A/N: Wow… it has been three weeks since I last updated. I'm so sorry guys! I was down with the terrible case of writer's block, work, and I did score an interview, but no call backs. And I am leaving for vacation tomorrow so I'm going to try and write in another chapter this week to post on Sunday. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait!

And again thank you for the wonderful and incredible feedback! I hope I didn't lose anyone with the wait. You guys are awesome and thank you for being patient!

Curious—As for your question, the Madame Giry character is Anthony the butler (really Frith in Rebecca) and he will have a sister (not going to say who yet!). Meg will certainly come in later as well as Raoul.

Without further ado…

Chapter 10

I found the music room!

I know Mrs. Danvers had said the west wing had the grandest room of all Manderley, but she had to be mistaken. This… was truly beautiful and magnificent! The best room in all of Manderley!

Instruments of all shapes and sizes were in glass cases against the wall, including those of exotic and foreign appearances. Drums, flutes, trumpets, violins, pipes, and there was even a harp! However, it was the grand piano that drew my attention, standing proudly in the middle of it all. The wood was a polished black, the keys pure as snow. I gently ran my hand over it, gasping at the cool texture and the pulsating music as my fingers danced along the keys. Score-sheets were laid out, ink blots and scratches all over the measures, evidence of hasty corrections. As I looked around, the room was… disheveled, especially the score-sheets, which there were bounds and bounds of leather books with papers in shelves, on the floor, in stacks, all over. The instruments were well-polished and other parts were clean, which the chambermaids were careful not to disturb their master's works.

It seemed odd for the room to be disorganized, especially when Erik did not strike me as one to leave a mess. All of his clothes were neatly folded in his suitcase, which was not always done by a worker. Perhaps, it was a chaotic organization when it comes to music.

I scrolled through the papers that were on the piano and hummed a few bars. The music was… unlike anything I ever seen. There was no title to the song, but the heat of the piece was tantalizing, but something was missing. I did not know what, but I hoped Erik would play it for me when it was finished.

As I continued my exploration, the chill in the air began to settle over me. I rubbed my arms together as I moved to the fireplace. There was wood already in place, but no matches. I frowned and searched the room for them, but none could be found.

I had to find Anthony then and I only prayed I could find him without getting lost. To my luck, I found Anthony coming towards me as I stepped out of the music room.

"Anthony! Do you have any matches?"

"In my pocket, Mrs. de Winter. May I ask why?"

"Yes of course," I said, "I wanted to start the fire in the music room. It's awfully cold and—"

"The morning room's fireplace has been lit. We won't get to the music room until later, especially with Mr. de Winter gone out. But, if you like, I could fetch Robert to start it for you."

"That's all right. There's no need to bother Robert," I said quickly, and berated myself for not thinking that there would be a set schedule for the fireplaces. Naturally, they would continue as the way it always was and I was not going to disturb it. "The morning room you said? I'll go there."

He nodded and once again I was in a dilemma over to where to find the morning room. Anthony was watching me closely as I took a step to the left and he cleared his throat. "The morning room is over there. You need to cut through the drawing room and it will be on your left." He gestured with his hand and I scurried off in that direction without thanking him. Once I reached my destination, I closed the door that it shared with the drawing room so I could be left alone. Right off to the side, I saw the fire burning bright, its heat enveloping me. Then I scanned the room and found a small Cocker Spaniel resting in a basket behind a fainting couch.

The dog lifted its head, staring at me, and then slowly thumped its tail. A smile broke across my lips and I went over to pet the dog's sandy brown coat. "Hello to you too! Who might you be?"

"Sasha, madam, or truthfully, Sasha the third."

I jumped at Anthony's voice and he apologized. "I did not mean to startle you Mrs. de Winter, but I forgot to tell you… when you're done with your letters you may leave them on that tray there," he pointed to the writing desk where a small circular silver tray sat on the edge. "Robert will mail them for you."

I nodded and I was again left with Sasha. I stood on my feet to look around the room and noticed that it overlooked the rhododendrons that I saw on our way to Manderley. The monstrous crimson heads seemed to encroach upon the window, their stems twisting with the ivy, choking the outside wall. From up ahead, I could make out a thin patch of untouched green, which was one of the lawns and in the center was a statue of a lion, its mouth open wide in a roar, to mark Manderley as its territory.

