Chapter Eleven: Time To Heal
Bella POV
"Well Bella, it's nice to see your bright brown eyes!" The doctor told me cheerfully as he walked into my hospital room. I was one of the "lucky" patients to have a private room. "Lucky" being a loose term for…I was in critical enough condition to warrant one, but now that I'm awake it's a total plus. I smiled to him and nodded.
"Thanks." I told him, unsure of what else to say. He looked through my file and I felt a hand grasp my own. Isaac. I gripped his hand weakly, still not at full strength. I waited, along with my dad and brothers, for the doctor to speak. I'd woken up yesterday and still no one has told me about my condition. I suppose it's not all their fault…I did fall back asleep pretty quickly due to the morphine…but it is still nerve wracking.
"I suppose you're curious about what's going on. It's only fair to be honest…we were more than a little concerned for you, Bella. You gave us quite a scare. Coma for five weeks and two days…it was looking pretty bleak for a while. Today is February 1st, 2015. Is there anything you can tell us about what happened to you…how aware you've been…anything you can remember?" He asked and I was silent for a while thinking about my answer.
Oh yea doc. See, my boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Whatever we are…you see, he's this wolf man…thing…person…just like my brother and other ex-boyfriend and God knows who else. And I pissed him off enough for him to turn into a huge gigantic massive wolf and he attacked me. You know, the usual. Oh! And while I'm at it, my OTHER ex-boyfriend is a vampire!
Yea. That would go over well enough for me to be admitted to the psych ward.
I couldn't tell the truth.
"Bella?" The doctor asked, slightly concerned by my now ongoing silence. I looked to him and swallowed.
"I…I don't remember much." I told him and he nodded hesitantly.
"Do you remember talking to the paramedics who responded to your boyfriend's call?" He asked and I felt my gaze narrow.
"Boyfriend?" I asked and the doctor looked to my dad nervously.
"Yes, Bella. Remember? Shane is your boyfriend." My dad told me and I nodded slowly.
"I remember that…I just…I didn't know he called for an ambulance." I said, turning my gaze back to the doctor, who nodded.
"He did. Do you remember telling the paramedic about an animal attack?" He asked and I decided to play dumb.
"Animal attack?" I asked. The doctor reached for my glass of water, handing it to me at the sound of my hoarse voice. I haven't spoken in over a month…talk about gravel in your throat.
"Yes. You told the paramedic that you were arguing with your boyfriend and went outside, where you were attacked by a large wolf. Do you remember this at all?" I swallowed my water and Isaac took the cup from me, putting it back on the table. I thought for a moment and realized he wouldn't stop until I gave him something.
"Bits and pieces." I told him and he nodded, happy to finally be getting somewhere. He took out a pen and wrote something on my file.
"Ok, do you remember the fight with your boyfriend?" He asked and I simply nodded. "What was the fight about?" He asked and I thought carefully about my answer. If I at all gave away that Shane was like Jaxon…he'd know what happened…and there was no doubt in my mind. He'd kill Shane.
"We've been having a bit of trouble…I went there to break up with him." I told the doctor who narrowed his gaze.
"And…did this upset him at all?"
"Of course it did…he wanted to work things out." I told him and he wrote more things on my chart. He was silent for a few moments. "If you think he hurt me…" I began, but the doctor put his hand up and smiled.
"I'm not jumping to any conclusions, Bella, I just want a better sense of how you acquired your injuries. Plus I've seen the damage…there is no doubt in my mind that an animal did this." He told me and I relaxed a bit. As upset and freaked out as I am about this whole thing…I don't want anything to happen to Shane. Not yet…not until I figure this out.
I mean…I still have no idea how I feel about this. One second…the world makes sense. There are humans, and animals, and you know, UFO sightings and religion or whatever you believe in…and then…I'm being attacked by a vampire.
And then I'm dating a vampire.
And then I'm finally in a normal relationship…with a guy who turns out to moonlight as a wolf.
If that's not freaky enough, my brother does too! So…now I don't know where I stand.
