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She remembered the only good day, good compared to everything else. Her standards unsurprisingly lowered after a marriage to Ed that seemed to eat at the worst parts of yourself.
He saw your faults, using them to make you insecure, vulnerable, till you barely had the will to fight back. He was a coward and she knew that, always needing other people to finish his jobs.
She assumed once he'd cradled her beautiful baby girl Sophia in her arms, that upon seeing her delicate innocent features something my stir in Ed.
Fatherhood would suddenly bring some lost joy, he'd reach out his eyes finally not hard and full of hatred and look for her eyes in a way of comprehending the beauty they had created, together. They were anything but beautiful together but Sophia had been worth it all.

It hadn't been the case for the first couple of days when she left the hospital he wouldn't look at his own daughter he held her in almost distain.
His drink seemed more eager to see him, the more Sophia cried and squirmed he drank she was just probably eager to see her daddy. She figured it a lost cause.
One night when she tip toed across the hall to go to the bathroom she peered into Sophia's room as she usually did but was shocked to see Ed at her crib, kneeling beside it just to peer at her.
He almost seemed nervous as he held out shaky hands to lift her up and Carol felt sympathy she would've helped if she knew fatherhood was so difficult to him.
"You want me to pick her up, I could give her to you?" she asked her voice barely a whisper.
His shoulders stiffened, he went to bite her with an insult but something stopped him "I haven't held her. I don't know how."
Silently she crossed the room smiling down at her baby "Hi beautiful." She smiled gently lifting up a sleepy baby who rubbed a weak hand at her round, capturing eyes.
She carefully in a tangle of arms gave her to Ed, he was afraid to move. "She's something." He observed holding her tighter.
She thought for a split second that everything had changed, they would be okay.

The next day Ed went back to his usual case of ignoring them, he nursed his beer and eventually fled to work when it suited him. His first words to her upon returning were "Carol my dinner better be ready."
She felt a stab of pain sharper then before because if he couldn't love his own little girl, who could he love. He certainly didn't love her and she was okay with that. She wasn't okay with Sophia feeling unloved. She'd saw it though, his eyes they'd softened, filled with love but whatever he felt or whatever he saw must've scared him. He grew angrier and angrier at the world until there was nothing left to go back to anymore, except a quivering wife and a shaken child.

The sun had just started to break through the forest that looked like an overgrown maze in front of her, the forest always looked like something of a story book to her. She imagined when she was little that was where knights fought their battles and one day they would notice her, she wanted to be swept onto a black steed with her one and only. It was stupid. She found herself shaking her head in embarrassment, now the forest was just something to get lost in, maybe even dreams.
"What's so funny?" he asked his voice raspy with tiredness holding out a cup of tea for her.
His wooden cabin was nice, it wasn't massive but it was cosy. She could already see herself curled in front of the fire, the soothing sounds of the forest, shy animals noises and hopefully pulled into his strong capable arms but she'd just have to see about the last part.
"Nothing. Just life has changed."
She looked pensively into the forest as she sipped her boiling tea, "Yea it can do that."
To anyone else he would come across as abrupt and rude but she knew he meant the best in everything he said. "M'gonna go hunting. You can stay or you could…"
Her eyes lit up as she looked hopefully at him "Hunting. With what?"
"Crossbow. You wanna come. Didn't think it would be your scene."
She looked up him pretending to be offended "It's not I don't like seeing animals hurt but I might just have to hold back my morals, if it means seeing you in your-natural habitat." She teased.
"Stop." He snorted turning she assumed for his crossbow.

He was impressed she was quiet behind him, he had told her to be but a lot of people couldn't manage the quiet part, snapping sticks like a goddam ogre tripping over their feet like they'd be walking around with clown feet. Merle had been the worst minute he knew his lil brother could catch more than he could he started to mess with him.
Purposely stomping through the forest, "Look at the state of you man. No wonder they be running with their tales between their legs. Just like all those nice ladies I've been introducing to you."
This was all meant to be his excuse, which was blaming him for it all. It wasn't a new trick.
Carol seemed afraid to breath behind him, afraid to scare away some animals.
He motioned for her to get down, she dropped still staying quiet. Good girl. Lining up his crossbow, his anchor he let the bolt soar feeling the freedom in it as it hit a squirrel.
Feeling that smile creep up the way it usually did when he went hunting.
She exclaimed throwing her arms over her head, "Well done. You got one."
He was puzzled at her reaction but didn't complain when she flung herself into his arms.
Her thin arms wrapping tightly around him "Ain't a big deal. Catch stuff all the time out here."
She knocked him away in the direction of the squirrel, "I've never seen you do it. Go get it."
He looked back in amusement over his shoulder, just in time to catch her rub her probably stingy eyes she hadn't got any sleep. He shoulda made her go to bed, he was used to getting no sleep.
He tugged at her arm "Come on. You're tired, need some sleep."
He saw her trying to hide her smile, he didn't know why. She went to reach for his hand like any normal couple would he supposed, is that what they were a couple.
This shit was confusing. His body reacted in his usual flight mode before he could have a debate with it and he switched his crossbow to his other hand.
He hoped she wouldn't notice but she was pretty dam observant, probably why she was so good out here with him.