I turned away from the window to inspect the rest of the room—and it was obviously decorated with a woman's touch and a lot of thinking put into each selection of furniture. Each piece was beautifully made from every table, every chair, vase, and lamp. All of them seemed to compliment one another with such perfection, including the rhododendrons that were scattered across in vases. They were not an angry red as the ones outside, but they were white with the petals stained in pink, and vibrant with life. I knew that every room contained an arrangement of some kind, but all the other flowers were smaller and subdued in color while this room contained bigger than life qualities. I had to ponder if this was done on purpose, and I had a feeling that it must have been. The only object in the room that seemed out of place, although it made a fine conversation starter, was this china cupid on top of the mantle of the fireplace. Its round, chubby cherub face was looking straight out, his arrow in place to shoot an unsuspecting lovesick victim, his wings long and proud in mid-flight, while those eyes stared out at me. It was an ugly piece, complete contradictory to its ideal belief, and I would have to guess it was a fashionable work of art.

I shivered as I felt those statuesque, cold eyes on me as I walked around the room.

I went over to the writing desk and this was not some simple desk that would do for a great lady and her demanding life. No… this writing desk was intricate in its carvings and the top was tidy and clean, not a trace of ink blots or scratches. Besides the tray, there was a telephone and next to that was a long, thin book with the monogram LdW written boldly in cursive. I traced the loops and then instantly jerked away as it stood for Luciana de Winter.

This was her address book.

I sank into the cushion of the chair; my sight transfixed on every detail that contained that same bold signature that marked this was MINE. The stationary that was in neat pile in the center had LdW in the top right corner; even the container with pens had that same inscription.

This had been hers.

She had sat on this very chair, touched that very same address book, flipping through each page until the receiver was found, touched those pens as she wrote her letter.

Yet, my insatiable mind would not stop. I opened drawer by drawer—finding neat little scribbles of that same handwriting, labeling "letters—unanswered," "letters—answered," "estate," "menus," "miscellaneous," and so forth. The last drawer at the bottom revealed a small box and I picked it up, removed the lid, and found a note on top that read:

To Mrs. Erik de Winter

I quickly closed the lip and shut the drawer, my breathing in short gasps.

Everything was hers.

At one point, she would plan her daily schedule at this desk with Sasha at her side. Anthony would come in and announce a well-known neighbor and she would rise from her seat, her arms open wide in salutations, and they would sit upon the furniture, sharing and gossiping the latest stories. Then Robert would enter and collect her many letters for the post office…

I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing I was an intruder in the midst of all the happy memories collected and stored in this room. I was a stranger who had no right to claim what was once hers. I could not use this writing desk and stationery. I could not—

The phone rang causing me to jump, and for a second, I stared at it stupidly not sure how to make it stop. Then sense returned and I lifted the handle to put to my ear.

"Hello? ... You must be mistaken. Mrs. de Winter has been dead for over a year."

I hung up and immediately recognized my error. I was Mrs. de Winter! Not Luciana! This was a horrid blunder to make and I sat there with tears in my eyes, completely petrified that I had been so careless with my words.

The door opened and to my amounting horror, Mrs. Danvers entered. Her gaze was immediately on the phone and then to me.

"That was the household phone. That line connects to all the phones to all the servants here. That was probably the gardener calling for your instructions."

"G-Gardener? I-Instructions?"

She nodded slowly as if I was a dumb child. "Yes. The late Mrs. de Winter was particular in how the gardens were managed. Each room, I'm sure you have noticed, has flowers all different and unique to Manderley. Some are from our gardens, the rest from the surrounding wild fields. They're always fresh which is what Mrs. de Winter liked."

"Oh," I stupidly replied.

"If you wish to make any changes, then you need to let Oscar know."

"N-no. That's all right. I rather liked the idea of fresh flowers. It can stay the same."

"As you wish. And was the menu to your satisfaction?"

"Menu?" I echoed and looked down to find a long, rectangular parchment off to the left of the stationery. It contained the day's menu for lunch and dinner. Without looking closely, I picked it up and held it out to her. "I approve it."

She gracefully moved to the desk, her outstretched hand taking the menu, and accidentally brushed against my hand. The sudden contact caused me to drop the menu as it fluttered to the floor. I looked up with a frightened expression as she bent down to retrieve it.

Her hand was ice cold!

Mrs. Danvers straightened up and perused the paper. "You didn't select a sauce Madam."

"Excuse me?" I whispered.

She gave me an impatient glare. "I left a blank spot for your choice of sauce next to the veal. Mrs. de Winter was a connoisseur of sauces and was very particular in what she wanted serve, and I always refer to her."