With vampires…I've learned there are good ones, and bad ones. And even the good ones will rip your heart in two. And now…there are these human/wolf hybrids…and I'm a tattered mess because of them. I mean…I can't be a hypocrite. I accepted vampires…even after being attacked by one and now…what. I'm going to disown everyone I know to be a wolf? That's not fair…
I tried to move a bit and found it to be almost impossible. The doctor took notice and moved on from what I "remembered".
"Your injuries are fairly extensive. This…wolf…it got you pretty good. Your front and back were both torn into by the claws…there didn't appear to be any saliva on the torn skin or tissue…so it looks like it was an attack and not to feed. We had to do a skin graph from parts of your body that were not damaged because…well there simply wasn't enough skin left to simply stitch you back together. So there will be minor scarring on your legs, but with time they will fade out. The scarring will be predominantly on your torso, back and front. I won't lie, this scarring will be extensive. It will be tight and sensitive for a while but…in time it too will begin to act like normal skin again. We can prescribe certain creams to help minimize the scarring as much as possible but it will never disappear completely." I nodded, not wanting to think about it. I felt like…like there was only half of me left and I couldn't contain my tears. Isaac leaned over the side of my bed and put his head on my shoulder, rubbing my left arm.
"The right arm will be scarred as well, but not as severely. It seems you were scratched over top of an existing wound that you got from another animal attack, correct?" He asked and I looked to him confused. Another animal attack?
"I don't…" But I trailed off and the doctor nodded, looking at another file beneath the papers he was writing on.
"On July 21st, 2013, you were admitted here around 1:45am and treated for blood loss and a dog bite to your right wrist. Do you remember this?" He asked and I felt my family's eyes on me. I'd forgotten a dog bite was the cover story I'd used for the vampire attack when Edward brought me here.
"Uh…yea. I remember." I told him and my dad cleared his throat.
"And…why did we never hear about this?" He asked and I sighed, looking to him.
"It wasn't that bad…I didn't want to worry you." I told them and was met with silence. Apparently my recent state was enough to get a free pass for now. I looked back to the doctor.
"Bella you don't think these two attack are linked do you?" He asked and I shook my head slowly.
"No…the one was definitely just a dog…and this was…a lot larger." I told him and he nodded.
"Alright. So, tell me about the five weeks you were unconscious. Do you remember anything? Were you aware of your surroundings?" He asked and I nodded.
"A bit…occasionally. I'd hear someone talking or feel someone nearby…but it was too painful to be too aware." I told him and he looked at me curiously.
"Too painful?" He asked and I nodded.
"Yea…everytime I started to become too aware…the pain was unbearable." I told him and he cursed under his breath, looking frustrated.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I think…I think that was my fault. I was concerned about giving you ample doses of morphine in case it kept you unconscious. We arranged for a pain killer to be administered…but it would have been nowhere near what you would have needed had you been awake." It made sense…but it also explained why I wasn't able to come out of the coma. It was too painful to be awake.
"Everytime I felt like…like I could wake up it was like…passing out." I told him and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb, and nodded.
"Yea that sounds about right. It would have been far too painful for you to be awake in that state…I should have known." My dad stood up from his chair instantly.
"So you're telling me that the reason my daughter was in a coma for over a month was because you didn't give her enough pain medication?" Jaxon stood as well and put a hand on dad's shoulder, trying to calm him.
"It seems to be the most likely answer. I truly am sorry, it was honestly fifty-fifty. Morphine could have kept her in a comatose state even longer…we had no way to gauge a dosage…had we given her too much it could have had the same effects, keeping her unconscious. I just never thought of the pain keeping her in the coma." He confessed and my dad refused to back down.
"It's your job to think about that!" He raised his voice and I jumped, causing myself to groan in pain. Isaac ran his hand over my forehead and shushed me softly. Jaxon put his arm across dad's chest.
"Dad, you're scaring Bella. Look all that matters is that Bella is awake now." Jaxon said and I looked to my dad who shook his head, sitting down.
"That's not all that matters when you're told your daughter's chances of waking up lessen every day that she's out." He said bitterly and the doctor bowed his head.
"I understand your anger…and again, I am truly sorry. I'll give you all some time." He said and disappeared out the door, leaving me alone with my family.
