Late Friday night, 10:27
Killed by carbon monoxide.
That was how I felt. Well, okay, not exactly, but close enough, right? If you had one hell of an important night ahead of you, wouldn't you be feeling like at any moment you would just die from anything? Okay… Bad example. Very bad example. Goddamnit. I ran my fingers through my hair, smoothing out the bangs over my right eye. Good enough. I reached down, dipping my fingers lightly into Bed Head hair gel, rubbing it into my palms before reaching around and scruffing up my pixie-cut hair, spiking it up into odd angles. Pleased with the result, I turned and left the small dressing room, across the hall to the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, I pressed my hand against the tab for foamy soap. Washing my hands, I shut the water off, wiping my palms on my jeans and retreating to the dressing room again.
I couldn't believe that tonight was the AMA's. In just over half an hour I'd be broadcasted upon national television. It was just… I sighed, grabbing the kohl liner off of the counter and ripping the cap off of it. Leaning close to the mirror, I began to smudge the liner along my eye lids, starter on the lower. I applied it thick, before lightly brushing my pinky along the line. Closing my right eye while keeping the left open, I applied the liner gently. Easy, small strokes; one, two, thr— aw, fuck. My hand twitched, smudging the liner upward onto my lid. Sighing, I tried angling my hand to easily wipe away the excess. The liner slipped from my hand and clattered down off the counter and to the floor. Sighing heavily, I knelt down, lifting it into my grasp again. I raised the liner to the corner of my eye and looked into the mirror, before shouting out in surprise. I spun around and chucked the liner at the pale face behind me. Adam barely had time to duck before the kohl stabbed him in the eye.
"Whoa! Jesus, Tommy, calm down! It's only me." He said, his lips peeling into a smile as he began to laugh. I panted heavily; leaning against the counter of the room, my back to the mirror as I shakily ran my fingers through my hair. Adam knelt down and grabbed the kohl from the floor, still laughing as he handed it to me. I reached out with a trembling hand, and took it from him, turning away to continue applying it. I slid it easily between my finger, and raised it to my eye, but I stopped, staring at my hand. I was still shaking, and if I tried to apply the liner, it would come out in jagged lines. I sighed, and Adam placed his hand on my shoulder. I shivered under his touch as he turned me towards him. I took a moment to take in what he was wearing; a black, long sleeved button up shirt with black, half palmed gloves covered in silvery spikes. Along with the shirt was a dark, glossy gold tie, tucked behind a grey vest that looked as if it had been dropped into a vat of glitter. Matching pants with the vest, and black shoes. His hair was gelled up and back in a black main of curved spikes… Also doused in glitter. In his ears were two black studs, no larger than a dime in diameter. Both hands had large, matching rings, his nails polished silver. My gaze dropped slightly, and my face rose in heat as I lifted my eyes back up to his. God… Was the bulge always that prominent?!
"Here— let me." He said simply, acting as if he hadn't noticed that I was totally checking him out. Taking the liner from my hands, he cupped my cheek into his palm. I had to keep from shivering into his touch. His skin was icy as ever, and I knew I would never be able to get over it. He leaned forward and fluidly pressed the liner to my lash-line. 'He's so close...' I thought to myself. In one delicate sweep, the kohl slid across my skin, in a perfect, dark line. I blinked a little, as he did two swift marks on my left eye. His mouth curved into a look of focus, and he pressed the tip of his finger to the lower line on my right eye, rubbing away the kohl I had originally smudged there. He drew a fresh line, and smiled, stepping around me so that he could apply his own liner. My skin felt hot despite being icy to the touch. I still shivered at the temperature of his being, but it was something that I was gradually getting use to. Maybe it was just the way he was. I turned around to look at my reflection in the mirror. The liner was perfect, more so than anything I could ever do. Smiling, I tousled my hair a little more, before glancing at him.
"Thanks." I said softly. Adam stared at his own reflection as he did his makeup, a smile curling further on his lips.
