Hey! Sorry for not posting for two days, but Life got in the way and I was dragged away from the computer.

To make up for it: this!

"Me." Dean said flatly.

"Yeah, come on, no need for macho, just you know, do your princess thing." Christi smiled.

"Yeah no, I think I'll let Sam here take it, he's the one with the feelings." Dean said, grabbing Sam and pushing him in front of him like Sam was a shield.

"Hey!"

Christi shrugged. "Your funeral. Okay Sam, dirty confession time, go."

"Uh." Sam said, still a bit shocked by being put on the spot like that.

"A secret."

Sam thought a bit. What could possibly constitute as a secret? Him and Dean knew nearly everything about each other, he didn't know what to say that Dean didn't already know.

He thought back to the multitude of mistakes he made. The Apocalypse for one. That was his fault, he was the one who killed Lilith no matter what Dean said.

He knew that deep inside Dean still blamed him.

He thought back even further, when he was still drinking demon blood, because he'd liked it, the power, the rush.

He had tried to convince himself it was to save people, and it had been, in the beginning.

Then he thought about why, why he was so desperate to stoop to trusting Ruby.

Dean died. He had died and Sam had done nothing to stop it, he had failed, foiled by Lilith and he was so angry.

Then he remembered Mystery Spot. Sam had tried to repress that, but once he thought about it, the memories came slamming back full force.

Dean had died so many times.

Then on Wednesday, Sam thought he had died for good.

He remembered how cold he'd been , how much like Dad. It should have scared him, but he was focused on the job.

Hunting the Trickster.

He would have done most anything to bring him down.

Then Dean came back and Sam had to adjust, pull back, he thought that he was going okay then Lilith came in and Dean died again and he was all alone.

He would have done anything to kill Lilith.

And he did, even started the Apocalypse.

Dean still didn't know what happened on Wednesday, he didn't know it had existed and Sam had never told him, sticking to the Winchester code; repress, repress, repress until it comes exploding out at the worst possible moment.

'Does now count?' Sam thought wryly.

"Okay." Sam started, then he faltered. He kept it secret from Dean for a reason, he didn't want to talk about it, as much Dean said he wanted to share his feelings, there were things he wanted to keep to himself.

He didn't want to relive it again.

"Come on, Sam, just do your usual thing." Dean's voice rang out.

Sam swallowed. He remembered how he felt when Dean died all those times.

He looked at Dean. He couldn't help but feel his life was like a giant TV show or something, because there was no possible way this could ever happen in real life. In real life, it would have never been brought up again because nobody but him and the Trickster knew this secret existed.

'The worst possible moment.' Sam thought. He knew it wouldn't change anything, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

"Dean." Sam started, "Remember the Mystery Spot?"

Dean looked confused, "Yeah? Kind of weird, I thought there was a hunt and then you were full on grabby hands on that guy then he turned into a Trickster. Then we woke up and you just hustled me to the car and told me to drive."

He paused, "I don't even know how you knew it was that guy. He looked pretty normal to me. Then when when we woke up you were all panicked."

"There's a lot of things you missed, Dean." Sam said.

"Like what? I'm pretty sure I remember everything, I don't think Tricksters can erase memories anyway." Dean said, "Well, I don't know, maybe."

"We went to the Mystery Spot," Sam said, "We thought that it was the reason why the guy went missing, some kind of spell." He was consciously aware of the kids looking at them, not understanding what was going on.

Dean's brow furrowed, "I don't remember any of that."

"We went there at night, less people, we thought." Sam said tonelessly, looking down at his shoes, "Turns out the manager was still there. He thought we were robbers and he brought a gun. You didn't drop yours fast enough."

Sam looked up at Dean, "He shot you, Dean. You died."

"What? I'm pretty sure I would remember me getting shot, it's pretty painful." Dean protested, but it struck a chord with him, a phantom pain suddenly striking his chest. There was a faint memory of something at least.

"Then I woke up to 'Heat of The Moment on Tuesday." Sam said.

"'Heat of The Moment? But that was playing when we went to-" Dean's eyes widened, "Time loop."

Sam nodded, "I knew not to go to the Mystery Spot, and I told you so. You started to cross the road and you get hit by a car. You died again."

