It was beyond awkward to be standing where she was, alone and mildly freezing on the outskirt of the Kabukicho district. After so long she couldn't tell if people were actually leering while they passed or if it was all in her head. Her current perceptions were questionable at best, an ache pulsing behind her eyes, her brain on fire.

What was she even doing?

"Karin!"

Her nerves seized, head snapping around. Hisagi must've realized that he startled her, a frown painting his face, and she felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

"Hey," she said, barely audible. She cleared her throat. "Thanks for coming… I feel like I should apologize."

"Don't be silly," he told her, his simple calm already working her down. "Finding Toushiro is my specialty, after all."

"Don't you mean our specialty?" Renji drawled, coming up beside Hisagi at a stroll. Karin blinked, mouth going slack. "Man, I hate this place."

Hisagi gave Karin a look. "I told him to stay behind," he explained, tiredly.

"And let that bastard verbally attack you again? I don't think so." Renji snapped, his presence already imposing on Karin's current capacity to deal. He looked at her then, meeting her glare with mild interest. "Besides, I wanted to meet Toushiro's newest victim."

"It's Karin," she told him, her voice stronger with irritation. Turning away, she proceeded into the district, beckoning them along. "Should we start?"


Over an hour later, Karin had lost count of how many clubs they had checked. Renji and Hisagi were ridiculously well acquainted with nearly every bouncer they encountered, and the two men took turns searching each establishment. Karin was becoming rather annoyed that she was constantly left outside, with either Renji or Hisagi looming over her as though they were babysitting. She didn't like standing still.

When she was sure her toes were going to freeze off, Renji came out of their current bar search with a shrug, shaking his head, and Karin could no longer stomach her anger.

"Are you even looking?!" she snapped.

"Excuse me?" Renji gave her a bewildered look, a sneer twisting his face. "Of course I'm looking. But if you haven't noticed, this place is fucking packed. There's only so much I can do."

"You could try searching for longer than ten minutes," Karin suggested, tone acidic. She cut past him then, stalking on pained, wobbly feet down the large, crowded alley.

"Why are you so bent up over this anyway?" Renji asked after her, infuriatingly nonchalant. "He does this shit all the time. He'll come back around eventually."

Karin inhaled, the cold air sharp on her lungs. "It's different this time."

"How?"

"It just is!" she shouted, flipping around to glare at the redhead once again. He merely frowned, and she wanted to scream. "While you might be perfectly fine leaving him be to self-destruct, I'm not. So if you don't mind, I'd like to find him before he kills himself."

Renji opened his mouth to respond, but Hisagi cut him off, approaching Karin with a peaceful gesture, arms up.

"We'll keep looking," he told her gently, steering her back around. Karin took a deep breath, wiping the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ears. "Don't mind him," Hisagi whispered. "He doesn't digest emotions very well."

Karin rolled her eyes, but kept quiet. Moving slightly ahead of her companions, she zeroed in on the upcoming bouncer, a tall and uncomfortably muscular man with electric blue hair and a mean smirk. He caught her eye and raised a brow, his arrogance striking her even from a distance. She picked up her pace, determined not to let the guys sideline her this time.

"Hey!" she accosted, her confidence wavering. The blue haired man simply peered down at her, emphasizing their immense height difference as he straightened up. In an instant, she forgot her practiced plea, choking. "Um…"

"Yes?" he greeted, rather condescending.

Karin knitted her brows. "Er – I need to look for my friend."

"Of course you do," he said, bearing sharp teeth as he grinned. "But I'm afraid you'll have to wait – at the end of the line."

He made a show of pointing her in the direction of a very long line, then stepped back into place to allow a group of girls entry to the club.

"But I need to go in there now," Karin told him firmly.

"Dressed like that? I don't think so."

Karin looked down at herself on reflex, assessing her large overcoat, jeans tucked into combat boots. She threw her hands up, gritting her teeth. "Well sorry for neglecting a wardrobe change when my roommate decides to go on a bender."