Sauces? I hadn't the faintest clue that there could be as many sauces to choose for a meal. She was awaiting my answer and the last thing I wanted to sound was incompetent over a simple decision.

"I'll have whatever Mrs. de Winter would have chosen."

That seemed to please Mrs. Danvers and she nodded. "Very good Madam. I'm sorry if I disturb your writing."

"My writing? No… you did not disturb me, Mrs. Danvers. Mrs. Danvers?"

"Yes?"

"I—" I swallowed hard and rushed, "I hope we can be friends, Mrs. Danvers. You must forgive me. I'm new to all of this and I want to do my best to make sure Manderley runs smoothly and of course, to make Mr. de Winter happy."

She did not reply so I continued. "You have been here long?"

"Not as long as Anthony," she answered tersely. "I came when Mrs. de Winter married Mr. de Winter. Now, is there anything else you need?"

"No. Thank you Mrs. Danvers," I said, and released the air I was holding when she took her leave.

So she did not stay at Manderley as longed as I thought. Then it occurred to me that throughout our exchange… she addressed the late Mrs. de Winter in the present tense, and to my growing alarm, as did I.

xxXXxx

I did not stay in the morning room long for I did not have any letters to write. And I wanted to avoid another meeting with Mrs. Danvers in case she should find me there with another request for instruction. I did not fare well with the first two and I would be blustering like an idiot if she were to ask me what sort of wines I favored for dinner.

Sasha trailed behind me as I thought I would do some exploring of Manderley on my own since Erik was out. His suggestion of me doing some sketching sounded appealing and I did have some ideas of where I would like to draw. I was quite proud of myself that I was able to return to my room without getting lost to pick up my sketchbook.

Once my book was securely tucked within my arms, I chose the rose gardens to start with as my room did overlook them and it seemed like it would be a secluded enough spot. The only company I found welcoming was Sasha, only because I believed I intrigued her. At least, I knew the dog could not judge me.

I managed to find my way outside without running into Anthony or any of the other servants. I kept close to the stone wall where I believed my room to be and followed it until I came upon the path that led inside the rose gardens. Sasha barked happily and scampered off into the maze, and I followed behind, making sure I did not lose her. Like everything else I had seen so far at Manderley, the rose gardens were truly an impressive sight. No wonder Mrs. Van Hopper had been in awe!

Erik had roses of all types and colors—miniature, cabbage, tall, yellows, pinks, whites, reds, mauve, and striped—and some grew along bushes, others were on the ground, some had thorns, some had twisting stems, but no matter how they grew or what they looked like… the garden was like stepping into an enchanted story. I knew roses could be difficult to maintain, but the gardening staff took good care of the roses and there was not a single one that was black.

I found Sasha lying down next to a wooden bench that had a lovely fountain in front of it. It was a wall fountain with rose bushes reaching across, its branches skimming the blue-green water. There was even a frog that stood atop a fallen leaf in the water.

I knew I found my first subject.

I flipped my book to a new page and began to draw. I lost track of time but I knew I was there for some time if the number of pages I finished was an indicator. I sketched the fountain with the frog, then I focused on a couple of isolated roses, a bird perched on top of the wall, and Sasha standing on the fountain looking down into the water. When I was done, I went back to my drawing of Erik I started in Monte Carlo.

I could only count the number of times I had changed his portrait from Monte Carlo and even in Paris. I felt no matter which angle I tried, I could not capture Erik as well as I wanted to. He kept insisting that what I drew was a masterpiece and a good likeness, but I did not think so. Something was missing and my pencil tapped against his mask.

I sighed and closed my book. If I were to work on Erik's portrait, then I would go mad once more with missing him. As I did not want to go back to the house, I remained outside with Sasha and soaked in the sun's rays. It was a nice day out and it felt good to be out with Mother Nature.

I enjoyed Her company too until Sasha began to whine and pace in circles. I took that as cue that she wanted to leave, and though I was loathe to, I assumed she must be hungry. After thinking that, my stomach also began to grumble, and I wondered if I missed lunch.

We found our way out of the maze and back into the manor. I had to rely on my memory on where the dining room was, and I did find it. When I entered, I found Mrs. Danvers and a young man going about in cleaning up lunch.

At my footsteps, Mrs. Danvers turned and her look upon her face was anything but approval.

"There you are. We had lunch prepared but no one could find you."