"Then you woke up to 'Heat of The Moment'." Dean said with a horrible feeling that it wasn't going to get any better.

"Yes, and it happened over and over again." Sam said.

"How, how many times?" Dean asked, half not wanting to hear the answer.

"Lost count." Sam replied.

"Like I don't know how to count except with my fingers, lost count or it happened so many friggin' times, lost count?" Dean said, trying to make it more humorous. He wasn't meant for this kind of thing. His job was to find the thing that's killing people and shoot it. Not, whatever this was, not this sharing and caring thing. There was only one thing he was good at and it was hunting.

"It happened over a hundred times Dean." Sam said quietly.

Dean took a breath and ran his hands through his hair. How was he supposed to deal with this? Dealing with the fact that he died so many friggin' times?

"This is dingo ate my baby crazy." Dean said. "So it was like Groundhog Day for you?"

"You said that." Sam said.

"Oh hell. That's why you were so super hunter afterwards and how you were so eager to get outta there." Dean said with realization.

"Not quite. There were two Wednesdays." Sam continued. "One Wednesday was when we left."

"One Wednesday was when I died, after you thought it was over?" Dean asked with a dropping feeling in his stomach.

"Yeah, it lasted six months." Sam looked at Dean earnestly, "Six months with you dead, Dean. Six months with you burning in Hell."

Dean looked at Sam with barely disguised horror. "Six months? That's like-"

"Sixty years for you." Sam said.

"What the fuck." Dean said, "What the fuck! I was in Hell!? For sixty fucking years!"

"Yes." Sam agreed.

"Six months." Dean ran his hands through his hair again. "How, why, how did-?"

Dean stopped himself from saying more. Him and Sam, they had always been together, always.

'Until Stanford.' A traitorous voice whispered at the back of his mind. 'He left, left you alone.'

'Shut up.' Dean told the voice, 'I had Dad.'

'But he's never been really your father, has he?'

Dean ignored it and pushed it back to focus on Sam.

"The six months without you," Sam faltered. "Six months, I turned into Dad. I would have done anything to kill the Trickster. Like-"

"Dad." Dean realized. He looked up at Sam. "You found him, didn't you? Found the Trickster."

Sam nodded. "I asked him to bring you back. To bring me back to that Wednesday. He told me-"

"No." Dean finished. "He was the one who killed me all those times."

"It was a lesson. For me. I was supposed to learn that I couldn't save you, I was supposed to stop trying."

"But you didn't, you just tried harder." Dean said.

"I got you back. I got you back and left as soon as we could. It was, difficult, trying to learn how to be me again." Sam admitted.

"That's why you agreed with Ruby, you were still Dad-Sam." Dean realized. He was realizing a lot of things today.

"Yeah. I did get better. Then Lilith came."

"Then she got you back to Super Hunter Sam, version 2.0, this time with demon bitch on the side." Dean said, finally understanding why Sam had been so weird when he came back. "But when I came back, you had already lived ten months without me, you were still kind of Robo-Sam. You did everything, the not telling me, the demon blood, everything because-"

"I would have done anything to kill Lilith. And I did, I started the friggin' Apocalypse." Sam said guiltily.

"Sam." Dean said, in a rare show of feeling, he stepped forward and placed his hand on on Sam's shoulder. "You didn't know. It's not your fault."

Sam looked at Dean as if he couldn't believe the words coming out of Dean's mouth. "Really?"

"Yeah man, really. And since apparently that's a thing today, you're great Sam. You're really, truly great." Dean clapped Sam's shoulder.

"Thanks Dean."

"Yeah, let's stop this thing before we grow-" He noticed the sudden being of teenage girls in the room. "Things."

Sam laughed. "Whatever you say, Dean."

"What?" Christi said. "I didn't get any of that." She turned around, "Did any of you get that?"

Haro and Reila shook their heads, "No."

"I neither." Helios agreed.

They looked at Jessica as she was the only one who didn't answer. She looked at Sam and Dean oddly for a long moment as she studied them both.

She shook her head, as she made her decision, "No, I, didn't."

Sam turned to Dean, "Your turn, I did my secret you do yours."

"What? No!" Dean laughed, "I'm no good at that thing."