"We're just lucky Bella found the strength to wake up, right?" Isaac said though Jaxon and my dad didn't share his enthusiasm.
"Yea but at what cost." Jaxon stated. "How much pain did she go through to finally snap out of it. You saw her when she first woke up. She could barely speak." He allowed a bit of anger to flow through but immediately reeled it in. I'd noticed a slight quiver in his appearance, but in an instant it was gone, replaced by my loving brother. It startled me.
If anger was the trigger for them…how could I ever feel safe at home knowing I'm just tip-toeing around Paul and Jaxon…my life dependent on never pissing them off. I closed my eyes at the thought. Isaac ran his hand up my arm again in a soothing manner.
"Bella, you'll get through this." He told me and I opened my eyes, tears beading up. I only stared, not one hundred percent sure I believed him.
How could I live in a world where I'm afraid of my own brother? How…how could we ever be the same? I looked to Isaac. He seemed so sure that things would be alright…and yet he had no idea. He wouldn't be alright if he knew…if he knew who really did this to me…and knew that our brother had more in common with my attacker than he could ever believe. Even I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been inches from death because of one. Because of Shane…and the wolf.
"Bella!" My train of thought was cut off by my mom and Phil bursting into my room. Isaac pulled away and was replaced by my mom kissing my forehead and holding my cheeks in her hands.
"Bella, baby, I was so scared." She whispered as she began to cry and I couldn't keep my own tears from streaming down my cheeks. I was scared too…I haven't stopped being scared since December 24th. Since I realized Shane wasn't Shane anymore… ever since then my world has been turned into a scary place.
"Me too, mom." I choked out and she kissed my forehead again before pulling back and looking at me.
"You feeling ok, baby? You look exhausted." I nodded and sighed.
"I'm pretty weak…and I can't move much…but I'm better." I told her and she nodded.
"Did the doctor say how long you'll need to stay here?" She asked and I shook my head. He'd left before we could get to that but my dad cleared his throat.
"Doc said yesterday after she woke up that she'd be in here at least another few weeks just to make sure she's healing properly." I frowned at this and Isaac smiled.
"It's ok B. You won't be so sore the whole time…and sooner than you think you'll be able to get out of the bed." I tried to smile for him…but the most I could manage was not to frown.
"I know it sucks, sweetie. But we will be here as much as you need. You won't need to stay here alone." My mom told me and I sighed.
"No…you can't all stay." My mom started to protest but I shook my head.
"Mom…how much school has Isaac already missed by being here? Or dad and Jaxon's work? I mean…they can't stay here forever." My dad sighed.
"Bella, we can stay as long as you need us." He told me and I nodded.
"I know, dad…but I would feel a lot less guilty about it if you guys were able to get back to normal life. School…work…not just sitting around a stuffy hospital room." Isaac grabbed my hand again, but they allowed the conversation to end there.
"So, were you able to tell the doctor what happened?" My mom asked and I remained silent for a moment, before shaking my head.
"Nothing new…large animal…you know." I told her and she sighed.
"Yea how wild is that? Giant wolves…I wonder if it was just an abnormality…or if it's like a whole new species…they should really look into that." She told me and I noticed Jaxon scratch his neck uncomfortably. I could tell he'd already gotten a bit suspicious of the whole thing.
"Did you end up talking to Shane when you went there?" She asked changing the subject and I hesitantly nodded.
"A bit…but I have a feeling we will need to have another talk." I told her and she nodded.
"He's been calling every few days to check in on you. He's been so worried." She told me and I felt my anger swell. I know he looked completely destroyed…but that didn't mean I was going to just forget the person he became.
I looked to Jaxon briefly and couldn't help but wonder if he had the ability to be like that…become mean and vicious. It was so hard to imagine it…but I knew in my head I couldn't rule it out. I really wanted them to stay…but at the same time with them gone I could do some research once I become a bit more mobile. If I'm always surrounded…I'd never figure this out. And I need to keep it a secret at least for now. I mean…it's obvious why they would try to keep this such a guarded secret. How could we all just…just accept it? I wasn't sure I'd ever really believe Jaxon could be capable of such animalistic actions…
"Bella?" My mom asked and I refocused on her and saw that everyone was looking to me.