"It's not a problem, Tommy." He said, looking at me through the mirror. I chuckled, turning away before he could see my face get any hotter than it already was. Goddamn, why was I such a sucker for his smile? Yeah, it was beautiful beyond belief, but a lot of people had beautiful smiles. Though, the problem was that it wasn't just his smile, it was also his eyes. Those gorgeous, oceanic orbs of perfection… I mentally kicked myself. 'You're not gay, you're not gay, you're not gay, you're. Not. Gay!'' I repeated in my head. I sighed, crossing to the back of the room and grabbing my "shirt" off of a metallic rack. It was a strange thing, but kinda cool. It was a floofy, shimmery shirt with velour sleeves from the elbows down, fur lining from shoulder, across the back, to shoulder. Tassels hung from beneath the fur, draping down to the edge. I pulled it on over my head, covering my black tank-top. I'd been told it was warm. Adam had finished with his liner, and glided around me, grabbing his jacket off the rack. Same grey color, also drenched in glitter. On the left shoulder was almost this plate of studs and spikes. I found it rather… awesome.
"Excited?" He asked, sliding it over his broad shoulders. I nodded with a smile, walking over to the counter again and grabbing a medium sized velvet box. In it were my earrings and rings for the show. I slid the rings onto my fingers, flexing them once and admiring the gleam of the metal and polish. I smiled, before fitting the earrings into my lobes and cartilage. Excellent. I closed the box again, glancing up into the mirror. Adam had his head bent over his phone, texting. I smirked, and shook my head, before leaping out of my skin as my own phone vibrated in my pocket. Adam chuckled, and I flipped him off, though I doubted he actually saw it. Fumbling, I pulled out my phone, seeing a familiar name dancing on the screen. I pressed a button on my phone and held it to my ear.
"Hey Dad!" I said happily into the receiver of my cell. I noticed in my peripheral that Adam's head snapped up and he stared at me, but I didn't return the look. I pretended to be interested in my nails.
"Hey Thomas." He was the only one I didn't mind calling me by my full name. I smiled slightly.
"How've you been?" I asked, sitting down on a clear part of the counter. I realized that I hadn't talked to my dad in almost a month since I'd left Sacramento. 'Wow you're a nice son, completely forgetting all about you're fucking father. Way to be, Tommy. Way to be. Though it's not all bad. You have been busy with rehearsing and the party life. Not to mention trying to keep from telling Alex about his loser boyfriend Drake…' I shoved my thoughts away as my dad spoke again.
"Eh, tired more than anything, but I've been doing well. Your m— Allison… is chewing off my ear saying that you're a bad son for leaving," I snorted into the receiver, and he laughed, "but I told her to lay off. You're a grown man, you made your choice." I smiled to myself, glancing up to see Adam pounding into his phone with his fingers. His face looked tense, and I worried briefly what was wrong. I was about to cover the mouth piece and ask when my dad continued talking.
"Also, a buddy of mine told me that while he was visiting some friends in L.A. he saw you performing at a club. Said you rocked the stage pretty hardcore." I laughed quietly.
"Yeah. That was a great night." I said, glancing up and looking at Adam again. I grinned ear to ear. "Hey, dad. Speaking of performing, do you remember a guy named Adam Lambert?" Adam's head perked up a little, and he smirked. Though through the mirror I could see trouble in his eyes. I frowned slightly, looking away.
"Yeah, of course. He was on Idol. Why?"
"Well… That night I performed at the club— he happened to be there. And he asked me to sign with him." I grinned even further as my dad laughed on the other line.
"No way!"
"Yeah! We're closing the AMA's tonight, actually." I said, feeling my heart race. I still couldn't get over that we would be closing the fucking AMA's. I turned, still smiling, only to see Adam tossing his phone onto the counter, and storming out of the room in an angry and distraught huff. I frowned, considering calling my dad back when I glanced down at his phone. He'd left it on a series of texts between himself and Drake. I froze, staring at the screen, reading the insults and hateful comments Drake had said. 'Fag'… 'Drama Queen'… 'Overemotional, ego maniac'…I choked on a quiet breath. He couldn't have… There was no way he could have said all that about Adam when he was the one cheating on my best friend… 'Fucking douche bag'… I was barely aware of my dad still talking.
