Chapter Eleven: World in My Eyes
I'll take you to the highest mountain
To the depths of the deepest sea
We won't need a map, believe me
Now let my body do the moving
And let my hands do the soothing
Let me show you the world in my eyes
That's all there is
Nothing more than you can feel now
That's all there is
Time stopped. Georg's heart thudded and he swallowed hard as he stared at her.
She looked exactly the same as he remembered, though she was wearing a winter dress and a pink scarf was hanging loosely around her neck. In the low light, he could see her face was flushed from the cold wind of outside.
He shook his head, trying to focus. Was she really there or was he having some horribly wonderful hallucination?
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
She let out a shaky breath. "Herr Detweiler brought me here."
"How?"
"The Baroness," she said. "She got me a job as a governess to three little girls just on the outskirts of town. She knows the parents."
Elsa knew where she was this whole time? He felt the flash of anger, but it didn't catch. He couldn't keep a hold of his outrage, still too floored that she was really standing there.
Georg had believed that if he saw Maria again, he wouldn't have been so stunned. That he wouldn't have felt as if his whole world had suddenly shifted. But, before today, every time he had imagined bumping into her, she had always been wearing the habit and wimple. Not some lovely woollen dress that clung to every curve. Nor had she been standing before him in his study.
As he looked at her more closely, he noticed she looked a little different. It was possible it was the dress but it was more in the way she stood. There was an air of confidence about her, she seemed somewhat older than the last time he'd seen her.
Standing, Georg walked slowly around his desk until he was facing her. She was only a few feet away, but it still felt like there was some invisible barrier between them. It was clear she was nervous, despite her effort to be appear unfazed. Her eyes keep darting away from his, not able to look at him any longer than a few seconds.
"Why have you come back?" he asked.
"I wanted the truth," she said slowly. "Herr Detweiler insisted I come back and hear what you had to say." She paused, taking a deep breath. "That I would want to hear what you had to say."
"Before I do, I want you - I need you - to answer a question," he said. "And I want an honest answer." She swallowed visibly but nodded her head slightly. "I need to know why you didn't return to the abbey."
She was quiet a moment before she spoke, her voice sad in the warm room. "I knew I didn't belong there and that I never would. I didn't feel the same as I did before. Before I came here. I changed." She raised her head and her eyes met his. "I thought for a long time, that I was in the wrong place. I wasn't. I was just living the wrong life."
"I wrote to you."
"Yes," she said, her eyes darting away again. "But I didn't want to listen. The Reverend Mother told me I had to find the life I was born to live, but I didn't know what that was. All I knew was that it wasn't Nonnberg."
"You could have come back to us." To me.
"No, I couldn't have," she said. "I was too scared. And I told the Reverend Mother what the Baroness had said… about you."
"What Elsa said to you wasn't true," said Georg. "I had ended things with her – or at least I had tried. I wasn't going to marry her."
"I didn't know that," she said quietly.
There was silence as she dropped her head again and stared at her hands as they twisted in front of her. Georg felt his thoughts running through his head, each one overtaking the other in their effort to be voiced. There were too many emotions running through him and he had no idea where to start.
"I cannot make speeches, Maria," he said, taking a few steps closer to her. "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." She looked up at that, her large eyes fixed on him and he held his breath.
She just stared at him for a long moment until a small smile pulled at her lips.
"You stole that from Jane Austen," she said. "I thought you believed it was nothing but nonsense."
Georg managed a grin. "You don't think it is."
"Do you mean it?" she asked. And he heard the uncertainty. And the hope.
"I don't know what to say to make it clear that I will not get over how I feel," he went on. "I tried for so long to ignore what was happening between us-" He saw her open her mouth to protest but he kept on talking, "Don't deny it, please. While it may not have been right to fall in love with my children's governess, it is the truth."
"The Baroness-"
"Lied," Georg said, clasping both her hands in his. "I was completely unfair to her, I know. And I was unfair to you as well."
"But, Cap-"
"My name is Georg," he said, his voice low. "And I love you, Maria."
Talking was obviously getting him nowhere, so he pulled her into him gently. Wrapping one arm around her waist, he pulled her into him and let his lips finally capture hers. He hadn't given a thought about whether she'd hit him again or not, but he found he didn't care. If she had, it would have been worth it just to feel her lips against his.
It felt like an age as they stood there, and then he felt her sigh and she melted into him as her hands moved to press against his chest. Every single dream he'd had of her - either day or night - could never had lived up to this. There was no way his imagination could have captured the way her mouth continually sought his. Or the way her body felt underneath his hands. As she clung to him, he felt like his heart had been brought back to life. Breaking away for breath, he let his forehead rest against hers and revelled in the sounds of their panting breaths.
