Perhaps Love
Chapter 11
Notes: There are a few reviewers I would like to acknowledge...
Xaki: If only you had an account/signed-in, I would have answered your questions or commented. I tried to make it so that Kyouya, for a smart guy, is emotionally stupid beyond all reason...
Story Weaver1: Since the ball is in Kyouya's court, he's going to shoot from the 3-point line. And airball. Or more like brick. You'll see what I mean.
And thank you very much to everyone else that reviewed. I'm happy that we all have seen how much Renge has grown (especially from Chapter 4); we all felt sorry for her too. But now I'm curious, after this chapter, do tell me: do you feel sorry for Kyouya?
And as always, please check the website! But... I don't think I have any pics to add... so you can kind of disregard that. It won't hurt my feelings.
"I understand," Yoshio said into his phone. "Alright, I'll see you later. Bye." He hung up the phone, placing it back on its cradle. Yoshio leaned back into his desk chair. "Houshakuji found her. In Yokohama."
Kyouya sat on a dark leather chair in front of the desk, elbows on the armrests, legs crossed.
"She's having doubts about the arrangement. Did you know of this?" Yoshio watched his youngest son remain still, eyes cast to the desk lamp. Yoshio let out a frustrated breath. "This would not have happened had you prepared properly. The way you went about this engagement was far too aloof and sloppy." Kyouya said nothing as his father continued. "You obviously did not work hard enough to settle these matters. Now, it is your problem to fix." Yoshio left his desk and walked out of the library.
Kyouya remained seated as he uncrossed his legs and rested his chin onto his fist. That troublesome woman made a bloody laughing stock out of him. She knew exactly what she was doing! He was blind-sighted.
Kyouya frowned. Hypothetically speaking, say it was his fault. The only way that was true was because she took what he said to heart. Frankly, he had to say it. After all, that was why he asked to marry her in the first place... Putting Haruhi aside, there was no other option. He had to marry a respectable and beautiful woman... Renge fit the bill perfectly.
Except the fact that she had too much of a free spirit to do and say as she pleased.
But, as much as he did not want to say it, he was sloppy. Had he not made his engagement so public, this rejection would not have made it to tomorrow's news. That was his mistake; his quest for the spotlight and the upper hand backfired on him. But he assumed she would stay; he thought she had a crush on him. And then it developed into love. And then, he blew things up.
Kyouya stood from his chair and headed to his room. Once inside, he ripped off his jacket and tossed it to the couch. Damn that woman and everything she represented! He had to fix things, before rumors began. But he could not speak to her while Houshakuji was still around. The Houshakuji patriarch was quite protective of his daughter. Kyouya decided to wait for a few days, give her time to clear her frustration. Then he would talk to her. Then, he would set things straight.
--
She sat at her desk in her bedroom, reading over the list of classes she needed to take. Her father had already left for America that morning, quite reluctantly. She drove with him to the airport, assuring him that she was fine. Her eyes turned absently to the white crane sitting on her desk. She forced her eyes to the list of classes but soon found herself reaching for the crane. She gently tugged at its head and tail, causing it to flap its wings.
She heard a knock on her bedroom door. "Ojou-sama," her maid called, "Ootori Kyouya-sama is at the door, wishing to speak to you."
She felt her heart stop. It had been days since she walked out on the party. How angry was he? Still, no matter how much he hurt her, he did deserve an explanation. "I'll be right down." She stood from her desk and left her bedroom, with her maid close behind. Renge walked down the stairs and found Kyouya in her foyer, eyeing a silver vase sitting on a marble table. "Thank you, Aya. That'll be all." The maid obediently left them alone.
Her voice caused Kyouya to turn in her direction. At first glance, Kyouya looked normal. Men who were usually embarrassed were seething with anger, lips pulled back in a sneer, eyes glowing red. However, if she learned anything about Kyouya in these past months, it was that he was not like usual men. He had a tendency to bottle up his thoughts, including anger. She was expecting to at least see those dark eyes, the look which signaled how displeased he was. However, she did not even get that. "Good afternoon," he greeted.
