The sun slowly started to disappear behind the clouds. It would be raining soon. In the time when she was happy, she loved the rain. She would curl up in a blanket near the window. She would sit on the couch, her knees folded and her chin leaned on her knees. She would watch the rain fall and be grateful that she has someone she could watch it with. He would wrap his arms around her. Snuggle with her under the same blanket. The sound of rain hitting the window would fill the room. They would be silent. Just as she is silent now waiting for the rain to start. But she's alone. And she cried.

One part of her heart was shattered because of James. The other part was broken because of Kaidan. The incident from last night still played in her mind. It wouldn't let her sleep. She still remembered Kaidan's bloody face and James's bloody hands. They were killing each other. Because of her.

An almost silent sob escaped her as her mind drifted off to the happy memories. Once he sat down behind her he would wrap his arms around her. Then she would let him snuggle with her under the blanket. He would plant a sweet kiss on her cheek, then lean his head close to her ear. The sound of rain and his deep, even breathing would calm her. She loved him, and he would let her know the same.

"I love you." He whispered in her ear. She turns her head slightly around, enough to gaze into his eyes. Then she smiles so lovingly he felt his heart would jump out of his chest.

"I love you too."

"I wouldn't be happier anywhere else."

She let out an almost silent sob when she opened her eyes and realized this was nothing but a flashback. A memory. Kaidan was not here behind her, snuggling with her under the same blanket. Kaidan was not breathing down her ear and telling her he loves her while he wrapped his arms around her. She hid her face in her knees as the rain started to fall. It's like the heavens knew her pain.

"Shepard." She looked up and saw Liara. Liara came closer and sat down next to her. "Someone wants to talk with you. And I let him in." Shepard's heartbeat increased.

"Who?" Then a dark figure entered the living room, and her heart broke at the sight of him so broken. Because of her. "James..." He greeted her with a nod, his eyes fixed on the floor. Liara silently made her way out of the living room and closed the door. James didn't move, he just stood there and stared at the floor. Shepard readjusted and patted the place next to her. James hesitated for a while, but then decided to give in and to sit down beside her. She tugged a strand of hair behind her ear as she searched for the right words. James did the same. He stared at his hands as he took a deep breath to speak.

"I...I came here to apologize, Lola. I hope you will at least hear me out." She was silent and she didn't look up at him. James took another deep breath and closed his eyes as he decided to speak. "I'm sorry that I freaked out. But the things he told me...I just couldn't listen to that rubbish. I know I shouldn't beat him while he was drunk, but at that time I had only one thing in mind." He opened his eyes and turned his head to her. "The things he told me, Lola. That...if I'd propose you that you would leave me as well." Shepard swallowed the big lump down her throat. Her eyes blinked rapidly to suppress the tears, but James wasn't finished yet. "All the time I've been thinking and fearing that this could happen to me as well." She just stared at the floor and that freaked him out. "Lola please say something." Then she turned her head to him.

"Why are you even thinking about what he said? Are you thinking about proposing me?" Her question was harsh. James found himself in an awkward situation.

"I, I don't know!" He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Maybe, maybe not. I don't want to put you under pressure."

"Well that's exactly what you're doing!" She crossed her hands in front of her chest and averted her gaze at the wall. James furrowed his eyebrows together as he realized what she just said.

"Asking you to marry me would mean I put you under pressure?!"

"Yes."

"Lola...what's your problem?" He asked in disbelief of the revelation.

"That's none of your concern."

"None of MY CONCERN?!" He stood up and paced up and down a line. He was getting angrier because she constantly blocked him. "I am your boyfriend Lola! I love you more than anything! And now when we talk about possible marriage stuff you're saying I shouldn't put you under pressure?!"

"Yes James! Exactly! Because I wouldn't be a good wife!" She yelled back at him. Now he was even more confused.

"What are you talking about?!" He asked harshly, not caring about lowering his voice. She yanked the blanket aside and stood up to face him.

"Because I wasn't made to be a good wife! I'm a woman that nobody would want to have as a wife James! I can't make anyone happy as a wife!" She yelled, and that's when the tears fell. Loud sobs filled the room as she stumbled backwards towards the couch. She hid her face in her palms and fell on the couch as she cried and cried. James watched her stunned and confused. He couldn't understand her.

"Lola...what the hell are you talking about? Why do you think that way?" She cried more violently now, her entire body shaking as her cries slowly turned into screams. That's when Liara came back. She and James shared a glance of confusion before she sat down next to Shepard. She hugged her as she cried and cried. James's mouth fell open, his eyes wide with confusion. "Lola-"

"Stop calling me Lola!" She said harshly as she broke the hug with Liara. Her angry eyes glared at him, but suddenly she softened. Like all her anger disappeared in the blink of an eye. Now he was even more confused. "James..." She whispered, her watery eyes now looking at him. She swallowed hard and tugged a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll stay here for a few days. Then we will talk. Please...give me a little time to cool down." His heart broke. He watched her silently for a long moment. Liara turned her head to him and their eyes met for a brief moment. Then she nodded, showing him it's fine that she stays here. James closed his eyes but nodded before he turned away from her, hurt and defeated. He turned back seconds later and watched her for another long moment. His heart told him to hug her and to tell her everything is going to be fine. But no. She told him she needed some space, and he would give her exactly that.

Sad and hurt he made his way out of the living room, then out of the apartment. His heart was shattered, broken. But he would give her all the time she needs. He would do anything if it means she would come back to him.

####

A thunder echoed in the far distance. The dark grey clouds covered the sky. The rain fell heavily from them and hit the window hard. He watched the rain fall. It reminded him of a time when he was happy and carefree. It reminded him of the time when he was in love. He still was. But the person he loved wasn't here. She would be in his embrace now, both would listen to the rain, both would watch the raindrops on the window. Then, after what would feel like an eternity of watching the rain, they would make love, right on the couch. He would tell her how much he loves her, how he couldn't imagine his life without her. She would tell him the same. She would watch him with those sapphire blue eyes and they would trap him in their sweet heaven. He would watch those soft lips as his name left them. He would lean his head on her chest and listen to her frantic heartbeat until she calms down.

They would feel the bliss together, both sweaty and breathing in each others scent. He would feel her soft and warm skin pressed on his. Everything of her was like heaven to him. But now she was gone in the arms of another man. He cried the entire time as the rain fell, silently, the lump in his throat remaining and almost choking him. Around his shoulders warming him was her blanket, the baby blue blanket with a single flower motive on one end of it. It still smelled like her and reminded him of her. Just like the pictures of them placed on the nearby shelves.

His head was hurting, both from a migraine and the beating from James. Even though he was drunk he could remember everything. But especially he remembered her words of hate and heartbreak. He repeated it in his mind the entire day and he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt away. All he wanted was to know why she never gave him an answer. Only that. He never wanted to ruin her happiness. He should go to her and apologize, but to him that seemed like a bad idea. James could be there and he didn't want to ruin everything again with his apology.

Kaidan took a very deep, shaky breath as he closed his eyes. He would listen to the rain and imagine them, together and happy. He would imagine her in a white dress with a small bouquet of red roses walking towards him. He let out a loud sob. Then he would imagine her standing before him saying 'I do'. He let out another loud sob, his entire body shaking with it. Then he would remember her saying 'I love you'. And that's when Kaidan broke completely. His loud sobs and cries of heartbreak and sadness filled the room. His head fell on the couch, his hands grabbing the blanket tightly and pulling it to his nose. He inhaled deeply, and again the memories of her haunted him. Yet they gave him peace. Everything was only a memory now. Memories on which he would cling to forever.