"Shit— my boy's gonna be on national TV…" I could see his face in the back of my mind, awestruck and proud. Dad always appreciated my talent with bass and piano. He never bashed me when I played something out of the ordinary or hardcore. He was always so supportive of me and my decisions (with the exception of late night parties on school nights, but what parent really supports that?). I slid off of the counter, shoving my hand into my pant's pocket, my eyes on the floor. I tried to be as cool about everything as possible, but my head was still wrapped around Drake's comments. I shook my head slowly.
"Yeah. We're going on in about…" I looked up at the clock on the wall, seeing that the time read at 10:49. My heart stopped and I swore loudly. "Five minutes! Shit!!" Dad laughed again.
"Well, I'll let you go so you can get onto the stage. I'll be sure to tune in." I was about to say a word of thanks and a promise that I'd call him again when he said words to me I hadn't heard in a long time.
"I'm proud of you, son." I paused, feeling my heart swell up in my chest and into my throat. I smiled slightly, staring off into the distance.
"Thanks, Dad. I'll be on the top platform playing keys." The conversation pretty much ended after that, and I shut off my phone, leaving it on the counter next to Adam's. I was about to leave it, but decided better, and pressed a button, exiting out of the stream of messages. Anyone to walk in didn't need to see it. As it was, I felt bad for reading them. I hoped, as I left the room, that I'd be able to find Adam before the show, but I strongly doubted it. He seemed to have vanished from sight. Sighing, I walked down the long, narrow hallway, towards the backstage area. I wondered if he was okay. 'Of course he's not okay. His boyfriend just called him a bunch of really fucked up names and insults right before a fucking show.' I sighed, dropping my head and shoving my hands into my pockets. I hoped that it wouldn't affect his performance.
I let out a loud breath, silently passing through a thick metal door. The stage was dark with the end of a performance and a few announcers. A stage crewman turned and motioned for me to follow him, shoving the ear plugs into my hands. Near blind in the darkness, he pointed to the familiar set up that I had been practicing on for over three weeks. I knew where to go. I nodded once to him and climbed the stairs up to my position. Monte, Longineu, and Lisa were already in place. In the darkness, I couldn't make out where Adam was, if he was there at all. Lisa turned her head to me and shook it side to side, as if to say that my being late was a tsk-tsk notion. I waved her off, before inhaling slowly, sliding the plugs into my ears.
Inhaling slowly, I heard the overhead announcer. My heart beat pounded in my throat like an angry drum. I swallowed heavily, keeping my eyes on the keys as Lisa began her intro. 'Oh my God… this is it… No screw ups, no cuts, no redoes, this is it. Holy balls…' The lights lifted in upon Adam as he began singing. I couldn't see him; we were blocked behind sliding screens. His voice was slightly harsher than usual, but otherwise still beautiful. My hands were in position, waiting, waiting…
"So hot, out the box— can we pick up the pace? Turn it up! Heat it up! You need to be entertained!"The screens pulled away. My hands slumped, my fingers pushing against the keys, the music flowing from my fingers. Monte, somewhere else on the platform, strummed his guitar. Bonus bassist plucked his chords. Longineu pounded out his rhythm. Lisa continued her own magic. It was a surreal mix that blended perfectly. Trusting in my memory, I played and lifted my gaze, staring at Adam at the lower part of the stage. He looked glamorous, free... He looked utterly beautiful...
He also looked flat out pissed. But fortunately this passed into passion for the song, and it was almost as if nothing was wrong. He slid along the stage, grabbing a dancer's ankle and spinning her in a circle, dragging her across the floor as he sang. "So hot, out the box, can we pick up the pace? Turn it up, heat it up, I need to be entertained. Push the limit, are you with it, baby? Don't be afraid! I'ma hurt ya real good baby."