The bouncer ignored her, and she huffed. It was then that Hisagi and Renji surrounded her, the former putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Karin, what's going on?"

"Oh, nothing," she said, raising her voice with every word she spoke, "Just this beefed up, soup for brains asshole is refusing to let me in."

At that, the man in question turned his attention back to her, narrowing his eyes. "What's this now?" he asked heatedly.

"Yo, Grimmjow," Renji attempted to placate, stepping up. "We're just looking for Toushiro."

"Still?" Grimmjow asked, incredulous. "I thought you guys dumped his ass."

"I wouldn't exactly say it like that," Hisagi defended meekly.

"It doesn't matter," Renji said, losing his patience. "We just need to cross another place of our list. We'll be in and out."

Grimmjow groaned, rolling his neck dramatically. "Fine. I'll let the girl go, so long as she takes the coat off."

"Fuck you," Karin spat.

"Suit yourself," he teased, standing his ground.

She grimaced, a groan bubbling in her throat as she removed her coat and handed it to Hisagi, the chill of the night quickly snaking through her blouse.

"Lovely," Grimmjow appraised, stepping to the side so she could pass. "You've got ten minutes."


Inside the club, Karin was immediately overwhelmed. Neon lights were blinding, while masses of people covered in sweat mindlessly mauled each other, swaying every which way and making it nearly impossible to think straight, or take any sort of strategic path. The music, if she dared call it that, blared in her ears, intensifying the ache behind her eyes.

This was a bad idea.

She spotted the bar smack dab in the middle, and began trudging her way through. Various scantily clad bodies smashed up against her, several of them men looking to grind against anything that moved, or likely even didn't. Eventually, she pushed her way through to the bar, hoisting herself up on the counter in order to catch the attention of a server.

"Excuse me!" she hollered, flailing an arm. "Hey! Excuse me!"

A dark-skinned woman with short dark hair gave her a side-eye, finished serving her current customer, and made her way over.

"Yes?" she said gruffly, hands on her hips.

"I'm looking for someone," Karin explained, talking quickly. "White hair, blue eyes, skinny. Looks like he hasn't slept since the nineties."

"You mean that washed up junkie with the expired ID who doesn't tip?" she asked coolly, quirking a brow.

Karin shrunk back, embarrassed. "Yep, that's the one…"

The woman sighed. "He skipped out a while ago, completely off his head. Left his shit at the end of the bar, too."

She nodded her head to the side, and Karin made her way to the end of the bar where she found Toushiro's guitar and duffel bag. He must've abandoned the rest of his belongings elsewhere. She slung the strap of the duffel bag over her shoulder, handling the guitar case in front of her.

"Thank you!" she called to the bartender, who simply waved her hand above her head, not bothering to look over.

Karin found it easier to plow through the crowd with the guitar case, although it was still quite a struggle. She practically poured out of the door, exhausted as she returned to the guys in waiting. She shoved the guitar and duffel bag into Hisagi and Renji's arms respectively, and quickly donned her coat, huddling into its warmth.

"Well, he was here," she reported breathlessly. Hisagi deflated, Renji frowned. "Apparently he left a while ago, quote on quote 'Completely off his head'."

"Well fuck," Renji muttered. He was beginning to share Hisagi's concern around his eyes, dark circles protruding as the night grew old. "We should've started here."

"How could we have figured that?" Hisagi asked, not really caring for an answer.

"Are you guys looking for Hitsugaya Toushiro?"

The three of them whirled around. A girl with bangs and too much eye makeup was smoking nearby, leaning back against a steel pole that harnessed a red light. She cast them an expectant look, and with an exchange of glances, the three of them approached her.

"You've seen him?" Karin asked, taking the lead.

The girl took a drag of her cigarette, nodding as she inhaled. "He left with some of my friends," she said, blowing her smoke to the side.

"Where'd they go?"

"To get fucked up, I imagine," she said loftily, lips curling in sly. Karin scowled. "There's a party across town," the girl continued, taking one last drag of her cigarette before dropping it to the ground, stamping it out with her heel. She straightened up, looking around at them expectantly. "You guys got a car?"