"Yes?" I asked and she smiled.
"Sweetie I asked if you were hungry." I thought for a moment and nodded.
"A bit…" She nodded and set off for the cafeteria with Phil, my dad and Isaac. Jaxon offered to stay behind with me and I couldn't help but notice that my heart monitor sped up a tad.
"You look like your adjusting well." He commented and I tried to shrug…but failed miserably. I sighed and pulled the oxygen tubes from my face and grumbled.
"Well you know…only so much you can do to be comfy in the hospital." I told him and he chuckled, coming to sit beside me and began playing with my hair. Before all of this…this type of thing was normal. And now…I'm kind of afraid.
"So…a wolf, huh?" He asked "nonchalantly". I knew he was fishing because it sounded too close to home…you know. Considering he's a huge fucking wolf.
"I guess so." I told him and he nodded.
"Was there anything else about it you could remember? You know…details of where it came from…where it went to…" I decided to forego the shrug this time and simply shake my head. He nodded, seeming to drop it for now…but I knew he was a bit suspicious…but the story wasn't unlikely. I mean…the woods were right there…as long as I keep the story straight (or play dumb) then I should be able to keep the secret safe.
"You alright, Bella? You seem really tense." He asked and I immediately felt guilty. The warmth of his skin bothered me now…before it was soothing and protective…and now? It only reminds me of his secret. His scary, unsettling, unbelievable secret. And my injuries. I sighed and tried to be happy. He's my brother and I love him…nothing will ever change that.
"Yea I'm just…I guess my nerves are just shot." I told him and he nodded, still playing with my hair. I tried to relax but I knew I didn't necessarily succeed. It would be a long transition period before I'm going to find comfort in his warmth again.
I woke to a buzzing sound and looked around my room. I noticed it was now dark outside and that I was alone…I must have dozed off after they gave me more morphine. I looked for the source of the buzzing and saw my phone on the table beside me going off. I saw Paul's name and sighed, it wasn't easy to move around yet...but I reached for my cell groaning.
"Hello?" I greeted and was met with silence.
"Look, it wasn't easy to reach my phone…so you better have something to say." I said exhausted. I heard him clear his throat on the other end and stammer through his words.
"B-Bella?" He asked and I yawned.
"In the flesh." I said, closing my eyes again. I was still pretty dozy after the morphine. I looked to the clock in the room and saw it was only 9pm but I'd probably been sleeping since 2pm. When my family left, I wasn't sure.
"How…um…are you…are you ok?" He asked, still stammering and I felt myself soften to his concern.
"I will be." I whispered honestly and could hear the emotion in his voice.
"I would have been there…I wanted to be. But we all decided it should be just your family…and I…I called every day to see how you were." We were both silent a moment before I heard him sniffle. "I almost didn't believe it when I called yesterday and they told me you had woken up." He whispered and I felt tears on my own cheeks.
"You weren't the only one…"I told him and we fell into a comfortable silence. I closed my eyes and just told myself I needed to feel safe again. I know what he is…and I know what he's capable of…but…it's Paul. He's…he can't be a monster. He just can't be.
"Is your family still there?" He asked and I yawned again.
"Well they were…but I think I fell asleep after lunch and they all left. Probably to eat something other than this God awful hospital food." He chuckled and I felt my heart warm just a tad.
"How long do you have to stay there?"
"Well…they say at least a few more weeks. I haven't really gotten a look at the damage yet…it's kind of hard to move." I told him and he sniffled again and we fell into silence. After a few moments I yawned once more.
"You sleepy, Red?" He asked and I nodded.
"Yea…"
"You want me to let you go?" I thought about it a moment and shook my head.
"Would you talk me to sleep?" I asked and I'm sure he could hear the tears in my voice. I was just done with being strong for the moment. I needed to fell taken care of…if only for a moment.
Paul began telling me stories about work and family…just little day to day things. He never asked for a response and his voice was soft and soothing. It's been a while since his voice was the last thing I heard at night…and I knew I couldn't make a habit of it…but for tonight it was the only thing holding me together.