Daryl went out to skin his kill, preparing a little dinner for them which she thought was sweet, didn't think she'd ever been cooked dinner apart from when her parents would but she started cooking for them as soon as she could. He was right she was exhausted, he pointed out the bedroom standing unsurely at the doorway. "Thanks. Don't let me sleep too long."
"Sleep as long as you need." He replied shortly before banging the timber door open.
Pulling back the sheets it felt like heaven as her head which felt heavy on her shoulders dropped with ease to her pillow. He tried to hide it but she'd noticed.
He didn't want to hold her hand, he nearly jumped away in fright at the mere thought of it. She didn't know what she was thinking but seeing his hard, calloused hands gripping his crossbow tightly in one hand his muscles flexing. Well she just wanted to feel how her hand felt in his, she really didn't want to scare him away. He must've not had many serious relationships before but had she really, hers was a sham. Stop overthinking things she snapped to herself being pulled into a nightmare. I guess that is called life biting you in the ass when you dream a dream that is so happy, so enjoyable you just want to live in that world forever, live in the randomness and colourful feeling of it forever so you wake up much quicker than necessary, earlier then you normally would.
When you have a nightmare that you want to instantly jump from, you are pulled in your body pleading to get out of it. Skin getting hot and clammy, twitching in unease, feeling of sickness almost making you gag, the nightmare wouldn't let you go. Even when you wake up it's fresh in your mind, still holding onto you while the best dreams you've had you probably don't even remember.

Ed was hitting something the slap of skin on skin making her flinch. He seemed more burly than usual, his hands were purple swelled and seemed capable of more damage. She thought it was her it was usually her he was hitting. A sinking feel of fear caught her as she realised she was looking at this happening, powerless to stop it. It wasn't her he was hitting, it was her Sophia who was holding her doll in front of her, hoping she'd take some of the impact.
Tears pooled in her eyes screeching she cried "Mommy. Do something."
She tried to run to her but her legs were un cooperative they were weak, she fell forward on her forearms in the perfect sight of her daughters face as he struck her again.
She pleaded to whoever was controlling this dream "Please….Please let me go to her. I need to help her. Please!" she brokenly roared.
"Do something. Mom. Why can't you help me?" her voice sounded so disappointed it ate her up and her head fell on to the ground.
She felt an earthquake of some sort start to shake the ground beneath her, she hoped Sophia might be saved by it but they remained untouched. Where was I going she thought. Sophia.

"Carol. Carol wake up." Daryl shouted his voice was strained he held her arms tightly, shaking them, lifting her slight body out of the bed so she was nearly sitting up in it.
She was dazed forgetting where she was, that he actually existed. Tears stained her face, feeling the nightmare already starting to haunt her. She needed him.
Not realising what she was doing because she felt too numb and tired to think. She ran her hand lightly down his face it slightly passed through his goatee tickling her into sanity a bit.
She jumped expecting a startled Daryl but he remained still as she explored parts of his body with her hand, her hand opening the buttons on his shirt. Finally finding what she was looking for, she touched his scars which seemed much hotter than the rest of his body.
They felt jagged ugly things but they were beautiful. She needed to know that he was broken like her, she knew she wasn't pretty and that she probably wasn't good enough for this man in front of her but it seemed more viable when she touched him.
He exhaled deeply "Carol. You okay?" his voice shook, he looked for explanation in her eyes as she took a trembling breath.
"I'm not that pretty to look at Daryl I know that. I have scars to make it worse but it's a comfort knowing you have them too. I just…"
His eyes seemed to snap away from hers raging, he pulled her hand away from his back practically snarling at her like some feral animal "Don't say that again."
She was honestly bewildered "Say what?"
"That you ain't beautiful."

She broke into a wide smile tears dripping quickly down her face "Shit. Sorry."
He stood grabbing her a tissue near the bed, never once asking what was wrong.
"Dinner be ready in five minutes bathroom right beside this. If ye want."
She was embarrassed why had she completely broken down like that. This was meant to be her romantic getaway time with him. Moments like this she had a feeling would be fleeting.