Two dancers with harnesses strapped on came up beside him. One handed him a set of reigns, before slinking down into a crawling position. "Let's go, it's my show, baby, do what I say!"He snapped the reigns, walking forward as the dancers crawled like dogs in front of him, tight leather pants shifting as their muscles worked. I had to fight to keep my face calm. What the fuck had I been missing during rehearsals?!
"Don't trip off the glitz that I'm gonna display. I told ya, I'ma hold ya down until you're amazed…" He let go of the reigns, walking around and grabbing onto of the dancer's by the back of the head. "Give it to ya—" I had to keep my head down as I played to keep my concentration. He'd shoved the dancer's face into his crotch, mocking oral sex. "—till you're screaming my name! No escaping when I start…"He climbed the first, small flight of stairs, to the middle platform.
"Once I'm in I own your heart!"He grabbed a female dancer's head, and briefly shoved her face into his crotch, letting her fall back as if exhausted from ecstasy. There's no way to ring the alarm, so hold on until it's over! Oh! Do you know what you got into? Can you handle what I'm bout to do? Cause it's about to get rough with you— I'm here for your entertainment! Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet!" Adam propped his left leg on a higher step as a female dancer knelt to the side, slightly behind him. Her hand wrapped under, stroking his crotch lightly. If I wasn't intent on just keeping myself in the music, I would have gone scarlet. Without any concentration, I'd found myself singing the chorus as rehearsed. My voice blended under Lisa's, Monte's, and a few other backup singers. A perfect harmony.
"You thought an angel swept you off your feet. Well I'm about—" he grabbed his small cane and did a tumble roll across part of the stage. "—I'm here for your entertainment! It's alright, you'll be fine, baby I'm in control! Take the pain… I'm the master of both." He propped the cane between his legs, angling it outward so it looked as if he was holding a long, thin erection. "Close your eyes, not your mind, let me into your soul. I'ma work ya till you're totally blown!" He crossed down another flight of stairs, walking further downstage. I dropped my head, drifting off as I played. My fingers were burning, sweat on my face as my hips swayed in time with the music. Lisa was dancing beside me, her own delicate hands pounding fierce into her keys. I smiled to myself, leaning towards the microphone in front of me, singing along with Adam in the chorus again.
"Oh! Do you know what you got into? Can you handle what I'm bout to do? Cause it's about to get rough with you— I'm here for your entertainment! Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet, you thought an angel swept you off your feet. Well I'm about to turn up the heat— I'm here for your entertainment!" Adam let loose on one of his fantastic screams of ecstasy filled glory. I tilted my head back, my fingers dancing, my wrists relaxed, my arms slack as they shifted back and forth. I opened my eyes and glanced across the stage, leaning into the mic again as Lisa, Monte and I sang, and I saw Adam stroking a woman's thigh before standing again. He crossed the stage, up a small flight of stairs, half screaming his lyrics. I continued with the harmony, my fingers dancing from one side of the keyboard to the other. My eyes were locked on Adam's back as he finished another brilliant scream. The chorus started again, and Adam turned, climbing the second flight of stairs, up to our platform. His eyes were hungry and unfocused— he was lost in a tidal wave of music and emotion. He turned, stepping up onto our platform, before glancing out to the audience again.
"Can you handle what I'm bout to do?" He spun again, his eyes finding mine, locking tightly and burning deep into me. The world slowed into fractions of time. His hand lowered away as his body glided closer to me. My eyes were glued to him, though my head was down, facing the keyboard. His eyes were burning so brightly I thought they were not oceanic orbs of beauty but rather balls of flame. And this flame could not be quenched with a sensational glass of water. No, this was a fire that was beyond out of control.
As beyond normal, I shivered as his free hand reached up and grabbed the back of my neck. Though it was firm with lust, it was gentle with passion. My hands lifted from the keyboard, and I turned. I knew it was coming— I found myself falling forward. Forward into Adam's invisible raven wings. I could feel them closing around me as he reeled me in, our lips closing rapid inches in less than moments. How was this possible? Such short distance, and even though it was mere seconds, it felt like all of eternity. I wanted to speed it up. I wanted to make it now, not in just another moment. My heart thrashed in my chest like an angry moth trying to grab the light. But I was no moth. I was a man, trying to fall into another man's kiss.