I looked at my phone and saw February 24th fill the lock screen. I've been awake for a few weeks now…just over three. I've been told I should be able to go home at the beginning of March, which I am thankful for. I situated myself on the bed and lifted my laptop onto my lap. I've been doing a bit of therapy every day trying to ensure my skin doesn't scar too tightly. I need to be able to move. I remember when my grandma broke her hip, she was up and out of the bed within the week trying to ensure she didn't lose motion in it. It sounds scary…and it is.
I've had the chance to look at the scarring when the nurses help me shower and change the bandages…but I haven't had the guts. Soon I won't need the bandages apparently…and then I'll have no choice.
My arm isn't in bandages anymore and it's fairly scarred, not that it wasn't already. Now to go with my halfmoon vampire bite, I have a wolf claw going through it…kind of chopping it in half. It wasn't as deep as the scars on my body I guess, but it's still meaty…and kind of bubbles out a bit. The doctor says I'm healing nicely…but some days it doesn't feel like it.
I haven't gotten a lot of time to look up what these…wolf hybrids are. My dad and brothers left about two weeks ago to go back to Forks…because I insisted, but my mom has been here every day…morning to night. I mean…it's not that I don't appreciate it…but I really needed to start looking for information. Over the last few days I'd collected quite a bit because I had told my mom I needed a bit of alone time before I'm released. She seemed sad but understood. Isaac told me he was afraid to leave in case…in case I was gone again. I felt horrible for that…but I think it was best for them to have faith that I'll be alright.
So far…I've found some very interesting things online. There are a few book stores I could have gone to for information…but I was kind of unable to leave the hospital.
From what I've read, it's a tribal thing that happens to native men of certain bloodlines. They are actually called werewolves…go figure. Vampires and werewolves. Actually…it seems that vampires are why the men in these tribes change…they are protectors of the villages they hail from and when vampires come within a close proximity of the tribe, the men go through what feels like an illness, their skin gets hot, they get moody…and then they transform into this…gigantic wolf. I remember Paul's mom telling me he was sick…and I shook my head. But it did explain the absences of Paul, Jaxon, and Shane.
Apparently these beings are protectors…but when they get too angry they can lose control and their wolf comes to the surface, but this is only common in newer wolves. Men that have been a wolf longer have better control over their phasing. If I think hard enough I can pinpoint certain instances where Jaxon has needed to take a moment, and then he seems fine. He's trying to stay in control.
All of the information that I've found is linked to the First Beach tribe back home, and I haven't found much on the tribes here, but only certain tribes in North America have the blood line necessary for this "honour" they called it. I wasn't sure how much of an honour it was…these guys have no say in their future.
I was angry. Paul…Shane…my brother…they have no choice in the matter…they must live with this burden their whole lives…they have to control this other half of themselves.
It hurt a little…that Jaxon never told us. I mean…I understand to an extent…it's a freakish thing to tell someone. But…I feel like as a family we would have figured it out. I can only imagine how he feels…thinking he can't tell his family this huge secret. I know the feeling…
I'm not totally innocent in this mess…I've kept a lot from my family. Edward…the whole…dated a vampire thing. And now I suppose I can add a werewolf to the mix too.
Come to think of it...when Paul disappeared…Jaxon told me to just be patient…to just give him time. He must have known what was happening…maybe they had planned to tell us? I couldn't be sure. I doubt Paul could have continued to date me and keep this a secret. I would hope he wouldn't have…
I wonder how many other werewolves there are in Forks. The Quileute tribe is highly susceptible to the gene…there could be a lot of them. The guys…Jake…Embry…Jared…Quil. I hope they've been spared…but come to think of it…they were all pretty large when I went home for Tuck's funeral. I sighed at the thought.
I also found information linked to tribal tattoos and someone called the Third Wife. It interested me because there was a legend about her saving her tribe from vampires, and yet she was a normal woman...with a courageous heart. There was a Quileute ballad linked to her as well and my goal for today was to try and translate it. I knew only a little of the language…growing up with the Quileute as friends you pick up on it here and there. It didn't take long to translate surprisingly…the internet is far too freakishly advanced.
