Disclaimer: I Don't own Twilight
Huge thanks to my reviewers. x
Chapter 11: Alice's pov
Jasper had kissed me!
Jasper had kissed me!
Jasper had kissed me!
I could think of nothing else as we ran hand in hand.
Lord only knows where he was taking us now and honestly I couldn't care as long as I was with him.
I know he'd kissed me a few times before, on the forehead or cheek, but never anything like that.
My lips tingled as I remembered how it had felt to have them moving against Jasper's. a pleasurable shiver ran up my spine.
I wanted him to do it again.
I glanced up at him, he seemed lost in thought and I wondered if I should make the first move this time to let him know I didn't mind him kissing me but I wouldn't I was too nervous.
It was a relief to know he didn't hate me for what I had done in Volterra. He only seemed concerned by the two days I'd spent there after my kidnapping, which was good because some of the things I'd done before that were bound to disgust him.
I let out a shudder as I thought about it, I may not have directly killed anyone but my visions had led Aro to condemn many to death.
That had been my life yet the more I thought about it the more I hated myself for everything I'd done.
How could I have been happy doing that?
Why hadn't I left sooner?
I had played along with Jasper to keep him happy, whenever he told me my life hadn't been in Volterra and it was all just a trick of Aro's, but I'd never really believed him.
It just seemed so far fetched and Aro didn't have the power to change peoples memories.
However, the more I thought about what I'd done the more I wanted it to be true. I didn't want to be a monster, I didn't want to be responsible for so many deaths.
If I took what Jasper was saying as true it strangely made more sense than the other possibilities.
Jasper had obviously met me before, he wouldn't have risked his life the way he had for a complete stranger, and then there was that kiss! No way anyone could fake that level of passion, he loved me.
Warmth spread through me a smile tugging at my lips.
Whatever else I knew that for a fact. Jasper loved me.
We arrived at a secluded beach just as the moon was rising.
Jasper turned to me an expectant look on his face like I was supposed to know what we were doing here.
My eyes wandered over the millions of tiny grains of sand to the gentle white crests of the waves as they broke on the shore.
The ocean was a midnight blue and the large moon reflected on the surface.
"It's beautiful." I whispered.
Jasper's shoulders slumped a look of defeat crossed his face and I felt terrible.
What did he want me to do?
I looked up at him trying to understand what I was meant to do to make him happy. He just smiled sadly at me.
"You don't remember coming here before?" he asked quietly.
I looked around again biting my lip and slowly shook my head, no.
He seemed to slump more.
"Sorry." I whispered.
He shook his head as though trying to tell me it wasn't my fault his eyes were looking out over the ocean and in that moment there seemed to be a million miles between us.
I looked down at my feet unsure what to do.
"Alice."
I looked up at him.
"Don't feel sad." he said softly stepping towards me.
"You do." I challenged him.
He gave me a half smile wrapping one arm around my shoulder allowing me to lean into him.
"I know, I'm sorry."
Looking up at him silhouetted against the moon he'd never looked more beautiful.
My body reacted as my mind was still preoccupied with just looking at him and I brought my lips to his.
He flinched back his arm dropping from my shoulder, a large hand seemed to close around my heart crushing it.
My eyes burned and I bit my lip hard to stop the sobs breaking free.
"I'm sorry." Jasper mumbled not looking at me.
I shrugged trying to look like my heart hadn't just fractured into a million pieces.
Had I really got it all that wrong?
"I thought….You kissed me." I mumbled stupidly.
He winced and the million shards of my heart shattered a little more.
I looked around the beach trying to find something, anything to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between us.
"Why did you bring me here?" I asked a little harsher than I had wanted.
I heard Jasper sigh behind me "I thought you'd remember, the last time we were here….." he sighed again "Never mind."
I frowned turning to him "Tell me." I begged a little "Why is this place so important to you?"
His eyes finally met mine "When we first came here, it was the first time in a century I felt alive."
Great now I felt even worse.
"Don't feel sad." he told me.
I rolled my eyes at him "How can I not when you say something like that." I sighed "Tell me more. Tell me what I'm meant to remember."
He smiled at me a little "You believe me."
Shrugging at him I let my eyes wander over the beach again straining my brain trying to see anything even vaguely familiar "The only other explanation is you're certifiably insane." I sent him a quick smile "I haven't ruled that out yet!"
I saw a grin flicker on his face out of the corner of my eye.
"You brought us here, I'm not certain why but you wanted to come so we did." he explained.
I closed my eyes holding my breath as he explained every minute detail of the night he remembered.
Letting out a huff of frustration I flopped onto the sand. The way he described it made it seem so perfect I wanted to remember but I couldn't.
"It's ok." he whispered "You'll remember."
I opened my eyes and looked up at him standing over me like a protector, always there watching over me. A frown was etched into his forehead and I hated myself for making him sad.
He looked down at me, my emotions giving me away.
"Don't Alice, it's not your fault."
I let myself fall backwards so I was staring up at the sky the stars twinkling above me.
"We should be heading back." he said after a few minutes.
I shook my head "Not yet."
Sighing he crouched down next to me "Alice.."
"Not yet." I said again still staring at the sky.
I heard him shift and lie down next to me, my hand sought his out intertwining our fingers.
I felt myself relax when he didn't pull back, or flinch at the contact. His mixed signals were confusing me, but I'd willingly take whatever he gave me.
My fingers tightened, he was still here with me that's all I really needed.
Time passed as we just lay there in silence starring at the stars.
"If I remember do you think I'll forget everything that's happened since?" I asked quietly.
Jasper shifted next to me, glancing over I saw he'd rolled onto his side to face me.
"I don't know." he answered "I wouldn't have thought so. Why?"
Looking over at him I chewed my lip nervously "It's just, well, this is a pretty good memory I'd like to keep." I whispered softly.
He brought our joined hands up and gently kissed my hand "I wont let you forget." he promised.
Smiling I couldn't help shifting a little closer to him turning my head so I was looking to the sky again.
"Did I like the stars?" I asked suddenly.
"What?" he laughed.
"Have I always liked the stars?" I asked slowly pronouncing each word carefully.
He chuckled again "Yeah I guess you have." he laughed a little more.
"What's so funny?" I asked rolling to face him.
He shook his head smiling "I was just remembering trying to teach you the names of them."
I looked back up at the stars in amazement "They all have names."
"Every constellation." he said "I tried to teach you all the ones I could remember but you were so stubborn."
I smiled at the peaceful look on his face and decided to keep this conversation going so he would stay happy.
"Stubborn how?"
I loved his chuckle.
"Before you met me you travelled alone and made up your own names for them. You didn't always like their proper names."
I was curious now "Like what?"
He glanced over at me and smiled "Like the North star." looking back up he pointed it out to me.
"What did I call it?" I asked looking at the brightest star in the sky.
"Jasper." he smiled softly "You said I was your guide helping you find your way home the way sailors used the North star."
Smiling I curled up closer to him "I like that." I said softly "After all you're still doing it right."
His eyes locked onto mine and my breath stuttered. Everything faded into the background, all that mattered in that moment was me and Jasper.
I sat up a little our eyes still locked, I couldn't stop myself very slowly lowering my lips to his. The risk of rejection worth the pleasure of feeling his lips against mine.
He didn't move.
I kissed him again still slow and slightly hesitant, my eyes fluttered closed as he began to respond.