"Are you going to hit me again?" he breathed, unable to help the smirk that graced his lips when she let out a small laugh.
"No." Her face pulled back from his, the light of the fire shimmering in her impossibly blue eyes. "I never should have done that. I'm sorry. But I was so frightened."
"Of me?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No. Of myself. Of the way you made me feel. What the Baroness said to me broke my heart. I felt so stupid."
"Why did you listen to her?" he asked, desperate to know why she had believed Elsa.
"Why would you care for me?" she asked. "I was the governess, just some poor mountain girl who had dreams of becoming a nun. What would a big naval hero like you see in me?"
In answer, he pulled her back against him and let his mouth coax a whimpered sigh from her. Starting to feel desperate, his tongue sought hers as he steered her towards the nearest wall, pinning her against it.
"Everything," he said as his kisses burned down her neck. "I see everything in you."
There was the sound of her moaning as he let his mouth explore every soft plane of skin he could reach while his hips anchored her in place. His body was on fire, burning with his desire to claim her then and there against the wall of his study. There was the sobering sound of a knock on the door and they sprung apart, Georg hastily trying to smooth his jacket down.
The door opened and Gretl came in.
"Fraulein Maria!" she yelled, pelting for the woman and wrapping her arms around her waist.
"Hello, Gretl," replied Maria, bending down she give the girl a cuddle in return.
"Father!" said Gretl, turning the Goerg. "I heard Uncle Max saying Fraulein Maria was here but I didn't trust him - which he said was probably a good thing - but I wanted to check!" She turned back to Maria. "Please don't go again."
"I won't go anywhere without saying goodbye," replied Maria.
There the sound of more footsteps and Max sauntered into the room. He had a smug grin on his face, which he aimed at Georg before transfering a beaming smile towards Gretl.
"See? I told you," said Max. "Now you must come back and finish your dinner, young lady."
"Can Fraulein Maria come to?" asked Gretl, her face turning towards Georg.
"If she wishes," said Georg, glancing at Maria who gave him a brief smile she turned towards his daughter and let lead her towards the dining room.
There was the sound of Gretl's excited yells before the became muffled by the sound of the children crying out with delight. He smiled to himself.
"I'm taking Elsa to the hotel for the night," said Max, breaking Georg out of his cloud of happiness. "Then I will drop her off at the station in the morning."
"She doesn't have to leave now, Max," he said. "I won't banish her from this house. Though, I would like to know why none of you told me the whereabouts of Maria."
He turned his gaze upon his friend and waited for a response. Max, never one to take a look from Georg seriously, merely shrugged.
"I think it would be best all round if she left, Georg," replied Max casually. "Besides, I don't think she really wants to be here. And I didn't know where Maria was until she told me earlier today." The man sighed. "Look, Georg, we thought you'd get over it. I never realised how serious you were about her. Elsa told me to help her collect your little nun, so I did."
"You could have told me," Georg muttered.
"We thought you'd appreciate it more if we just brought her here," said Max.
It was later that same evening that Georg found himself in his study once more. He'd let the children spend time with Maria, and he'd enjoyed seeing them all sprawled out on the floor as each child told her about what she had missed over the last few months. It was a sight he'd missed so much. And the sound. No longer was the house that horrible quiet that seemed to seep into her mind and make the world feel wrong and unbalanced. He had missed the sound of his children's laughter. Of course, he took care not to listen too closely to what they laughed about. He'd learnt early on, particularly when it came to his Louisa, that one should never listen too closely to children playing or else you might hear exactly what it is that has made them so giddy. Which is usually something you do not want to know.
Nevertheless, the house was calm and happy once more. It was the reassuring calmness of the sea on a balmy evening. There was no looming storm. It was smooth sailing.
And while he had tried to live a life under the water, where it didn't matter if storm happened or not, he had come to realise that the storms were what made life worth living. The fear, the hope - that was what made you feel alive. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.
A/N Sorry this took six hundred years to update and that it is short, as I've mentioned in a few other stories my muse has been absent lately and so I struggled with this a lot - like you have no idea. I will be adding a final epilogue chapter, but for now I'm marking this as complete. I apologise again for taking so long.
*I thought for a long time, that I was in the wrong place. I wasn't. I was just living the wrong life. - Call the Midwife
*I cannot make speeches (...) If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. - Jane Austen 'Emma'
*None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives. - Jane Austen 'Persuasion'