Just close your eyes / the sun is going down / you'll be alright / no one can hurt you now / come morning light / you and I'll be safe and sound
I paused in shock at the words in the ballad. It was the same lullaby Sarah used to sing to Jake and I when we were just little, before she passed away. Whenever I'd spend the night there, she'd sing us the lullaby and kiss us goodnight. I never knew there was more to the song…
I looked to the fully translated version in front of me and I saved it in my files. I really wanted to do a cover of it…I had the melody from the chorus that Sarah would sing to us…I could elaborate on that and see what comes of it. Billy and Jake…they'd recognize it immediately. I know they'd love it.
I've spoken to my label since waking up, apparently they were really worried. I guess the story was leaked to a few magazines and now that I'm in the public eye more, it's been a story for a while based on how I've been doing. After I called my label there was another story that I'd finally woken up, but the dates were all wrong, the story wasn't accurate…welcome to public press.
I spoke to Mike and he told me to take as much time as I need because the album can wait. They want me to heal up before I come back to work, which takes a bit of pressure off me. I haven't been able to stop writing though.
I wrote a song about my comatose state and being able to hear and share the emotions my family went through during the five weeks I was unconscious. I want it to be a surprise for them so I would only write while they were asleep or gone to freshen up. It's fairly polished and I hope to have Joe look it over before we record it.
I'm fairly confident in finishing off the record…I'll have a lot of material to work with in the next month or so…I've found letting my emotions guide me works the best…and I won't have a lack of those.
I put my laptop aside and tossed my legs over the side of the bed. I needed to pee…and I'm sick of having to call a nurse in "just in case". I was no longer on a drip or IV, I just took pain pills as needed but I try not to take too many. I needed to prove to the doctors that I was well enough to go home soon. I felt the familiar tightening in my back and abdomen as I slowly stood up and I waited for the small amount of pain to pass, though the discomfort was never ending. It was to be expected though…I always hear about how "extensive" my injuries were…or how "lucky" I was. Yea. Sure. My sort of kind of technical werewolf boyfriend attacked me…and I'm so lucky I'm alright. Maybe physically…and that's even a stretch…but not mentally.
Yea he was going to tell me when I went over…and I honestly don't think I would have believed him without proof. But...now that I know what he is…why he disappeared…how could I ever look at him the same way knowing what he did…what he's able to do. I honestly don't see any other option than to break things off officially…and I'm even afraid to do that! I sighed as I finally reached the bathroom and did my business, washing my hands as I heard a nurse come into my room. I opened the bathroom door and she was surprised to see me up without someone.
"Now dear, you know to call us." I forced a smile and nodded.
"Yea but I'm feeling pretty good today. I really want to be confident in taking care of myself before I get out of here." She smiled.
"I know but still. You could have fallen or hurt yourself! Anyway. It's time to check those bandages. How is it feeling today?" She asked and I stood beside my bed and took my pajama top off, leaving me standing there in my sports bra and bandages…and pants of course. It was nice to make the transition from hospital gown to my own clothes…and to finally wear a bra again. I had minor scarring on my chest and it wasn't much but they were worried about me catching the new skin on my bra and tearing it. Once they were confident that my sports bra wouldn't rub the scarring and hurt me I was able to start wearing one. Not that the nurses hadn't already seen me naked…it's pretty humbling to have a stranger bathe you.
"It's a bit stiff…but the pain is a lot less. I only took one pain killer today around breakfast. I think I tossed a lot in my sleep." I told her and she nodded, peeling back the bandages. As always, I kept my head up, staring straight ahead of me. I'm not sure why I haven't looked yet…fear…nausea…disbelief maybe? I'd look one day…but I think I'm better off just knowing it's there for now.
"Well it looks good sweetie." She told me, running her hands along the scarring. It felt overly sensitive…like her hand would go right through the skin. It made me shiver.
"Dr. Mater really is a genius. He stitched you up really well…I think you'll find that the scars heal well." She told me and I forced another smile and nodded as she tossed the bandages in the garbage. They were clean though, I haven't had bloody bandages in a while. I wear them almost…like a security blanket. It's a "just in case" type of thing. The nurse smiled to me as I waited for her to put new ones on.