"Hello," she muttered slightly above a whisper. They both stood quietly; Kyouya shifted his weight to one foot. "I... I don't know what to say to you..." she admitted softly.
Kyouya crossed his arms. "Say whatever you wish."
Her eyes darted across the floor before she began. "I'm sorry," she told him, "I'm sorry for leaving in such a haste. But I had to--."
"Did you, now?" he snapped, his voice low. Renge immediately shut her mouth. "You know, Renge, this has proved quite troublesome. The day after you left, rumors of our unhappy engagement began to formulate."
"But they're not rumors. It is unhappy!" she exclaimed.
"It didn't have to be--."
"But I tried, Kyouya!" she interrupted him. "God knows I tried. I knew for a long time that my marriage would be primarily of social benefit. But then when you approached my dad to marry me, I thought I was saved. You were someone I knew, so I thought that the match wasn't so bad. That maybe I could make the most of it. The least we could do was be friends. But as the months passed, I wanted you to like me... and then I got to see who you are... at least, I thought I did. You can't blame me for leaving."
Kyouya narrowed his eyes at her. "You said so yourself. You were ready to marry for benefit, not for love."
"Easier said than done," she laughed, defeated. She could feel tears stinging her eyes, momentarily blurring her vision. "Not until... I didn't think it would be so important... I thought I could stay with you, even if you didn't love me..." she shook her head, blinking back her tears.
No one moved for quite some time. They remained standing quietly in her entrance foyer, her occasional sniffs broke their silence. Kyouya took a step forward, and then followed it by another. He closed the distance between them and reached for an object in her hand. Immediately, his eyebrows lifted, recognizing the white origami that was in her hand. He held it in her direction again, offering it back to her. She took it with a weak grip. "Marry me," he said.
Renge suddenly looked up at him. Was that a request? A plea? She could not tell from his voice. "Why?"
"Because..." he softly cleared his throat. "Because we've been together for so long and..." he trailed off, his eyes briefly turning away.
Renge's eyes widened, anticipating his next words.
"And..." he turned his eyes back to her, "... I believe it's in our best interest. Rather than erasing what is there, let's fix what we have."
Renge felt a pinch to her heart. "You mean... because it's convenient?"
"Isn't that what marriage is, at least for our type? A convenient agreement?"
Renge's eyes dropped to the floor, feeling her heart shatter into small pieces. Slowly, one at a time, tears fells from her eyes. She could feel her head cloud up and her limbs numb. With just those few sentences, she felt hope rush out the door. "I think it's best that you leave," she told him, eyes averted off to the side.
"Ren--."
"Please!" Renge exclaimed, her face unmoving. "Please, Kyouya. Leave." She kept her eyes away from him as he stood before her, frozen on the spot.
But within a few moments, he pivoted on his heels. "Very well," he walked away at a steady pace, seeing himself to the door. Kyouya exited the house, closing the door behind him.
The moment the door shut, Renge fell to her knees and let out a sob. It hurt, she realized, like her insides were being pulled out. Like her shattered heart was smashed and crumbled to dust. Her cries echoed in the halls as she held the origami crane against her chest.
--
The moment Kyouya entered his room, he picked up the nearest object, his cell phone, and threw it against the cushions of his bed. He opened his laptop up before closing it in disgust. His usual habits were to fish through his email and check his stocks, but since he owned some shared of the Houshakuji company... anything that was associated with her angered him! So, Kyouya decided to pick up a book... he had not picked up a book for leisure purposes in a while. In fact, he did not sleep much that night nor did he exactly remember what he read... something about a murder and a secret society that was somehow connected to Leonardo da Vinci's work. Either way, he read it cover to cover, determined not to think of his situation or the parties involved; and never mind that part of the book that took place in France... After reading the hardcover, he threw it to the foot of the bed; it bounced off and fell to the floor with a hearty thud.
Who the hell did she think she was, rejecting him like that?! For one of those moments in his life when he was honest, it came back to bite him. He did want to be with her, he invested time and money on her, why would he try to start over with someone else?!
It was strange, Kyouya realized as early morning appeared. His room was far more quiet than normal; there was no incessant puppy barking, jumping on his bed.