I sheepishly lowered my eyes and said, "I was in the rose garden drawing. I'm afraid I lost track of time."

"Robert," Mrs. Danvers said, getting his attention. "Could you find Cook and see if she can fix something for Mrs. de Winter."

Mortified, I hastened a quick decline. The last thing I wanted the Cook to hear was how I was not present for the lunch she had prepared originally. Of course, I knew that thought was pointless as word would either get back to her some way. Instead, I opted for my tea to be ready.

Mrs. Danvers bowed and was gone leaving me with Robert. I had not met him beforehand, but he looked to be about the same age as I with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He was a tall, lanky fellow and he moved about with such awkwardness I wondered if he was fearful if he should disrupt his duty. Yet, he seemed like a nice enough man and I did not want him to think he needed to be frightened of me.

"Robert right?" I asked and he suddenly whipped his head at me, amazed that I would address him, let alone with his name. "I'm… well, you probably know who I am."

He nodded, his wide-eyed expression not going away. "Y-yes Ma'am."

"You can call me Christine. Ma'am seems a little formal."

"Yes Ma'am."

I winced but continued anyways. "I'm sorry you had to clean this up because of me. It looks like there is a lot and I can help."

The idea of me helping him only caused his puzzled look to become even more puzzled and worried. "It's all right Mrs. de Winter. I'm almost done and I will be out of your way."

Before I could say more, Robert was gone. I looked back down to Sasha who pressed her wet nose against my hand and gave my fingers a lick. "I guess I'm doomed from making a friend. Well… I have you."

I scratched behind her ear and thought I would take my tea in the library. The fireplace was set when I went inside and I crawled into the tall chair and took a deep breath. It smelled of Erik's cologne and assumed this was his seat. Once again, I was heartsick without him here and I wondered if he was thinking of me as he conducted his business. Did he miss me as much as I did him?

Robert entered with the tray for tea as well as a plate of mini sandwiches. He set it upon the table and bowed before he left once more. I fixed my drink and ate two sandwiches. I gave one to Sasha who gobbled it up with a ferocious force. I gave her one more and ate the last one for myself.

I nursed my tea and becoming bored with the sitting around… I stood to pick a book to read.

Erik had such a vast collection from history books, science texts, philosophy, religion, music, art, biographies, and novels. I did not where I should start so I picked up a hefty book that was about physiology, but the text was too advanced for me so I put it back and decided perhaps anything on science was not ideal for me.

As I scrolled through the titles, I did find one that caught my interest. Jane Eyre.

I heard about this story from one of the women I had to endure tea with when I worked for Mrs. Van Hopper. All the other women were aghast over the contents of the novel and after I always wanted to read it to see what upset them so.

Eager with my new find, I returned to my seat and started—There was no possibility of taking a walk that day…

xxXXxx

The clock chimed when six came along and I was about a third done with the book. I was so engrossed in Jane's and Mr. Rochester's tragic romance that it did not occur to me that Erik had not arrived yet.

I looked for something to mark my spot, but when I could not find one, I folded the edge of the corner over so I could continue where I left off. I stepped out into the great hall and began to look for Anthony, Robert, or even Mrs. Danvers. I found the former in the drawing room as he fussed over a painting that had been crooked.

"Anthony?" I gently called and he looked over his shoulder at me.

"Yes Mrs. de Winter?"

I took a couple brave steps forward, my hands clasped together. "I was wondering if you knew if Mr. de Winter returned."

"No, I'm afraid not, Mrs. de Winter," he answered.

I tried to cover up my disappointment, but failed miserably. "Do you think he will be gone long?"

Anthony gave me a pitying look. "It's hard to say madam. Mr. de Winter has many tenants with families, and he usually dines with one of them if he's gone late."

"He said he would be back by six."

"Then he might be on his way. If you like, I can check on dinner for you. It should be ready by now."

I thought about waiting for Erik, but his earlier words came back to me. He told me not to wait for him and he would be angry if I did again. And Anthony seemed quite sincere that Erik would be having dinner with his tenants. As the butler knew Erik's business better than I, I knew he had to be right.

Erik was not coming home.

"I appreciate that. Thank you."

I stayed in the drawing room when Anthony returned to inform me that dinner was in fact ready. I followed him into the dining room where I was greeted with another feast. Dinner was veal with a white wine and caper sauce, asparagus, roasted potatoes, and curried prawns. I took my seat as Anthony prepared a plate for me. Once I had everything I needed, he told me if I needed anything else then I all I had to do was pick up the phone and asked for him.