"I think we are going to try no bandages for today." She told me happily and my smile fell from my face.
"W-what?" I asked and she nodded happily, like it was good news. I shook my head.
"No…no I need something." I told her and she looked to me curiously. She nodded and asked me to wait a minute. I watched her walk to the hall and smile as she immediately found my doctor.
"Dr. she says she doesn't want to go without bandages." She told him as he came in the room. He nodded and smiled to me, looking at my scarring and running his hands over them to feel how they were healing.
"Well that's common." He began. "Some patients with extensive scarring feel like the skin is very sensitive…like wet paper." He told her and I nodded, tears welling in my eyes.
"I just…I need something to cover them…" I told him and he smiled once more and nodded, taking his attention from my injuries to my face.
"What we have for this in-between stage is like…a tensor band. It's much softer of course, and it has a Velcro strap instead of clips to protect the skin. You can just wrap the material around you as tight as you'd need it and it's not quite a bandage because it's reusable, and yet you don't feel unprotected. It has a bit of padding in it too just in case you bump into something, or accidently hit your injury." He told me and the nurse nodded, leaving the room. The doctor smiled to me.
"Now I know you're going home soon, and this wrap will be really nice for the time being, getting used to being mobile again, but I don't want you to be reliant on it. If you wear it forever, you will seriously limit the movement in your torso. But, once the skin is less sensitive, you can wean yourself off the wrap and move to a tensor, and then be confident enough to leave it as is." I watched as the nurse came back into the room with a black piece of material about a foot wide and long enough to wrap around me a few times. It was thin, but looked soft. The doctor took it from the nurse and began putting it around me. It wrapped around me three times and a strip of Velcro stuck to the material of the wrap, holding it in place. I hesitantly looked down and saw the black material beautifully covered any scarring and I ran my hands over the soft material carefully. It wrapped around enough to give it that padded feel the doctor had talked about and I smiled.
"That feels a lot better." I told him and he smiled too.
"I'm going to give you a few of these, that way you can toss them in the wash once they have been worn and that way you'll still feel protected." I nodded and thanked him again. He smiled and left the room just as my mom and Phil were coming into the room. They smiled seeing me up and about and my mom pointed to the wrap.
"That's new." She said and gave me a far too careful hug. She was terrified of hurting me…which I suppose I preferred over being too aggressive. I nodded, grabbing my pajama top, catching a chill.
"Yea…I've been upgraded from bandages to this protective wrap. It's a lot more comfortable." I told her and she smiled.
"So I have good news." She told me with a sneaky smile and I smiled too as I crawled back into my bed, pulling up the covers. She sat beside me on the bed and Phil came to sit in the chair beside me.
"Oh yea?" I asked and she grinned.
"Guess who's coming home Saturday!" She told me and I broke into a full grin.
"Really?!" I asked and she nodded.
"Yea! Before the nurse came out and pulled the doctor away we were chatting in the hall and he said if things keep up you'll be released on the 28th!" I clapped my hands together happily.
"Oh thank God!" I told her and she smiled, rubbing my leg.
"He said you only took one pill today?" She asked and I nodded.
"Yea I slept weird and woke up kind of sore but I've been good since and it should have worn off about an hour ago. I mean…there's a bit of pain but it goes away pretty quickly." I told her and she smiled.
"Well I'm just going to be happy to have you home." She told me and I nodded. She still seemed a bit sad, knowing the conversation my dad and I had had.
He was really shaken up by my accident considering we lost Tuck so recently, and he wanted to make sure I was still planning to move home once the album was fully recorded. I've been living in Tennessee for just over two years now and he missed having me at home…especially now that the house feels extra empty. I had told him I would book my flight home the second I finish the record and it eased his mind a bit...but he was still sad to head back home. My mom understood that I needed to go back to Forks…I mean…it's always been "home". Isaac and I would come here during the summer and we would always see mom and Phil for a bit at Christmas…but she knew where I wanted to be. Yes, it put a bit of strain on us…moms and daughters are supposed to be really close…and it's not that we aren't. But…I was a daddy's girl in my heart.