He left for the breakfast table, finding a usual quiet, solitary setting for himself. He ate breakfast uninterrupted, along with reading the morning paper. Near the end of his breakfast, his butler brought him a small white envelope with his name written on it. He placed it down beside Kyouya's plate and left him be. Kyouya's eyes absently turned to the envelope, then stood with envelope in hand. He returned to his room, dropped the envelope on his bed and began to dress. He was out all day, meeting with school advisors as he planned out his next semester. As soon as he walked out of the building, photographers and media were outside waiting for him, asking about Renge's health and whereabouts. Kyouya said little to nothing about his estranged fiancee, informing them he just saw her yesterday and she was getting better. He avoided the questions of their dissolving engagement and hopped into his car to drive off.
Kyouya arrived to a quiet home. Immediately, he headed to his room and found the envelope undisturbed on his bed. He was thinking of throwing it away without viewing the contents but something, whatever it was, compelled him to pick it up. He sat down on the foot of the bed and slowly opened it. As he previously expected, he found a letter to him.
Dearest Kyouya,
After tonight, I didn't think there was more to say. However, before I knew it, I found myself at my desk, writing this letter to you.
I was never a girl who cared about others' opinions. I never had any previous problems and just said what I felt. However, with you, what I said mattered. And before I knew it, I changed. Maybe it was because of you, our situation, or just me growing up. I'm not too sure.
But one thing that has not changed is my selfishness. I wanted all these things from you: first a princely image, then your attention, your friendship, then acceptance and finally your love. I don't know if I gained any of this in our time together, which hurts. You shut people out, it's what you naturally do, but yet a part of me felt as if I could somehow get past that, seeing as I was your fiancee. Yet, I was wrong. The sole fact that I can't have your love breaks my heart.
The older I get, the more involved I become in Father's business. What was once a cordial memory has now become a painful memory of what I cannot have. I decided to leave; I may be able to conduct business so long as we are not underneath the same sky. I think it would be best to sever all personal ties, if not for the sake of business, but also for the sake of my sanity.
I send you this in this manner because I'm not strong enough for another face to face interaction. That is also another reason as to why I'm returning to Paris; so I may somehow find strength to mend my heart.
So, consider this farewell. The next time we meet will be business-related. I wish you well and I know you'll do your best in live. After all, you are you: ambitious, cunning, and always making things happen.
Au revoir. Sayonara.
Renge
Kyouya tipped the envelope over and out tumbled the diamond studded ring. He picked it up between his forefinger and thumb, watching as it captured the lights from his room.
So that was it, he mused. No more obligatory phone calls, no more dog to trash his slippers, no needed outings... Surely his life would be far better now.
However, a part of him could not erase the fact that she indeed rejected him. She was demanding far too much, he argued. Who in their right mind could honestly live up to that? They were engaged to be married, not engaged to be in love. As silly as it sounded, it made sense to him. She was asking for too much. After all, to him, love was not important. Love, if anything, was a distraction in his life. As the third son, he thought his life was predetermined. It was only a few years ago when he realized that he could move far in life, if he wished. To be able to do as he pleased, yet fully support his family members all while standing on his own two feet required all his attention. Love was trivial, he told himself as he put the letter and ring back in the envelope.
"Good riddance," he muttered. No distractions. He gave her a chance and she did not take it; therefore, she was not worth his time anymore. Even though he kept telling himself that it was unimportant, he could not understand why he kept thinking about it. He was having this mental debate in his head and purposely avoided the envelope most of the day. For something that was not supposed to matter, it seemed like it did, unfortunately.
No matter. It must have been the initial shot of rejection, the first time his pride was hit. He stood from his bed and crossed over to his couch in front of the television, dropping the envelope in a waste container along the way. He turned the television on to the news, which reported a brief, weak earthquake in Shikoku.
He was probably only sitting down for ten minutes when he stood from his seat, pulled out the envelope from the empty waste bin and stashed it deep in the drawer of his end table. After all, I did spend thousands on that ring, he reasoned. He returned to his couch, continuing with the news, trying to forget unimportant matters.