I thanked him and then I was alone. I looked to my husband's empty chair and prayed he would come walking through that door. I even held off eating for a few minutes, but when it became apparent that Erik was not going to be home, I did eat.

Like breakfast, there was too much food and my appetite was gone. I ate as much as I could to avoid suspicion and pushed the rest over the plate to make it seemed I ate more than what I did. Anthony and Robert returned about thirty minutes later to clean up my plate and deliver dessert—cold chocolate mousse. It was sweet and it felt good to have it slide down my throat, but not even the appeal of chocolate could take away my agony.

I was able to leave the room and I wandered the halls, not sure what to do with myself. Everyone was off doing what was expected of them. All had a chore that needed to be done before retiring and I… I was mourning for my husband. I purposefully stayed close to the main door so I could catch him coming in, but as it grew late, I feared that our singing lesson would also not come to pass.

Anthony found me back in the library, but I was too despondent to finish my book and I did not care how I may have looked in front of him. I missed Erik. I wanted him to come back to me soon.

If Anthony wanted to lecture me on the propriety of a lady and keeping her emotions in check, he could all he wanted. All I wanted was Erik to be back in my arms. In fact, I thought he was going to do just that when he said something to me that astonished me.

"You're exactly what Mr. de Winter needs."

I stared at him, not sure if I heard him correctly. "What?"

"Forgive an old butler, but I have watched Mr. de Winter from a lad to a young man. He has had a hard life and he has suffered the kind of pain that most men would not face in a lifetime. I know I am being forward and out of place, but do not give up. You have a lot to learn about Manderley, but you have the spirit and strength to handle its darkness."

"Anthony—"

"I also noticed that you must have suffered some tragedy of your own. Perhaps, you will heal as well."

I never heard something so kind and thoughtful and I wanted him to say more, but he excused himself.

"I believed I have said too much and it is growing rather late. Would you like me to send for Alice?"

"Not yet," I told him. "But thank you. Anthony?"

"Yes?"

"You said earlier that Sasha's name was Sasha the Third, why is it?"

Amused, he chuckled. "When Mr. de Winter was young, he had a dog named Sasha and the two were inseparable. Unfortunately, like any pet, old age caught up to her and so Mr. de Winter got himself a new dog and named her Sasha too. Always a Cocker Spaniel, always female, and always Sasha."

I thought that was rather sweet of my husband to keep doing that. "He must have loved her."

"Yes he did. He always said Sasha was the only one in the world who could understand him. Maybe he's right, but I doubted it. Mrs. Danvers said you do not have a personal maid. Is it true?"

I nodded and he smiled. "Well, it so happens, I have a niece who is looking for work. She lives in London, but I can write to her and see if she would be interested in coming to Manderley."

"I would like that very much." I grinned back at him, and for the first time here at Manderley, I felt like I made a new friend. "Will you tell Mrs. Danvers?"

"I will at once. Good night Mrs. de Winter."

"Good night Anthony."

I looked down at Sasha and said, "I guess this might not be as bad as I thought. Shall we go to bed?"

Sasha barked and trotted out of the library and down the hall. "Sasha!" I called but she was out of my sight. Sighing, I knew I was to be on my own to my room. I turned around and began to walk in the direction of the east wing when I heard the main door opened. I whipped around and there he was!

Erik!

I ran to him and hugged him fiercely. He laughed as I clung to him. "I see I don't have to ask if you missed me. It seems like you didn't at all."

I blushed and buried my face into his warm chest. "I thought you would be back sooner."

"As did I but I'm afraid my agent, Nadir, found me and there were some things he needed to go over with me. I ended up having dinner at his house."

"You're back now," I said. "Could we have our singing lesson?"

"Now?" At my assistance, he agreed. "All right. But not too late. Tomorrow we will have a lesson at a more suited time."

He took me to the music room and I shyly told him how I found it earlier today. "And what do you think?"

"I love it," I confessed. "Manderley is beautiful."

The look on his face was full of boyish glee. "You have no idea how that pleases me to hear."

It was a short lesson but I loved every minute of it. I felt this was how everyday should end—Erik and I, together, and with music surrounding us. He continued to play as I curled up against him on the bench, my head resting against his shoulder. I was growing sleepy and as I shut my eyes, I uttered:

"How I love you my Angel of Music."

TBC…