His lips were cold, as was his tongue as he slipped it between my teeth. I moaned, my tongue darting out to meet his, gliding against the ice muscle with heat and desire. Adam, too, moaned into me, battling against me for dominance. His grip on the back of my neck tightened, and I had to grab the edge of my keyboard to keep from falling; my knees were failing me. Adam's tongue ravaged mine in a blinding rage of heat and trust; sweet and pained. He pulled away sooner than I had expected. He curved around my keyboard, singing and acting as if nothing had happened at all. I turned back to my keyboard, leaning into the mic and singing to the chorus, my face calm. Inside I was drunk off music and Adam's toxic kiss. My head was spinning, my heart was pounding, but I kept playing. The show must go on, no matter what happens…
Unless someone were to die, but no one was dead to my knowledge.
The last thirty seconds of the song were a blur. I remembered singing, playing, and Adam screaming for a good long while for the final note. I remembered the stage darkening and the audience cheering. Lisa had to pull me off the stage because I was glued to the spot I had been standing in the entire time. She guided me down the stairs in darkness, into the safety of the back stage area. She branched off and followed Monte somewhere. I stumbled forward, half blind as I pulled the ear plugs out of my ears. I exhaled a heavy breath, taking slow steps forward. My head was still spinning, my lips were burning with an icy fire. My tongue tasted sweet in my own mouth, the cooling flavor of Adam's spit still sliding down my throat.
I hadn't gotten far, if I had gone anywhere at all. I felt the change of atmosphere before I felt his palm sliding into mine. I immediately turned, the coolness of his lips crashing into mine again. This time, my tongue was the one to pass between his perfect, white teeth. His lips molded around my tongue and he sucked sweetly, his arms wrapping around me as he pulled me closer to him. My hands slid up his shoulders, winding deep into his spiky hair. It was stiff, though digging down I found the feathery strands that I had been searching for. I moaned as his tongue flicked against mine, and we pulled away, his forehead leaning against mine as his icy breath fluttered across my cheeks like spring kissed breezes. He pushed me forward, pressing my back into a wall, his hips shoving themselves into mine. I could feel the tightness and curve of himself through my own heated issues, and I moaned. He chuckled darkly.
"Someone's excited…" He said coolly, his breath kissing my neck as his lips trailed on the underside of my jaw. It was dark, even with my eyes open. I wondered if anyone could see us, glued together like two perfect pieces of a puzzle, equally thrilled for pleasure.
"Shut up and kiss me…" I groaned, pulling him forward again, and kissing him hard. He smiled against my lips, his palms cupping my face gently. My head was warping in and out of focus. Some moments I'd be staring at Adam's eyes in the darkness before he'd kiss me again. Other moments I'd be looking down upon myself in Adam's chilly embrace, tasting his tongue in the back of my throat. I shivered against him, dropping one of my hands from his hair, and reaching down to grab his ass. He thrust into my hips, and I ripped away from his lips, tilting my head back and moaning as he kissed my throat. My face flushed, my heart pounding fiercely. Adam moaned against my skin.
In the distance, I heard voices I didn't want to hear. "Yo, where's Adam and Tommy?" Monte… God fucking damnit…
Adam's lips froze on my throat, before he pulled away, giving me a quick, gentle peck on the lips. He unglued himself from my body, before guiding me towards the metal doors of the back halls of the building. Light poured in trickles, before washing around us in blinding waves. Adam's hand slipped away from mine, and I hoped dearly we didn't look as if we had been sucking face like octopi. Monte and Longineu turned to see us walking out. I gave them an apologetic look, before casting my eyes to the ground. My face still felt hot, but that could be passed off from the show. But what about my swollen lips? 'Oh, jeez… What have you gotten yourself into now, Tommy?'