"Really?" Sam raised an eyebrow, throwing what Dean liked to classify as 'bitch face' at Dean. "Because you were doing pretty great before."

"Yeah, no. I don't do feelings okay?" Dean said, dismissing the idea completely.

"Dean. What's so bad about it?" Sam asked, getting up in his face. "You know how it goes, I showed you mine, you show me yours."

"So what now, we're dating? Hold your horses mister, we've haven't even had our first kiss yet." Dean joked.

"Dean." Sam said, in a no nonsense voice. "You heard Jessica, we're all doing it."

"I guess I'll take my chances." Dean snapped. "We're hunters, we hunt this thing, drink because we finished the job and move on to the next fugly that needs ganking."

"Not this time Dean. You are not taking stupid risks." Sam said, voice getting louder.

"What, we're married now?" Dean said. "You don't tell me what to do. Isn't that what you said when you ran off to Stanford with Jess?"

Sam felt like he'd been punched in the chest. Dean saw his face and immediately backed off.

"I- I'm sorry man, I-"

"No." Sam said, forcing a pseudo smile on his face. "It's okay."

"Sam-"

"No Dean." Sam choked.

"Sam-"

"I said no!" Sam bellowed, finally looking up at Dean. "Just. Stop."

"I'm sorry!" Dean yelled and Sam was surprised by it. Normally Dean denied and refused to even say the word until he was pressured so much he finally cracked and admitted he was wrong.

"I'm sorry." Dean said at a quieter volume. "I shouldn't have brought that up." He cracked a smile, "Guess I'm still a bit angry over it."

"I know you think I shouldn't have left." Sam started, "I was wrong, I thought I could leave, instead I brought her into it."

He laughed lowly. "I was wrong."

"Sam." Dean said. "I- I'm not angry you left the life Sam."

Sam looked up at Dean, shocked, "But you-"

"You left me."

It was Dean's turn to look down. "I- was afraid. You left me. Sure I was with Dad, then I got you back, then you died and I was alone again, and-." He stopped himself. "I panicked and brought you back. Sold my soul, and I know you gave me a lot of shit for that, but I would have done it anyway." He looked at Sam with a look of defiance.

"I would have done it whether they gave me ten years or ten days or even no time at all."

"Dean." Sam said, being his turn to say the other's name.

Dean looked up, "What, you thought that was my big secret? Come on, Sam." He grinned.

Sam felt annoyed, "Well then what is it?" He demanded, and he even felt a bit hurt.

But, he reasoned out, it wasn't really a secret at all, he already knew that.

Dean let out a breath and looked around. "Stuck in an elevator and being forced to tell my deepest and darkest secrets. What am I going to do?"

"Dean." Sam groaned.

Then he noticed Dean and realized that it had been on purpose. "Dean, stop trying to distract me. What's the real thing?"

Dean stopped. "Look-"

"No, you look. I'm not going to have some ghost kill you, okay?!" Sam yelled and Dean finally noticed Sam's anxiety.

Dean focused himself, face perfect picture of seriousness. "Sometimes, sometimes I think about giving up, doing it."

Sam straightened so fast John would have been proud. "What?!" He hissed, "But you were the one who said, 'Screw destiny!'"

"Don't quote me to me." Dean said, "And yeah, I did say that. But after all that's happened. We're outgunned Sam, there's no possible way we can beat the Apocalypse."

"No Dean. We can do this." Sam grabbed hold of Dean's shoulders. "Don't, don't lose faith. In us. I still do."

Dean laughed. "You've always had faith Sam. But I have never believed in the big man upstairs."

"Then don't." Sam said. "Believe in you."

"I always screw things up." Dean argued.

"Then me. You can believe in me." Sam said. He paused for a moment. "Right? You do believe in me?"

"Yeah, Sam. I believe in you."

They were both silent for a moment. "Uh, Sam, d'you think you can let go of me now?"

"Oh, yeah."

Sam let go of Dean's jacket and stepped back. Dean brushed his jacket off.

"Alright then, my sharing, caring confessional is over, who's next?"

The lights flickered and everybody looked up.

Then, darkness.

I'm using the 'then darkness' line a lot aren't I?

~Cyfir