With traffic, it took nearly forty minutes to drive to the party. All the while, Karin felt sick to her stomach. She was so tired, emotionally and mentally worn, and while she wanted to find Toushiro, she was dreading the moment that she did. She wanted to make sure he was okay, alive, but after that, she drew a blank.

"Sooo," the girl drawled, checking her makeup in a compact. "Is the band back together?"

Renji grunted. "No."

"We're just helping Karin search," Hisagi reiterated, unfalteringly kind.

At that tidbit of information, Karin felt the girl's long lashes flutter in her direction, and she braced herself.

"You his girlfriend?" she asked, predictably.

Karin scoffed lightly, shaking her head. "No, no. We're just…" she trailed off, losing her path of words. How does she classify her relationship with him? Especially now. "Roommates," she decided. "We're roommates."

"Ah." The girl raised her chin, accepting the answer with an unreadable expression. She returned her attention to her compact mirror, fiddling with her lashes. "Well, good. I'd hate for you to find him here fucking someone else. Having brought you along, that is."

That statement, spoken with such nonchalance, brought the weight of a brick to her chest, and Karin failed to hide it. Her eyes grew heavy, brows knitting together, and she bit her lower lip hard, trying to mask the quiver. She caught Hisagi's eye in the rearview mirror, but quickly blinked away.

"It's coming up here," the girl announced some time later. "Second parking lot on the left."

The building looked to be an old warehouse converted into multiple loft apartments. They followed the girl up to the loft, taking the fire escape on the side of the building to the top floor. Once inside, she bid them farewell, and went off to join her friends, and by the looks of it placate a suddenly erratic young girl, who had made two large jumps in their direction.

The term 'rabid fan' came to mind. Karin prayed she was the only one here.

"Should we split up, maybe?" Karin suggested. If she was the one to track Toushiro down, she figured it was best to be alone. Or rather, not accompanied by walking, talking triggers.

"Sure," Hisagi agreed. By his expression, it appeared he might have had the same idea. "I'll...uh, I'll check the bedrooms."

"I'm just gonna stay here," Renji decided, arms crossed. "Keep a general eye."

Karin gave them an awkward thumbs up, then went on her way. She milled around the room first, checking around every sofa and chair and huddle of people. All she found in return was a series of bleary eyes and scowls. A few minutes later, she stood absently near the kitchen, casting a look across the room to where Renji stood. She shrugged, and he frowned. Then, he pointed to a door left slightly ajar, and she followed his direction instantly.

Sliding the door open farther, Karin entered a narrow bathroom, nearly running into a group of girls surrounding the counter. One of them was drawing a heart on the mirror in pink lipstick, while the other two were hunched over and giggling. Karin crept around them, going completely unnoticed.

The curtain was drawn over halfway around the bathtub, from where she heard more voices.

Taking a deep breath, she yanked the curtain back.

"The shit, man?"

"Fuck," Karin breathed. Four set of bloodshot eyes stared up at her, from mild irritation to slight confusion, and all complete strangers. She slapped a hand to her forehead, yanking the curtain back around the tub. "Sorry!"

Karin huffed, her eyes stinging and dry. She squeezed them shut, rubbing them gently with her fingers. Blinking herself back into focus, she left the bathroom, her shoulders slumping. She looked around the open loft aimlessly, feeling lost and uncertain. She hated to think it, but maybe he was just gone.

"Get the hell away from me!"

Her heart plummeted, crash landing in her stomach. She looked around, catching his flash of white hair, the haggard expression underneath, a disoriented mix of anguish and fury twisting his delicate features. He appeared to be coming from a bedroom, Hisagi in pursuit, his own expression far from his usual cheer.

"Toushiro," Hisagi called, clearly straining not to yell, his voice immensely gruff.

Toushiro kept on, but quickly found himself cornered, crashing into Renji, who had taken it upon himself to become a brick wall. He simply stood with his arms crossed over his chest, a stern frown molding his face as he stared down at Toushiro, who seemed to be having trouble standing straight.