He nodded in approval as she gobbled her food, groaning in approval. She looked much better than she had before, she almost sickly when she had that nightmare. For a stupid second he thought he wouldn't wake her. Her sleep had been stubborn and he had to grab hold of her shaking her hard from it, hoped he hadn't hurt her. She was shook up, her piece of shit husband clearly made her feel like a piece of shit and she was the last person to deserve it.
Crappy hand she got dealt. "Sorry. I'll shut up but oh holy god it's amazing. You can cook too you're quite a man. How have you been off the market this long."
The way she said it was purposely left so he could answer if he wanted, she wouldn't push and he liked that but he wanted to tell her something about him.
"I ain't exactly a catch Foul mouth, bad temper, ain't exactly a people person…"
She stopped him smirking at him her lip turned up in that cute way that he loved "If you ever write a dating profile let me write it…."
He objected strongly to that "Do I look like I'd have a dating profile."
She laughed sharply the mere idea sending her to stiches and his mouth turned up in a laugh "Shouldn't be that funny."
Nearly choking on her food she eventually stopped laughing, wiping tears from her eyes. "Maybe not but do you wanna know what I would write for you."
He rose a questioning eyebrow at her "Don't know do I?"
Ignoring him she continued "Well good looking is always a pro in these sort of things so I'd start with that, part time job being a knight in shining armour. Looks quite sexy covered in grease working an engine when he's working as a mechanic."
Her voice was becoming more sultry and teasing he blushed dropping his head to the table "Jesus Carol. Quit it."
"Okay. Okay." She threw another piece of food into her mouth and he couldn't help but stare at her perfect lips that were just about asking for it "Adorable too." She added quietly.
His longish hair was a perfect cover when he wanted to hide from her teasing but smirking he leaned forward closer to her "Why do I need a dating profile when I got you."
They looked heatedly at each other biting through the sexual tension, smiling he thought what looked quite proud she returned to her food.

It was just as she hoped she sat on a cushion in front of the fire, holding a beer in her hand well it would've been perfect it Daryl wasn't just sitting beside her balancing himself up with one hand, legs sprawled out in front of him. "You not curious what me and Lori fought about?"
He looked at her and hitting the nail on the head said "Easy. Me."
She wanted to be able to defend her friend say no she's over that, she is actually a fun loving person but she wasn't. "Yeah not all you. You're just the ammunition she needed to get at me for not being a picture perfect housewife. How dare I marry a man that beat me up. Losing my daughter is really just all my fault." She scoffed gulping her beer she never really blabbed about her problems but it felt good finally being able to talk to someone.
"How did your daughter…"
She put her hand on top of it squeezing it gently "She was going to my friend's house to get me something for my cuts. Ed had knocked me around and she wanted to help me."
His eyes studied hers, she watched him flinch as she mentioned Ed and he blew out an angry huff which made her smile. "I should've said I'd be fine. I would've but Sophia was sweet she wanted to help so I let her. I knew before I went outside, I heard tyres screeching and I knew that my baby girl was dead." She dropped her eyes to her lap always a fresh wound.
"Hit and run?"
She nodded silently, not wanting to cry in front of him again today.

His thumb grazed near her ear she jumped in surprise turning her head to his, wanting him to never stop touching her like this as her head started to feel light. "M'sorry."
She tried to say something but no words seemed to leave her mouth, looking to help his lips softly touched hers and he breathed her in deeper as her hand clutched his at the side of her face.
Their kiss became more heated, the warmth from their bodies and the fire becoming all too much and when his tongue grazed hers. She lost all self-control she pulled the buttons of his shirt apart pushing it eagerly off his broad shoulders. Pulling her closer he yanked her shirt over his head, saving him the trouble she slid her bra off, he might fumble with it and she didn't have time for that.
She needed him.

When he kissed her he felt a pull inside him that always made him question everything, why he hadn't found her sooner. Why the hell he refused to hold her hand today.
Maybe cause she could unravel him so easily. He wasn't sure if she wanted all of this and unable to control the animalistic urge that was rising in him, she needed to make up her mind quick.
He only had so much dam self-control but when her sure hands ripped his shirt off him like a dam animal, he had his answer.
Kneeling topless in front of him a heated stare filled with lust he thought he never seen something so beautiful, don't be a dam pussy he uttered to himself grabbing her as close to him as he could get her.

They lay panting deeply in front of the fire, holding a very thin blanket over them on the ground of the cabin making it to the bed had been out of the question.
He was fucking roasting "Dam fire ain't making this easier." He groaned kissing her lightly on the shoulder while he slid them away from the burning embers that was left.
"Sure it's the fire that has you all hot." She chuckled.
He pulled her closer with arms so she was tucked into his side "You ain't as nice as I'd thought you be."
She nudged him away playfully "Was I as good as you thought I'd be?"
He looked her in disbelief "Someone's cocky." She beamed beside him and it made him feel a whole lot lighter "Better."
She climbed over him hovering above him "Better! Glad to be of service."
He thumb touched softly against her cheek, she kissed him slower than their usual lustful kiss that could never be sated. "Sophia always hoped I'd find someone to love me properly. With those moves you pulled in bed Dixon, you might've done the trick."
He pulled her back against his side seeing she was getting sleepy and she fell asleep curled on his chest, Merle would just about shit himself if he saw him now.