skin and plump lips and ride her so hard that she shook for him and him only. To make love to her, the way he'd only dreamt he could to a woman he actually loved. To make her feel, touch, taste another. To love her fully.
Tears had started to fall down Rogue's cheeks, the heat from between her legs was returning just at the thought of Remy and now he was saying he wanted her and the only thing she could think of was the frustration she had at not being able to touch him.
Remy needed to touch her, to let that connection of skin on skin if even in the chastest way reassure her. But he couldn't, and instead he got up from the bed and began to shuffle through the things in his nightstand.
Rogue was slightly unnerved when she saw him furrow his brow and turn suddenly to the nightstand. She wasn't certain what he had in my mind, what he was searching for but she knew that it was something. Something that could possibly ignite the distance between them.
Remy rummaged through the drawer that had become filled with junk in the ensuing weeks at the mansion, a pack of matches and cigarettes, countless decks of cards, letters from Henri and Mercy, and then he found what he was looking for. Never before had he needed this, needed to show someone what had been done to him. He was fearful of what he was going to do once she saw.
He realized that this was going to be a horrible moment to tell her, that this was going to make her hate him in ways only she knew how because they were two sides of the same coin. He pulled out the small card, the last thing he had of his time with those people. It sent shivers down his spine along with waves of fury. He turned back to Rogue his hands clasped tightly around the card, her bright emeralds glowing in the dark, widened at the very sight of him and he almost lost his nerve.
"Rogue, dere's somethin' ya need ta know 'bout me. Somethin' nobody else knows," he started slowly. He had never felt guiltier in his life. Never felt like he was ending something before it had even begun. But he knew in that moment she deserved the truth, deserved to see that monster that he was.
Rogue stared at him for a moment a confused look on her face. Surely he had told her everything already hadn't he? She had told him her story. That day, they both confessed their demons. But she was scared, afraid that maybe he knew about hers, the others, the things she willingly led herself into. But he was telling her something. Telling her that…
"After de guild banished me, I had li'l control of my powers. I was still only nineteen, unable, unsure of de things I was capable of…" the words stuck in his throat, he didn't know how he was going to say, going to tell her that he had…
Rogue looked at him with those big, bright green eyes, the white strands of her hair framing her angelic face, her plump red lips puckered in enthrallment. He couldn't break her heart, he couldn't make her distrust the only person she felt she could take to about her mutation, in the secret, furtive ways that they did, using only their bodies.
"Remy…" he held up a hand to stop her.
"Chere, I, killed people. I did it, hurt innocents and…" in all of his life Remy had never cried. Never, not even when faced with physical pain, but at the thought of the pain he had caused others, at the thought of all the pain he was going to cause Rogue he started to cry.
Rogue couldn't comfort him, not in the way she knew he needed to. She couldn't get close to him, not enough so as to stop the overwhelming pain that was flashing in his blood red irises. She scooted as close as possible to him looking up at him with those innocent eyes of hers. He didn't deserve her.
"Remy," Rogue said nervously as he opened his eyes to see her. "I love you."
She shouldn't have said those words. It made him feel whole, complete for the first time, but it only lasted seconds before the words he knew he had to say fell from his lips. Like crushed velvet, soft and welcoming they fell from his lips but the message was danger.
"I was a Marauder; I was in the tunnels during the Morlock Massacre."