Toushiro gaped at Renji, incredulous. He turned back to Hisagi. "A-Are you kidding me?" he ground out, stumbling back on his feet. He threw his arms up. "Why are you here?!"

"Ask her," Renji suggested bluntly, nodding towards Karin. She'd been slowly making her way over, whilst simultaneously willing herself to disappear. Now, pierced by Toushiro's ice cold gaze, her name dropping from his lips in a tone she couldn't decipher, she stood frozen. Heat rose to her cheeks, anxiety quirking at the corner of her lips, an awkward smile taking the stage.

"There you are," she said, her voice like gravel.

He leered at her, lips parted with a twitch. He laughed, a hoarse gust of air. "Wow… You, you brought them here."

Karin exhaled slowly, lips burning as she drew them in, her tongue pressing into self-inflicted scabs. "Well, yeah… I, uh, I needed their help."

"Help?" he repeated, drawing the word out.

"To find you," she clarified. Toushiro raised his brows, and he glanced away, a sick smile washing over him. It barely touched his cheeks.

"Find me… What, uh, what happened to me not being your problem anymore?" he asked, his eyes cutting back to her, dull but biting. She stood agape, unable to think. "That's what you said, right? When you kicked me out of your life?"

"Toushiro…"

He shook his head, staggering as he moved. He put his hands up in finality. "Fuck all of you," he spat. "I don't need your goddamn pity."

He began to walk away, but Renji yanked him back. "Get your head outta your ass," he sneered, holding tight to Toushiro's shoulder. Karin just stared at them, feeling hollow. It was as if something was dying inside of her, but before this, for a long time, with just another ember crumbling, blowing out.

"Just forget it," she said quietly, gathering herself up, all the energy she had left, and walking away. "I don't know why I bothered."

"Karin."

She paused. It was Hisagi who had spoke, but Toushiro garnered her gaze. Her eyes felt heavy, exhausting her face, pulling it tight. Toushiro refused to look at her. That, or he had spaced out, brain waves crashing upon the shore of his mind.

Either way, it made her angry.

"You're not even gonna humour me, are you?" It wasn't a question, but he wouldn't have answered regardless. Karin sighed. "I just wanted to work through this like adults, but you can't even do that, can you?"

He swayed, looking at her, looking away, lips parting with no words. So stubborn, she used to think. A defense mechanism, yes, that must be it. But it was becoming more and more clear to her that he just simply didn't care.

"I'm going, then," she announced evenly, eyes boring into him, daring him to look. "And I hope you remember, when you wake up from your inevitable blackout, and you feel like shit, wondering why you're all alone, that it's on you."

His heart lurched, and he caught sight of her turning away, striding out of the loft without a second thought. The room spun around her, and he found it difficult to focus, his mind like an ocean in a storm.

"Nice, Toushiro, real nice."

Renji's voice pounded in his skull, and Toushiro squeezed his eyes shut. "Shut up," he said, unsure if he made any sound. He ran his hands through his hair, his head feeling loose, as if unattached. Everything was a mess.

"Let's just go," Renji sighed, shaking his head.

"Wait," Hisagi said, peering at Toushiro. "Hey, Toush… Are you okay?"

"Get off," Toushiro muttered, recoiling from Hisagi's attempt to touch him. "I-I'm fine…"

Hisagi backed off, a mask of hurt painting his face. Toushiro couldn't look at him, he could barely see straight. Had he already taken it too far? He couldn't even remember all of what he'd taken. Whatever was handed to him, he supposed. Like always.

"Fuck," he breathed, grabbing onto the back of a nearby sofa chair. He couldn't blackout here. But where…

"She's not breathing!"

He snapped to, eyes bulging. He looked around, heart pounding, thrashing inside of his chest. In the middle of the living room laid a girl, not moving except for the shake of her shoulders, a boy crouched over her, attempting to wake her.

So much blood. Toushiro's lungs jolted, inhaling sharply. There was so much blood. It covered the white fur rug around her, dried and cold. It stained her skin, crusted to the pale grain of her wrists… Her face, the lay of her body… She looked so at peace.

"Someone call an ambulance!" the boy shouted, looking around. No one moved, no one spoke. Why wasn't anyone helping?

"Where's my phone…! Shuuhei, call an ambulance!"

"We can't do that, man," someone was saying now. "We'll all get busted. Use your head."

"She's just passed out," another said, waving it off. "Leave her be."

"I don't think… Toush, she's gone. Th-There's too much–' Hisagi gulped, the urge to vomit churning his stomach. "I'm sorry… They won't be able to–'

"Just CALL THEM!" Hisagi jumped, eyes wide, and Toushiro turned back to his sister. His hands hovered over her, not knowing what to do. She'd lost all colour, her lips growing blue. What if he broke her? "Momo…"

He brushed her hair back, cupping her cheeks with shaky hands. Time had stopped, his heart pounding fast, each beat like an earthquake in his ears. He couldn't make sense of this. Why was there only one beat? Where was hers? He lowered his ear to her chest, holding his breath for the sound, squeezing his eyes tight.

In the end, he was the one gasping for air.

The boy was sobbing, his head laying on the girl's chest. Toushiro felt numb, unable to move, unable to do anything other than stare at her. Black hair pooled around her head, cheeks flushing pale, and her lips… Smiling, almost.

"Toushiro…"

He blinked, slowly turning his head around. Hisagi regarded him like a ticking time bomb, while Toushiro simply saw a ghost. The ghost of three years ago, of his friend, of his dead sister between them. Everything he'd been killing himself to forget.

And he ran.

Cold air splashed his fevered skin, his drenched tshirt lifting from his body, feet like marbles as he tripped down the fire escape. He ran faster than he knew he could, and only made it half a block before he stopped, crashing into the side of a brick building, heaving dry air. Footsteps echoed behind him just as he threw up on the sidewalk, his liquor refusing to settle.

"Toushiro!"

He tried to keep going, using the building as support, willing his legs forward. He barely made it five feet before he collapsed, his knees cracking hard on the cement. The footsteps came closer, stopping just shy of his position, and he lowered his head to the ground, drawing himself into a ball.

'You have to take better care of yourself, Toushiro.' She didn't call him by his nickname that time. He'd called her, hungover, from the tour bus just days before. He hated the name 'Shiro', beyond glad not to hear it for once. 'I'm not going to be around to do it for you.'

Had she known then? He'd been so caught up with himself he missed the signs. She was speaking so seriously, so unlike herself, but he was hungover, telling her about the tour, the crappy food Renji had cooked the night before, the weird venue worker that tried to hook up with him, like everything was normal. And all the while, she was planning her death.

"Guys, what the–' Karin stopped short, coming up behind them just a minute late, an ear-splitting cry chilling her spine. She followed Hisagi's muted stare to where Toushiro had huddled into a ball on the sidewalk, his entire body shaking, heaving, while he sobbed.

Renji turned away, a hand around the back of his neck, his arm shielding his face. The sobs just got louder, more hoarse, more pained. It had set Karin abuzz, her insides distraught with a case of sensory overload. Emotional overload. And yet, her body was numb, her limbs heavy, her chest even more so.

Hisagi was the one to comfort Toushiro, to approach him without reserve, albeit cautiously. He removed his coat, draping it over Toushiro's brittle body like a blanket, kneeling down beside him.

There was a series of sniffles, harsh breaths, and then, "Why did she leave me?"

His sobs became a choking hazard, and Hisagi sighed, resting a hand on Toushiro's back.

"She didn't leave you…"

"S-She didn't even– try to– talk to me…" He sniffed again, getting up on one elbow, poorly wiping his face with his arm. "She just left."

The sobs started back up, heaving exhaustedly, and Toushiro failed to hold himself up. Hisagi wrapped both arms around his shoulders, resting his cheek on Toushiro's back as he drew him close.

He cried for so long that time evaded them. It could've been ten minutes, it could've been an hour. Renji went to get the car at some point, being somewhat helpful while also taking any chance to get away for a minute. Meanwhile, Karin was completely void, unable to do anything but stare as Toushiro allowed himself to be cradled like a child.

It had been so easy to wonder what was wrong with Toushiro, to focus on nothing but his problems, his issues. But, really, what was wrong with her?


Back at Karin's apartment, Hisagi settled Toushiro onto the sofa, who had passed out sometime during the drive home. Renji lingered awkwardly by the door, not unlike Karin, who leaned against the tailend of her kitchen counter, arms crossed over her chest, gripping her sides. She watched Hisagi out of the corner of her eye, his heartache painted into the tired strain of his face. He was crouched beside the sofa, his eyes glued to a very withered Toushiro, as though he might disappear otherwise.

Eventually, Renji issued a gruff, but exceptionally gentle 'Ahem' from the hallway, and Hisagi cleared his throat, rising to full height. He ran a hand through his hair, a sigh escaping him, worn and heavy. He cast Toushiro one last glance, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze, and finally proceeded to leave.

"Call us if you need anything," he told her as he passed, quiet but firm.

Karin nodded. "Thanks…"

He inclined his head, his smile like a grimace, and he continued out of the apartment. Renji gave her a mere wave, to which she was slow to return, and then she was left alone, the door clicking shut with their departure.

Karin remained where she stood only a minute longer, during which she regarded the man on her sofa, sleeping so soundly it made her wonder if this whole night had even happened. She couldn't bring herself to go near him, not even to brush the hair from his face, adjust his blanket, hold his hand. Instead, she simply left him be, retreating to her bedroom and locking herself away.

The next day, they barely looked at each other, neither speaking a single word. It was late in the afternoon before either of them woke up, one glance shared between them triggering a tsunami of recollection, the events of the previous day crashing over them. It was like they'd been put on pause, a commercial break, standing still until their music cued them back to life.

Monday morning came around excruciatingly slow, and when it was time to go to work, Karin found herself relieved.

Words danced on her tongue as she gathered her things, an obligation to say some form of goodbye weighing down on her. Yet she couldn't form the sound, as though she'd been silent for so long she'd forgotten how to speak. The only noise she made was the beat of her boot heels on the wood floor, as she went around in search of her keys. She soon spotted them on the end table beside the sofa, going for them hastily.

"Karin?"

She paused, a roar of disquiet launching in her stomach. Toushiro sat on the window sill, the sun rising slowly on the horizon, breaking across his face. She cast her eyes to him expectantly, but he just stared back, as though he, too, had trouble speaking. Grasping her keys loosely, she breathed out, dipping her chin. If she waited any longer, she'd be late for work. If she waited any longer, he might learn to speak.

She left the apartment quickly, striding towards the elevator. She jabbed the button forcefully, blood running hot through her veins, the numb buzz of her heart blaring in her ears.

What were they even doing?

Back in the apartment, Toushiro pondered a similar notion. Three days ago, this place had felt like home. A home, perhaps not to call his own, but to prove that he had one, a place where he was welcomed. Now, it felt like the set of a film, collecting dust post-production.

It was clear that Karin was only letting him stay here out of obligation, out of guilt. She crept around her own house like a caged animal, calculating every movement, the distance between them, whether she was far enough away. She looked at him just as they had, with resentment and mild disgust, willing themselves to forget they ever knew him, wondering if there was a cure for this sickness he'd inflicted, a way to regain the time they'd wasted.

Where was he supposed to go from here?


Karin hesitated to knock, hoping that if she lingered long enough in the doorway that he would eventually turn around, save her from initiating the conversation.

However, knowing Hirako Shinji as she did, he probably knew she was there. Bastard.

Taking a deep breath, she knocked twice, clearing her throat. Shinji twisted his back around, raising a brow at her. She smiled meekly.

"Kurosaki," he greeted, splitting his attention unevenly between her and the thin stack of papers in his hand. "How are you?."

She made a face, entering the office with mild uncertainty. "So formal," she commented, genuinely bothered.

"Trying it out," he said plainly, taking a seat behind his desk. He leaned forward, folding his hands together. "What's up?"

"You said we'd talk on Monday," she reminded him. "It's Monday."

"Right…" He smoothed his tie, nodding to the chair on the other side of his desk. "Take a seat, then."

She frowned, taking the old empty chair, a spark of discomfort swelling in her stomach.

"So, Saturday was a trainwreck," he stated bluntly, sitting up straight in his seat. She imagined him as uncomfortable as she was, yet for a different reason entirely. "I'm no longer interested in Hitsugaya Toushiro, naturally."

Karin nodded. "I figured as much."

"Yes… And, unfortunately, that means your promotional opportunity is essentially void, now." She nodded again, the lump she'd barely managed to choke down over the weekend simply rising back up her throat. He looked at her intently, unusually grim. "I gave it some thought, actually, and… I'm not sure you're a good fit for my department."

"Excuse me?"

He didn't shy away from her glower, his expression firm with resolve. "I've considered the fact that Hitsugaya may have simply been too far gone, and may have faired just the same with anyone that I sent after him. However, I'm certain that your relationship with him didn't help matters."

"My relationship–'

"Was unprofessional," he finished, blunt as brick. "I don't blame you for developing feelings for him, Karin, I just wish you had been more careful."

Karin gaped at him, her pulse jumping out of her throat. "I don't… What are you even talking about?"

"You fell for a prospective client, and it affected business. That's what I'm talking about."

She stared at him, a scoff snaking up her throat. Rising from her chair, she slung her bag back over her shoulder, holding tight to the leather strap, squeezing her knuckles white. "Screw you," she spat.

"Karin," Shinji called, tired and gruff, as though she were a child. She paused at the door, casting her glare to him once more.

"You don't know shit about how I feel."


Toushiro threw up in the shower, an act as old as his affinity for whiskey, and no less stripping of dignity. Like he had any of that left, anyway.

Stumbling out of the tub minutes later, he dried and dress himself slowly, his whole body in knots, straining with every movement. Out in the living room, he rummaged in his duffel bag for a long sleeve shirt and a sweater, shivers running up and down his body. He had been annoyed to realize he'd left his coat behind at the loft, along with his cigarettes and, most depressing, the photo from Urahara's.

He considered going back for it, but he had no idea how to get there. And honestly, he didn't dare go back.

Once he was bundled up as warmly as possible, Toushiro glanced at the clock in the kitchen, reading nearly lunchtime. The last thing on his mind was food, certain he wouldn't be able to even stomach the thought. He doubted there was anything here to eat, anyway. And besides, he preferred to leave the place as uninterrupted as possible.

Pulling on his boots, he heaved his duffel bag off the sofa, slinging it over his shoulder. Grabbing his guitar case, he headed for the door. Several voices were muttering on the other side, in the hallway, but Toushiro thought nothing of it; he had forgotten to leave a note. He stalked back into the apartment, rummaging around in a kitchen drawer for a piece of paper and something to write with.

Not on a bender. Don't look for me. - T

Short, detached. How he was sure she'd prefer it, well over anything that had been screaming in his head all weekend.

Again, he made for the door, grasping the knob just as the voices in the hallway hushed, a rap of knuckles sounding through the wood just as he flung it open, and immediately stopped dead in his tracks.

Heart and soul as one sunk into his stomach, plummeting fast. The urge to cry once again rose in his throat, a shaky breath escaping him.

"Rukia…?"

...


A/N: WOAHHHHHHH that was dramatic.

Hey all, long time no update. My excuse is that I've been devoting most of my free time since the holidays to working on my graphic novel. However, QueenBBrony caught me at a good time last week with their review, and now here we are, two out of three chapters into the climax arc. Yay! Many things will come to light in the next chapter, so stay tuned!

(Not too tuned, though. It could take a while)

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this update, and I'll try to get back at it again soon!

(P.S., listen to Halo by Bloc Party for chapter feels)