My dad and I didn't talk about it…but it was always there. Some people think I'm the odd one out because I'm the only girl but…my dad had been so happy to have me. My mom had told me he hadn't always wanted a little girl, he had a son and really wanted another but when he got me, she said you could just see pure joy in his brown eyes…the eyes that Isaac and I now share. He loved my brothers, don't get me wrong. He loves them more than life itself. He was just…he had a soft spot for me…used to call me his princess. His tom-boy princess.
I had felt his love so clearly when I was in the coma. My dad's raw emotion at the thought of losing me…the look on his face when he saw me awake in my room…I felt the tears in my eyes at the thought.
"Awe, baby, what's the matter?" My mom asked and I shrugged.
"I miss the guys and dad. I've been so busy the last two years that I haven't spent much quality time with them and I just…I'm just going to rest easier being back with them. It's hard to feel better without Isaac." I told her and she nodded. She understood…not only was Forks my home but I've been away from my twin for so long…
He wasn't easily torn from my side while he was here unless I needed something, otherwise he stayed beside my bed or even on it, once I was feeling a bit more mobile. He calls me everyday to chat and I can hear it in his voice that he hates me being so far away.
"So have you spoken to the label about work?" Phil asked and I nodded.
"Not recently…but they said to take as much time as I need. Honestly though I think I'll feel a lot better just getting right back into it once I'm out. I won't work late hours but I'll just feel better being back in the studio and writing with Joe." My mom gave Phil a look and I sighed.
"Guys…I don't have a physically strenuous job. It's literally sitting down in a comfy chair or on a stool…and I'm sure if I asked for a comfy chair in the studio they'd give me one." I told her and she didn't argue with me.
"Have you spoken to Shane lately?" She asked and I shook my head, warranting an odd look from her. Right. He should be worried sick and calling me daily…you know. Unless he's the reason I'm in this mess.
"Well…I mean I've asked him to just…give me some time. I was going to break things off, right? I don't think I'm ready to have that discussion yet." I told her and she nodded.
"So you're still thinking of breaking up with him?" She asked and I shrugged.
"I don't know…I mean I was going to end it officially because he'd just disappeared…but I don't know now. I need to think it through." She nodded and smiled warmly, not needing more explanation, which I appreciated. I really did think I needed to end it…I don't think I could let him touch me again…but…it's been hard lately to hate him.
I think about Paul…or Jaxon…even Jake. They have hearts of gold…they'd never hurt another person like that…they would be crushed if they did.
I think about Shane's face...once he was human again…he had fallen apart. My Shane never would have treated me that way…it was the wolf. He was new to the whole thing…it wasn't really his fault…but…that just wasn't enough to save us.
"Honey?" I looked to my mom and she seemed concerned. "Baby you seem distracted." She said and I rubbed my forehead.
"Sorry…just a lot happening up here." I told her as I pointed to my head and she nodded, looking to Phil.
"You want to grab something to eat?" She asked and I forced a smile, shaking my head.
"No, I'm not very hungry." She nodded and gave me a kiss on the head and they disappeared out of my room. They'd go grab food and come back here for a few hours but I just wasn't in the mood.
I'd gotten quite skinny in the last few months. No one seemed to give me a hard time about it…I mean…I was in a coma for quite a while. And now that I'm awake it kind of hurts to get too bloated…so I really watch what I eat. Of course…my family watched me slowly lose the weight…but if Claire or Leah could see me now they'd probably find it to be quite the shock.
I sighed and rubbed my cheek. My cheeks were a bit sunken, my bones stuck out quite a bit. My eyes still had dark circles around them. It sounds bad…but I actually look better than I did when I woke up. The circles have faded to a light grey…I'm just quite pale now…coma will do that to you. I'll patch up eventually…I'll put on weight and be less…you know. Sad looking.
I try not to seem too down…after all…I'm lucky to be alive. But…life is just really different now. And it wears on you.
I feel like my mood is all over the place…I'm good then I'm not…I'm angry then sad then I just feel…exhausted.
I just need to take it one day at a time and give myself time to heal...physically and mentally.
There you go guys! Enjoy!
Song: Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift
